Flora’s room was exactly how a girl’s campus room should look like. It had posters of pop bands on the wall and loads of pink cushions. They seem to be everywhere—even on the floor. It appeared lived-in, and was the antithesis of the bare, four-walled space that was Shanda’s room.
“Excuse the mess; I’m not the neatest of people,” Flora confided as she kicked a few of the floor cushions to the side to make a path for the two to walk through.
“No I like it. It looks homey.” Shanda said.
“Really? You think so? Thanks.” Flora bounced from the crowded living space to an equally crowded kitchenette.
Flora poured hot milk from a flask into two cups, chattering all the while, keeping up a string of conversation. Shanda found herself growing comfortable with Flora. She didn’t ask probing questions, or try to poke her nose into Shanda’s personal business.
“Which classes have you attended so far?” she asked.
“Mr. Johnson’s, he teaches Business Ethics,” Shanda said.
Flora whipped around to face Shanda, her face a look of mock horror, which made Shanda laugh.
“Seriously, “Flora proclaimed, “That’s a horrible welcome to St. Augustine.”
Shanda giggled. “He wasn’t that bad. Just sort of… dull.”
The hot chocolate was delicious, and the two women sat sipping at their drinks and chatting until Shanda had to leave for her afternoon lecture. Shanda thanked Flora for her hospitality, and found herself almost making future plans with the girl. She stopped just shy of doing so, however. Studying and focusing on her degree. That was what Shanda was there for. Sure, a no-strings-attached hot chocolate was fine, but she wasn’t ready to commit to even the most casual of friendships.
The day passed in a whirl of lectures, for which Shanda was grateful. She wanted as little time to think as possible. In the evening, she ran into Flora at the café. Shanda tried to make an excuse to retire to her room, but Flora kindly talked her in to a quick chat, which turned into a shared dinner. As they were eating, Ralph stopped at their table.
“Hi Shanda, where did you disappear to? Can I pass by your room later?” he asked.
Shanda blushed. It seemed a bit brazen for him to ask to come to her room, but Ralph was warm and kind. And fairly attractive. He stood confidently, with his palms pressed against the table, leaning in close. Shanda studied his face for a moment before she answered him.
“Yes, sure.” She gave him her room number.
“OK, see you later,” Ralph said, and was gone before Shanda could inquire about his visit.
“Wow, where did he come from and how do I get one?” Flora said, and Shanda laughed. “Actually, I’ve seen him around campus. He’s always with a large group of people.” Flora added.
“I just met him today. In Mr. Johnson’s class, actually. It was after I dropped a bunch of books; after literally running into him. Twice. He helped me pick them up. He was really nice about it.”
“You like him?” Flora said, with a solemn face.
Shanda shook her head. “Oh no. Not like that. Just as a friend.”
Flora seemed relieved. “That’s good. It’s good to know your way around first. You know, before getting involved with some of the boys around here. They can have some interesting motives.”
Shanda lost track of what her new friend was saying. She’d lost focus as soon as she’d lied to Flora about her feelings... She had felt more than a platonic ‘like’ for Ralph. Who wouldn’t? He was very attractive, with an arresting face, and a friendly manner that drew people to him. Didn’t Flora say he was always surrounded by people? She thought she’d heard her say so. That was what Shanda had observed about him, too. First during her tour with him, and then at the café. He seemed like the type of person who was friends with everyone.
Back in her room, Shanda pretended to read the notes she had written from her lectures, but her mind wandered until it settled on Ralph. As much as she wanted to avoid thinking of him, she couldn’t. Just like she couldn’t avoid people entering her world, even if she wasn’t welcoming of them.
Ralph followed through on his promise and came by two hours later, bearing a paper bag. In it were four beers. Shanda looked at him questioningly.
“Is this allowed in here?” she asked.
“Probably not, but who’s asking? I won’t tell if you don’t,” he said with a mischievous smile.
Shanda grinned back. She could use a beer after all she’d been through. She took the bag from Ralph and opened a beer. It was a cheap brand that she’d seen other poor college students drink, but she wasn’t in a position to be picky about it. She took a swig. She could taste the prominent bitterness as she drank it. She tried to avoid making a face, but she failed.
“Not much of a beer drinker, are you?” Ralph commented. He watched with light amusement as Shanda shook her head.
“No, I prefer wine, to be honest, but it’ll do for now.”
She liked the way Ralph seemed comfortable in her room. He looked much more comfortable in the space than she felt in it; folding his long legs on her bed and leaning his back against the wall. She wondered why he was in her room, with her, rather than with his many friends. She didn’t dwell on it as they started talking. He told her about his family, and Shanda, having tried so hard to keep her personal life a secret, to guard her past, found herself telling him about her parents.
“They are actually in the process of getting a divorce,” Shanda explained. “Anyway, me and mom left and came here. She’s living in town, and has a new job and apartment. We both wanted to be as far as possible from dad and his new girlfriend.”
She felt her tears well up in her eyes. The shame of living in the same small town as her father and his girlfriend was the factor that lead to Shanda and her mother’s departure... Her father was a lecturer in Great Western, and his girlfriend had been the new college secretary. The small-town gossip mill had spread the news far and wide. Everywhere Shanda and her mother went, people would whisper. The town knew everything, and that fact been just too much to bear on top of the fact that her family had been decimated. Shanda had impulsively gotten a transfer to St. Augustine, and helped her mom get a job in town in a marketing firm.
“I’m sorry. That is awful. None of that was your fault, or your mother’s fault. Don’t take it too hard,” Ralph soothed her with a soft voice and reached out to stroke her face.
Shanda had no idea later how it happened, but in the next minute, she was in Ralph’s arms, his lips on hers. Her nerves were electric, and there was a swell in her midsection. She felt herself melt into him as his tongue played around with her lips. After a while, their kisses were hunger-filled, and he became more probing. Shanda opened her mouth to let his tongue in.
He had wide shoulders and she wrapped her arms around his neck. He fell back into her single bed and pulled her on top of him. Shanda refused to think of what they were doing; instead, she focused on the warmth that spread throughout her body. His kisses did wonderful things to her. She felt as though an electric current had been lit in her mouth and was travelling over every inch of her skin, lighting fires she didn’t know existed.
A need deep inside her ached to be satisfied and she pulled Ralph closer to her. He responded by running his hands over her back, down her buttocks, and pressing her hips down. She felt his bulge against her thighs and it excited her even more, making her head spin with longing. Suddenly, Ralph flipped her to her back and he got on top of her. The tension built to a crescendo, the need to a climax. She hadn’t let go of herself in such a way for such a long time. All that existed was this. All that mattered in the span of her life was this second. Everything else was gone.
He turned his attention to her neck, planting little kisses as he slid down. He cupped both her breasts, and then pulled up her top to reveal her black bra. As he reached for the clasp, Shanda grabbed his hand. A dreadful feeling had come over her, and she had to stop him. She had to stop herself.
Sh
anda allowed herself to unwind from Ralph, from that moment. This wasn’t a rest. It was a full stop. She pushed him back gently. With a look of regret, he got off and sat down. They looked at each other sheepishly. Shanda opened her mouth to apologize for letting things get out of hand so quickly, but Ralph spoke before she could get a word out.
“Sorry, I couldn’t resist, you’re breathtakingly beautiful. Sexy.” Ralph murmured, his hands clasped between his knees. His head was down, but he looked at her from the corners of his eyes.
Shanda’s heart stopped breathing at that word. Beautiful? She had been told that she was pretty before, but never had a man described her as ‘beautiful.’ The words he’d spoken, and the tentative yet confident way he’d spoken them made her feel powerful and wanted. She moved closer to Ralph again and kissed him. He pulled her to his lap, and she sat astride him and they kissed again, her chest pressed tightly against his. His hands lifted her top again, and he kissed the parts of her breasts that were exposed, then he lifted them so that they were halfway out of her bra.
The feeling of his mouth on her nipples made Shanda want to explode. She could feel her blood rushing away from her head once more. She didn’t want to stop this time. Her body throbbed with need as he moved his mouth from one nipple to the other. Shanda grinded her pelvis against his. His hands reached behind her and unclipped her bra. Her breasts fell loose and he cupped both of them again. Still fondling them, he turned his mouth to hers and kissed her deeply.
Shanda had never wanted someone as much as she wanted Ralph at that moment. They fell back onto the bed, this time she was on top. She gently pinned each of his hands to her bed as she planted kisses on his neck, lifted his t-shirt and ran her hands down his hairy chest. Ralph groaned. She teased him with a series of kisses going all the way to the waist of his trousers. She placed her hand on the bulge of his jeans, and he arched himself up, taking his hands out from beneath hers and pulling her back on top of him. With Ralph’s help, she pulled down her jeans, until all she wore was her pair of black lacy panties.
Ralph’s intense black eyes were on her face, and he held it between his hands, which he then dropped to her shoulders, her waist, her hips, and back to her breasts. His fingertips ran through her, barely touching the surface of her skin, all the way to her thighs. Shanda found herself breathless with anticipation, as he touched the edges of her thighs and ran his hands over her panties.
She reached for his zipper and slowly pulled it open. His manhood sprung out and she ran her hands up and down its length. He pulled her to him and they kissed again, their midsections crushed against each other, but something had changed. Shanda felt the change in tempo. The tension had risen but had plateaued. He had cooled down; no longer desperate in the way he was touching her. She slid off from him and lay on the side facing him. Meanwhile, her body was throbbing with unsatisfied hunger.
“Is everything OK?” Shanda wondered aloud.
By now, darkness had settled in, and she could barely see his expression.
“Yes, I’m fine. You are so beautiful Shanda, I thought so immediately when I first saw you,” he said, his voice hoarse.
At the reminder that they had only met today for the first time, Shanda grew hot with shame. What sort of good girl was willing to sleep with a boy she had only just met? As if he knew what she was thinking, Ralph pulled her into a side hug and they sat that way for a while, with him cradling her. She was physically unsatisfied, but the way he held her did bring comfort. Shanda wondered what was on his mind. Would he still like her after this? Had she acted too rashly? Desperately?
The good thing was that they hadn’t gone too far; in fact, he had all his clothes on, other than an open zipper, Shanda told herself. Nothing had gone inside anyone. He gently pried himself from her, flicked on the bedside switch, and zipped up his jeans. Shanda reached for her trousers too and quickly put them on. Once again fully dressed, they sat side by side on the bed.
“I’m really attracted to you Shanda, but I can’t do this. It would be wrong,” he said.
“Why?” Shanda asked, baffled.
“I have a girlfriend,” Ralph confessed.
Shanda felt as if she had been slapped, and she was consumed with the urge to slap him. She held back from doing so, but anger at being an unwitting participant in a cheating situation enraged her. All blood drained from her body, and her abdomen dropped.
Chapter 2
“I understand that you are angry. You should be angry. I deserve all your anger and hatred, but I couldn’t help it. You’re so sweet and beautiful, and I lost control of myself. I am so sorry. Please let’s be friends,” Ralph said, trying to read Shanda’s expression.
He didn’t intend for what had just happened to have ever happened, and he’d meant what he’d said. He was sorry. And he had utterly lost himself when he was with her, which was not something that had happened to him before. He considered himself to be a loyal man, and he always had been. Until that moment. Ralph felt that he may be sick at the notion that he was now a cheater.
He’d been enraptured by her the first moment her soft face looked up at his from the floor of the lecture hall. He had fooled himself into thinking that he could have a friendly chat and a beer with this beautiful woman. He’d been a fool.
She contemplated him with her big brown eyes, and a furrowed brow. This lasted for a moment that stretched into eternity. As she scrutinized him, Ralph’s heart thundered in his chest. As her angry expression melted into a tentative smile, he felt as though his ribs would break under the pressure of his heart.
“I forgive you for leading me on,” she finally said as she wagged a finger at him. She scooted back a bit further, but that was a move that Ralph understood. He would have scooted away from him if he were in her shoes, as well.
He felt a great sense of relief. Shanda was a great girl. Most girls he knew would have kicked him out of their rooms by now, or well before. There was something sweet and merciful about her, and she brought out his protective feelings. That primal need to shield her, to help her emerged from some ancient part of himself.
“So where is she, this mysterious girlfriend?”
“We had a fight,” Ralph admitted, feeling foolish.
Now Shanda would get the idea that he had come onto her only because he and Michelle had fought. Shanda probably thought that she was his backup plan because his girlfriend certainly wouldn’t want to be physical with him if they were angry with one another.
“Why?” she asked. Her question calmed his nerves. If she was asking why, that meant that she was open to alternative explanations. She was willing to hear him out.
“Why?” Ralph repeated. Even though it relaxed him, the question had caught him unaware. He was half-expecting an accusation, after all. He thought for a moment. “Well, she wanted us to spend some time—wait that’s not it. You know what I have no idea why we fought.”
Shanda burst into a bout of hearty laughter.
“You’re laughing?” Ralph exclaimed.
“Yes,” Shanda said, amidst her laughter. “Guys are so clueless.”
Ralph sighed. Shanda was right. Look at him now—falling for a girl when he already had a girlfriend. Despite their constant fights, he loved Michelle. He had never thought he could do something to hurt her.
“Why don’t you just go and apologize?” Shanda suggested.
“For what?” Ralph asked. “What do I say if I don’t know why I’m apologizing?”
“Well, you’re sorry, right?”
“Yes. I am sorry, I suppose.”
“Well, then just say you’re sorry. It doesn’t matter why; just say you’re sorry for hurting her.”
Ralph shook his head. “OK I’ll give it a try, even if it doesn’t make sense apologizing for something that I can’t remember.”
“Daaah—you’re apologizing for hurting her, which you probably did,” she said with a lot of feeling.
“I’ll go there tomorrow. And I will say that I am sor
ry for having hurt her. She’s in UTIU. She’s an actress,” Ralph explained.
All of Michelle’s friends were in UTIU, and they bored Ralph seriously. He turned his attention back to Shanda. She was a beautiful, but odd girl. Ralph studied her, looking so solemn, as though his making up with Michelle was the most important thing to her. Most girls would demand a break up. Some might even go so far as to tell a girlfriend that her man had been unfaithful. Ralph was certain that Shanda was not like those women. She was a completely different type of person.
Most girls puzzled him, anyway. They never told the entire truth about a situation. They shrouded their desires and intentions in mystery, hoping that their man can guess everything that’s on their mind. Ralph could not count how many times he had this situation play out:
Are you mad?
No, of course I’m not mad.
So why do you look mad?
How come you don’t know? Go figure it out!
Those were the kind of arguments and fights he had with Michelle. Things he couldn’t make heads or tail of. If she could just be direct with him, most of their problems would be solved, and they could live happily ever after. But Michelle seemed to almost enjoy those sorts of guessing games. Ralph abhorred them.
“Let’s get back to talking about you, now that we are being friends. Look, let go, of what your parents are going through. That’s their issue. Believe me, there is nothing you can do to change it. You can just live your life the way you want to live it. Leave them to work theirs out on their own time. You have no responsibility to fix their relationship, or them. Seriously,” Ralph advised.
“What makes you such an expert?” Shanda mocked, cocking her head to one side.
Ralph found himself wanting to kiss her again and take her into his arms. He scolded himself. He really didn’t want to mess up this budding friendship. Or throw any further issues into his relationship with Michelle—they had plenty of those already.
Ralph sighed. He didn’t enjoy talking about his past, but since he and Shanda shared a similar background, he felt comfortable talking with her about it. She’d been willing to share parts of her life with him. It was only fair that he returned the favor.
A Maze of Love Page 2