by Anita Notaro
“Are you going?” Sam was quiet.
“Not as long as you want me around.”
“Is Dad going to marry Toni?” Jess asked. Ellie sucked in her breath.
“I don’t know, love. You’ll have to talk to him about that.”
“Georgia told us Dad and Toni were very very good friends,” Sam explained. “I hate her. She kicked Rashers out of the way. She didn’t think anybody seen it but I did.”
“Saw it. No, I’m sure she didn’t. Are you exaggerating, by any chance, Sam?”
“What’s that?” Jessie wanted to know.
“Never mind, don’t worry about it for now. Let’s all go and get an ice cream.” Three very downbeat bodies headed for the car.
“Hey, are we happy to have Nora back?” Jack asked as they tumbled in, humor restored, half an hour later.
“We luv Nora.” Jessie was beaming.
“Indeed we do, don’t we, Sam?”
“Dad, don’t get married.”
Jack drew in his breath. “I’m not planning to marry anyone, darling. Where on earth did you get that idea?”
Sam shrugged.
“We hate her, she kicked Rashers.”
“Now, Jess, we talked about this already. Toni wouldn’t do that. She loves animals.” More than kids, Ellie thought, but it was none of her business. “I think they’re just a bit overwrought. All the comings and goings. Mitch, Toni, me.” She smiled down at them. “I’ve told them I’m back to stay and that you’d always talk to them first.”
“There is nothing to talk about. OK, you two?”
They nodded soberly.
“Upstairs, then, and get changed.” Ellie shooed them away, “How about homemade pizza for dinner? You get to choose your own toppings.” They were gone.
“Nora, you don’t have to go to that trouble. You head off.”
“I’ve some frozen bases and there’s a bit of tomato sauce in the fridge. It’s no problem. Then I’ll go.” She smiled at him, although she felt a bit down now herself. “Don’t worry, they’re fine. I think it just all came out when they saw me. Spend a bit of time with them this evening. They’ll tell you more than anyone.”
“I have to go out for a bit. Kate’s coming round.” He moved away.
Why am I worrying? It’s his life, Ellie decided, trying to be rational. She’d just have to leave them to it and keep out of it as much as she could. Otherwise she’d end up a basket case.
When she collected Rudi he held out his arms to her and it made all her worries disappear for the moment.
“Where’s my boy?” She grabbed him and gave him a big kiss and a hug.
“He’s been looking for his mama all week. He’s a lovely little boy.” Ellie’s mother wasn’t usually so soft-spoken.
“Yes, he is, isn’t he?”
“Eleanora, are you sure about what you’re doing? Keeping him, I mean?”
“Yes I am, and, Mum, please don’t start asking—”
“I was only going to say that your father and I will help, if we can at all.”
If she’d said she was on the game Ellie couldn’t have been more surprised.
“OK, thanks. I’d, eh, better go, the girls are coming round shortly.” Ellie was afraid she’d cry, it was one of those days. “Thanks, Mum, that means a lot.” She hugged her mother as she left.
“Hey, luv, you should be jogging. Slouching along like that won’t help you lose anything except time,” a guy on a bike offered as she walked toward her apartment. Given that she had a baby in one arm and two bags of groceries in the other it seemed a waste of time and energy telling him to go fuck himself, which was what she felt like doing. By the time she got to her own hall door three people had asked her for a “brochure.”
The girls were exhausted too.
“I’ve been moved off the customer services desk.” Pam fell in the door not long after Ellie. “Up to this, all they could see was my cleavage. Now I’m on show all day.” She plonked herself on the couch. “Here, open this. We deserve a glass.”
“So, what are you doing now?”
“Wait for it, cause it took me two minutes to stop laughing in the manager’s gob. I’m the new Healthy Eating Adviser. They want me out front. I have to wear a sash.” By the time Maggie arrived Ellie had cheered up considerably as Pam recounted the traumatic effects of the day.
“How are you today, chicken?” Pam asked Maggie. They were all still surprised by what she’d said to Doug. And delighted. She deserved much more.
They were just settling down to “business” when the doorbell rang.
“It’s Toni.”
Pam made a “don’t ask” face as Toni breezed in and announced, “He’s dumped me.”
No one said anything. Ellie’s heart started beating faster. Pam kept darting sly looks at her. She’d heard it but was afraid to think Toni might actually mean what she said.
“Said it had gotten too serious and that all he’d wanted was a bit of fun. Bastard. Anyway, I’ve too much to do to brood. So, let’s make a plan.”
“No, listen, Toni, that’s terrible. He can’t just do that, maybe Ellie could talk to him.” Maggie couldn’t understand Pam’s filthy look.
“I really don’t—”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I’ve never gone groveling yet to a man.” She bit her lip. “Although, oh God, I really liked him. I thought we had a future.” With that she burst into tears.
Forty-nine
The next few weeks were hectic as the WWW Club spirated out of control. Being on the top-rated daytime TV show had turned the friends into minor celebrities. There were newspaper articles, features, local radio, even the cover of one of the country’s leading magazines.
They’d come up with a “manifesto” and really it was no different to what they’d known all along, yet everyone thought it was brand new. There were no gimmicks, they’d tried every one themselves and found they didn’t work—although their system of reward seemed in itself encouraging to many. They incorporated some of the fun elements, such as chewing your food until it’s liquid and the old “eight glasses of water a day” line. To their amazement it all took off. People seemed to like their insistence that only people who knew each other could be in a group. This was based on the idea that friends could be brutal and encouraging in a way that no team leader ever could. “Also they know your weaknesses,” Pam added with a cackle.
“And, they’re the very best when things go wrong.” Toni was very subdued the day she said that, but the interviewer didn’t pick up on it, thankfully, Ellie thought.
Life in the Bryant household got back to normal. Jack never again spoke about Toni and even Kate didn’t know anything.
“I never thought it would work.”
“Why?” Ellie was interested.
“Nora, look, I know she’s your friend, but she’s, well, pushy. I’m sorry if that sounds offensive.”
“No, I do understand what you mean but she has good qualities too. And remember, he pursued her after the initial date.”
“I know that, I’m not laying blame, simply trying to work out what went wrong. Nora … I also noticed something else.” She looked at Ellie closely. “I don’t think she really likes children. Even on New Year’s Eve, when they were all mingling, there was no warmth on her part. My girls noticed it.”
Ellie couldn’t argue with that.
“Let’s just say a prayer that the next one is good for him.” She gave Ellie a lingering look. “He’s worth fighting for,” she mumbled and made some excuse and left. Bill would kill her, he’d warned her to leave them alone.
The weeks went by like lightning. Toni and Maggie—and Pam to a lesser extent—were traveling the length of the country setting up clubs. The book was in first draft. There was a website and a TV commercial in pre-production. Toni was the brains behind it all. Ellie had taken a back seat, largely because of Rudi, who had become an absolute joy. She had begun the adoption process and he was blooming, almost as if he knew. An
d Ellie felt calmer, more relaxed. And she was eating healthily. She was determined to look her best, no matter what. Mind you, now that the threat of Toni had gone away she’d begun to daydream, fantasize even. It helped that she’d told Maggie as well the other night.
“You what? I’m coming over,” had been her reaction.
“No, don’t, honestly. I’m just off to bed.”
“You fancy him?”
“Yep. Maybe even more than that.”
“But, El, has anything ever happened?”
“No, nothing. I just … have grown very fond of him. Oh fuck it, Maggie, I think … I love him.”
“Oh God.”
“I know. I’m a fool. Hey, but at least if he meets someone else I won’t have to go through it step by step like I did with Toni.”
“You poor thing. That must have been hell.”
“Actually, having the baby and then the show to worry about helped … a lot. And in the end it was all over rather quickly, really. Promise you won’t say a word to Toni? Pam knows. And I will tell Toni, but not yet. I’d hate to hurt her, you know that. Even if I wanted to bash her head in a few times, but that was me being a jealous cow.”
“I promise. But, El, please go easy. He’s a good-looking guy and a great catch, as Toni told us more than once. He might not … well, you know.”
“I know. And I’m OK, honestly.” They both knew it was a lie.
Ellie was hoovering when the phone in Jack’s office rang the next day. She ignored it. The answering machine didn’t appear to click on, and when it rang again twice in the next couple of minutes she poked her head around the door. It was chaos as usual. He’d gone to meet his accountant that morning and he was in a foul mood. The phone rang again. She sneaked in and answered it. It was some European publisher looking to speak to him urgently. Ellie grabbed a piece of paper and jotted down the details. When she hung up she turned the page over, hoping she hadn’t written on the back of something important. It was some sort of spoof story about blind dates, and different ways of meeting people. It seemed like an odd page of his writing—although she’d never read anything he’d written so she was hardly in a position to judge. She transferred the name and number to a yellow Post-it, scribbled out what she’d taken down and replaced the page on his chair where she’d found it.
“Oh, Jack, there was a telephone call for you, in the office.” He immediately looked guarded. “It kept ringing and I was afraid it was some sort of emergency.”
“There is an answering machine.”
“It didn’t click on, honestly.” Why was she being so defensive? “Anyway, I answered it. The message is on a yellow sticky on the phone. They said it was urgent.”
“Fine. And Nora …”
“Yes?” She knew what was coming.
“Please keep out of my study. I don’t care what happens. They’ll always call back.”
“OK. Sorry.” Where had all their easy slagging gone? she wondered. He was doing her head in.
He sighed. “No, actually, I’m sorry, Nora, I’ve been like a bear. I’ve got a lot on my mind …”
She thought of the note she’d read earlier. “Maybe you need a date, something to relax you, you know.” She was thinking of herself.
He laughed. “Yeah, I was thinking of a blind date actually.” Her heart sank. So that’s what it was about. She needed to know.
“Are you thinking of anyone in particular?”
“No, it’s blind, remember. I wouldn’t know the person.” He pulled out a chair. “How would the WWW Club girls go about it, if they were trying?”
“Well, Pam would go to a dating agency, she’d like doing the video, I think. And she looks great on camera. Sure, half the farmers in the West of Ireland were hot for her after the show.”
He nodded. “Go on …”
“Maggie would go to a singles night, I’d say. And they’d all fancy her like mad; she looks great with her red hair and big smile.”
“And Toni?”
“Toni, let me see, Toni would try speed dating, I think. She makes up her mind pretty quickly and if she didn’t instantly hit it off, she wouldn’t want to waste time and …” God, was he trying to get back with her? Was this what all this was about? she wondered.
“And you?”
“Me, oh, I dunno.” She wanted to tell him how she felt so badly. “I’d probably go for the good, old-fashioned small ad. You know: ‘Nice, reliable, easy-going girl seeks soulmate. Must be kind to animals and children and enjoy walks on the beach and nights in by the fire and …’” She coughed. This was getting out of hand. “Anyway, I’d better get moving. I’m way behind.” He watched her intently as she left. She was mortified in case he’d copped on.
Nothing more was mentioned, but he seemed in much better form and Ellie prayed that he hadn’t found himself a new date. She finished early on Friday because she had a big meeting with the social workers. Afterward she put Rudi to bed and climbed in herself, even though it was only eight thirty. Maggie rang soon after, trying to persuade her out for a drink. Her sister had even offered to sit with the baby.
“Honestly, Mags, I’m bushed. Are you OK?”
“Yeah. It’s just, since Doug and I split … I’m … sort of lonely, I suppose.”
“Oh no. You’re not thinking of—”
“God no. Ah, I’m OK really. I was just talking to Pam earlier and she has a date tonight with RTE man. It brought it all back. Relationships are nice, you know … Listen, don’t mind me, I’m useless—”
“Give me half an hour, I’ll get up.”
“No, stay where you are, I’m fine, honestly. Pam said to drop by her house later so I’ll probably do that. Her man has to go into work so it’s just a drink for an hour, but she’s really excited. So I’ll swing by and hear all the details later. Toni’s in Cork but she’ll be back midmorning if we want to meet for a late lunch.”
“Sounds good, we haven’t had a good gossip in ages.”
“Fat chance of that, these days. It’s all business. Anyway, call you late morning. Sleep well.”
“Nite nite.” She was dreaming in minutes.
Next morning she felt much better and was up and showered by ten, so she and Rudi went for a stroll in the park and bought the papers and some bagels on the way home.
She opened the newspaper, buttered some of the doughy bread and sat down to enjoy her coffee and the column.
As she read it, a sense of having seen it before crept in and she mentally shook her head clear, until she reached a very funny bit about blind dates. “Who’d go on a blind date,” she read,
when women have you well sussed before they even meet you? My friend Noel saw a video of the sexiest woman, all cleavage and pouting lips. When he met her she was gorgeous, but definitely under age. So, the camera does lie, it seems. Then there are the women who look you up and down for ten seconds on a speed-dating night out, and write you off before you’ve even asked the first question. So, the safest way, it seems to this inexperienced guy, would be a small ad. So, what would you say to try and land your ideal woman? Mine would go something like this: Stupid, blinkered guy, seeks soulmate …
It took her a minute or two, but then something just clicked: his interest in everything they did; not wanting her in his study. It seemed unbelievable, but it had to be him. She felt cheated. No, make that stupid. She hesitated, wondering if maybe he’d been sussing her out to help someone else, or editing it even. But it was all too much of a coincidence. She picked up Rudi and grabbed her car keys.
Fifty
“When were you going to tell me?” She thrust the paper at him as soon as he opened the door. “When were you going to let me in on your little secret?” He stared at her. He was in lazy Saturday mode—bare feet and tousled hair.
“Nora,” Jessie screamed from behind his back. “Are you taking us to the park?”
Sam appeared down the stairs in her dressing gown. “Sarah’s here as well. We’re going to a movie later. You can
come too if you like.”
“Not today, darling, I just came by to talk to your dad. Sarah, would you and Sam mind Rudi for me for a few minutes?”
“OK. Can he watch a DVD with us?”
“Yes, sure.” She handed Rudi to Sarah and he went off quite happily with the girls.
“Well?” She felt angry, bemused. “Nora, look, I can explain.”
“I’m waiting.”
“Well, come in, then.” He headed for the kitchen.
“How could you?”
“Look, it’s something I’ve been doing for ages. It was based on Lorna, originally. When she left I tried to give it up but they wouldn’t let me. It had taken off at that stage.”
“But you used me, you used us. No wonder you were so interested in our pathetic attempts at dieting and meeting men and all that stuff.” She smirked. “How could I not have guessed? Now when I think of it there were so many similarities to things we discussed, silly little things. Sometimes when I read it I thought, gosh, that’s so like us.”
“Look, yes, you did provide me with material, but no more than anyone else I met.”
She kept remembering things that made her even more pissed off. “I was reading it here that Saturday we went out for the day …”
He looked guilty.
“God, what an idiot.”
“Nora, I really am sorry. I wasn’t ready to say something then. Nobody knew it was me.”
She changed tack. “So why did you do it in the first place? That’s what I can’t understand. You’re a serious crime writer, you certainly don’t need the money—”
“I suppose I did it to keep in touch. Initially, I liked the buzz—I was in and out of the paper, got invited to all the parties, stupid stuff. But Lorna and I were on the rocks even then and I suppose I used it … it got me away from her, sometimes. Does that sound terrible?”
She shrugged.
“And then, later, I just needed an outlet, I suppose. Being stuck in the house, writing about death all the time … The column sort of kept me in touch with real life. Because of it I had to get out occasionally, keep up with what was happening, read all the women’s magazines, that sort of thing. Also, it was a regular income. They paid me well …”