“Katia, you have been told no. I hear what you are saying, but I am still saying no. Now isn’t the time. There has never been a time when I needed to be stronger. Becoming human would put all of us in danger. Now go back to your chambers and get ready for dinner. I am going to check on you maman once more, and then meet you in the great room. I wish to get to know this man you have married better, and you have a confession to make to your husband.” Before she could say another word, his kissed her on the forehead then spun her round and gave her a swat on her bottom, sending her on her way.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Days passed and then a fortnight as Mikhal kept careful vigil over Alliana. She showed no signs of illness, but then neither had Natalya. Truth be told though, Mikhal wasn’t too worried about her body being stricken by the sickness; he was far more worried about healing her heart. Alliana still grieved, deeply, for her friend, and it appeared Lucian was lost within his grief as well. Lucian hadn’t left his chambers as far as Mikhal knew, and he’d decided to leave the other vampire be. There was nothing he could do to ease the pain. In this he was powerless, and it troubled him greatly.
Alliana was wan and listless. She ate, she rested, they made gentle love to help her feel safe, beautiful, wanted, and loved, but the heart inside was hollow where her love for Natalya had been, and all the love in the world wouldn’t fill it or erase the ache.
They caught up with each other in the usually darkened room, Alliana wrapped in his arms, sometimes sobbing, sometimes reminiscing, sometimes talking of Katia and Mikhalen, but rarely talking of the future. It was as if time had stopped for Alliana when a person who had made her life so full had been taken from her.
After a while, both Mikhal and Alliana thought it was safe for her to finally spend more time with her daughter. Neither Alliana nor Katia were ill, and the rest of those who resided within the castle walls were becoming healthier as well. No new sick serfs had been reported to him, and Thalia remained well too. She and Rowen still tended those in need; but the number had dwindled to so few that the sick took up only one chamber in the castle.
For all the steps forward in the health of those who lived in Castle Arcos, there wasn’t much life within its walls. Katia and Emillian kept to themselves. The minions stayed in the guard towers and castle keep, Lucian to his dark room, and he and Alliana to theirs except for occasional walks in the inner courtyard at night. The land between the fortress walls and those of the actual castle was bustling as the last of the harvest was made before winter and the villagers went about their daily task of surviving, but inside silence and mourning prevailed. Alliana and Mikhal both hoped that now Alliana could be reunited with Katia, and they could move forward as a family, but all that would change.
Mikhal looked his wife over and gave her a smoldering smile, his eyes smoky with desire. “You look ravishing my sweet. I approve of your choice of gown; approve so much that I’d like to forego dinner.” Though his words made her smile and feel an answering tingle inside her, Alliana shook her head. Tonight she was to see Katia for the first time in what seemed like forever.
“There will be time for that later, husband. I have only just gotten ready for dinner, and am not ready to forgo my efforts by going to bed instead. Besides, our child is waiting.”
“Our child and her husband are waiting. I wish to know him better. This staying away from them has been hard. I need to know the man who keeps my daughter in hand and takes her to bed.”
“I am certain you will grow to care for him as I have. A man as creative as he is when it comes to keeping Katia well behaved is truly a good one. I still smile when I think of Katia attempting to do needlepoint. I imagine our daughter found it insufferably tedious as well as difficult if she is anything like me.”
“Oh, she is very much like you, wife, and the smirk upon Emillian’s face when he told me she had been confined to their chamber and told to do needlepoint reassures me he knows exactly what he is doing. It must have been horrid for Katia. I trust she has been better behaved since.”
“I know what she did was risky, but I do understand her need. Her hands were tied. There was nothing in Marishka’s things to help me if I became ill. I know she must have been terribly worried and feeling helpless. It’s true that Katia can be rash, but her heart is always in the right place.”
Mikhal hadn’t told Alliana about the spell Katia had discovered, mainly because he didn’t feel it was the time to even contemplate such things, but because he still had serious doubts about the safety and consequences of such a ritual as well. He would tell her, it just hadn’t seemed important when they were trying so hard to get back to their old way of life, and to heal from the pain of Natalya’s death.
“I’m sure she meant well, but am still glad she is Emillian’s handful rather than mine.” Alliana knew without a doubt that Mikhal would still step in if he felt Katia’s husband was making a decision that would put her in danger, but also understood his joy in not having to discipline Katia any longer. The girl was a free spirit like she was, and that didn’t always lead to the best decisions. Impulsiveness ran in both their veins.
“Let us go see our handful. I have missed her terribly.”
Dinner was a lively affair that included many smiles and hugs. Both men were happy to see their wives smile and on occasion laugh. Times had been far too dark. Even the serving girl seemed to be affected by the lighter mood that finally had made its way into the castle. The conversation was kept to lighter subjects, no one wished to dampen the hard fought joy by discussing the war, their limited rations, or the fact that Mikhalen wasn’t home with them.
When dinner was over, Alliana sobered, and made a request that dampened the mood of all, but it couldn’t be helped. There was something she simply had to do. When Mikhal stood and held out his arm, wanting to take her back upstairs to hold her and try to ease her sorrow, Alliana rose to take it, but knew she couldn’t go upstairs, not yet.
“I wish to go to Natalya’s grave. I haven’t been since the night we buried her. Please take me there.” Mikhal saw the look of sad determination on Alliana’s face, and knew he had to heed her request. Though it would be hard for her, he could sense it was something she had to do.
“Very well. Katia, Emillian, we shall see you tomorrow.” Katia came forward and kissed her maman, and then her papa, her eyes worried over the pain seeing Natalya’s grave would cause her mother, but knew there was no stopping her. After giving her maman one more hug, Emillian took Katia’s arm and led her towards the stairs, while Mikhal and Alliana headed outside.
The moon shone bright in the clear night sky, illuminating the yard, but though it was bright, the night was quiet. The villagers were shut up tight in their hovels, knowing it was best not to tempt those who guarded the castle by night. The Lord of the castle was home, and they knew he ordered that they be left alone, but the minions were soulless creatures, and they hungered nonetheless. It would be akin to dangling a slab of meat before a hungry dog. Yes they fed as they needed, but it was done without terror or pain. That couldn’t be assured if they were to be found alone out at night.
Mikhal slowed his steps to accommodate for Alliana’s smaller ones as he always did, and then walked beside her in silence, preferring her to take the lead if she wished to talk. In the day directly after Natalya’s death, they had spoken of her often, but now it seemed that Alliana was keeping her grief tucked closer to her heart.
As they neared the place where Natalya was buried, Alliana’s steps faltered. Someone was kneeling beside it in the dark, head hung low, obviously grieving. Mikhal followed Alliana’s gaze, his own eyes much sharper than hers, and quietly said the name of his first in command.
“I thought he was in his chambers. Have you seen him here before?”
“I haven’t come here before tonight. I’ve been to see him a few times but he is lost in his grief and doesn’t want to be disturbed. I felt it best to give him time. My words or company are no balm for his pain.”
&nbs
p; “Perhaps we should go. Lucian needs time with her.” Hearing them in the quiet of the night, Lucian lifted his head.
“Come if you wish. My time with her is done. Every night I come to be with my Natalya, but she isn’t truly here. She can’t hear my pleas and neither does God. My mate is cold and dead in the ground, and God has no ears for soulless creatures, and yet still I come. If I could take it all back I would. I would be selfish and turn her so she couldn’t leave me alone.”
“Lucian,” Alliana went forward and knelt beside the grieving vampire. They had been through a lot together she and he. From the time Mikhal had first brought her to the castle, to the days and nights they had spent frantically trying to save Natalya and then grieving in the silent darkness as he’d held his lost love. Now she was at a loss for words so she simply knelt by his side, sharing his heartbreaking distress.
“If I could, I’d follow her to the grave, but even that is denied me. Even if I were turned to dust, I have no soul. If she has gone to heaven there isn’t a place for me with her. My sins are far too gruesome and numerous to ever be with her again. Tell me Alliana, is it better to be dust that cannot feel this horrid pain, or go on living my endless existence so her memory stays alive in my dead heart?”
Alliana knew any response would sound hollow. What could she say? Even if she assured him that he was indeed a good man, one who’s good deeds far outweighed his crimes against men, did any of them really believe a creature without a soul could go to where Natalya was? They were called demons and creatures of the damned, neither Lucian nor her husband took much stock in God and Christianity. It wasn’t part of their existence and who they were. If there was an afterlife, the path there was certain to be barred to both of them.
Alliana put and hand on Lucian’s shoulder and cried silent tears for the man beside her. The pain she felt was nothing compared to Lucian’s. His mate was gone, and he would live for eternity missing her. She had been a part of him, blood of his blood. His mate forever, but their forever had been cut short.
Mikhal came up behind them, remaining silent, allowing them their grief. Alliana’s breath caught, giving away her tears. She shivered in the night air and Mikhal damned himself for not thinking of how cold it would be. He had no cloak, and his body couldn’t warm her, so he walked the short distance to the stables, intent on getting a blanket.
His horse whickered when he went inside; recognizing its master’s scent, and Mikhal spoke quietly to the beast, answering the greeting.
“Who’s there? State your business.” The man who tended the horses slept in an empty stall. He woke at once when both Mikhal and the horse made sounds, and the edge of fear in his voice made it waver. He rose and reached for a pitchfork, knowing only those who had no fear of the darkness were about at night.
“Put your weapon away, tis your Lord. I need a blanket for my wife. She’s at Lady Natalya’s grave.”
“Forgive me, my Lord. I meant no disrespect. Is the other Master still there as well?”
“Lucian? Yes, he’s there. Tell me of his visits.”
“He’s here every night, My Lord. Comes soon after the sun sets and stays for hours. He talks to her and... well sometimes he weeps. He must miss her terribly. One night he was out there till near dawn. I... well I went and told him he’d best get inside cause the sun was rising. He looked right through me but finally went all the same. I wasn’t certain he was going to go.”
“You aren’t to repeat your tale if you haven’t already. A man has a right to privacy when he is mourning the loss of his mate. I’ll see to it he comes in before the sun rises. You did well to bring him out of his grief and urge him to go in.”
“I haven’t told anyone. It’s sad it is. We all cared for Lady Natalya. She and Master Lucian let us come inside the castle walls and have kept us safe and fed. I’m glad you’re home now, My Lord. We need you here.”
Mikhal simply nodded. He needed to get back to Alliana and Lucian. The stableman’s words stuck with him though as he got the blanket he’d come for and walked back to where his wife and Lucian still knelt. Though he understood grief and had seen the pain Lucian was in whenever he’d checked on him, he hadn’t before realized the true depths of Lucian’s suffering. Mikhal knew he himself would be devastated by losing Alliana, but now he wondered if Lucian’s grief was so deep that he might not want to go on without Natalya. Would he wish for the chance to be mortal again? Even if it were possible, would the human’s God forgive him and allow him to be with Natalya again in death?
Lucian had always been an oddity among them, seemingly having none of the bloodlust and thirst for violence and mayhem the rest of them shared. Still, he’d killed his share of humans, just as the humans killed their share of livestock to feed upon. He’d have to think things over. What would he want in Lucian’s place? Did he want to watch Alliana grow old and die? He couldn’t imagine life without her.
He walked up behind his mate and wrapped the blanket around her shoulders. It smelled of horses, but it was thick and warm. Alliana raised her hand to touch his as it rested on her shoulder, but the motion was done absent-mindedly. His mate was still focused on Lucian who whispered words of pain between the sobs he couldn’t hold back. The usual stoic vampire had disappeared in the wake of his lonely existence.
Seeing and hearing the pain spill from Lucian’s lips gave Mikhal the final nudge he needed in his decision on the spell Katia had found in Natalya’s kitchen room. He’d always wondered how he would cope during the long years of his existence without his mate, and the depths of debilitating pain the loss of Natalya was inflicting upon Lucian made Mikhal certain that he wouldn’t wish to ever face an eternity in which Alliana wasn’t a part of.
Turning her wasn’t an option. She was sweet and kind, gentle and loving. He couldn’t make her a creature of evil without a soul. That existence wasn’t one Alliana would endure. Though it offered eternity, it left a void where a human’s soul dwelled as well as the emotions of hope, love, and true joy. Those were replaced by evil, cruelty, and a passion for blood, lust, and hate.
Mikhal helped Alliana to her feet and held her close to him, breathing in her sweet scent, and the essence of life that surrounded her, then kissed the top of her head reverently. She was his life, his love, his reason for existing, and if she were to die, he wished to be given the chance to follow her in death, if not immediately, then when the natural end of his life came through age, battle, illness, or accident. He wanted to be mortal, to be human again, to have a beating heart, a body susceptible to fragilities, and perhaps be given his soul back. Whatever the afterlife held, be it a rejoining with loved ones, or a simple snuffing out of light like a candle, he wished to be done with the everlasting existence that had been bestowed upon him by his Master and maker.
“Come, there’s a chill in the air and I’ll not risk your health.”
“Lucian...” The other vampire waved them away without looking up.
“Go, I don’t wish you pain, but your happiness in being together is like a dagger in my gut. Thank you for giving your comfort Alliana. Knowing you loved her deeply as well is a balm upon my grief. I wish an audience with you, Sire on the morrow. Though my love lay here, I cannot stay. I wish to speak of my release from your service.”
“As you wish. Send a servant when you are ready. There are things I wish to speak of as well. Come Alliana, the night has been long enough for you. We must guard your health.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Mikhal knocked sharply on the door of Lucian’s chamber and then reminded himself that patience was needed for the conversation he wished to have. Although he had told Lucian to send for him when he was ready to talk, Mikhal had given up waiting when his first in command had not appeared in two day’s time. He had made the decision to undergo the spell Katia had spoken to him of, and was now anxious for the ritual to be performed. Alliana was healthy but still listless with sorrow over the death of Natalya, Emillian wished to take Katia back to the Gypsy
camp, and Mikhal wanted to plan for his and Alliana’s future. All of that could not be done however, until Mikhal spoke to Lucian. They were the reasons he’d chosen to intrude on the other vampire’s mourning. Decisions could not be put off indefinitely, even if Lucian was lost in grief.
When he received no reply to his knock, Mikhal rapped upon the door again. As Lord of the castle he needed no permission to enter, but wished to show his respect for Lucian’s sorrow.
“Enter if you must.”
Mikhal again forced back his annoyance made even stronger by Lucian’s impertinent retort. The vampire was not himself. Mikhal entered the chamber, and then looked in shock at the dead chambermaid strewn upon the floor.
“I see you’ve eaten.” Mikhal tried to keep the reproach from his tone, but failed. He was too surprised by the violent marks on the dead woman’s nude body.
Lucian came forward, emerging from a dark corner of the room. His face was smeared with blood; his clothes rumpled and dirty, his normally impeccably groomed hair lank and dirty. The only thing that was the same about the vampire who now stood before Mikhal was the hooded eyes that masked all emotion from those who looked at him, but Mikhal didn’t need to see the pain in Lucian’s eyes to know he was drowning in grief.
“It didn’t work.” Mikhal held his tongue and waited for Lucian to go on. “She was supposed to ease this horrid pain in my heart, but it didn’t work. I tried to be like the others, tried to stop this agony by giving myself over to the beast inside. I let it ravage her like a feral dog. I terrorized her and made her beg me to stop. I raped her, Sire. Raped the poor girl and tore her throat out as she screamed, but her suffering brought me no relief, it only left me filled with loathing. “
“You aren’t like the others Lucian. You’ve never been like them.”
“Why? I had no empathy spell put upon me. I had no reason to fall in love. I’m an evil beast like the rest and yet I can find no joy in savagery, no peace in causing misery.”
Beneath the Shadows of Evil... Treasured Page 43