by Linda Ford
He squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry.”
The knot in her chest disappeared at the comfort of his warm palm.
He shifted his attention back to the baby, removing his hand from Kate’s for her to squeeze out a drop of sugar water.
“So you’re following your grandmother’s and your parents’ dreams.”
“Their dreams? No, I’m following my dream.”
He nodded, though she couldn’t say if he was satisfied with her answer or not. Nor did it matter. She knew what she must do. What she wanted to do.
“You’re an only child?” he asked.
“I am.” Why did the answer trouble her? It wasn’t as if she’d minded having no siblings.
“Were you ever lonely?”
“My mother often accompanied my father as his assistant. When I was younger, I was left with the Bramfords next door. There were eight children in their family. Two girls about my age. Younger brothers and sisters and an older brother and sister. I was not lonely at their place.” She told him more of the big, rambunctious family.
“There wasn’t time for games or parties at our house. Most of my parents’ time and activities involved taking care of the sick and injured and reading the latest medical journals.”
Conner’s expression grew serious.
Kate realized he might have misunderstood the way she described her parents. “I loved being involved with their work.”
“I can’t imagine being an only child,” Conner said. “When we moved out here, my brothers and sister were my only playmates and companions. When Ma died, we helped each other through it. We’ve been through a lot—the death of Mattie’s ma and—” He broke off.
She wondered if he’d been about to mention Thelma, but he did not continue.
Instead, he turned back to Ellie, singing a familiar hymn.
Kate slowly brought her gaze to his. Her head was only inches from him. She could make out the flecks of silver in his blue eyes. She could see his pupils narrow. Could hear the sharp intake of his breath.
She forced her gaze to shift and concentrated on the baby. “Were her dreams more important than giving Ellie a home?”
She couldn’t imagine letting a child of hers out of her sight. How many times had she watched her mother and father leave on a medical call and felt so alone? Even when she was surrounded by the large family next door, whom she stayed with in their absence. It was the reason she had made the decision not to try to combine being a doctor with being a wife and mother. That, and realizing that men weren’t willing to share her. After Edward, other men had as quickly stopped calling on her when they learned of her plans. She agreed with their evaluation. She knew it was fooling herself to think she could be a wife, a mother and also a doctor.
Conner’s singing stopped and his voice flattened as he answered her question. “It would appear Thelma’s dreams were more important than caring for Ellie, though for all I know she has married someone else.”
“Then why…?” She broke off. If Thelma had married before the baby was born, her husband would be the legal father of the child, even if Ellie was Conner’s offspring. It was not—she reminded herself—her business.
“Then why would she send the baby to me?” He shrugged. “That’s something I aim to find out.”
The baby had stopped eating and her eyes had closed.
Kate sat back on the chair that she’d dragged next to the couch. “She did well this time.”
“You sound hopeful.”
“I am. Why don’t I take her and you can take a break? Maybe get a drink, stretch your legs.”
He hesitated as if he didn’t want to leave the baby. She understood his concern. Ellie was so fragile. “I’ll watch her carefully.”
Conner nodded and she lifted the baby from his warm arms, wrapped the blankets about her and cuddled her close. The feel of a baby in her arms tugged at her lonely heart. If only she could believe she could follow her dream and enjoy a family.
But she knew the cost would be too high both for her children and herself. To leave them to tend others… She shook her head, ignoring the ache behind her eyes.
She must stick to her convictions.
*
“I need to take care of my horses.” Conner bolted for the door. He had chores to do. But more than that, he needed to get outside where he could think.
Yesterday, he’d been breaking horses and making plans to sell them to the right owners, making money to buy more animals. Soon, he hoped to be the best horse dealer in the country. That would make him a valuable part of the Marshall Five Ranch. Not, he argued with himself, that he wasn’t now. But it would make him more important. Able to contribute more.
How had he gone from there yesterday to here today, holding a tiny baby in his arms and neglecting his horses?
And watching Kate hold Ellie and croon over her. Kate’s brown hair was almost a match for Ellie’s. They had similar brown eyes. They could have passed for mother and child. The thought made him break his stride. He knew of her plans to be a doctor. Did becoming a wife and mother fit into those plans? Not that it mattered to him one way or the other.
He yanked off his hat and rubbed his head. How had things gotten so mixed up? Had Thelma married? If so, why had she sent the baby to him? And why was the little one doing so poorly? They needed to find her and get some answers from her. He’d send a message to his friend Sheriff Jesse Hill as soon as he could. How long would it take for Jesse to locate her?
He fed and watered the horses, then walked around them one at a time. Two were already spoken for and he’d promised they’d be ready within the week. It didn’t appear that would happen now if he was stuck inside looking after the baby. When would his sister and sisters-in-law return? He was counting on them to take over Ellie’s care. Though he was most grateful for Kate’s expertise at the moment.
Thinking of Kate brought his thoughts back to his newfound responsibility. He jerked to a halt and stared toward the house. Was everything okay? He bolted from the pen and crossed the yard in double time, clattered across the kitchen and dining room to grind to a halt in the doorway to the sitting room.
Kate held the baby, stroking her pale cheek and murmuring to her. She glanced up at Conner’s noisy entrance and smiled. Something in his heart tipped a little to the side and remained so for several seconds. Then things righted and he entered the room.
“How is she?”
“Taking a few drops at a time.”
“That’s all?” He settled by her side and pressed his hands to the baby. “I wish we could do more.”
“I’m doing all I know to do.”
“I couldn’t manage without you.” Her face was inches from his. Conner watched a play of emotions in Kate’s eyes and longed to be able to read them. Then her gaze dropped to Ellie. She caught the little hand and rubbed it. She looked at him again, her eyes full of determination.
“I will do everything in my power to see this little one grow strong.”
He had made the same vow and felt as if he and Kate stepped across some invisible threshold, united in heart and purpose.
He was not alone in fighting for this baby and found immense comfort in the thought. He couldn’t think of the little one not getting better. Even though she wasn’t his, his heart had laid claim to her.
Kate hummed as she tried to feed the baby, but Ellie pressed her lips together and turned away.
“Give her to me,” Conner said. His voice was rough, but he couldn’t help it. Ellie needed to drink. When Kate shifted the baby into his arms, he cradled the little bundle to his chest.
“It’s like she has almost given up trying.” Her eyes filled with regret. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“You haven’t told me anything I can’t see on my own. Have you seen this before?” He meant, did people give up the desire to live?
“Only in discouraged and ill adults.” Her voice broke and she turned away. With a choked sound, she hurried
to the window to stare out. Her shoulders heaved.
Was she crying? Fighting her fears? He couldn’t say, but he wanted to ease her obvious strain. “Come here.” He kept his voice soft even though his insides felt as if they’d been sliced with a thousand dull blades.
She didn’t move. “Give me a moment.” She sucked in air.
He waited.
Slowly she turned. Her face a careful mask as if she had pushed all her feelings behind a wall. She crossed to the couch.
“Sit down.” He indicated the chair at his side and she sat. “Give me your hand.”
She hesitated, then put her hand in his.
He brought it to the baby and placed it over the tiny chest and covered her hand with his. “Feel that?”
“It’s her heart beating.”
“Yes. You said the outcome is in God’s hands.”
She nodded.
“Then we will pray for His healing.” He bowed his head and prayed. “God, You love Ellie. You have a plan and a purpose for her life. She’s so young. So needy. We’re doing all we can to help her. But only You can heal her. We humbly ask that You would see fit to touch her little body and make her strong.” He paused, wanting so much more, answers to questions about Thelma, a caring home, loving parents for the baby, but he could say none of those aloud. He simply had to trust God for all of it. “Amen.”
“Amen,” Kate echoed.
Conner expected she would pull away, but she stayed as they were, their heads almost touching, their hands on Ellie’s chest feeling her heart beat and the rise and fall of her breathing. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For reminding me that it’s in God’s hands, not mine.”
The afternoon became a continual round of waking, feeding and hovering over the baby. But each time the baby took a little more.
“It’s good, isn’t it?” He was ready to rejoice.
“Yes, it’s very good. Maybe she’ll take some milk now.” She hurried to the kitchen to prepare it.
Conner leaned back, shifting the baby so they were face-to-face. Ellie’s eyes met his. “Who are you, little one? Why are you here? Where’s your mother? I need to find her, don’t I? Did she forget to take care of you? Is that why you’re so weak? Or have you been sick?” So many questions. “And you aren’t giving me any of the answers, are you?”
The sound of approaching footsteps warned him of Kate’s return and he stopped questioning the baby and chuckled at the silliness of doing so.
Ellie’s eyes widened at his laugh.
Kate pressed to his side so she could feed the baby. She eased the rubber nipple into the tiny mouth. Ellie gagged but then closed her mouth about the contraption and sucked. Her eyes widened as she tasted the milk. She drank eagerly for a moment or two.
Kate leaned over them both and Conner was so full of gratitude over the improvement that he wrapped his arm about her shoulders and drew her against his chest, next to the baby. His heart felt ready to burst.
She stiffened and pulled away, sat upright in the chair by the couch, folded her hands in her lap and studied him with a solemn expression.
“Forgive me. I was rejoicing over her improvement.”
Kate nodded. “Of course.”
He reached for her hands and clasped them to his chest. “We’re doing all we can, aren’t we?”
She curled her fingers into the fabric of his shirt. “I believe so.”
He understood then that the baby was still not out of the woods.
Chapter Three
She should not have revealed her worry about the baby. A doctor or nurse did not frighten family members with either words or expressions, but she could not put a serene mask over her features. All she could do was cling to the fact Ellie was improving.
Conner lifted one hand and cupped her shoulder. “Kate, you’re doing a good job if Ellie’s present condition means anything.”
Ellie opened her eyes and found Kate’s face.
“See, even the baby knows it. She likes you. She knows you’re helping her.”
Kate smiled at the baby and stroked a finger along the tiny cheek. “She is certainly a sweetie. So beautiful.” A fierce protectiveness crowded all else from her mind. “Ellie, you are going to eat and fight and get strong. You hear me?”
The baby considered her solemnly, then smiled. The smile disappeared so quickly Kate wondered if she’d imagined it. “Did you see that? She smiled.”
Conner chuckled. “I told you, she likes you.”
“We’re going to do this.” She looked deep into Conner’s eyes. “We are going to save this baby, so help me God.” She meant it as a prayer and a vow, and when Conner nodded, she felt as if they had joined hands in mutual agreement.
There welled up within her a sense of something sweet and powerful. She tried to tell herself it was the same sensation she got whenever she helped her father, saw a baby or a child or an adult improving and knowing she had a hand in it. Only, the feeling was unlike any she’d ever before experienced and she could not dismiss it so easily nor fit it into a tidy slot in her brain.
She knew of one sure way to bring her thoughts into order and she concentrated on feeding Ellie. When she was satisfied the baby had taken all she would, she hurried to the kitchen…in need of an escape from the intensity prevailing in her thoughts while sitting so close to Conner, feeling the rise and fall of his chest, hearing his deep voice murmur to the baby. And knowing all the while that Thelma belonged where Kate now sat.
She found food in the pantry that Annie had prepared earlier and served them a simple dinner. She wished she had time to do more. Cooking and baking were pleasures for her. And wonderful diversions. Grandfather joined them to eat.
They all retired to the sitting room again. She needed to get back to her father. As she had done all morning, she prayed he would be handling things well on his own.
She was about to say she must leave when the sound of approaching horses drew their attention to the window. She was holding Ellie, who dozed after another decent feed. Conner hurried to look out. “Pa, Logan and Dawson are back.” His father and two brothers. Conner scrubbed his hand back and forth over his head, as if anxious over their reaction to discovering a baby in the house.
Grandfather made a disapproving sound. “You hoping to frighten them with a scarecrow look by doing that?”
He smoothed his hair into some semblance of order and jammed his hands into his front pockets.
Grandfather continued, “You’ll have to tell them the truth.”
“Yeah. I guess so.”
Kate could almost feel sorry for him, but having fathered a child, he must face up to his responsibilities. Still, she didn’t envy him having to confront his brothers and father.
They all turned to listen to the outer door open and shut, booted feet stomp off the trail dust and then a parade of thuds across the floor toward the sitting room.
Conner’s pa entered, followed by his two sons.
She studied them, wondering how they would react to Conner’s predicament. Bud, the father, was tall, blond and blue-eyed as were all the Marshalls. A man used to working hard and expecting those around him to work equally hard. Dawson, the eldest brother, was now married to Kate’s best friend, Isabelle. Logan, the youngest, was married to Sadie, the schoolteacher.
Bud’s gaze rested on the baby in Kate’s arms. “What do we have here?”
Kate rose, eased the baby into Conner’s hold. “I’ll let you explain.” She walked from the room and into the kitchen, where she couldn’t overhear a conversation she expected would be difficult.
Kate heard no angry sounds as she waited in the kitchen. What sort of reaction would Conner be facing? How would he be feeling? Shame? Regret? She twisted her hands together, wishing she could offer him the same comfort and encouragement he had offered her.
Which was rather silly. All she could offer him was help with Ellie and that only for a few more hours at most.
Lo
gan and Dawson hurried through the kitchen saying they were going to hitch up a wagon. She expected they were going to see their wives. In the men’s absence, Dawson’s six-year-old daughter, Mattie, and his wife, Isabelle, had gone to town to visit Sadie and the children she and Logan had adopted.
She stared at the doorway to the dining room. She couldn’t see the sitting room door beyond. What had taken place in her absence?
Bud strode through the room, muttering under his breath. Grandfather shuffled out to sit on the veranda and she waited. Should she return?
“Kate?” Conner’s voice came to her and she needed no more invitation to hurry back. Perhaps he would tell her what had transpired. She drew to a halt, facing Conner.
“That went as well as could be expected.” Conner sat with Ellie cradled close to his chest, wariness in his eyes. “Dawson is going to ask Sheriff Jesse to come out and see me. I’ll ask him to find Thelma. Dawson said he could easily give Jesse all the needed information, but I’d like to see him myself.” He shrugged. “Maybe I can explain a few things and hope he’ll understand.”
She kept her attention on the baby. How did he hope to explain away a baby daughter? There was simply no way. Thelma must be found. He must marry her. Kate would no longer be needed. But who was she fooling? Once Conner’s sisters-in-law returned, Kate would have no reason to stay. Yes, the baby was weak still, her condition fragile, but she was eating. Anyone could take care of her now.
“I can’t imagine going through another night like last night,” he said.
“You will manage just fine. Just make sure she eats often.”
His mouth drew back. His eyes widened. He wore the expression of a fearful man.
She almost laughed. “She’s getting stronger with every feeding.”
He shook his head. “What if something happens? What if she takes a turn for the worse? Or—” His mouth worked before he finished. “What if she chokes again? Can’t you at least stay overnight?”
She assessed her choices. Ellie likely needed her more than Father did. And she truly wanted to tend the baby a little longer…to hold her, feel her chest rise and fall with each breath, listen to her suck the bottle and catch a fleeting smile or two. “I’ll stay, but I must get word to my father and ask him to send a few things for me.”