by Linda Ford
Sunday was a long time off. Conner and Ellie would be together. She would be alone.
She hurried back to the kitchen, intent on putting aside her troublesome thoughts. She gathered together paper and pens and drew up posters announcing the fair.
That night, she tossed and turned, unable to sleep as her thoughts circled round and round. Now that she’d remembered Johnny and Martin, she couldn’t stop thinking of them.
The games they’d played with her. The outings they’d gone on. The family tradition of counting wildflowers on their summer picnics. Johnny was a great one for jokes and had them alternately laughing and groaning. Martin was a little more serious, more studious. He often brought a book with him on their outings. His favorite was one identifying the various plants and animals. The Latin names rolled off his tongue with such ease. She smiled. Having heard Latin at such a young age had helped her learn anatomy.
The next morning, she went from store to store with the posters. And at every one she was given more advice.
“I have a cousin who plays the fiddle.”
“My sister would be a good judge.”
She noted all the offers of help.
It was the lawyer’s question that filled her with anxiety. “Where do you plan to hold the fair?”
How had location never been considered? She needed to talk to Conner about it, but how was she to do that?
The answer—go to the ranch—was simple enough.
The way her heart rejoiced and at the same time tightened with anxiety left her unsettled.
Father had gone to Wolf Hollow to take care of an accident victim. She had asked to accompany him, but he had refused. “You need to let me do this. Besides, you know I don’t think Wolf Hollow is a safe place for you even in my company.”
She didn’t expect him home any time soon. The house echoed with emptiness. She wandered from room to room, her heart filled with such loneliness it hurt to breathe.
She couldn’t stay there and hurried outside and across the streets until she reached the house where Sadie and Logan lived with their children. Logan had gone to the ranch as he did every day.
Sadie sat on the back step shelling peas. She smiled at Kate’s greeting. “Just what I need. A visitor. Sit—” she pointed to the chair next to hers “—while I make tea.”
Kate sat and began to shell peas. Beth, on a low stool, also shelled. Sadie’s two younger children were watching ants at the corner of the yard.
Sadie returned with cups of tea. “Beth, will you take Sammy and Jeannie for a walk?”
Katie knew then that she wore a troubled look.
As soon as the children left the yard, Sadie spoke. “Tell me everything.”
A flood of words broke forth. Kate told about the baby. “She’s doing much better now and Isabelle is caring for her during the day. Conner keeps her at night.” She told about remembering her brothers.
Sadie squeezed Kate’s hands. “I’m so sorry.”
She told about the fair. “Grandfather and Father insisted we had to plan it.”
Sadie chuckled. “He’s playing matchmaker again.”
“What? Surely not. Everyone knows I am going to medical school very soon.”
“Grandfather has never let little details get in the way of his scheming.”
Kate drank the rest of her tea and resumed shelling peas. “I suppose he has nothing else to do, but he’s going to be disappointed.”
Sadie smiled and nodded.
They sat in silence except for the snap of pea pods opening and the plunk of peas added to the bowl.
Kate sighed. “Won’t you miss being a teacher?”
“I will still be a teacher. My students will be our children.”
“But what about the needs of the other children in the community?”
“There will be a new teacher.”
Her calm answers did nothing to ease Kate’s muddled thoughts. “Don’t you feel guilty at confining your teaching to three children?”
Sadie’s smile was so serene it made Kate’s eyes sting.
“I can’t think of anything more noble or satisfying than teaching my children the values I cherish, in using everyday moments as opportunities and in watching them grow into responsible, caring adults, knowing I had a hand in doing that. It’s like I am working hand in hand with God.”
A lump the size of an orange lodged in the back of Kate’s throat. Sadie made it sound so wonderful to be a mother. “Why don’t you both teach and mother?” She knew the local school board, made up mostly of Marshalls, had offered her the choice to continue as a teacher after she married.
“Because I don’t feel I could do justice to both.”
Kate nodded. “Exactly how I feel. A doctor’s time is too uncertain to allow him or her to be a full-time parent.” Being in the Baker family had taught her that family life did not exist for the doctor’s family.
“Your father is.”
“I suppose it’s different if the doctor is the father.” But he was often missing from family meals and events. In fact, both her parents had been. She’d spent a good deal of time at the Bramford house and, as she’d grown older, alone in her own house.
Sadie studied Kate with her gentle eyes. “I suppose in the end, every person must decide what it is he or she wants and whether or not they are prepared to make the necessary sacrifices.” Her expression grew dreamy. “For me, I couldn’t bear the thought of missing any of the ordinary events of everyday life. I want to share every little discovery with the children. I want to bake them cookies and take them on picnics. I want to wash their clothes and see them drying on the line. I want to be available when Logan rides home in the middle of the day simply because he misses me or he wants to show me something. I know I could do most of that and still teach, but I simply didn’t want to.” She leaned back. “Being part of the Marshall family is the best thing I could ask for, apart from being Logan’s wife and mother to the children. There is something about a big, happy family that I wouldn’t trade for anything.”
Kate’s mind filled with flashes of herself and her brothers with their parents. Joyous, happy, noisy moments. “I had that once.”
“No reason you can’t have it again.”
“I can’t imagine regaining what I’ve lost.”
Sadie squeezed her hand. “I didn’t mean you could replace your family, but you can enjoy a new family. Like the Bible says, ‘beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.’ Our past is not our future.”
Kate tucked Sadie’s words into her heart. Grammie had taught Kate to read the Bible and find answers there and to speak to God frequently, taking to Him every concern. She would trust Him to keep her steady.
“Now tell me more about this fair you and Conner are planning.”
Kate told her what they had done so far. “I thought we had it under control until someone asked where we were holding it.” She gave a mocking laugh. “If Conner has a place in mind, he hasn’t told me. Perhaps you can get Logan to ask him.”
Sadie chuckled. “I could ask him, but he’d likely forget. You best go out there and speak to Conner yourself.”
“But—”
Sadie’s eyes narrowed. “You’ve been out plenty of times before. Why all of a sudden are you reluctant?” She grinned. “It’s Conner, isn’t it? Perhaps Grandfather knows what’s going on after all.”
“It’s nothing of the sort. I just wonder if they aren’t getting tired of seeing me. But I need to take care of this little detail.” Though having a place to hold the fair would be a huge detail if they didn’t find one. “I’ll go out after supper and speak to him.” At the same time, she would prove to one and all that she and Conner were only working together out of necessity.
Father had not returned by supper time and she ate a lonely meal, then went to the livery stable and rented a buggy. Soon she was on her way to the Marshall Five Ranch.
The evening was cool, the breeze
refreshing, and wildflowers bloomed in abundance. Martin would have been overjoyed to see so many and would have soon known the name of each. Sadness pulled at her heart. How she missed her brothers, her parents…her family.
The ranch came into sight and she studied the place. Annie was in the garden. Bud was walking toward the barn. She saw no one else and drove to the house and put on the brake.
Conner stepped from Dawson’s house, the baby in his arms, and Kate jumped down and hurried toward him.
“Is something wrong?” she asked, wondering why he was taking Ellie from Isabelle’s care.
Ellie cooed and bounced with excitement at seeing Kate.
“Nothing’s wrong. She’s sure happy to see you.” Conner shifted the baby into Kate’s arms and Kate nuzzled the sweet-smelling baby.
“I thought when I saw you…” Well, it was obvious she’d overreacted.
“I miss the little sweetheart, so I am bringing her home for the night.”
They reached the house. Annie saw that Kate and Conner were together and waved, then returned to her work.
Grandfather was in the sitting room. “Wondered how long it would take for you to come and visit.”
Kate’s cheeks warmed as she realized that he thought she had come to see Conner. “We have overlooked a slight detail in our plans.”
Grandfather looked from one to the other. “Not surprised to hear that.”
Conner seemed more interested in the way Ellie pulled at Kate’s collar than at her announcement.
“Yes, we haven’t said where the fair will be held.”
Grandfather pushed to his feet. “I’ll let you two figure that one out.” Leaning heavily on his canes, he went to his room.
The baby pulled herself upward, trying to get the collar in her mouth. Kate turned her toward Conner. She arched her back and whined in protest.
“Looks like she’s developing a mind of her own.” Kate smiled, knowing Ellie’s actions indicated her growing strength.
“Yup. She’s beginning to let us know what she wants.”
They chuckled as Ellie was diverted with a yarn ball Conner offered. “Annie resurrected some toys from a trunk in the attic.”
“I can’t believe how much she’s improved in two days. It’s good to see her so much more active.”
“She’s eating much better. Your father said if she was taking a full feed that she didn’t need to be wakened to eat. She sleeps six hours at night.”
Ellie squirmed around to look at Kate, reaching out to pat her face.
“She remembers you.” His gaze came to her, steady, searching, wanting.
She didn’t know what he sought. Didn’t want to think about it. “Do you have a place in mind for the fair?”
He blinked as if the fair was the last thing on his mind.
She wouldn’t allow herself to think she might be the first.
“I really haven’t thought of it. There’s an open area west of town toward the river, but I don’t know if it’s big enough. I’ve never looked at it with the idea of holding a fair.”
“How much room do we need?”
He lifted a hand in defeat. “I don’t know. Why did Grandfather put us in this position? It’s like he wants us to fail.”
She held back her reply that if Sadie was right, Grandfather had something else in mind.
Ellie wrinkled her face and began to fuss.
“It’s time for her to eat.” Conner went to the kitchen to prepare a bottle. It was heartening to watch him. He was careful to see everything was clean. The baby was in good hands with him to care for her.
Kate jostled the baby. “Hush, sweetie. It will be ready in a minute.”
He warmed the bottle, tested it and offered it to her. “Do you want to feed her?”
“I’d love to.” She sat in Grandfather’s armchair. Conner sat nearby, watching the baby eat.
Ellie’s eyes drifted shut. She jerked awake to drink a bit more. She repeated the performance several times until the bottle was empty.
Kate set the bottle aside and smiled at Ellie. Was there anything better than a baby asleep in her arms?
Pain sliced through her. Her plans did not include a baby. They did not include a family.
Conner leaned over to wipe Ellie’s chin. His shoulder brushed against Kate’s. She breathed in the scent of grass and leather and soap. Her heart kicked into a gallop as memories of moments spent together tending the baby flashed through her head.
He turned without sitting back. His face was inches from hers. She saw the way his irises were a lighter blue toward the center. Saw something more that made it impossible to breathe or to think. An invitation, a wish.
“Kate.” Her name whispered from his lips.
“Conner.” She echoed the call.
“Do you know how sweet it is to see a baby sleeping in your arms?”
She gave a barely there shake of her head, unable, unwilling to break free of the powerful look between them. Was this where she belonged?
Somewhere a door slammed. A voice called out.
She looked past him, felt his disappointment as he sat back. What did he want from her? Something she couldn’t give.
“I need to look at that place by the river.” His voice was cool. “I’ll come to town tomorrow. Do you want to come with me to see it?”
He surely didn’t need her opinion on the matter. “I’d like to see what we are dealing with.”
“I’ll take the baby upstairs and put her in the crib.”
“She has a crib now?”
Conner chuckled. “Annie found it. Come on, you better see for yourself.”
Still holding the sleeping baby, she followed him upstairs to one of the bedrooms. Conner’s? She glanced about and saw a cowboy hat and leather vest hanging from hooks on the wall. A brush sat on top of a chest of drawers along with a framed picture.
He saw her look at it. “My mother.”
A crib had been set up against one wall and she tucked the baby under the covers. She and Conner stood side by side watching Ellie sleep.
“She’s beautiful,” Kate whispered.
He draped an arm about her shoulders and tipped his head against hers. “She is. I wish she really was mine.”
There was one way he could make the baby his—marry Thelma.
She could imagine him doing so.
Perhaps his choices weren’t all that different than hers. She was prepared to give up having a family in order to pursue medicine. He might well be prepared to give up a chance at finding the sort of woman he deserved in order to have the child he wanted.
Her heart went out to him. It was a huge sacrifice. Thelma had proved her fickleness already. Conner deserved more. A woman who would welcome being part of the Marshall family, who would be true and faithful. A woman who would love him enough to put him above every other pursuit.
*
It was all Conner could do not to pull Kate closer, hold her tight and beg her to reconsider her goal. But it wasn’t like he could offer her something better. He could offer her nothing until he found Thelma and learned the truth. He had fallen hopelessly in love with tiny Ellie and would do everything in his power to help her, to be a part of her life.
Including marrying Thelma?
He didn’t love Thelma. Perhaps never had.
Instead of pulling Kate into his arms, he dropped his arm from around her shoulders and took her hand. “We’ll let her sleep.” They tiptoed from the room. As they reached the stairs, Kate freed her hand from his.
He told himself it was for the best. Tried to convince himself he didn’t feel as if a part of his insides had been wrenched away at the same time.
Pa and Annie greeted them as they reached the main floor. They clustered about the kitchen table, chatting about the daily events of their lives and the plans for the fair.
“I’m going to enter Ma’s chocolate cake,” Annie said. “And some of the garden produce.”
“Pa, do you think the area
by the river is big enough to hold the fair?”
His pa considered the question. “It might. I suppose it depends how many booths and tents you’ll have.”
Booths and tents? This was far more involved than he’d anticipated.
Kate pushed back from the table. “I should get home.”
He escorted Kate to her buggy.
She turned toward him. “What was your father talking about? Booths and tents? I thought we’d just have tables or something.” Her voice trailed off. “I honestly hadn’t given it that much thought.”
He glanced over his shoulder to make sure no one overheard. “Nor have I. I’ll be in tomorrow and we’ll get this sorted out.”
“I hope so. I would not like to be remembered as the woman who planned a fiasco.” She shuddered.
He helped her up to the seat and patted her hand. “Kate, you’ll be remembered for far better than that.”
“Oh, really. Do tell.”
He had to tip his head back to meet her gaze and was instantly trapped by the teasing light in her eyes. “I’ll remember how you saved Ellie. And how—” How she clung to him as she wept in his arms. The gentle kiss he had helped himself to after a worried night with the baby. He couldn’t tell her that. “How good your pies taste.” He glanced over his shoulder and then leaned closer as if sharing a guilty secret. “Best I ever tasted. Even better than Ma’s or Annie’s. I think you’ll win the blue ribbon for sure.”
She chuckled. “Conner, what would your mother think to hear those words? Or Annie for that matter?”
“Oh, Annie would be okay. She knows she’s the best cake baker around.”
Something in Kate’s gaze held him immobile. Unable to think beyond this moment. Sharing something sweet and private with her.
“I best be on my way.” She turned her gaze forward, leaving him dizzy.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He stepped back so she could drive away.
She flicked the reins and headed down the trail. At the top of the rise, she turned and waved.
He gave a little salute and stood there until the last whiff of her dust had settled. Only then did he turn toward the house.
Grandfather leaned against his canes, an all-knowing grin on his face. “Good to see you’ve finally gotten over that Thelma girl.”