‘Is that Jake, darling?’ Mum has also left the kitchen door open so she can hear every move I make.
‘Yes, er just a minute Mum, you finish your breakfast. Where’s the…?’ I know it’s rude to hiss, and to point, but he’s getting both.
He frowns. I mime picking up a bag in each hand and the furrows on his brow disappear.
‘Ah, I left my luggage in the taxi. I’ll go and get it. It’s just, er, you know I mentioned last night that I’d got a bit of a problem?’
‘Ye-s.’ The word drags itself from my lips unwillingly. I had added his problem, his complication, to the long list of nightmarish scenarios that kept me awake until the early hours. ‘The one I wasn’t to worry about? The one you would sort?’
‘That’s the one. I had a bit of an issue on the sorting front I’m afraid.’ He pulls a wry smile. ‘I’m really sorry.’
‘The complication is in the taxi as well?’
‘It’s a him, not an it.’
‘A him?’
‘Come on.’ He holds out a hand and I automatically take it. ‘Come and meet Harry, I was hoping it would be okay to bring him? That it wouldn’t be a problem.’ He raises an eyebrow my way, but I can’t answer. ‘He’s no trouble, he’ll be good. He’s not very old so it’s great for him to meet new people, socialise a bit. Can never start too early can you?’
Can’t you? He’s got a kid! We’re taking his kid to the wedding – how the hell do I explain that one? This is one up on Liam’s hugely pregnant girlfriend.
I haven’t got a car seat. More importantly, I haven’t got a seat. As in a spare seat in my convertible. It is a car made for two. It is not child friendly. He will fly out of the open top as my hair blows wildly.
‘Are you okay, Sam?’ Jake has stopped, and is looking at me weirdly, as though he’s expecting me to keel over.
‘He’s not been invited, I mean it’s just us, me and a guest. It would be rude to just turn up with…’ I flap my hands because I cannot say the word.
‘Sorry, seriously. Shit, I mean I wouldn’t have brought him if I didn’t have to. I can try and sort something, give me an hour. Two. I didn’t want to be late, so I just bunged him and his stuff in and … we’ve got a bit of spare time, haven’t we?’ He shrugs. ‘Although, I know this is a bit daft, but I wanted you to meet him anyway.’ There’s a faint frown. ‘You’re not allergic are you?’
I am. Definitely allergic. My skin is already prickling, I think this is how it feels when people come out in hives.
How could he have not told me this?
‘Sam? You’ve gone a bit pale.’ I am devoid of blood. The worst situation in my life has just dipped into new territory.
‘I tried to say no, believe me, in fact I said a very firm no after you’d been round last night and I thought it was sorted. But he turned up this morning, and I just thought Scotland would be er…’ And with that, he flings the taxi door open and out falls Harry.
It isn’t as bad as it sounds. No need to call social services.
Harry is all black fluff and curls. Harry has a waggy tail and a bark.
I laugh a slightly maniacal, borderline hysterical laugh, and sink down on the kerb as Harry put his paws up on my chest and tries to stick his tongue in my mouth. I can’t breathe. Partly because I am hyperventilating, partly because I have a furry snout in my face.
‘I thought the place would be dog friendly? I knew you were a bit of a dog lover seeing as you wanted to help out at the rescue centre, I mean that’s why I wanted to meet you there and said…’
‘You wouldn’t sleep with a girl who didn’t like animals.’ My voice is all weak and pathetic. It was a test. It all makes sense now.
‘It clinched it for me when I saw how you were with Tank.’ He blows me a kiss. ‘You’re unbelievable.’
I quite like being called unbelievable.
‘Incredible.’
He’s pushing it now. ‘You’re just trying to get round me.’
His boyish grin is back, full force. ‘Yup, and I thought it wouldn’t be a problem, with it being an estate. But if you’d rather cough up for a dog-minder, I can ring round and…’
I hold a hand up, fend off the dog with my other one. ‘You’ve persuaded me.’ My bank loan does not extend to dog-minders. ‘Pack the dog, or whatever you have to do with it. Fine, it’s fine. I’ll text Jess and double check before we set off.’
‘Sure?’ He smiles as he hauls me to my feet.
‘Oh my goodness, aren’t you the cutest?’ I hadn’t heard Mum creep up, but I shouldn’t have been surprised. She can be a ninja when she wants to be, she can hear through walls and approach silently.
I think the ‘cute’ comment is aimed at the dog, but I can’t be sure. ‘Oh Jake, it’s so nice to see you again! Samantha has told us all about how busy you have been.’ He raises an eyebrow in my direction and I shake my head, they’ve heard nothing, it’s a trick. ‘Do come in, such a shame you two lovebirds couldn’t come for afternoon tea, but we can make up for it this week.’ She giggles in what I can only describe as a flirtatious manner and I could swear she’s got a bum wiggle going on as she heads back towards the front door. Bum wiggles should be banned for all mothers, at least when their daughters are there. Particularly if the wiggle is for the benefit of their daughters’ boyfriends. Honestly, it’s indecent, even if he isn’t a proper boyfriend.
Luckily he’s too busy to notice as he’s dragging his case out of the cab and paying the driver. We finally all get inside and there’s hand shaking and dog patting, then that silence. The ‘we don’t know each other very well, what do we say next’ kind.
‘I hope they won’t mind me bringing Harry. I was rather put on the spot.’
‘Oh heavens no, of course they won’t mind.’ Mother does tend to make decisions that aren’t hers to make. ‘How could anybody mind? Of course they won’t. They love dogs in Scotland.’ A bit of a sweeping statement, but who am I to argue? She frowns. ‘I hope he doesn’t get lice.’
We all frown. ‘Lice?’
‘They get them up there, I read about it in one of those country magazines I bought, didn’t I David?’ Mother stores completely random information. Ask her the capital of Spain and she won’t know, but then she’ll trot out something completely obscure. She could be a secret weapon in pub quizzes. She looks at Dad, who doesn’t comment. ‘Hang on.’ She picks a magazine up, she’s got a bigger collection than the corner shop stocks. ‘No, no, not that one, ah this one. Dog friendly places in Scotland!’
‘But you didn’t know we were taking a dog, Mum.’ One day I could be like this, this is my future. Like mother, like daughter. Oh God.
‘Oh, I just bought every magazine that had an article about Scotland in it. You know, for the pictures. One has to be dressed right, and it is a different country.’
I try not to roll my eyes, anybody would think we were off to the Himalayas or the Arctic Circle or something.
‘Oh silly me. Ticks not lice!’
‘I’ll look out for them.’ Jake is managing not to laugh. Or run away. The running away bit is one of the reasons I initially didn’t want him to meet my family in advance. He did survive supper though.
I give him a sharp nudge in the ribs with my elbow, and hear a satisfying squeak. But he’s grinning. He’s encouraging her, we’ll be sitting down discussing sporrans next.
‘I did ask Juliet if they had midges there at this time of year.’
The mention of midges is making my scalp itch. I am having horrible visions of all the guests being supplied with free nets, white obviously, as it is a wedding, or pink to match the confetti, to stop us coming out in a nasty rash. So not good on a wedding day.
‘Sun, breeze and keeping on the move is the remedy I think.’ Jake replies smoothly.
‘Oh wonderful. I could tell you were clever. We’ll keep on the move, won’t we David? Although I do hope there isn’t a breeze. You are going to pin your hair up, aren’t you dear?’
That is directed at me. I wasn’t actually.
‘And I do hope you’ve packed enough hairspray, you know what your hair is like if it rains.’ Yeah, one big frizzfest. ‘And the nearest supermarket is a thirty-minute drive away, you can’t just pop out if you forget something. Can you credit that? Isn’t it exciting?’
It isn’t exciting. It is frightening. I am going to be trapped. Thirty minutes from civilisation. With a man I hardly know. And my parents.
‘It will be like being stranded on a desert island!’
With midges and strong winds.
‘Cup of tea, Jake? You can tell us all about your family and future plans.’ She winks at me. ‘You look like the type of man who’d make a lovely father.’
This is worse, much worse than the lice conversation, or midges or having to go to the end of the earth.
‘Your taxi will be here any minute, Mum. Don’t you need to powder your nose or go to the loo?’
‘Nonsense, we’ve got lots of time. Sugar? Milk?’
‘Stop embarrassing them, love.’ It’s the first thing Dad has said, and it wins him a frown.
‘I’m not embarrassing anybody, David. Am I?’
‘Plenty of time for that later, eh? I want to know more about this acting lark. My lady wife here—’ he puts an arm round Mum ‘—has the acting bug. Quite the drama queen, aren’t you, Ruth?’ I glance at Jake, he’s trying not to laugh, we all are. Apart from Mum, who has taken it as a compliment.
‘Oh I am, I am.’ She preens. ‘Rather good, though I say so myself. You should have seen my performance in Taming of the Shrew.’
‘You shouldn’t,’ I mouth, and he gives me a conspiratorial wink. Nobody should have had to sit through that. Dad had to though, I consider it a sign of true love.
For the first time in my entire life, I’m happy to hear a step by step account of her stage highlights. All of them. From the day she decided that drama was for her, up to six weeks ago when they cast her in a key role. Fourth down on the programme!
By the time she’s got to her credits the taxi has arrived and Dad gives me a hug and a wink as he bundles her in. He shakes hands with Jake, and gives a nod as though he’s satisfied. Handshakes are important to Dad, he says you can tell everything from a handshake.
I bloody well hope this one hasn’t told him anything it shouldn’t have.
Chapter 13
‘I can drive if you want?’
‘No!’ I don’t mean to shout, but I’ve got a thing about men suggesting they take the wheel – when it isn’t their wheel to take. I mean, it’s the start isn’t it? It can look like consideration, but before you know it they might be taking liberties all round, grabbing the remote control, taking charge of the fridge and re-designating the wine shelf as a beer shelf, insisting the loo seat is best left up, resetting the central heating, and suggesting you don’t know what you’re doing.
I never used to think about who did the driving at all, but I have now realised it is a metaphor for my life. Or at least the bit of my life that I had with Liam. It was the thin end of the wedge. The day I let him take my steering wheel was the day I gave him permission to change my life. In a relationship you’re both supposed to compromise, aren’t you? But I realise now that it was only me that was doing the compromising. I now intend to take full control of my own wheel again.
Of course, a man suggesting he’ll drive because you want to hit the cocktails is altogether different. But when did that last happen?
‘Up to you.’ He smiles as he does his best to jam Harry’s basket onto the parcel shelf. The dog has more luggage than the both of us put together. ‘I just thought you might be a bit tired and want doggy cuddles.’
I am a bit tired, but I haven’t got time for doggy cuddles. ‘We need to get to know each other.’ Why does that sound such an ordeal?
‘I told you, Sam.’ He gives my arm a squeeze. ‘Chill, we’ll sort it. We could say we’ve only just met.’
‘I told Jess we met months ago, like not long after me and Liam split up.’
He grins as he opens the driver door for me. ‘We can say we’ve been too busy shagging to talk?’ There’s a hopeful, questioning lift at the end of the sentence.
I turn the key a little forcefully. ‘So when Liam asks about that noise I make, what will you say?’ Concentrating on pulling away from the kerb means I don’t have to look at him. Until he makes a funny noise himself, and I realise he’s not properly in the car. I stop and let him sort himself out. It wouldn’t do to lose him before we’re even out of the town, would it?
‘I didn’t notice it?’
‘Noooo!’ I crunch the gears. ‘It’s the noise I make when, you know, when…’
‘When?’
‘When we’ve, I’ve, you know…’
‘You come?’
I glance over and he doesn’t look disturbed, but boy do I feel it.
‘If we’d spent our entire relationship in bed together then you’d know, wouldn’t you?’
‘I’d hope so.’ He grins. ‘So what is the noise? Do it for me, baby.’
‘Don’t call me baby. I can’t just do it, it happens, you know, not on purpose.’ I try an experimental noise, but it comes out slightly wrong, and with a yelp Harry leaps from his spot in the footwell, over Jake’s shoulder and ends up on the parcel shelf burying his nose in his basket. Oh well, at least I know if I ever get a dog, it’s not going to interfere with nookie. ‘It just…’
‘Ahh, so we’ll have to, you know, so I can hear the real thing?’ He strokes Harry reassuringly. ‘Is that what you mean?’
‘No that isn’t what I mean! It was just an example of—’
‘And a very valid one.’
I ignore him. ‘Of what can go wrong.’
‘Look Sam.’ I can sense he nearly said Sammy, and stopped himself just in time. He places a big capable hand over the one I’ve got resting on the gear lever. ‘Stop stressing. If anybody asked me a question like that I’d tell them to take a hike. I’m not the kind of guy to discuss the noises a lady makes when I show her what sex can really be like.’
‘Show? You?’ I suspected, at the start, that Jake might be really big-headed. He is, after all, good-looking, charming, and an actor. His need for an ‘I can do it’ message has obviously long passed, now that he has actually ‘done it’. So much confidence in one man, it’s indecent.
The trouble is, he probably could show me. But I don’t want to think about that. I need to resist his charms, and capabilities. This is business.
‘Me.’ He squeezes my hand and I know I need to pull away. Quickly. Except I need to change down gear for the traffic lights. ‘Believe me, you’d be making all kind of noises.’
‘Harrumph.’
‘But I’ve not heard that one yet. Okay.’ He coaxes Harry down, and the dog leans over to give me a doggy kiss before it nestles in his lap with a sigh. ‘I’ll play along, if it’s going to make you feel better. We’ll take it in turns, me first. Where are your ticklish spots?’
‘No way, I don’t tell anybody about those.’
‘Aha, so you have got some, I’ll just have to find out for myself.’
I decide he’s best ignored. I will ask sensible questions. ‘What food do you absolutely hate?’
‘Boring.’ He fondles Harry’s ears and stretches his long legs out as far as they will go in my small car.
‘It’s the type of thing normal people know about each other.’
‘Rubbish, it’s what they think they should know.’ He gives me a sideways look and I know that he knows that I am thinking that was exactly the type of thing I knew about Liam. ‘I’m more interested in what makes you laugh and what turns you on.’
Watching him stroking that dog is having a funny effect, but we’ll not mention that.
‘I’m not the type of guy who does food preferences, I’m more interested in the intimate stuff, and what makes you happy.’
‘Food makes me happy.’
‘I noticed.
’ Jake laughs. ‘Don’t tell me, chocolate brownies and pizza top the list?’
‘I do sophisticated as well.’ I pretend to be offended. ‘I am partial to an oyster.’
‘You sound like your mum.’
‘Any more talk like that and I’m stopping the car!’ We share a look. He’s funny, I like funny. I’m beginning to quite like Jake. ‘I really like those tasting menus when you get loads of little fancy things, with wow flavours.’
‘Wow, very sophisticated.’
‘Although I also like scampi.’
‘I love steak, hate olives.’
‘You don’t like olives?’
‘What’s the point?’
‘Martini? You can’t have a martini without an olive.’
‘So, you said your ex is the groom’s brother?’ He really doesn’t like olives.
‘Yup.’ He has already heard quite a bit about Liam. ‘His brother Dan is really nice, and so is Jess.’
‘And when you split up…’ He pauses, he’s watching me. ‘You’re okay to talk about this?’
‘I am.’ And I actually am. Seeing Liam again might be a bit weird, but I can talk about it all now without hardly cringing at all.
‘So you knew about the pregnant girlf—’
‘I did not!’
‘I thought…’
‘He did tell me he’d met somebody else, but I didn’t know she was pregnant until Jess told me.’
‘Oh.’
‘When she rang about the invite, and told me how huge she is.’
‘Bad.’ He shakes his head. ‘Did you love him?’
I think about that one, while we go round the roundabout, and join the motorway. And while I’m trying not to think about Liam doing his undressing routine in front of somebody else. Maybe it wasn’t the same. Maybe he ripped his clothes off in a fit of passion. Or maybe not. ‘I thought I did. But, it was more like very fond than madly in love kind of love.’
‘It was a habit?’
‘Say it like it is, why don’t you?’ He’s getting a bit close to the bone now. ‘You’re supposed to be my date, not my analyst. Anyway, what about you?’ Maybe I shouldn’t ask, but I want to know more about him. I want to know why he’s really here, what he’s running away from. ‘Did you love the one you need a distraction from?’ I’m guessing it’s a woman. A cheating one. He did say he totally understood about betrayal.
The Wedding Date Page 11