Get a grip, man. If you’re not careful, you’ll be going down for the third time.
Apparently, despite his teacher’s disclaimer and the look on his father’s face, Jake chose to see things from a different perspective.
“Oh, I don’t know, it already feels like you and Dad, Sydney and me are this big happy family,” he declared happily.
“Sydney and I, not Sydney and me,” Marina corrected him.
But Jake was focused on the bigger picture and not something as mundane as grammar that needed correcting. His eyes lit up. “Then you agree!” Jake exclaimed gleefully.
This was getting away from her. “No, no, I’m just trying to get you to speak correctly, I didn’t mean to imply that what you said was right,” Marina told him helplessly.
The grin on the boy’s face told her that he wasn’t buying what she was telling him. It was as if he could see through all the camouflage straight down to the heart of the matter.
“Whatever you say, Ms. Laramie.” He all but winked as he pretended to agree with her. Sydney was making gurgling noises and Jake looked at his lone passenger. “I think she’s hungry,” he announced to the two adults. “Maybe we should go back inside the house and have some lunch before she gets cranky.”
Marina slanted a glance at Anderson as Jake began to head toward the house with Sydney. “Is it my imagination, or did he suddenly become the adult?”
Anderson blew out a frustrated breath as his son walked away. “Jake certainly became something,” he reluctantly agreed.
But his mind wasn’t on Jake; it was on his own foolish slip. Kissing Marina had turned the ground beneath his feet to quicksand. But he wasn’t going to allow himself to get sucked in again, the way he had with Lexie. Pairing up with Lexie had been a total mistake. He’d thought she was a mild-mannered and agreeable woman, only to discover that she was actually a self-centered creature with her own agenda. An agenda that had had little regard for him as a person, much less any regard for his feelings.
Though he wouldn’t admit it to anyone, not even his own family, because of Lexie’s deception his ego and self-esteem were still very bruised and in serious need of repair. He couldn’t risk going through something like that again, not if he wanted to survive. And he had to survive, had to do right by his son. Jake’s welfare was the only thing that mattered to him. It wasn’t just himself he had to think about anymore. He had Jake to consider and put before anything else—and that definitely included putting the boy before his own self-gratification.
All he had to do to get through this afternoon, Anderson told himself, was to avoid making direct eye contact with Marina.
Easier said than done.
* * *
For the remainder of the visit, Marina did her best to act as if nothing had changed. But something definitely had.
Two somethings, actually, she thought. The first thing that had changed—and foremost in her mind—was that Anderson had kissed her. Not just a peck on the cheek or a quick, stolen kiss that was over before it had actually even begun, but a long, toe-curling, soul-changing, mind-blowing kiss that had changed the parameters of the world as she knew it.
The second, which she had a sneaking suspicion was a direct result of the first, was that she was acutely aware that for the remainder of the visit, Anderson had withdrawn from her and from the visit in general.
His interactions with her, with her daughter and even with his son were cut down to monosyllabic responses that were given in answer to any questions directed to him.
That was the act of a man who was troubled by something he had either done or was about to do. Marina had her suspicions that it was a combination of both. She tried very hard not to dwell on it and consequently, she was unable to do anything else but dwell on it, even though she did her best to put up a good front. She did the latter for Jake’s sake because she didn’t want him thinking something was wrong until that conclusion was absolutely unavoidable.
She did her best to hold it at bay as long as she could.
Because she didn’t want to push her luck—or to have some sort of a confrontation suddenly erupt between Anderson and her—Marina called an early end to their time together.
The event did not go unnoticed.
“But you never leave this early,” Jake protested when she announced right after she had cleared away the dishes that she and Sydney had had a lovely time, but now they had to be going home.
Marina had been afraid of this reaction from Jake, but it didn’t change her mind.
“I know, honey, but Sydney’s tired and I think she might be coming down with a cold. It’s best if I get her home and put her to bed.” She assumed that was the end of it, but she should have known better.
“We’ve got beds here,” Jake volunteered. “Lots of beds. You could put her to bed here and maybe she’ll feel better, right, Dad?” he asked, turning toward Anderson and waiting for his father to back him up.
But he was disappointed. “Jake, if Ms. Laramie wants to take Sydney home and put her to bed, she has a right to do that.”
Jake looked crestfallen. “I know, but—”
He hated saying no to Jake, but this was for both their good.
“Never argue with a guest, Jake,” Anderson told his son, draping a restraining arm around the boy’s shoulders. “Ms. Laramie wants to take Sydney home, so we should let her do that.”
The wording about the argument clearly went over Jake’s head. “I thought I was arguing with you,” Jake told his dad.
“Never do that, either,” Marina said softly, adding her voice to the discussion and coming to Anderson’s aid. “Being a dad is hard, Jake. It involves doing things that aren’t always popular, but that still need to be done anyway.”
Jake’s face was puckered as he tried to make sense of what he was being told. It was obvious that he was having very little luck with that. Reluctantly, he gave in. “Okay—if you say so, Ms. Laramie.”
Gathering her things together, Marina paused for a moment to run her hand along Jake’s cheek. “You are a sweet, sweet boy, Jake. Your dad’s very lucky to have you as his son,” she told him.
The next moment, she snapped out of her mood and went back to gathering everything together. It seemed to her that each time she left, there were more things to take back with her—certainly more than she had brought in the first place. She looked around carefully, making sure she had everything. An uneasiness told her that she wouldn’t be coming back.
As usual, Jake was right behind her, carrying as much as his short arms could hold.
And Anderson was behind him, bringing up the rear.
That, too, wasn’t unusual, not in itself. He always helped her carry things to her car, but there was never this reserved air about him when he was doing it, the way there was today.
He wasn’t saying a word, wasn’t joining in the conversation the way he normally did. Instead, he was acting as if he was the odd man out, excluded by choice from the club of two formed by his son and his son’s teacher—the woman who had, for one brief shining moment, turned his entire world upside down.
But that world had to be righted and he was determined to be the one to do it.
Jake was shifting from foot to foot, as if he was doing some strange little happy dance that only he was privy to.
“I can’t wait for the week to go by and next Saturday to come,” Jake confided. “I’m going to have something special planned for Sydney,” he announced happily.
“Oh? What?” Marina asked, trying her hardest to be upbeat, telling herself that she was only imagining Anderson’s sudden change in behavior, that she was reading things into it when there was really nothing there to read.
Maybe the thought of being happy worried her. It brought with it its own set of demons that needed to be dealt with. The last time
she recalled being too happy for words, it hadn’t been long before her world came crashing down around her.
“Can’t tell you,” Jake answered. “’Cause if I did, then it wouldn’t be a surprise for Sydney.”
“I promise I won’t tell her,” Marina said solemnly, crossing her heart for him.
Despite that, Jake was determined to keep the surprise to himself and spring it on Sydney the following weekend.
He shook his head from side to side. “Sorry, I can’t tell you. I don’t want you to be tempted,” he said, sounding for all the world as if he was an adult.
Marina secured Sydney’s car seat in the back of her vehicle. Just before she got into her car herself, Marina turned toward Anderson and said, “Thank you for having us over again.” Her gaze met his and she added with feeling, “Sydney and I had a wonderful time,” even as she wondered if this was the last time she would be standing here like this.
Anderson met her words of thanks with a shrug. If she didn’t know any better, she would have said that he looked relieved to see her leaving with her daughter.
“Glad you could come.” He said it with as much feeling as he would have exhibited talking about his last month’s telephone bill.
There was nothing left to do but leave.
Marina ruffled Jake’s hair just before getting in behind the wheel. “See you bright and early in school tomorrow, young man.”
Jake’s eyes fairly sparkled. “You bet,” he cried happily.
He hung on his father’s arm as he watched the vehicle drive down the winding road. He watched until he couldn’t see it anymore.
And then he had a question. “Why do you think she had to leave so early, Dad?”
Because she knows it’s better this way, Anderson thought. Out loud, he addressed Jake’s question. “She said it was because she was worried Sydney was coming down with a cold, remember?”
But it was obvious that Jake didn’t believe that. He shook his head. “I don’t think so. Sydney didn’t sneeze or cough.”
Anderson found himself wishing that the boy wasn’t as insightful as he apparently was. “She’s still the baby’s mother, Jake. It’s best not to interfere in family matters.”
Jake sighed and then nodded. “If you say so, Dad.” Turning toward the house, he began to take off.
“Where are you going in such a hurry?” Anderson wanted to know. He wasn’t accustomed to seeing his son moving so fast once it was just the two of them.
Jake paused just long enough to answer him. “I thought I’d start working on Sydney’s surprise for next week.”
Anderson thought of the phone call he was going to make in a little while. “Maybe you should hold off on that for a few days.”
Jake stared at him for a long moment, as if trying to come to some sort of a conclusion about what his father was telling him. But after a moment, it was obvious that none had been reached.
“Why, Dad?”
He hated being put on the spot this way, hated being the one to cause his son any disappointment. But some things had to be done in the name of self-preservation. This was one of them.
“You never know when something might just go wrong, Jake. Maybe Ms. Laramie won’t be able to make it next week.”
But Jake shook his head. “Nothing’s going to happen,” he said with such total conviction, it gave Anderson pause.
But not for long.
* * *
She almost didn’t pick up her phone when it rang. She certainly knew she didn’t want to.
The caller ID told her that Anderson was on the line and her intuition told her she wasn’t going to like what he had to say. So, for reasons of self-preservation, she almost let her machine pick it up.
But that, Marina told herself, was only putting off the inevitable. The longer she did that, the worse it would wind up being for her. So, putting her daughter down in the port-a-crib she kept for Sydney in her living room, Marina picked up the receiver.
“Hello?” she asked almost hesitantly.
“Marina,” she heard the deep voice rumble in her ear, “this is Anderson Dalton.”
“I know,” she replied quietly, “I have caller ID. Besides, I recognize your voice. Is something wrong with Jake? Did something happen to him?” she asked, wanting to get that out of the way first. After all, it wasn’t entirely inconceivable that Anderson might be calling about his son.
“No, Jake’s fine,” he assured her.
So much for a final desperate grasp at an excuse, she thought. “Good.” Lord, this felt oddly painful, she couldn’t help thinking. More painfully awkward than their first exchange that time he came storming into her classroom after hours.
Marina gathered her courage to her. “Why are you calling, then? Did I forget something back at your place?”
“No.” He paused for a moment before continuing. “But I did.”
Okay, he’d lost her, she thought. “I don’t understand.”
“I forgot not to get involved. And I am. Getting involved,” he tacked on. “So I think it’s best for everyone’s sake if we stop getting together over the weekends.”
Even though she’d tried to prepare herself for this, she felt as if someone had twisted her heart right out of her chest.
“Does Jake know?” she asked quietly.
“Jake doesn’t have to know about it,” Anderson said curtly. “I’m the one who make the decisions.”
Then act like an adult and tell me what’s going on, she wanted to shout. Instead, she said, “I know, but I just thought that since he’s so involved with us coming over—”
Desperate, Anderson went to his initial go-to excuse. “People are starting to talk.”
“People?” she echoed, momentarily lost. What was he talking about? “What people?”
“People-people,” he said in exasperation. “You’re Jake’s teacher, I’m his father. I don’t want anything being said or done that might compromise your job there—or my son’s education. Jake needs you too much as his teacher.”
“So this is about him.”
Her voice was very still. Was Anderson actually trying to get her to believe that he was sacrificing something they might have in order to stop some perceived gossip that hadn’t happened yet? Marina doubled her fist at her side.
“Absolutely—and your reputation.”
And it has nothing to do with you running scared, she added silently. Out loud she said, “Well, I appreciate you being so concerned about my reputation, Anderson.” Her voice was crisp, removed.
“Don’t mention it,” Anderson said, hanging up before she could say anything else that would make him lose his nerve.
He’d almost lost it twice already.
Chapter Thirteen
“I know what you’re thinking.”
Marina said the words out loud as she glanced at her daughter. Sydney’s huge blue eyes were following her as she moved around the small apartment, trying, through sheer force of will, to somehow fill up the overwhelming emptiness and find a space for herself.
“I said I’d never be in this position again, never leave myself wide open so I could hurt like this again. And yet, here I am, doing it to myself all over again, just like the first time.” Marina took in a deep breath, trying to center herself. “But it’s not like Jake’s dad made any promises to me, not the way I felt that your father did. You wouldn’t remember him,” she assured the infant. “He was gone before you were born—his loss, honey. All that means is that I’m going to love you twice as much—if that’s possible.” She never wanted Sydney to feel unlovable the way she had because of her father’s absences. Granted, things had changed of late. Hank Laramie had come back into her sister Dawn’s life and into hers, apparently wanting to make amends.
All that was well an
d good, but it was going to take a long time for the emptiness she’d felt while she was growing up to finally fade away. She wasn’t emotionally up to taking on something more only to be disappointed. Thinking that it would be different with Anderson was a mistake. She needed to be grateful that she hadn’t gone any further, hadn’t made an even bigger mistake with the man.
Get over it, Marina, she told herself.
Marina blew out a breath as she sat down on the sofa. She could still feel Sydney’s eyes on her. She looked down at her daughter, who, lying in her port-a-crib, was parked on the floor directly in front of the sofa.
She needed to talk this out of her system, she thought.
“But Jake’s dad, well,” she said wistfully, “I was really beginning to think that you and I had a future with him. He’s trying really hard to be a good dad to Jake and I could tell he had a weakness for you—who wouldn’t?” she asked with a laugh. “So all that seemed really promising to me. A lot of guys run when fatherhood is sprung on them.”
And she would be the first to testify to that, Marina thought, remembering the expression on Gary’s face the evening she had told him that she was pregnant with his baby.
“And when Anderson kissed me, Sydney,” she said, reliving the very intense moment, “Oh, when he kissed me, I thought that we were both on to something very special. Something with promise.” She sighed as she picked up the remote control from the side table. “I guess I just let my imagination get carried away.”
Turning on the flat-screen that hung on the wall across from her, Marina began trolling through the channels, searching for something that would be distracting enough to make her forget about the ever growing ache she felt.
“Anyway, it looks like it’s going to be just you and me tonight, kidlet. What are you in the mood for?”
Sydney seemed to scrunch up her face and make an emphatic noise.
Marina put her own meaning to the sound. “Yeah, me, too. But Jake and his dad aren’t coming over tonight. Or, probably, not tomorrow night or the night after that,” she added, sadly. “But we’ll get by, you and I.” She tried to put as much positive energy into the statement as she could. “We did it before, we’ll do it again.”
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