by Rena Manse
“I should know better than to get in the middle of a lovers’ quarrel. I didn’t plan it, but this committed side of you...” A kiss tickled his neck and her familiar ministration kept him rooted. “It’s a turn on, Aaron. This woman better take care of what she has.”
“Ashley. Her name is Ashley.”
“Ashley,” she breathed.
Melina always knew how to hold his attention. Subtler than Jade, with a hundred times more class, her whispers and adept motions working his body offered worry-free options. Aaron closed his eyes and tried to swap the image in his head, but she didn’t feel right.
He glanced down at their silhouettes. Why Melina’s appeal threatened him with indecision was beyond him. She’d had him talking about Ashley all night. Kept Ashley on his brain, just now whispered Ashley’s name, acknowledging the woman in his life. His mind wouldn’t engage, yet his physical side seemed determined to respond to her, someone foreign to their relationship.
Brushing her hand away, he fled to the door. Not quite safe behind the wheel of his Lexus, he needed to pause to get rid of the anvil on his chest before he crashed the car. What had he done? It’d been awhile for him, but he’d waited this long without touching anyone but Ashley, and though she seemed to not want that intimacy anymore, he’d wait longer. He didn’t want her any other way. It wouldn’t be…
That’s what… he understood what she’d been going on about all this time.
Lights went on in the house beside him. Hands a little shaky, he stared back, reluctant to initiate the key and start the engine. Melina’s lithe figure appeared at a window just long enough to see him still there, and then disappeared. That brief glimpse, that invitation, a beacon promising a night of comfort and everything else denied him. He grunted, gunned out of there, and started planning a honeymoon.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
This isn’t how an engagement is supposed to go. Ashley stole a cautious glance over her shoulder to the house, then sunk lower in the sun chair as rain tortured the retractable patio covering.
All of the falling-in-love-firsts were warped. Aaron hadn’t touched her all week outside of their scheduled outings. She didn’t know where he’d disappeared to after the engagement party to clomp through the house in the wee hours of the morning. She thought he’d knocked on her bedroom door, but by the time she stepped in from the balcony, the only thing that greeted her was a whiff of perfume.
Her falling in love firsts came with aggravating heartaches. Had he really found someone else because she wouldn’t relax and spend time with him?
He’d been right. Someone submerged in his lifestyle would have a hard time going cold turkey. He’d pushed her boundaries that night. She’d pushed him back, right into the arms of another woman.
Almost hypnotized by the pound of the rain, Ashley wanted to weep. She smiled bitter acceptance. A part of her said she should be relieved that if he continued to carry on with his secret affair, he kept it well hidden from the public. There, their camaraderie flowed without question. Band interviews, blood tests, cake sampling; quality time. He’d given up working late midweek to attend the Wednesday counseling sessions along with their Sundays.
But what a nightmare those turned into. She could have crawled under the coffee table when he’d told the pastor and his wife that he felt she should be more affectionate when they were alone. Did he really go there?
“Tell him he works too much for us to be alone,” she’d countered. She’d folded her arms and glared, unbelievingly, at the wall behind the two counselors. He knew she couldn’t ‘give him something’ as he’d demanded at the party. “And would you please ask him why he feels he needs to be a control freak instead of a leader in this relationship?”
Nine days to go before she became his wife. She wanted to fix whatever problem existed between them, but needed to maintain her distance. Any more alone time and she might give her heart to a man who wasn’t saved. Her life depended on frigidity. She remembered the way he’d held and kissed her that last night. Desperate.
He’d never been like that before, as though he had a right to her heart. Her mind flashed to the first time she saw him in his company’s underground parking garage. He’d smiled in a way that suggested they knew each other intimately already. Angry and embarrassed, she’d been flattered by the fascination of a stranger.
Ashley treasured the memory of when they’d been innocent of each other as the pounding rain lulled her to sleep. No man is worth this. She half woke at the voice in her head. Only God gives joy and perfect peace.
Shaking fully awake, she looked to the Bible on the table beside her. There could be no good end in the direction she was headed. How many times could she fortify her resolve, only to have it crumble when he came near? How many times could she correct her walk? Daily.
“Father, forgive me.” She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “I’ve been steam rolling ahead, but I need you to fix what’s happening in my life. Please. I leave Aaron to you. Keep him safe and bring him happiness.”
The more aloof she remained the better. She longed to call her mother, talk to her about this, and get some comfort and support. Call Christine and have a girlfriends’ laugh about the whole ridiculous thing. What she really wanted was to be free to keep falling in love. No. Not at the expense of her heart when he decided to get rid of her in a few months’ time.
Pick up the love anchor and move on. There’d be no sharing his life. No seeing what greater a man he could be with her championing him. No helping him through the next problem that arose. What a shame that after this he’ll deny some woman the gift of who he is.
Her chest ached, empty yet heavy. She tried to catch a decent breath. Ashley thought she would die without Aaron, but she knew she would die without God.
Her face flashed before him again. Aaron threw down his pen and stood from his desk to stretch his legs through a walk around the room.
The bookshelf held him like a “Do not pass Go” sign, and he suddenly craved fresh air. The thought of running into Ashley kept him hidden in place. He’d been close to telling her he loved her when he came home from his colossal mistake with Melina. But he couldn’t simply dive into the deep end knowing she didn’t feel anything beyond attraction.
They had only six days to their wedding. He’d still give her space, be nice, work out a way for her to like him, prove he didn’t have a one track mind. Et cetera, et cetera... He stared straight ahead out the far window, but catalogued the contents of the bookcase by memory.
A couple of Bibles stood out. He didn’t have to look to know they were there. What they contained signified a deciding factor in Ashley’s affections. If he had a chance at all, his present state had to change. There was no et cetera on that.
“What difference does it make if she doesn’t trust me?”
At the engagement party she believed he’d been with someone else. And he, like a fool, he’d nearly gone to prove her right. The ghost of that moment haunted him. It’d be so easy to cheat. Aaron’s stomach leapt. The idea that he could be with another woman felt like killing a part of himself.
Maybe time alone on their honeymoon would open her up—if Ashley didn’t believe she was being kidnapped, or worse. He slumped to the couch and plopped his face into his hands. This was torture, pure and simple. Patience, patience.
Patience was killing him softly.
Aaron ran his fingers over his hair as he threw himself against the back of the couch and closed his eyes. He’d only been this torn twice in his life; when his father died, and when his grandfather died. Love beat people up for the privilege of being in its presence. No one could control it. It twisted man under its control.
“Help me through this.” He scrunched his face. “Help.”
This hurt. He didn’t know he’d be in so much pain. The thought of losing Ashley petrified him more than anything. She had everything that kept him feeling like a man. Could she really have so much love for others to continue through with
this, and yet those same emotions fall short to include him?
The door thrust open, doing the same for his eyelids, and Ashley stormed in, slamming the door behind her. She looked around wildly when she didn’t see him behind the desk. He sat up.
“My mother!” she screamed the second her eyes locked on him.
He hated to see her upset.
“What’s wrong with you?” she demanded.
Her instant concern at his position and expression wouldn’t last so he skipped an explanation. “I have a business to run.” He leaned forward on his elbows. “What’s the matter?”
She seemed to lack breath. “She’s coming. My mother. Here.”
“When?”
“Day after tomorrow. She just called. Val told her. Do you know what this means?”
He had a pretty good idea. He didn’t appreciate her worry, though he couldn’t blame her since he’d pushed her into this with no intention of anyone finding out.
That hadn’t stopped him from contacting Kavin a few days ago to coerce him to casually ask Val about getting to know Sandra McKenny. A strategic move. One he owed his cousin for big time. In the end, Kavin told Sandra he’d be more than happy to give his employee time off to attend her only daughter’s semi-secret wedding. By the way, welcome to the family.
Clever move. Aaron stood, walked across the room and sat on the edge of his desk in front of her.
“How can you be so calm? My world is coming to an end.” She challenged him with her eyes. “And may I remind you that yours ends with it.”
“How so?”
Her hands slapped to her thighs. “The chance of my mother keeping this story under wraps is next to nil. People at her office will know—your office. Everyone at my work will know.”
It would be harder to terminate the marriage with Ashley’s family and co-workers privy to it. Yeah, good move. “So let her talk.” He threw it out and braced for impact.
Her features turned ashen. “Are you mad? You’re mad.”
Heart pounding, he took her hands from her sides and pulled her to stand before him. She looked nervous at the development and wouldn’t meet his eyes. “Ashley. We couldn’t stop the momentum if we tried. People get married every day by whirlwind romances. They break up just as quickly.”
“Not me. That’s not how a marriage is supposed to be.” She kept her gaze glued to their hands during her whisper. “I told you this from the start but you wouldn’t believe anything could go wrong. Marriage is for keeps, Aaron, till death. And the media will hound me when this is done.”
“I’ll revert back to my bachelor ways if that’s what you’re worried about.” He tasted bile as his stomach churned and her hands twitched. “No one will blame you.”
She stared at him hard, dragged her hands away as if burned and moved back. “Think that’s all it will take? Like that’s going to protect me? You’re a Gilyard! I’ll be trashed!”
“I’m sorry.”
The twist of her face looked like she would either hit him or cry.
“There’s nothing wrong with our situation.”
“Tell my mother the truth.”
“Do you really think she can take the truth of what you’re doing for her?” As he watched, Ashley’s arm muscles roped and her fingers curl into fists. He saw her as a mother, fighting for her children. Wanted them to be his children.
“How did I let this come between me and my family? I’m only doing this to keep you from spreading rumors.”
“I like how you overlook Sandra’s public dismissal and subsequent federal investigation.” Maybe he should have bitten back those words. It would have spared the hurt on her face. “That wouldn’t be because of me,” he was quick to remind. “We need to keep this in Revealing or I’d have no control over it. It’s not just her. Think of the rippling effect on both of our families, your brother, your father, Val.”
“Our marriage,” she said slowly, “is purely for their wellbeing. Right? That’s what we agreed.”
That’s what they agreed, but that was no longer the deal.
This time he reached for her hips and she stumbled closer. “I’m in your debt.” Again her gaze found an insignificant spot between them to lock onto. Keeping his arms from drawing her closer, he enjoyed her nearness and brooding fire. “I understand the price is high, but I won’t let the publicity hurt you.”
“You don’t know what hurt me.”
Hurt? Not hurts? Like he’d done something already. She’d done damage to his world too. “Some things are worth it.”
Her eyelids fluttered closed for only a second and she heaved out a breath. “Yeah. But with my family knowing, how am I supposed to get rid of you when all this is over?”
He brusquely shoved her back a step and stood up. “Who says you’ll want to?” he sneered. He turned to sit behind his desk. Maybe he read guilt in her eyes, but she never said the words. Aaron picked up his pen and wove it between his fingers with ten seconds of silence thundering in his ears.
The door slammed. When he looked up she was gone and he hurled the pen across the room. He should call the whole thing off, have a visit with Pastor Connor and explain that counseling made them realize they were ill suited.
Aaron jumped out of the chair, and with an almost terrified glance at that bookcase, stormed out of his office. His abandoned Bible, his grandfather’s worn out Bible hiding amidst those shelves terrified him. Everything crowded him. All his thoughts stampeded to the front of his brain to mix with anger, and hurt, and the chilly sensation of being trapped.
Curious. They had nothing to do with Ashley.
He wanted to rage at God. Yell at Him. Tell Him He shouldn’t have taken his grandfather. Granddad had been somebody he would have turn to for advice at a time like this. Feel his heavy hand patting his head or his shoulder. Granddad Henry had been ripped from him. The way Aaron lived his life now was God’s fault.
All his fault! It was the reason his stable foundation had been shaken.
Why Ashley didn’t want to get close to him.
Disgust at his thoughts slammed into him. Aaron stalked toward the front door, punching numbers into his phone. He’d see the pastor all right, he couldn’t compromise this situation, and what he needed couldn’t be gotten through conventional means. Fishing out his keys, he wrenched open the front door and made the whole house hear him slam it closed behind him.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Ashley shifted in the hot-seat, wanting to erase the scorch of her mother’s unspoken hurt. Question hid behind a smile. “You never mentioned anything about a man in your phone calls,” Mother stated.
Ashley allowed her and Val to precede her into the lounge to escape the Wednesday heat. What could she say? Her mother, happy as she appeared otherwise, periodically showed confused offense of being informed by an outside party.
“I wouldn’t have known at all if Mrs. Gilyard hadn’t phoned to confirm flight arrangements. Your father is upset, to say the least.”
“I don’t know what to say, Mom.” She’d stopped knowing after the umpteenth scolding.
Mother nodded. “We’re all knocked out of our socks and happy for you though. My baby.” This time the deep stare welled with tears.
Mom stopped midstride. Her long, strong hug felt unbelievably good. It wasn’t an ideal way to find out, but her parents said they liked the Gilyards. Her mother assumed she was either ashamed, or had planned to show up at their door and say, “Surprise!” with new husband in tow. She’d proceeded to scold Ashley for the childish idea that had been totally her imagination.
Afterward, Mom’s eyebrows had quirked at her tickled smile. Sometimes it felt good to be treated like a child. She wanted to hide in her mother’s arms, the arms of someone who loved her regardless of who she was and what she did.
But right now she breathed in soap and honeysuckle. Mommy, I’m in a bad state. After Michael eloped with a woman thirteen years his senior, and Peter’s questionable occupations sprinkled acr
oss every continent, she had no illusions her parents wanted better for her. With her father’s arrival tomorrow and the rest of the family after that, Ashley’s mind lingered in this private moment with her mother before the big merger.
“I was surprised Ashley hadn’t already informed you,” Valerie added, bringing her mother back to the easy conversation they’d slipped into nearly an hour ago. “I wondered why you weren’t here earlier.”
“I’m very thankful that you did, Mrs.—”
“Val, Val.”
“Thank you. And it’s Sandra for you....”
Ashley rolled her eyes at the nearest wall as she took a seat. The two older women had jumped into conversation like they were old friends, forgetting they hadn’t been introduced and leaving no opportunity for it to happen.
They’d fleeted over the fact that one was the founding lady of the Revealing conglomeration, and the other an executive in that organization for near twenty years. Here, have some tea. The merging of our families will render strong alliances and save the kingdom.
Ashley didn’t mind, only wished they’d stop talking about how she’d failed to invite her own family to her wedding.
“At the end of the week you’ll be a married woman.” Mom’s sigh took on a sing-song quality. “I always knew you would find a good man.”
Aaron arrived in time to hear his compliment. Wearing jeans and a wrinkled dress shirt, his large frame commanded the room. He seemed to assess the situation with those striking eyes. He said he’d give them enough time for a reunion, but where did that mean he’d been for the past couple of hours? Ashley drank in the sanguine attitude he brought with him, the open radiance of his face.
“Hope I’m not intruding.”
With a big smile, he scmoozled Valerie’s cheek first then approached Ashley with all the confidence of a forgiven man. Did he forget their argument from two nights ago? She remained seated, but instinctively interlocked fingers with his as he planted a firm kiss on her lips.