“Give me a break, will you? Unlike you, I don’t need to be with someone. I am comfortable and happy without being in a relationship. You said it yourself about how much of a headache one can be.”
“And unlike you, Trevor, I’m just getting out of a relationship. You haven’t seen anyone steady in over two years and we’re not going to include that dummy with a dick you call Reggie. Are you sure you haven’t dried up? I just don’t want to see you forty years from now living like a hermit with a house full of cats.”
“Very funny. Marcus, when I’m ready, you’ll be the first to know. But for now, I’m just enjoying my freedom.”
“I can respect that. But you’re not gonna sit there and tell me you don’t want to be with that man. C‘mon be honest.”
“Fine. It’s true. I do find him extremely sexy and I do wonder what it would be like to go to bed with him, but he wants to get serious. I don’t want to just lay with him and break his heart, if I’m truly not ready.”
“Would you quit sounding like a soap queen? All this drama is giving me an aneurysm.
Why don’t you just enjoy the moment? No one’s gonna blame you if you’re not ready to get involved with him seriously. I mean for god sakes, you’ve been through enough.
Life is too short to let yourself get worked up over something that may or may not happen. Sometimes I wonder about you. Trevor, you’re a very intelligent black man, but I swear you can ruin a good thing by thinking too much.”
I grew quiet. I guess Marcus was right. I’m worrying over absolutely nothing. So what if Arnold wants to get serious? I don’t. And right now, that’s all that matters. I need to just relax.
“Now don’t let this get to your already big head, but maybe you’re right. I do need to just ease up and enjoy the time and whatever happens, will just happen.”
“First of all I know I’m right. When people start to realize that, the better off they’ll be.”
“I didn’t say all that. You just happen to be right about this particular situation. But like I said I’m gonna ease up and relax and hey who knows, Arnold could be the one.”
The phone rings and I make my way over to the video equipment Marcus keeps in the living room.
“Let me see who this is. You know your way around the system, go on ahead and make a copy of the tape.”
I looked at the setup Marcus had of his video equipment. There were two 21” televisions, three video recorders, two video cameras, a splicing machine and hundreds of tapes.
After many years of hard work and sweat Marcus is finally doing what he has always dreamed of doing since he was in high school: producing. After graduating with his Masters in Communication, Marcus found it extremely difficult to break into producing. He realized what many black people already live with, no matter how much education or experience you may have, this is a white man’s world. No matter how hard you try, or how high you may get in life, “the man” will always make you realize that you really are in his world.
But even after being slapped down a few times, Marcus never gave up. And because of that he was hired as the only black television news producer for a major station.
As I finish making a quick copy of the tape I brought with me, Marcus hangs up the phone.
“Well, speak of the devil.” Marcus says. “You see, we spoke Isaac’s ass right on up.” “So, what did he want?”
“He wanted to know what was going on with him and I. I told him that I was tired of his shit and I was starting to see someone else.” “Damn, that was cold.”
“Cold? Shit, he’s lucky that’s all I told him. And of course, now that he knows someone else is getting his stuff, he started to get all emotional. He asked me what he did wrong and ifwe could start all over. I was like, boy, please! What do you mean, what did you do wrong? You know damn well what you did wrong. Don’t play stupid with me. Then he started apologizing and carrying on. I told him to save the drama for his mamma, cause I didn’t want to hear it.”
“Well, alright. So, what are you going to do?”
“Do? I ain’t doing shit. Like I told you, I’m just going to enjoy the time I spend with Mike and if it doesn’t work out, c’est la vie. I ain’t sweatin’ it. Life is too short and I’m too beautiful to let any black man give me wrinkles from stress.”
“Well, you go, Oprah!” I say laughing.
“Alright, now that I’m off my soap box, what are we going to do now? You wanna go out tonight or something?”
“I can’t tonight. I’ve got a lot of shit to do.”
“Okay then. But you know what would be nice? A double date.” “I don’t think so”
“Why?”
“Marcus, you know I love you like I love my luggage, but you know how your ass gets. You seem to forget the outside world exists when you’re with a man.”
“Aw c’mon, it’ll be fun this time. I promise.”
“Okay, fine. Just call me later and we’ll coordinate something. Listen, thanks for letting me copy this tape. I need to be gettin’ on home. Please behave yourself.”
“Baby, you know I’m always good when I’m bad.”
“Whatever, you tramp.”
“That’s alright. Like mamma always says, ‘Baby, whatever you’re gonna be, be the best at it’ so if it’s a tramp that I am, then I’m a damn good one.”
They both muttered their greetings. As uncomfortable as the situation looked, I was extremely calmed. I sat on the sofa as the both of them stood there looking as if they were on a different planet.
“Well, what did I do to be honored by this unexpected, uninvited, unwelcomed visit from the both of you?” I said smiling.
The both of them tried to speak at once. Arnold being more aggressive piped up, “Trevor, I’m sorry that I just popped up like this. But, I’ve been trying to reach you all day. I had the day off and I thought we could go to the zoo or something,” Arnold said, still looking a little uneasy.
“Okay, no problem. And Reggie, I thought we already settled our little problem. The last thing I remember, you said I didn’t have any sense.”
Reggie looked at me and then at Arnold then back at me. “T, could we take this outside?”
I rolled my eyes and exhaled heavily. “Fine, but you’ve got two minutes. Don’t forget what happened last time.” I got up from the sofa and walked past Arnold. I looked up at him and gave him a very big smile. “Arnold, I’ll just be a minute.”
I walked past Reggie and opened the door for him to step outside. He started to walk down the steps towards the parking lot. I followed him and when I reached the bottom step I stopped.
“So, what is it Reggie? I don’t have all day.” I said feeling exasperated. “Who the fuck was that? Your new nigger?”
I looked at Reggie with my eyebrows furrowed. I started to speak very slowly. “That’s none or your business. I thought I made it quite clear to you last time that I didn’t want to see you anymore. Do you need another reminder? Because this time I don’t plan on threatening.”
“I know I done pissed you off last time. I thought if I gave you some space, you feel betta. And I came by to say I was sorry.”
“Yes, you are sorry Reggie. But that doesn’t change anything. Look I’m gonna say this for the last time… “
But before I could finish my statement, Reggie interrupts me.
“I know I fucked up. But, I’ve been thinking about you a lot and I don’t want to lose you, man. I mean shit, I don’t know. I guess I’m starting to have some feelings for you.”
You could’ve hit my head over with a mallet and that still would not have been enough to take me out of my shock.
“What? You’re kidding, right?” I said.
“Yeah, man. I know all we’ve done is mess around. But, I just can’t get you out of my mind.”
Then I started to laugh. It started out as just a small snicker, but then I couldn’t stop. “What the fuck’s so funny?” Reggie asked, looking as if he could literally bite my head off.
“So, what do you think. Do you think we could hook up?”
“Let’s get real, Reggie. Can you seriously and honestly tell me that you could be totally committed and devoted to a man, let alone me? Besides I know your ass is still fucking that girl.”
Reggie just stood there with his head bent not saying a word.
“You see what I mean? You’re not ready, Reggie. Even if you were, I’m not the one you want to be with. I expect entirely too much and you’ve already proven to me that you can’t handle it.”
“It’s because of that guy up there, isn’t it?”
“You’re not listening to me. Arnold has nothing to do with it. This is about you. But if that’s what gets you through the night, then fine, think what you like.”
For the next five minutes we just stood there looking at the ground, when finally Reggie looks at me.
“Well, I guess I better go, huh?” He says. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“Well, can I at least call you?”
“Why? We really don’t have much to talk about. I know why you want to call. But, like I told you last time, I don’t want that from you anymore. I need more from a relationship than just a roll in the hay.”
“Have you fucked him yet?”
“You see what I mean? You fuck it up every time. We can’t even be friends Reggie. You just don’t know how to talk to me. Frankly, it’s none of your damned business who I do and don’t fuck. So why don’t you just get in your car and leave me the fuck alone?”
I started back upstairs when Reggie grabs my arm. I quickly turned around and looked him in the eye.
“You must have lost your goddamned mind. I advise you right now to take your hand off me, before I feed it to you up your fucking ass.”
Reggie throws up his hands in disgust. “I don’t fucking get you Trevor. You sit here and tell me that you want more than just a fuck and here I am offering it to you and now you shoot me down. You’re worst than a fucking bitch.”
I don’t know what came over me, but soon after Reggie opened his mouth, my right hand balled into a fist and connected with his chin. Reggie’s neck snapped back as his whole body crashed against his car. He slowly slid down to the ground, holding his chin as he looked up at me with disbelief in his eyes.
As the blood from his lip trickled down, Reggie got up cautiously. There was fire in my eyes as I held my hand from the pain.
“This is the last time I want to see you and I mean it. Cause if you ever fuck with me again I’ll make certain that your ass will be grass and I’ll be the lawn mower.”
I turned back away from Reggie and walked up the stairs. I look up towards my door and Arnold was standing in the doorway. As I get to the door I walk past Arnold to go into the kitchen.
I snatched open the freezer door and pulled out an ice tray.
“Do you wanna tell me what that was all about?” Arnold ask as he leans on the counter. “Not really. But, I guess I do owe you that much.” I reply after putting the ice in a plastic bag and stand there holding it on my fist.
I briefly gave Arnold an explanation of what had just happened. The look of anxiety slowly eased up off his face as I finished telling the story.
“I just want to assure you that this type of thing doesn’t normally happened. I really am not a violent person, but Reggie always bring out the ugly in me.”
“Well, I definitely don’t want to get on your ugly side,” Arnold says laughing.
For the next two minutes we both stood there looking at each other. Arnold was giving me a look from which I knew he wanted to kiss me.
“Come here,” Arnold said motioning for me. As I started towards him, the phone rings.
“Hold that thought,” I said reaching for the phone.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Trevor? This is Minna Townsend.”
“What’s up, Minna? Did Matthew come by to pick you up?” “Yes. Do you have the video tape we looked at earlier?”
Something in Minna’s voice told me something was wrong. “Yeah, why?”
“Could you meet me and bring it with you?” “What’s going on? Why do you need the tape?”
“Trevor, you were absolutely right about Richard, but Matthew’s in on it too!” Minna screamed over the phone quickly.
Before I could even comment, the phone was snatched from Minna’s hand and Richard’s coarse voice resonated through the phone.
“Well hello, Trevor. It seems as if you couldn’t leave things alone, could you?”
“Richard, what the fuck are you doing with Minna? She doesn’t have anything to do with this.”
“On the contrary Trevor, she has just about everything to do with this. I want the tapes and those letters and I want them now. Or your pretty little black bitch will end up like, I don’t know, say Mitchell and Raymond? You wouldn’t want to have three deaths on your conscience, now, do you?”
I stood in the kitchen quietly with the phone next to my ear.
“Trevor, this isn’t a gam e show. You don’t have any choices in this. Bring the letter and the tape to 445 Treeline Road 2:00 a.m. and Minna will live to see tomorrow. Then again, after the knock to both of her eyes, she may not be able to see for a couple of days. But hey, it could be worse. Believe me, it could be worse.”
“Alright, Richard, as long as you don’t do anything else to her, we have a deal.”
“What fuckin’ deal, Trevor? You don’t have a choice. You bring the shit or the bitch will be eating lead. And, please, for your sake, don’t try bringing the police. What am I saying, you wouldn’t be that stupid, would you?. You don’t know who to trust. Do you wanna say hello to Matthew?” he laughs.
At that the phone goes dead.
My mind was in a whirl. I had to do something and I had to do it quick. I hung up the phone and was ready to bolt out the door when I looked up and Arnold was still standing in the kitchen looking at me.
“Aw, shit,” I said. “Arnold, I’m sorry, but I.. “
“Trevor, what’s going on with you? First, some guy’s waiting for you and then next thing I know you knock the shit out of him and now this phone call. I think you need to tell me something.”
“Wait a minute. When did you become my warden? This is a situation that you do not need to concern yourself with. I need to handle it. Right now, I don’t have the time to discuss it.”
“Well, I don’t like all this cloak and dagger shit.”
“I don’t remember me asking you to like it, Arnold. If you give me time, I’ll let you in on everything.”
“I don’t know if I can deal with all of this.” “What does that mean?”
“I don’t know. I need to do some thinking.” “Fine, whatever works for you, Arnold.” “That’s all you have to say?”
“What do you want me to say? Here I am dealing with something extremely important and all you cando is stand there and say to me that you can’t deal with it. I never asked you to deal with it.”
“Well, if this is your life, it’s more than I want to get involved in.”
“Look, I never said this was my life. But, I’m not going try and convince you of it. Now, like I said, I have somethings to do, so unless you have something else to say, I’d like for you to leave.”
Arnold looks at me intently. He throws his arms up and quickly turns to leave. Before he grabs the door knob, he turns around.
“Trevor, I really like you, but you need to open up and try to let me in.”
I exhaled heavily. “Arnold, I said I was sorry. But I can’t get you involved in this right now.”
“Okay, can I call you tomorrow?”
“Yeah, that’s fine. But you better make it late in the afternoon.” “Well, can I at least get a hug before I go?”
I slowly walk to the front door and faced Arnold. He placed his arms around my lower
back to draw me close. ‘‘I’m sorry I was trippin’, baby. I just don’t want to lose you before I can get to know you.”
“You won’t,.” I whisper. “But, you’ve got to realize that I have other things going on that at this moment take priority.”
Arnold lowered his head to place his lips on mine. The kiss began as a slow one. Then his tongue gradually made it’s way into my mouth playing gently around with the skill of a surgeon. After we finally came up for air, Arnold looks at me and smiles.
As soon as Arn old left. I ran up the stairs to grab the box of letters lying under my bed.
It was already after ten thirty, which meant I didn’t have a lot of time to figure what I was going to do. What was I going to do? I stood there my mind running a mile a minute. I knew for sure that Richard wasn’t going to just let Minna go even after I gave him what he wanted. Lord knows he wasn’t going to let me walk away either.
Not knowing what to do was driving me up the wall. I fought the urge to get a drink, though the nagging feeling was just about unbearable. After placing Honey on the bed and grabbed my stash of bullets, I picked up the phone to call John.
As I wait on the line for him to pick up, I wondered if I could trust John. At this moment I really didn’t have much of a choice.
“Hello?” John answered groggily. “John, this is Trevor. Did I wake you?” “Yeah, but it’s ok. What’s up?”
“Well, I hope you’re awake, cause I’ve got some shit to tell you.”
Chapter Thirteen
I quickly try to fill John in on the details.
“Wait a minute.” John said. “Could you please slow it to a slow walk. I am just waking up.”
I sat on the edge of the bed with the cordless phone to my ear. I inhale slowly.
“As I said, I have a video tape with Richard Langston and Mitchell making love. Towards the end of the tape Richard and Mitchell were talking about the bust and all the evidence that they took. And because Mitchell was going to confess, I have no doubt that Richard killed him. After Minna and I were leaving our office building the other day, a black van nearly mowed her down. We didn’t call the police right away because I didn’t know who to trust and my instincts were right, it seems Matthew’s involved in all of this.”
The Loss of Love and Truth Page 19