by Grace, Aria
If this is actually happening, then I’m going to take full advantage of it. “Fine then, I’ll stay with you. For now. Until I’m healed. Then I’m heading back home. Got it?” I tilt my head slowly to one side and look at him critically.
Despite my immovable frown, I feel a deep satisfaction from saying those words. It’ll be at least eight weeks until I’m fully healed which means two months of spending time with Marius.
And just as quickly as I have it, I silently chastise myself for that thought. Why the hell do I have to be attracted to someone as arrogant, naive, and clearly overburdened as him?
Oh, right. It’s my cycle of relationship sabotage.
Awesome.
6
Marius
I might have made a mistake.
That realization begins to sink in as soon as I’m wheeling Rubin out of the hospital to the car where Wells is waiting for us. At least the wheelchair keeps me from having to face him directly just yet.
After yesterday’s meltdown, I knew I needed to do something about this whole Rubin situation. I had intended to go in there, give him the flowers, and leave my card so he could call me if he needed anything. That should have satisfied the burning ache in the pit of my stomach.
But the moment I laid eyes on him, I knew that wouldn’t even come close to being enough.
Still, taking him back to my home might be going a little overboard.
Rubin stubbornly refuses any help as he makes the transition from the wheelchair to the car. He’s still on the really powerful drugs from the hospital, so I’m sure he’s not feeling the full extent of his injuries at the moment.
Worried he might collapse, I hold out a hand just in case he needs it.
He doesn’t.
As soon as he’s settled in the backseat, I take a deep breath before sliding in on the other side.
Every passing moment increases the tension in the air around us. Given Rubin’s demeanor though, I’m starting to wonder if I’m the only one who’s feeling it.
He keeps his eyes turned away from me, watching the buildings go by as Wells drives us back to my home.
I’m going to be late getting to work this morning, but Jackie was able to rearrange my schedule for me. Again.
That shouldn’t be anywhere near as much trouble as it was yesterday, but I make a mental note to look into giving her a raise. The mayor’s office would grind to a complete halt if it wasn’t for her.
“How did you sleep last night?” The question sounds invasive and clumsy on my tongue, but the quiet is overwhelming.
“Fine.” Rubin doesn’t bother looking at me, and he doesn’t bother expounding on his answer either.
“I’m glad you decided to take me up on my offer,” I try again, hoping to figure out a way to get through to him. I’m not really sure why his silence is bothering me so much. I’m used to dealing with all sorts of people, and I’ve never really felt the need to fill the silence as much as I do right now.
“It was either that or suffer,” Rubin says, rolling his eyes toward me at last. He looks annoyed. “I didn’t really have much of a choice, did I?”
“Are you mad at me for some reason?” I’m baffled by the hostility I sense rolling off him. As far as I’m aware, everything I’ve done since we’ve met has been to his benefit.
He shakes his head slowly. “No, I’m just...pissed off this is even happening,” he says after a minute. “Nothing ever ends well for me. Every job I’ve ever had, every relationship I’ve ever been in, they’ve all crashed and burned. And it always happens right when I’m starting to settle in. I liked my job at the bar. I was good at it. I liked my coworkers. Then I get myself beaten up, and I lose my job. And if that’s not enough, I wind up in the hospital, and now I’m being...I dunno, domesticated by some rich dude who thinks he has the right to meddle in my life.”
My jaw goes slack, and my thoughts are racing to catch up with everything Rubin just unloaded on me. I glance toward the rearview mirror, hoping I can glean some sort of advice from Wells, but his attention is firmly on the road ahead. I’m alone here, and I have absolutely no idea what it is I’m supposed to say.
“I...I’m sorry,” I manage at last. “It was never my intention to meddle. I just...after what happened in the alley I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I felt bad about the way things ended that night.”
“You mean with you just walking off and leaving me there without even telling me your name?” Rubin crosses his arms over his chest defiantly.
Ouch. “Yes, that. I can’t explain why, I don’t really understand it. It’s just...” I look away and try to focus on the scenery as we leave the city behind. “I feel like I need to look after you. There’s something inside me telling me that if something bad happens to you, I’m going to lose something irreplaceable.” The window fogs up beneath my breath as I exhale slowly and try to calm the hammering of my heart.
Rubin is silent for a long time, and I’m worried that he thinks I’m crazy. When I look back at him, however, his expression has changed. He seems thoughtful now, like something I said has soothed the anger he was feeling.
That makes me happy.
“I’m not trying to domesticate you,” I continue as I hesitantly meet his eyes. “I just want to make sure you’re able to heal in a safe environment. After that, you’re free to do whatever you’d like.” My belly is filled with butterflies, all flapping around and trying to get free.
“What if I decide I want to stay?” Rubin asks as a smile forms on his lips.
What? My throat is dry, and I’m not immediately sure how to respond. I open my mouth several times to try and figure out the right answer, but I honestly don’t know what it is.
“I don’t think I’d hate that...” I shrug, returning his small smile.
Judging by the look on Rubin’s face, I think I answered correctly. Seeing him relieved makes my heart feel light, but my thoughts are in turmoil. I don’t understand what’s happening here, and my brain is desperately trying to rationalize my actions.
From what I’ve seen so far, Rubin is a decent guy. He’s clearly down on his luck, so letting him stay with me as a housemate isn’t a terrible idea. I could help him get back on his feet and pursue a career.
We could be great friends.
Yes, friends.
That’s it.
That’s the word I’ve been looking for to describe the relationship building between us. It’s been a long time since I’ve gone out of my way to make a new friend. I’d forgotten about the terror of rejection when you put yourself out there for the first time.
A tiny wave of relief soothes the rough edges in my mood. I had nearly confused a fledgling friendship for something more...intimate than that.
But that could never be the case. Not when I’ve never been the least bit attracted to an omega before. No, this is a friendship and nothing more.
Still, as I look sidelong at Rubin, I can’t help but wonder if there’s more to it than that.
Rubin gasps as the car turns down the long driveway leading to my house. Leaning forward, he peers around the seat in front of him so he can take in the view as we approach.
Seeing the wonder in his eyes puts another smile on my face. I’ve never really been one to actively show off, but I like the idea of impressing Rubin. It satisfies something deep inside me.
When the car finally pulls to a stop, Rubin climbs out of the car without a second’s hesitation. He stands and stares up at the house and then turns around to take in the landscaping. The gardener, Paul, is hard at work. He’s trimming the hedges with an intense look on his face, but he stops for a moment to wave hello to Rubin.
“You didn’t tell me your house was this big,” Rubin whispers when I finally reach his side.
“I did say I have extra room and staff.” I chuckle at his reaction. It’s clear he’s never seen a house this big in person before. “Besides, mine is a little on the small side compared to the other estates in the are
a.”
Rubin scoffs, and I’m almost certain he thinks I’m bluffing.
“Is this the guest we’re expecting?” Molly, my housekeeper, asks as she exits the house and walks down the front steps to meet us. She’s an older woman with graying hair and generous laugh lines around her eyes. She had been the housekeeper for the previous owners of the estate and one of the conditions for its purchase was that I keep her position.
“Indeed, it is, Molly.” I grin and gesture toward Rubin. “This is my new friend, Rubin. He’ll be convalescing with us for the time being.”
“It’s wonderful to meet you, Rubin.” Molly takes both of his hands in her own. She’s shorter than him by a few inches, but she looks up at him with warmth in her eyes. “I’ve already gotten the southern bedroom made up for you. There are fresh sheets and a change of clothes waiting for you. I didn’t know your exact sizes, only what Mr. Lang was able to recover from the clothing you had at the hospital. So if anything doesn’t fit right, just let me know and I can alter or replace it.”
Rubin is a little too stunned to reply immediately. He blinks several times and looks from me to Molly and back again.
The familiar chime of my phone reminds me I left it inside the car. It’s probably Jackie trying to find out how much longer she needs to hold off my obligations at the office.
“I’m sorry to leave so abruptly, but I’ve got to get back to city hall,” I tell Rubin as I head back toward the car. “Molly will help you with whatever you need. Make yourself at home, and I’ll be back as soon as possible.”
“Wait, you’re leaving?” Rubin asks, catching hold of my shirt sleeve and tugging me to a stop. “Do you really have to go?”
A shiver runs down my spine when I meet his eyes. He looks...scared, confused, and something else. Something I don’t think I’ve ever seen when looking into an omega’s eyes before.
Need.
He needs something. Something only I can give him. Something...physical.
My balls twitch in response.
Warning bells sound in my head, and the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. This is not happening. Not now, not ever.
“Y-yes, I’m afraid I do.” I clear my throat and force myself to take a step back. “A mayor’s work is never done, especially in a city as large as this one.”
Molly immediately takes over. “You’ve got nothing to worry about, my dear.” She reaches for Rubin, laying a comforting hand on his shoulder. “We’ll get you settled in comfortably, and Hanson will make you something to eat. There’s nothing at all to fear.”
Rubin relaxes slightly at Molly’s words and nods. I still see the reluctance in his eyes, but he doesn’t resist as Molly guides him back toward the porch steps.
With a deep breath, I swiftly climb into the car. As soon as the door is closed behind me, I release an audible sigh of relief.
“Is everything alright, sir?” Wells asks from the front seat.
“Yes, everything’s fine.” I nod despite the fact that I’m still on edge. “Let’s get to the office as quickly as possible. I’m sure Jackie will appreciate if I actually put in an appearance today.”
7
Rubin
Watching him leave hurts worse than I was expecting. As does the realization that this is the third time he’s walked away without me.
Does he not feel the same thing I feel?
For the entire drive from the hospital to the house, my certainty was increasing. The attraction I feel toward Marius, the ache in my gut, the need to be near him… He must be feeling it as well. After what he said about taking care of me, there was no doubt left in my mind that the pull is mutual. But then why did he look so terrified when I grabbed his sleeve?
I try to shove those thoughts away so I can focus on what Molly is telling me, but it’s proving difficult. I only catch a little bit of her explanation about the history of the house as she leads me through the various hallways and corridors.
There are only five bedrooms, but there’s also a library, a sitting room, a few offices, both formal and casual dining rooms, as well as a few other extraneous rooms that inflate the overall square footage of the house significantly. I’m guessing if you filled each room with bunkbeds, you’d be able to sleep everyone from Omega House and then some.
The bedroom Molly leads me to is easily five times the size of the room I have back at Omega House. I’m one of the lucky few with only one roommate, but that’s only because the slope of the roof makes it impossible to fit a bunkbed in there. So the room I’m used to sleeping in is rather cramped.
This room is massive, and it’s dominated by an equally large bed topped by a down comforter and headed with a veritable mountain of pillows. I’ve never seen anything that looks more comfortable in my entire life.
“There’s a dresser over there.” Molly inclines her head toward the dresser. “And the closet is to the left. The door to your private bathroom is through there. You’ve got a dressing table over here, and there are extra blankets in the chest at the foot of the bed.”
My eyes bulge in awe as I take in my surroundings. Everything is light and airy and luxurious. I’m more than a little overwhelmed by it all.
“If you’d like to get changed, fresh clothes are in the dresser. I’m afraid there’s not much in there at the moment since I wasn’t given much time to prepare for your arrival.” Molly folds her hands apologetically. “But I’ll be going out to do some shopping once I determine how well everything fits you.”
“You don’t have to do that,” I protest as I turn to look at her. “I appreciate everything you’ve done, I really do, but all I need is to get my clothes from Omega House. I don’t need new clothing.”
Molly frowns and looks at me pointedly. “Do any of the things you have there have sentimental value?”
I tug at the hem of the shirt I’m wearing. The idea of clothing having sentimental value is new to me. Everything I own is a hand-me-down. “No, I guess not,” I say after a moment of contemplation.
“Then there’s no reason to hold on to them,” Molly says with a nod.
“But isn’t it wasteful to buy more clothes when I’ve already got stuff that mostly fits me?” I’ve never had new clothes in my life, and the idea of it is strangely unnerving to me.
“Clothing shouldn’t ‘mostly’ fit. If it only ‘mostly’ fits, then it doesn’t fit at all.” Molly lays her hands on my shoulders and looks me in the eye. “Why don’t you tell me what the problem actually is?”
“I just...” I look away from her, a little baffled by the question. For several seconds, I’m not sure how to answer. “I feel like it’s a waste. Wearing new clothes isn’t going to change who I am underneath.”
“Have you ever heard the saying the clothes make the man?”
“I think I’ve heard it before.” I cock an eyebrow, curious as to where she’s going with this.
“There are other sayings that are similar. ‘Dress for the job you want,’ ‘Fake it till you make it,’ and so on. They all mean the same thing though.” She moves past me and approaches the dresser. “What you wear, how you appear, and how you act are all within your ability to control. People can only judge you by what they see. They don’t know anything beyond that. You might feel like you don’t deserve new clothing, but if you wear them, and wear them with confidence, then other people are only going to see a smartly dressed man.”
She pulls out a new set of clothes from one of the drawers and carries it toward me. “No one else needs to know about your insecurities. They can’t see them unless you make them obvious.” Molly returns to my side and looks up at me. “Wearing baggy shirts that are clearly too big for you, layered with bulky sweaters, tells me you’re insecure about your weight. You’re trying to hide your body from everyone else so they can’t see.”
“Is that so bad?” I ask her as she shoves the clean clothes into my arms.
“No, it’s not bad to be insecure. Everyone is from time to time. But, if you w
ear clothes that fit you, I think you’ll find your body doesn’t look as bad as you think it does.” Her smile is warm and motherly, making her words feel even more sincere. “I can’t promise these will fit you the right way, but they’ll give me a good starting point to figure out your real size. Later on, if you’d like, I’ll bring down my tape measure so we can get a more accurate measurement.”
I bite my lip as I stare uncertainly at the pile of clothes in my arms. How can she read me so well when she just met me? I’ve always been an extrovert. I like making friends, talking to people, and socializing. And I’ve never really put a lot of thought into my clothing before. They’ve always been something to cover up my skin and keep me from being naked. Have I really been projecting my insecurities to everyone I come across?
Maybe I have.
I sway a bit on my feet, and even the small action makes me wince. I think the drugs are starting to wear off, and I’d rather not be up and about when they do.
“Let’s get you into bed,” Molly says, gently taking the clothes from me. “We can worry about all that later.” She expertly ushers me across the room and bundles me into bed. “There you go. Just take it easy. I’ll be running to the pharmacy shortly to pick up your prescriptions. Until then, do you need me to get you anything? Are you hungry?”
“No, thanks.” I shake my head slowly, trying to focus. “I think I just need some sleep for now.”
“That’s fine then.” Molly tucks the blankets around me a little more closely. “I’ll check in on you when I get back. Rest well.”
I half expect her to kiss my forehead before she turns and leaves the room. Of course she doesn’t, and I’m almost disappointed by that.
My eyes drift closed as she makes her exit without another word.
Loneliness sets in almost instantly, quickly followed by boredom. This is going to be a rough six to eight weeks.