His hands cup my face, and our eyes meet. I don’t breathe as he runs his palms down my neck and my arms until he holds my hands, his eyes never leaving mine.
“You’re fucking beautiful.” And when he says it, I want to believe it.
No, I do believe it.
Today, I’m just a girl who was kissed by the most handsome man in the land.
“You’re fun and smart too,” he says with a throaty voice.
He places a hand on the back of my neck, peering down at me. His eyes search mine. They shine and brighten more as he smiles.
He licks his lips. I can feel them approaching my own. My head screams he’s about to kiss me again. And my heart beats fast as he leans closer and closer.
My insides twist and I can’t think straight anymore. There’s a pull between us, or maybe it’s his strong palm pressing against my skin, closing the gap between us. When his lips brush against mine, I liquify into a puddle of want.
It’s different from our first kiss. This one is urgent. My heart feels like it’s about to burst. He devours me with his mouth and my skin aches for his touch. We don’t speak.
Our hands are busy undoing each other’s clothing while our mouths can’t seem to get enough to satiate our appetite for each other.
He stops kissing. I almost whimper missing his mouth already.
“Do you want this?” He asks and his face is pretty serious.
Leave. There’s a voice drowned out by all the alcohol I consumed tonight.
I’m not drunk, but sober enough to know what I’m doing but with enough buzz to let myself get lost in his arms.
How many times have I been with a caring man like Jason?
I push away the warning because today I’m taking what I deserve, what I want. Not in a million years will I allow myself to let my guard down. Today, I’m letting myself feel.
Instead of answering his question, I link my hands on the back of his neck and press myself against his bare, muscular chest. I grow bold and wild as our kiss becomes frantic. He slips his large hand between my legs, his rough fingers tracing my tender slit.
I can’t believe it. Tossing caution to the wind isn’t my MO. But here I am, letting a man who I just met a few weeks ago touch me in a way I’ve never been touch. Saying something I never thought I would, “Fuck me.”
Greediness slams against my chest. I want him.
As his fingers play along my clit, I shudder and he lifts me by the waist, setting me on top of the couch. He lowers his head to my breasts, his lips sucking gently at the tip of my hard nipple. I whimper as he pinches my other pearl with the same intensity. My tits grow painfully swollen as he continues the ministration.
This is all too much but also too good.
The buzz of the alcohol disappears, but the high on him increases as his fingers skim down my stomach and find my center.
“Yes,” I gasp.
He plunges two fingers inside my core.
“First, I’m going to make you come with my mouth,” he warns me with that joking tone I love.
Then he pulls his digits out giving room for his tongue. He licks me with one long stroke from my vulva to my entrance making me squirm. His thumb strokes my clit slowly as his other fingers make their way inside me.
I whimper one more time when instead of two, he dips in three fingers, stretching me wider. His thumb teases my clit.
He alternates between sucking my clit, plunging his fingers or pushing his tongue inside me. I moan, my eyes close as he continues devouring me with his mouth, hard and fast. Every nerve ending is tightened into a knot.
I’m desperate. Lust rushing through my veins like adrenaline. I can’t get enough and he’s not giving me enough. I want nothing more than to come, with him inside me.
When I open my eyes, I find his intense gaze on me. I can’t take everything at the same time. The frantic movement of his mouth and fingers along with those devouring eyes. Then suddenly, and without warning, I come undone.
It’s a blissful moment. Ripples go through every cell of my body as I travel up to the stars and back.
That’s when he stands, and I see him. Tall, chiseled like a Michelangelo, naked and my eyes can only focus on his erect manhood. It’s swollen, long and thick. Impressive. I want it inside me.
He rolls over a condom and steps in between my legs. The tip of his cock set right against my slit.
His eyes don’t leave mine as he pushes himself inside me, slowly. Thrusting every inch carefully as I adjust to his size. The connection between us is palpable. We can’t get enough of each other. Once he is all the way in, his mouth takes mine.
And this is happening. I’m letting go of any worries and allowing myself to just feel pleasure. I let the fire consume me. Burn me to the ground as our pace becomes frantic and urgent.
“More,” I beg. “Faster.”
I don’t want for this to end, yet, I want to reach the highest mountain and let myself burst into flames.
We both tense at the same time. He swears with a guttural voice.
I gasp for air, wanting more.
31
Eileen
One day until the wedding
I wake up at the crack of dawn to the sound of a television playing. It’s that time of spring when the sun’s already out, despite it being too early for decent human beings to be awake. The light is like a pick-ax against my brain.
I guess we went hard. It takes me a minute to sober up enough to get my bearings. I’m in a bedroom that isn’t mine. The other side of the bed is empty, but still warm. Shit, what did I do last night?
I vaguely remember doing karaoke with Jason. We were arguing about... disco? There was more arguing, and I said too much about how great he is—
“Fuck,” I say under my breath.
We kissed. We made out at Finley’s of all places. If this gets back to Dad, my parents will kill me.
“Shit, okay,” I tell myself. “It’s fine.”
Just have to deny, deny, and deny. Maybe I can get Jason to go along with that. It’s not like he actually wanted to have sex with me. We were drunk, caught up in the heat of the moment.
Not that drunk, you knew what you were doing. I remind myself.
That’s not the point. Let’s put the dots on the i’s and lines on the t’s.
He wouldn’t want me for more than a one-night stand. He’s a playboy. Even if he wanted to change who he is, he is way too sophisticated and charming to want to settle for me.
I take a few deep breaths. There’s an aspirin and water on the bedside table, thank fuck. I’m naked save for this old Rocky Horror Picture Show t-shirt that’s draped over my body like a dress.
Definitely went home with Jason.
Following the sound of the television, I find him sitting on the couch watching the news.
“Any high speed chases?” I say as I approach the couch.
He chuckles. “No, just reviewing some hearing the senate committee on health, education, labor, and pensions had yesterday.”
“Oh,” I say as I settle down next to him.
Without looking away from the screen, he hands me his coffee mug. I take a sip.
“This blend is so good. Where did you get it?” I mumble.
“Specially delivered from Seattle,” he informs me.
“That’s so wasteful,” I say.
“And yet, so delicious,” he adds.
I groan into the cup. “I would sell my soul for another cup of this.”
“Well, hang on,” Jason says as he gets up. “No need to sell your soul. I’ll make another cup. You can finish that one.”
I watch him as he goes to the kitchen—shirtless with disheveled hair and flannel pajama pants. Even his back muscles are corded. The need and craving stir inside my gut and my legs clench as the ache between them pulses.
Maybe he’d be up for another round if I beg?
Fuck, I would give anything for one more round with him. But it can’t happen. My parents wo
uld disown me. Charlie would have a conniption about how I’m “upstaging her wedding.”
Jason gives me a soft, familiar smile as he approaches the couch.
He’s also the first friend I’ve had in a long time who really gets me. Camilla loves me, but she indulges most of my hobbies. Jason gets me and appreciates what I’m into and who I am.
I don’t think I could handle losing that, or him.
Sipping the coffee he gave me, I take a shuddering breath. I could just ask.
Yeah, what a great idea, I think sarcastically.
How shall I start?
“Hey Jason, I know you’re completely out of my league, but what if we ran away together and never saw my family again?”
No, I can up that with a better line. “What if we moved to some tiny corner of New York, set up shop, and built a life together?”
He’d never go for something as crazy as that. Why would I even go out of state when I love this place so much? Because if I go there, no one would shatter my happiness. Not that he is it.
Still, I have to say something though. Friends don’t just wake up in each other’s beds wearing each other’s sleep clothing casually.
Jason, mercifully, starts talking about the committee hearing on TV. I throw some of my opinions at him, which isn’t hard. The hearing directly concerned resources for neurodivergent kids. That’s a topic I have personal stake as well as professional credentials to talk about it.
He has some aspirational ideals about the whole thing, but I appreciate his enthusiasm and energy. I didn’t realize how jaded and cynical I’ve grown with this industry that I used to care so much about.
I really needed that vacation and definitely a pay raise.
“So…” I say eventually, finally biting the bullet. “About last night—”
“Yeah. It was crazy, right?”
“A little,” I agree. “But I was wondering if you had any thoughts or opinions?”
“I don’t know. I think you had some points about the Second British Invasion,” he points out. “But I don’t know if I can agree with your opinions on disco.”
Normally I’d pick an argument about this discussion he’s waving in my face. But this is something we should talk about.
“No, I mean—how much do you remember about last night?”
“Uh, gotta be honest, not much,” he says, grimacing as he scratches the back of his neck.
“What’s the last thing you remember?”
“Arguing about music,” he says. “I vaguely remember karaoke, but not enough to tell you what we sang or what we did afterward.”
He doesn’t remember us sleeping together.
“Why?” Jason asks. “Do you remember something I don’t.”
This is my get out of jail free card. I’d be an idiot not to side step confronting us sleeping together.
I shrug, staring at my mug as I take another sip. “Nope, I was hoping you could fill in the blanks for me. I blacked out after the Irish car bombs.”
He snorts. “Sorry, dude. I know about as much as you do.”
We laugh together, like we always do. This time it doesn’t feel comforting.
It’s hollow and stiff. He’s lying, and I’m following right behind. The back of my eyes fill with moisture. Because fuck, I’m just one more woman who slept in Jason’s bed and gets to walk out without a thank you note.
That’s good, isn’t it. Hakuna Matata and all that shit. And we go back to watching the news, mumbling opinions on occasion.
This is a blessing I keep reminding myself. I wanted to deny everything, and now I can. I don’t even have to take Jason’s rejection. This is everything I wanted when I woke up this morning.
So why do I feel so shitty?
32
Eileen
The rehearsal dinner starts on time. The catering is good, our families are pleasant with each other. The speeches are short and surprisingly appropriate.
Great-Uncle Ernie doesn't try to steam the microphone at any point. Even Marek's dumbass friends keep themselves relatively sober.
Everything is right on schedule. Everything is going according to plan. Everything, except Jason. Other than when he gives his best man speech, I don't see him all night.
At one point, he texts me saying the kitchen almost ran out of our vegetarian option. Charlie's friends are so indecisive, I’m not surprised they pulled this. Then he added the question, should we order more vegetarian options for tomorrow?
The food doesn’t matter. What does is his stupid behavior.
He is avoiding me.
Not to sound paranoid, but in the entire time I've known Jason, he's never been an avid fan of social gatherings and would rather stick close to a single person if possible. Well, he’s not a fan of my family, and since most of his bailed, I can’t understand his absence.
I run into his brother’s girlfriend—who’s with said brother. Jack seems quiet and nice.
But if Jason isn’t with any of them, isn’t with Marek, isn’t with Jossie and her date, and isn’t anywhere on the dancefloor, where the fuck is he?
Why would he be avoiding this event he’s been so invested in?
Why has he up and disappeared right when everything’s falling into place?
The only thing that’s changed since yesterday when he was gung ho about being here and right now at the rehearsal dinner is me. I try to ignore his absence for a while, but it gets under my skin.
I don’t even want to be here anymore. Charlie’s whining every so often about how no one’s paying attention to her.
Maybe if I hide in the storage closet I saw by the kitchen until the night wraps up…
I sneak my way around the head of the table, making excuses to go to the restroom. It takes a few minutes to get past some of the crowd and a few obligatory chats. When I finally get there, I open the door so carefully, sliding into the darkness quietly. I think part of me is worried I’ll give away my potential hiding spot.
What really happens is I slide into the closet and bump into someone else who jabs me in the forehead with their elbow.
“Ow,” I say. “What the fuck?”
“Eileen?” Jason’s voice echoes slightly in the darkness.
“Yeah. Hi.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Hiding from everyone else,” I respond logically. “You?”
“Also hiding,” he offers casually.
Great, we’re back to pleasantries and nonsense. Wait, we never shared those. In the dark, I decide to confront him—again. A redo from this morning.
“From me,” I supply.
“That’s not—entirely true,” he defends himself.
I yelp. “I knew it! You’ve been weird ever since we got here.”
Actually, since I woke up in your bed, but let’s not bring that up—yet.
“What gives?”
“I perhaps, potentially, remember some things that happened last night,” he whispers.
“You lied earlier today,” I supply.
He mumbles some nonsense.
“Sorry, I can’t hear you,” I whisper shout.
“Well,” he clears his throat. “I just thought it would be better if I weren’t out there making things awkward.”
“Why don’t you just say it as it is,” I push him further. “You remember everything that happened last night!”
“Okay, guilty, I—wait a second, remember what?”
“Oh, you very well know—”
“As I recall,” he says, his voice getting louder and pitchy, “Someone said they knew about as much as I did, which was supposed to be nothing.”
I cross my arms, dumbfounded. “Well, to be fair, I was technically telling the truth.”
He groans. “I can’t believe you!”
“Me? Believe yourself! Why couldn’t we have talked this morning like fucking adults.”
There’s an awkward pause before he sighs. “You’re right. I know you’re right. I’m sorry.”
<
br /> I sigh in relief. Okay, I can work with this.
“It was just a drunken hookup after all,” he says, shattering my heart carelessly. “There’s no shame in that.”
I dust my chest, knowing that there’s nothing salvageable from the debris. It’s bound to happen. Naïve girl believes in a handsome, unusual, playboy asshole and he kicks you like a puppy.
But I have to save face.
“Of course not!” I say quickly. “Hooking up with a friend as a one-time thing? In this day and age? That’s so not a big deal.”
He does that fake laugh thing he always does around Charlie when he’s ready to run for the hills.
“I don’t know why I was worried,” he says. “You get me, Eileen.”
Swallowing thickly, I nod. And then I realize he can’t see that, so I say, “Yeah.”
After a moment he says, “You know it’s also pretty normal to hook up with a friend multiple times in this day and age.”
I have no idea what’s his angle, but I’ll take the lifeline he’s giving. Anything to feel his lips on mine one more time.
The last round before we leave.
“You know, you’re totally right,” I say. “That’s something reasonable adults could do.”
“And if there’s something we are, it’s reasonable.”
I swallow again. “Well… I’m game if you are.”
Jason reaches out, tangling his fingers into my hair and tugging me against him. He crashes his lips against mine. I open, hungrily as his tongue pushes my lips. It’s a kiss of two lovers who have been starving for centuries, when it’s only been hours since he was inside me.
I whimper when he deepens the kiss. My hands holding onto his strong biceps, clinging to him as we hide in this tight space, running away from the outside and searching for a minute of peace. Or is it searching for each other’s company. Fuck, how can I miss him when he’s right here with me.
The only thing I know is that I want him raw, claiming my body, quieting the outside. Protecting me from every bad decision I’ve made that has put me in this place.
Then He Happened Page 15