by G S Binkley
************************
For the longest time, Lacy just lay there in their big lonely bed waiting for the love of her life. Tears started to fill her eyes at the thought of losing Gage. I don’t know what I would do. Grasping the silky sheet below her, Lacy grunted loudly in frustration. “I don’t even know what’s going on.”
Upon hearing her lover’s cry, Gage stood frozen at the doorway. Sucking in a deep breath, the writer made a forced entrance. “Well, she’s off to sleep.” Gage offered Lacy a hard-pressed smile.
Trying to wipe her nearly overflowing watery eyes, Lacy sat up. She watched Gage take off her clothes and deliberately put them away. Chewing on the inside skin of her mouth, Lacy pondered her next move. “Gage?”
The blonde turned to look at Lacy.
“Sweetheart. We should talk.” Lacy held her breath for what seemed an eternity before the woman she loved finally spoke.
“Okay.” Gage knew Lacy had every right to ask even demand from her an explanation for her behavior of late. She just didn’t know how to explain it without risking the one thing she held most dear in her life. Lacy. But then again, if she didn’t summon the courage to face the torments of her past and share them with her lover, Gage knew it would be a forgone conclusion that Lacy would leave her like all the rest did. The blonde’s unexamined thought was playing havoc with her decisions of late and without realizing it, with her silence, Gage was bringing about the one thing she feared most. Slipping down on the bed, Gage asked. “What’s on your mind?”
“It’s what’s on your mind that interest me.” Lacy’s words cut a bit sharper than she intended. “I’m sorry.”
Holding up her hand, Gage said. “No. I’m the one that should be sorry. And I am.”
Lacy scooted closer. “Why don’t we forget about that for now?” She wanted her lover to relax before Lacy ventured into sensitive territory so she offered another tact. Rubbing her lover’s arm, Lacy asked. “Are you anxious about the book tour?”
“A little.” Gage was surprised about Lacy’s choice of subject. She thought for sure Lacy would ask about the dreams. More like nightmares. “I’m not big on crowds.”
“And getting all that attention?” Gage nodded. “You deserve it. Your last novel is excellent. Are you upset that Mark asked you to go on this tour?”
“No, not really. I know that’s part of the promotion thing. He just wants the book to do well.” Gage scratched the back of her neck. “Besides, it’s only a couple of places here and New York City. I couldn’t say no.”
“Yes, you could have and you know it. But that’s not you. I think you’d do anything Mark asked of you.” Lacy said.
Pursing her lips together, Gage agreed. “Nearly.” Sad green eyes searched out and found Lacy’s caring blue ones. I should be able to do anything you ask of me. “You deserve more.”
“Oh, Gage. I have you and our children. I have exactly what I’ve always wanted. It’s just that…” Lacy was finding it hard to express her feelings since so many emotions were waging a war inside of her. She had been unwearied with Gage for years and now her patience was wearing dangerously thin.
Resigned to failing her lover’s needs, Gage asked. “What do you want to do?” Hoping against hope that Lacy would not tell her to leave. Again, the irrational thought plagued her mind, running rampant.
“You’ve been shutting me out… more and more. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know why.” Grabbing her lover’s hand, Lacy pleaded. “I want to be there for you…. like you’ve been there for us.”
“Lacy, you have….”
“No!” Lacy halted her partner’s words. “You won’t let me. You won’t even talk to me.” More tears spilled out unheeded.
Gage wrapped her arms around her distraught lover. “It’s not that I don’t want to tell you. I never have… not even with Mark. Not really. It’s something I’ve always had to sort out myself. The only time….” A distant hurtful memory flooded the blonde’s mind. “Besides you have too much to worry about.”
A dark glare torpedoed through Gage’s core when Lacy turned toward her. “Yes, I do. Us.”
Gage pulled Lacy down next to her, offering gentle strokes of soothing comfort as her hand trailed up and down Lacy’s arm. What words could be said that would turn this unheeded devastating stampede hurling between them. Even the whispered words of love and comfort did nothing to chase away the ever-growing doubt that was eroding their relationship.
Chapter Two
Impatiently waiting by the front door, Gage fidgeted with her watch. Lacy returned to their bedroom at the last minute after Hayley gave her the look indicating she needed a diaper change. It gave Gage just enough time to allow her nerves to spin out of control again about the upcoming book signing. Glancing at her watch once more, Gage mumbled. “Come on, I want to get this over with.”
In her career as a writer, Gage had only done a couple dozen book signings and each one brought with it anxiety. She had coaxed Lacy in attending the book signing with her. Gage figured with Lacy there the fans would be more interested in meeting the popular movie star. Less attention on me. Just when she allowed that comforting thought to ease some of her self-inflicted stress, the telephone rang out. Startled, Gage jumped. After the telephone rang a couple more times, Gage relented and answered it. “Hello.” She was somewhat relieved to hear the male voice on the other end of the line.
“Gage. Is Lacy around?” Art Graham asked, the star’s agent.
“She’ll be down in a minute. She’s changing Hayley then we’ve got that book thing to go to.”
“Okay. When you get back, have her give me a call. It’s nothing important.” Lacy’s agent shrugged.
For some reason that last statement struck an emotional wired cord in Gage and being stressed already didn’t help her mood. “Not important, huh? Tell me, Art. How come Lacy’s only got a pittance of parts offered to her over the last year or so?”
Art recognized the hostility in Gage’s voice and being a good agent, he tried to diffuse it. “Good parts are hard to come by…..”
The fuming writer interrupted the agent. “She won the fuckin’ Oscar!
…for someone with Lacy’s acting caliber.”
Art finished. “Gage… Lacy’s indicated she’s pretty okay with the way her career is going.”
The blonde bit her bottom lip before asking the real the question at the heart of her concern. “It’s because of me, isn’t it?”
Not wanting to reveal his client’s confidentiality, Art assured the insecure writer with a very laconic answer. “No.”
“That’s it? That’s all you’re going to say.” Gage paused only briefly. “Then what is it?”
Art Graham pushed back in his wooden office chair and scratched the back of his neck. “That’s all I can say.” He didn’t want to get between his client and her partner. “Have her give me a call, okay?”
Sucking in a frustrated breath, Gage made another vain attempt at controlling her spiraling emotions. “Okay. And…. Art?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry.”
Shifting forward in this chair, Art assured the blonde. “No problem. Good luck at the book signing.”
With that Gage hung the telephone up. She was just about to turn when Lacy arrived with Hayley in her arms. “You ready?”
“Mmmm… hmmm. Was that the kids?” Lacy asked as Hayley reached for Gage.
The older blonde took her daughter. “No. Art wants you to call him back later.” Gage walked to the door with Hayley in her arms. Without looking back, Gage said dismissively. “Said it was nothing important.”
Her agent’s message wasn’t what produced the concerned look on Lacy’s face. Again at a loss as to what was going on in Gage’s mind, the dark haired woman quietly followed her partner and daughter to the car.
***********************
At the bookstore located in the city’s mall, Gage ran her hand for the hundredth time through her shor
t blonde hair as the storeowner went over some minor details. Several sideway glances ensured the nervous writer that Lacy was still close by as she talked with a couple of the stores clerks. “I’m sorry. What did you…..”
Lightly touching the writer’s shoulder the storeowner assured Gage. “Ms. Ballant, it’s quite….”
“Gage. Please call me Gage.”
Smiling, the older woman continued. “There’s no reason to be nervous. Trust me, everyone coming is already a huge fan of yours or they wouldn’t be here.” Pointing at the large placard of Gage’s latest book, Cast of Suspicious Characters, the storeowner asked. “Looks great, doesn’t it?”
A genuine smile crossed Gage’s face when she noticed the credit given to the designer of the book cover. “Yes, it does. Thanks.”
Gage loosened up a bit when she felt the calming hand of her lover rub the small of her back. Lacy noticed Gage relax as well. “You’re going to do great.” Lacy brushed her lips against her lover’s head and whispered. “I love you.”
“I’m glad you’re here.” Seeing the growing crowd fill the bookstore from the small back office, Gage sighed.
“Don’t worry about it. They’ll love you like we do.” Tapping her blonde daughter’s nose, Lacy asked. “Hayley, don’t we love Gage?”
Smiling, Hayley agreed. “Hi.” But her attention soon turned to all the excitement and noise being produced as more people strolled into the store, crowding around the lectern.
Gage had requested the taller stand instead of the usual table because she wanted to be on eye level with the people requesting autographs. The storeowner thoughtfully added the high stool behind the stand in case the writer needed a reprieve from standing for the next few hours.
When the storeowner waved toward Gage, the writer turned to Lacy. “It’s time. You ready?”
“Gage, sweetheart?” Gage easily recognized the hesitation in Lacy’s voice would not bode well for her. “This is your moment.” Lacy continued to gently stroke Gage’s back. “I thought Hayley and I would go next door and visit with Nate.”
“Can I go too?” Gage pleaded.
Embracing her reluctant writer, the dark haired woman assured Gage. “Go on now. You don’t want your daughter to see you chicken out?”
Gage knew Lacy was teasing her. “Lacy, it’s not because I’m… afraid or anything but you’re the one who designed the book jacket and that’s the only reason anyone bought the darn book in the first place and…”
A lone finger on the blonde’s lips halted Gage’s rambling. “Sweetheart. Go! Hayley and I will stop back by and check on you later. Then I’ll let you take us out to dinner. Deal?”
Resigned to the fact that she was going to have to fly solo, Gage agreed. “Deal. But Hayley and I get to pick the place.”
With one quick kiss, Lacy ushered her reluctant partner out on center stage. She watched Gage slowly walk toward the podium. The blonde’s gait was at first unsteady but with each step, Lacy could tell her partner’s confidence grew.
Several times it crossed the writer’s mind to make a hasty escape until one fan yelled above the din. “Is Lacy Levine really here?”
Relieved, Gage smiled. Good… they want to hear about my favorite subject.
************************
Nathan Lewis stuffed the merchandise in the bag and handed it to the young woman, flashing the client a friendly smile. “If you have any questions installing this program, give me a call. I’ll be here till five.”
The pretty girl hesitated as if she wanted to say something but with Lacy hovering nearby, she offered the handsome young man a smile then dashed off.
“Another one fallen under your charm?” Nate’s oldest sister teased.
“Mmmm…… I hardly think so.” Nate stepped from behind the counter. “Come here, squirt.”
Hayley jumped in his arms. As her uncle lifted her up, the fearless toddler demanded. “Higher!”
Nate tossed his niece in the air several times much to the delight of Hayley and several passing customers. “Come on, I’ve been waiting to take my break.” With Hayley tucked in one arm, Nate grabbed his sister’s hand and guided them out into the mall’s small courtyard.
After settling down and ordering a couple of soft drinks, Lacy asked. “Is it always this crowded?”
Without looking around, Nate answered his sister, still intent on playing with his niece. “The usual Saturday fare.”
Lacy couldn’t help but notice all the teens and even younger kids running around the mall together. “I’m surprised to see all the young ones hanging out here. Where are their parents?”
“Come on, Lacy. You’re not that old.” Nate winked.
“Very funny. I’ve been to the mall many times before… guess I just never really noticed.” Lacy said seriously.
“Well….” Nate bounced Hayley on his knee. “Stick around till tonight, it’ll be packed with kids. Same goes for Friday night. A lot of the kids go to the movie theater then head over here till the mall closes.”
“No, thank you. Gage’s taking us out to dinner when she’s done.” A bright smile beamed on Lacy’s face. “We pick the kids up early in the morning. It’s been two long weeks.”
“Why didn’t you go out to LA?”
“David.” Lacy sipped her soda pop. “Gage and I wanted to go.”
“Me…me?” Hayley scrunched her tiny eyebrows together.
“Yes, you, too, honey.” Lacy sighed. “David wanted time with the kids. Without us there, so he could make a real connection with them... again. Especially Derek.”
Nate raised a questioning eyebrow that Hayley duplicated and that made Lacy laugh.
“Actually, I think he’s serious. He seems to be trying.” Lacy was convinced that her ex-husband’s attitude had changed for the better where their children were concerned. It appeared that David was sincerely focused on establishing his parental role in the lives of his children.
Touching his sister’s knee, Nate nodded. “I’m glad then.”
“By the way, you finished that computer class?”
Insistent hands reached for Nate’s drink. “Gimme.”
Nate held onto the cup even though Hayley wanted to hold it all by herself. When his niece finally conceded that he wouldn’t let go, she sucked on the straw. “Yeah, and I really enjoyed it. The graphics were cool. It’s amazing what you can do.”
“Mom showed me some of your work. You have a real talent.” Every once in a while, Lacy’s mind wandered toward the bookstore.
Nate noticed his sister was pre-occupied. “Why don’t you go see how things are going? I’ll watch this little pip squeak.”
Tempted, Lacy finally asked. “Are you sure? You won’t get in trouble?”
“Are you kidding?” Nate sat the empty cup on the table. “She’ll be my little chick magnet.”
“Nate! My daughter is not a chick magnet.” Lacy scolded her brother with a mock glare.
Nate and Hayley looked at Lacy innocently before the handsome man said. “She can’t help it. Her mother is.”
Shaking her head, Lacy wasn’t sure to whom her brother was referring to her or Gage. “Just stay out of trouble.” She warned him.
“Okay.” Hayley smiled.
***********************
When Lacy overheard one customer wishing the dark haired movie star would return, she nearly turned and left, not wanting to take any attention away from her deserving partner. But something forced her to remain.
Gage held the same wish as the customer. You and me both. Gage finished signing the book then offered. “Why don’t I go look for her?” Happy at the prospect of getting out from under the limelight, the writer slipped off the stool.
“Looking for me?” Lacy draped her arm over her partner’s shoulder.
Smiling brightly, Gage slipped her arm around Lacy’s waist. “Well everybody. Here she is. Did everyone see the artwork on the book cover? Lacy did it.” Gage spouted proudly.
Through t
he years, Lacy and Gage received some very unwelcome receptions to their relationship but it seemed that people tended to overlook that aspect of their life together when they were able to relate to them on personal level. In this case, many of the people present had come to love Lacy’s work in her roles and many others enjoyed Gage’s stories.
Yet, the uncertainty of how people would react in this very public arena was one cause of Gage’s stress. The blonde was willing to deal with those unfriendly encounters but felt guilty when Lacy had to do the same.
As it was though, the remaining hour was spent with many well-wishers and questions about what the couple was going to do next. When the line finally dwindled down, Lacy noticed a familiar young woman and her son approach.
Extending her hand, the beautiful blonde woman greeted Lacy and Gage. “Lacy?”
Lacy pulled Alexis McKenna Grayson in for a warm hug. “How are you?” Alexis lived in St. Troy with her husband, Dash, and son, Lane. Alexis McKenna was Mark Calico’s first wife’s much younger sister. Sharon Grayson died alongside Mark’s parents.
“Just great.” Lexi turned to Gage, handing her a copy of her recently purchased book. “I don’t suppose you have time for one more autograph?”
“I think I can get my cramped fingers to etch out one more.” Gage opened the front cover and signed it. She looked back up at Lexi who was a little older than Lacy. “You’ll want Lacy’s, too. She did the cover.”
“Gaaaage.” Lacy warned her partner upon hearing the suggestion.
“Yes, I know.” Lexi handed the book to Lacy. “Would you mind?”
Taking the book, Lacy squinted her blue eyes at Gage but said to Lexi. “She thinks she’s my agent.”
That statement produced a frown on the writer’s face.
After Lacy gave the book back to Lexi, she turned to the young man standing next to his mother. “Hi, Lane.”
“Hello.” Normally, Lane Grayson wasn’t shy but facing the mother of the girl he liked prompted his reticent response. However, he did summon up the courage to ask about the girl in question. “Dani’s coming home tomorrow?”