by Kitty Neale
‘All right, don’t go on about it, and get on with your work.’ Dolly’s eyes flicked to Pearl, ‘and that goes for you too.’
As they scuttled back into the dining room, Madge threw Pearl a wink. ‘Dolly missed her vocation. She should have been a bleeding sergeant major.’
Pearl managed a small smile but her heart wasn’t in it. In truth, tears were just below the surface but she fought them as she tackled the breakfast rush. How had it happened? She’d only slept with Kevin once, yet she was pregnant. Please let him want me. Please let him want our baby.
Derek came in at eight thirty but she could hardly look at him, just murmuring that she needed to talk to him later. He looked puzzled, but seeing how pushed she was he didn’t ask questions.
At last the café emptied, and at ten thirty Bernie called out, ‘Pearl, you still look awful. Madge can manage now so why don’t you have a break?’
Pearl picked up a stack of crockery and went to the kitchen. ‘Dolly, I’m just about to take a break. Is it all right if I pop out for a while?’
‘What for?’
‘There … there’s something important I have to do.’
Dolly heaved a sigh. ‘All right, but don’t be long. Madge has to be at the doctor’s for half-past eleven.’
‘Good luck,’ Mo called.
‘Why does she need luck?’ Dolly asked.
Mo and Pearl looked at each other, both stuck for words, Pearl’s face now livid with colour. It was Mo who managed to stutter an answer, ‘Er … she’s going to sort out the wedding date with Derek.’
Without giving Dolly a chance to speak again, Pearl swiftly left the kitchen, still wearing her apron as she made for Derek’s stall.
He saw her coming and grinned. ‘Watcha, love.’
‘I … I need to talk to you,’ she stammered.
Frank’s voice rose raucously from the next stall, ‘Apples – Bramley apples. Come on, ladies, only sixpence a pound.’
Derek glanced at Frank and said sadly, ‘I still can’t believe that Frank’s leaving the market. He’s been pitched next to me for donkey’s years. Anyway, love, what do you want to talk to me about?’
‘Alone … we need to be alone.’
‘There ain’t much chance of that. Can’t it wait until tonight?’
‘No … it must be now.’
‘Frank,’ Derek called, ‘can you watch me stall for a while?’
‘Yeah, all right.’
‘We’ll go for a walk, will that do?’ Derek asked as he took Pearl’s arm.
She nodded, feeling sick inside. She may not be in love with Derek, but was very fond of him and if this hadn’t happened she’d have married him. Unbidden, a thought popped into Pearl’s mind. Yes, but would you really have gone through with it? Pearl shook her head against the question. She’d been enjoying life, loved living with Emma and Mo, and had been relieved when Derek offered a long engagement. A year was a long way off, and she had avoided thinking about marriage. Now everything was going to change and stark reality was staring her in the face. She was going to lose Derek, lose his friendship, his protection. Tears gathered, but she managed to hold them back. She had betrayed this lovely man, she was going to hurt him badly, and however bad his reaction, it would be no more than she deserved.
They walked to the end of the market, and along Shuttleworth Road, Pearl’s head low. There was a pub ahead and as they drew alongside it, Derek stuck his head inside.
‘The snug’s empty. Come on, we can talk in there.’
With her head still low, Pearl sat at a table, and when Derek asked her what she wanted to drink her throat felt as if it was closing. She managed to speak, a croak, ‘Nothing, thanks.’
He walked to the bar, soon returning with half a pint of beer to take the seat beside her. ‘Now then, what’s this all about?’
She couldn’t look at him, she just couldn’t, her voice still a strangled whisper when she finally was able to spit out the words. ‘I … I’m having a baby.’
There was a moment of silence, but then Derek’s voice was loud in protest. ‘Don’t be daft. Talk sense, Pearl. You can’t be having a baby. We ain’t … well, done it, if you know what I mean.’
‘Yes, I know, but I … I’m definitely pregnant.’
There was another moment of silence and finally Pearl was able to glance at Derek, a swift look that showed his face white with shock.
‘Who was it, Pearl? I’ll bloody kill him.’
‘I can’t tell you. He … he doesn’t know yet.’
Derek seemed to slump in his seat, his head shaking in denial. ‘I can’t believe this. Here, wait a minute, did he force you?’
With all her heart, Pearl wished she could say yes. At least that might ease this lovely man’s pain, but with a sigh she said, ‘No, he didn’t force me.’
‘I’ll still kill him.’
‘No, Derek, please don’t say that. I’m so sorry, I really am. It only happened once, that was all.’
‘Huh, it only takes once. Bloody hell, Pearl, we’re engaged. I was gonna marry you.’
Pearl looked at him at last and, unable to bear the hurt she could see in his eyes, tugged the ring from her finger. She then laid it on the table and rose to her feet, choking back tears as she ran out of the pub, leaving Derek slumped in his seat, looking like a whipped dog.
‘Here, Pearl, where’s Derek?’ Frank called as she hurried through the market.
She couldn’t answer him, couldn’t speak. It had been awful, dreadful, Derek’s pain terrible to see. He would never forgive her and she didn’t blame him.
The café was almost empty when Pearl stumbled through the door and sank down at the nearest table. Head buried in her arms, a huge sob rose, a dam of tears bursting as she finally broke.
‘Pearl, what’s wrong?’ Madge asked, hurrying to her side.
Unable to answer, she was aware only of Madge tugging her arm, urging her to the kitchen. ‘Come on, girl, let’s get you out of here.’
Somehow Pearl managed to drag herself up and as they entered the kitchen Madge said, ‘Dolly, I’ve got to go now, but Pearl’s in a right old state.’
‘All right, get yourself off.’
Madge patted Pearl’s back before hurrying out, Dolly then saying, ‘Now then, what’s all this? Mo’s told us that you’re pregnant and I must say I’m shocked. Still, it ain’t the end of the world and I can’t see why you’re so upset. Surely Derek has said he’ll marry you as soon as possible.’
Pearl knew there was no way out. She took a deep shuddering breath, struggling to bring herself under control. ‘The … the baby isn’t his.’
They were all gawking, faces stretched with shock, but it was Dolly who voiced their thoughts. ‘My God, you look such a little innocent, but now you’re telling us that you’re pregnant by another man. Who’s the father then?’
‘I … I can’t tell you.’
‘Why not? Is he married?’
‘No, he isn’t, but he doesn’t know yet.’
‘Well, you’d better tell him, my girl, and as soon as possible.’
Yes, but how? Pearl thought. She hadn’t seen Kevin for a couple of days, and when she did he ignored her. Worse was to come when Mo spoke.
‘I thought you were a nice girl and that’s why I offered you a room. You’ve only been around these parts for about five months and in that short time you got yourself engaged to Derek Lewis. Now you’ve got the nerve to tell us you’re pregnant, but it ain’t his baby. Well, madam, after your shift you can pack your stuff and get out of my house. I don’t want my Emma associating with the likes of you.’
With a sob Pearl fled the kitchen, and the café. She heard Bernie’s shout, but nothing stopped her.
Tears blinded Pearl’s eyes and she didn’t see Bessie Penfold sweeping the pavement outside her shop until she collided with her.
‘Blimey, girl, watch where you’re going! Gawd, what’s the matter? Has Dolly Dolby been on the warpath again? That woman
can’t keep waitresses for more than five minutes.’
Without waiting for a reply, Bessie took Pearl’s arm, ushering her into the shop and locking the door behind them. ‘I’ve seen more girls leave that café than number nineteen buses. Mind you, I’ve never seen one leaving in a state like this. Hold on and I’ll put the kettle on. You look like you could do with a cup of good strong tea.’
Bessie bustled out to the back room, but by the time she returned, Pearl had managed to calm down only a little. She was handed a cup of tea that looked almost black, but found her hands shaking so much that the cup rattled in the saucer.
‘Now then. Do you want to talk about it?’
As she looked into the old woman’s dark eyes, Pearl saw gentleness, wisdom, and with the need to unburden, the words spilled from her mouth, ending with, ‘… and I … I’ve got to leave my room too. Mo is disgusted with me.’
‘Don’t take any notice of Mo Price. She’s no better than she should be. I could tell you a few things about her that might shock you, but I ain’t one to gossip. Right, let’s take this one step at a time. First you need to have a word with Kevin Dolby, but if you ask me he’ll try to squirm out of it.’
‘But he can’t – surely he can’t? Oh God, what will I do?’
‘You could get rid of it.’
Pearl stared at the woman in horror, her hand inadvertently touching her stomach. ‘Oh, no, I couldn’t do that.’
‘Yeah, I suppose it could be a bit risky, but you could have it adopted.’
Pearl frantically shook her head. ‘No, I’d never let my baby be adopted.’
‘You can’t support a kid on your own and, if you ask me, it would be the best thing for it.’
‘No it wouldn’t,’ Pearl cried. ‘I came from an orphanage and know what it’s like. I’ve seen children fostered out and then returned, sometimes traumatised by what happened to them.’
‘I said adopted, not fostered out.’
‘I know, but some of the children put up for adoption were returned too. Can you imagine what it was like for them? They dreamed of being part of a proper family, but some people only want perfection, not a traumatised child who may wet the bed or find it difficult to settle into a normal home.’
‘It wouldn’t be like that for a baby.’
Pearl touched her stomach again. She knew what it was like to be without parents, without love, always wondering why she had been put in an orphanage. Always wondering who her mother was, her father was, and why they’d rejected her. She shook her head again. No matter what, she was determined that her baby wouldn’t suffer the same fate. Her voice was strong as she said, ‘Whether Kevin marries me or not, I’m keeping my baby.’
‘All right, I can see why you feel like that, but it ain’t gonna be easy for you.’
‘I don’t care. I’ll manage somehow.’
‘Yeah, I think you will,’ Bessie said softly. ‘Anyway, for the time being you need a place to stay. I’ve got a spare room and, though it ain’t up to much, you’re welcome to it. If you need a job for a while you can help me out in the shop. It’s getting a bit much for me nowadays, but I won’t be able to pay you much.’
Pearl stared at Bessie Penfold with amazement. There had been no censure, just advice, and now the offer of a room and job. Her eyes filled with tears again at such kindness. ‘Oh, thank you. Thank you so much.’
‘There’s no need to thank me. If you remember, I told you that our paths would cross again and I was right. Now come on, I’ll show you the room and then I’d best open the shop again. I can’t afford to lose customers.’
As Pearl rose to her feet she felt a surge of guilt. She had run out of the café, leaving them in the lurch, and she hoped Madge would be able to cope with the lunchtime rush. God – was she losing her mind? When Dolly found out she was carrying Kevin’s child, she’d go mad. No, she couldn’t go back, she couldn’t face Dolly, and quaked with fear at the thought.
She followed Bessie upstairs, and as the woman led her into a small room, Pearl saw it as a refuge.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Pearl knew she had to go out, but couldn’t face it. It was wonderful of Bessie to give her this room, but the feeling that it was a refuge soon wore off when she realised how close she was to the café and Derek’s stall.
If she waited until the market closed before going to collect her things from Mo’s, at least she’d be able to avoid Derek. But she still had to talk to Kevin, to tell him that he was the father of her baby.
She looked around the room, uncaring of the damp, peeling wallpaper and thick dust on every surface. Bessie had told her to make up the bed, but she was still sitting on the bare mattress, her mind twisting and turning.
An hour passed and Pearl’s head was aching with anxiety when she finally rose to her feet. Bessie had said there was linen in the hall cupboard, and in the back bedroom she would find some blankets or a quilt.
Pearl rummaged, finding a pair of old, yellowing sheets, but when she went into the back room her eyes rounded. It was piled high with clothes, old curtains and blankets, all giving off a musty, damp smell. She gingerly picked up a blanket, surprised to find that it was thick and in good condition. After rooting further, she found a home-made quilt with hexagons of pink and blue flowered material. It was beautiful, the stitching perfect, and someone had obviously spent many hours sewing it together.
With the quilt and another blanket under her arm, Pearl went back to her room. She needed to keep busy, needed something to do, and after making up her bed she tackled the dusting. Finally, with nothing else to do, Pearl nervously went downstairs.
‘It’s about time you showed your face,’ Bessie said. ‘You can’t hide up there for ever and I’ve already had to get rid of Bernard Dolby.’
‘Bernie! Bernie’s been in here? But how did he know where to find me?’
‘Wake up, love. You’re not exactly invisible, and it seems several people saw you running from the café. A quick word with the market traders soon led him here.’
‘What did he say?’
‘Only that Madge hasn’t come back from the doctor’s and they need you back at the café.’
‘I can’t go back. I just can’t.’
‘After what you’ve told me, I don’t blame you, but if you’re determined to keep that bun in the oven you’ll have to face them soon or later. Blimey,’ she added, cackling with pleasure, ‘I’d like to be a fly on the wall when Dolly Dolby finds out she’s gonna be a grandmother. The woman thinks she’s a cut above the rest of us, but I can tell you something that’ll give you a bit of ammunition when you face her.’
Pearl paled at the thought. ‘I don’t think I can ever face her.’
‘Well, girl, you’re gonna have to toughen up. If you show fear, Dolly will walk all over you. Anyway, if she gives you a hard time here’s that bit of ammunition I mentioned. You can remind her that Kevin arrived only six months after her wedding.‘
It took a while for the penny to drop, but when it did, Pearl gasped. ‘You … you mean …?’
‘Yeah, she too was up the spout before she got married. It was common knowledge around here at the time, but there ain’t many left in the area who’d dare remind Dolly of the facts. She scares the life out of most people, even her old man, and that’s something she’s cultivated over the years. If you manage to get Kevin Dolby to own up to his responsibilities, you’re gonna have her as your mother-in-law, and as I said, the only way to stop her walking over you is to stand up for yourself from the start.’
Pearl knew she’d never have the courage to follow Bessie’s advice, and hung her head. ‘I’ve got to tell Kevin first and somehow I’ve got to catch him on his own.’
‘Even if he agrees to marry, you’d be mad to take him on. That young man will come to no good one day.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I’ve got a funny feeling about Kevin Dolby. He might be a handsome bugger, but I reckon he’s a bad ’un. Now then, don’
t look at me like that. I may be wrong, and anyway, I still think he’ll try to squirm out of it.’
Pearl stared at Bessie, her heart sinking. Yes, she knew about Kevin’s character and feared his reaction to the news too. But it was his baby, their child, the blame his as much as hers. Oh, surely he’d marry her, and once settled with a wife and child, surely he’d change. But what if Bessie was right? What if he tried to get out of it?’
Kevin Dolby heard the gossip as soon as he walked into the kitchen. His mother told him that Pearl was pregnant, and went on to say that it wasn’t Derek’s baby. He listened as she continued her tirade.
‘I’m not happy that Pearl walked out and if Madge doesn’t come back soon, we’ll be in a right old fix. Pearl’s staying with Bessie Penfold, but when your father went over there she refused to let him speak to the girl.’
Gertie pulled a face. ‘Yeah, Bessie can be a right old dragon, but I wonder if she knows who the father is.’
‘It’s got to be someone from round here, and from what we’ve been hearing, Derek Lewis is out for blood.’
Kevin blanched. Christ, if Pearl said it wasn’t Derek’s, it had to be his! So far it seemed that Pearl hadn’t named him, but for how long? He shuddered. When Derek found out he’d be mincemeat.
‘Are you all right, Kevin? You look a bit pale.’
‘It’s just a touch of asthma,’ he lied, relieved when Madge came into the kitchen, diverting his mother’s attention.
‘Well, it’s about time too,’ she snapped. ‘What did the doctor say?’
‘Huh, it was a waste of time. He said I’m on the change and have to expect hot flushes. I ain’t that old and couldn’t believe it, but it seems that some women start early.’
‘I hardly think this is a subject for my son to hear,’ Dolly snapped, but then she exhaled loudly. ‘Still, at least it’s nothing to worry about. I should have guessed. After all, I seem to be surrounded by Mrs Neverwells. I’m glad you’re back, Madge. As you can see, Pearl ain’t here so you’ll have to manage the lunchtime rush on your own.’