by Zara Zenia
“I’m glad.”
But as we gasp and hold each other close, I notice that she has gone strangely silent.
“Is there something wrong?” I ask.
She doesn’t answer. I look down to see if she has fallen asleep but her eyes are wide open. I shake her by the shoulder.
“I’d like it if you were honest with me,” I say. “Will you tell me if there’s something wrong?”
She takes a deep breath and looks me in the eye.
“I’m just nervous, or rather scared of what you are.”
“What do you mean?”
Her words cut through me. I certainly don’t like the idea of scaring her.
“I thought we were safe together, I thought we were two of a kind, two lost people with nothing and nobody but this crazy situation and all the fun that comes with it.”
She gives me a weak smile and says:
“I thought so too but it’s a lot to process. You’re an alien, Voland and to an inner city, urban girl like me that’s wild and impossible. It’s like my brain can’t even cope with the concept. Not to mention all those weird conversations you have. I just don’t know what to think about you! I want to like and trust you so badly! I want to not have to worry about you but somehow, I just can’t seem to put my mind at ease.”
It’s now that I realize how difficult this all must be for her. Although I thought we had our similarities and bonded over our shared difficulties, we are so different from one another. After all, I am from one planet and she is from another and sometimes friendship cannot overcome such vast divides.
“I’m sorry you feel that way,” I say. “I want to put you at ease and make you feel comfortable. It hurts to see you worried and upset.”
“Hmm…” she says in that special skeptical voice she puts on when she’s grumpy.
“I mean it.”
“Me too.”
She always gets like this when she’s unhappy. She talks in riddles or says strange, vague things that I’m supposed to understand just because she has said them.
“I’ll try my best,” I say. “Just please, give me a chance.”
“Ok,” she says as she kisses my chest. “I’ll give you a chance.”
Chapter 12
Voland
We are sharing a rare moment outside. The sky is gray above us and it feels as though it is late in the evening although it is only mid-afternoon. Winter is a strange phenomenon, one that makes things so dark and bleak at times but also so beautiful. I like the way the snow crunches beneath my feet and how when you wake up in the morning there is a thin layer of frost on everything outside. It makes the most mundane of objects glitter as though it was made of the most precious gem. Right now, my eyes are fixed on a car in front us. It is laden with snow that looks like the powdered sugar I used to see Victorinth pile onto her cereal.
"You've wandered away again, Voland."
"Eh?"
I turn to see Felicity looking up at me with her big eyes.
"Were you even listening to a word I was saying?"
She looks slightly hurt.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to be rude. My mind is just...preoccupied I guess."
"Don't worry about it. It must still be very difficult for you. It'll take some time for you to adjust to life here. God knows I wouldn't be able to do the things you do if I were suddenly plucked from Earth and dumped on Venus."
"Thanks."
I give her a soft hug.
"What for?"
"For always being here and understanding, even if sometimes you get into one of those cute little grumpy moods from time to time."
"I do not!"
She playfully hits me with her handbag.
"Such violence for such a small female!" I joke. "Maybe you were born to be a warrior."
We both laugh and continue walking with the snow crunching below our shoes. I am forever grateful to Felicity for buying me clothes just like how Alison did back at the mall. Without this big coat and these heavy boots, I would have surely died from the cold. For a moment, my mind wanders again. I think about the tribe of homeless people that live in the shadows of the decaying factory. How would they live in this excruciating weather? Would they have somewhere to go? Or would they just perish in the darkness without anyone noticing, their inebriated bodies lifeless among the shadows?
"What are you thinking?" Felicity asks.
"Nothing."
"Doesn't look like nothing."
"You're always asking questions," I say.
"Well, you're never answering them."
We stop outside a little cafe. Inside, music is playing and I recognize it from the television. It's Christmas music and I find it both annoying but also fun and relaxing, as though it's telling me that everything is going to be ok.
"You wanna go in here?" she asks.
"Ok."
Stepping inside, we're immediately hit by a gust of warm air that floats down from the overhead heater. I feel my face burn pink and I rip off my scarf.
"You take a seat," she says. "I'll go get us some food."
Taking a seat by the window, I watch the world go by. As each day passes, there are more and more people walking around town, carrying large bags of goodies and looking unbearably stressed. A woman walks past the window carrying a multitude of bags. She's struggling to carry them and for a moment she appears to be juggling them, dropping one in the snow before picking up another one. It makes me laugh although I know it's wrong to find other people's misfortune amusing. I find it hard to hide my sniggering and she notices, giving me a pained look as she slips on the icy sidewalk and drops even more bags.
"Aw, don't laugh at her."
Felicity is by my side placing down a plate of something that looks tasty. Then she returns a moment later with two steaming mugs.
"It's not coffee again, is it?"
I hope it's not coffee.
"Calm down," she smiles. "It's a hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows."
I stare at it. It smells incredible and I poke my finger into the fluffy white substance and lick it.
"Whoa! It's amazing."
"It certainly is."
"And what's this," I point to the plate.
To me, it looks like a perfect triangle of brown with a little smattering of more brown leaking from the middle.
"It's chocolate cake," she explains.
"More chocolate!"
"A day as cold as this calls for a lot of chocolate," she laughs. "Especially if you're with someone special."
She blushes and looks away but I can't help but notice her fingers are inching closer to mine as she slides her hand across the table. I grab it and squeeze it tight.
"So are you beginning to feel more comfortable with me?" I ask.
She hesitates for a second and makes the face she only does when she's thinking hard about something, poking her tongue out as she wrinkles up her forehead.
"I think so."
"You don't sound so convinced about that."
"It's just hard, you know. Imagine what it's like for me," she says.
I think for a second. The situation between us is so strange, so abstract that it's difficult to imagine if it was the other way around.
"I guess if an Earthling randomly crashed on Orba and began living with me, I would have my doubts too."
She gasps.
"You crashed here?"
"Uh-uh."
I nod as I take a sip of my hot chocolate. It feels like an orgasm is happening in my mouth like my tongue has just learned how to dance for the first time.
"You never told me you crashed."
"I thought that was obvious. I mean, why else would I be here?"
We stare at each other for a moment. She looks more confused than ever.
"Were you hurt in the crash?" she asks.
"No. I don't get injured easily."
"Were you alone?"
I shake my head.
"I was with my crew, a group of dissidents that fled ty
rannical rule on Orba."
She thinks for a second, twiddling her fork around her fingers as she stares at her cake.
"Are those the people you were talking about on that little, weird earpiece thingy?"
I nod.
"Yes."
"Are they ok? How come you're not all together?"
"It's a long story."
"I have a lot of time."
I sigh and push my hot chocolate away.
"We had to split up. The dictator we were escaping from, Palzu, he discovered we, or rather I, had stolen one of his shuttles and escaped to Earth. There are people here looking for us. They'll kill us if they find us. That's why I suggested we break apart, make ourselves a more difficult target."
She looks upset.
"You've been through so much. I just wish I knew more about you. Maybe that way I could help."
"How would that work?"
Now it's my turn to be confused.
"You know, because, if we were closer, I could offer you advice. I could care for you better if I knew more about your situation."
She stabs her fork into her cake and begins devouring it.
"I'd never thought about it like that."
She doesn't say anything, her mouth is full with food and she's smiling as she's eating.
"This is freakin' great cake. Anyway, yeah... think about it. You can tell me anything. You know that, don't you?" she offered.
"I guess so," I replied.
I watch her eat for a minute, looking at every intricate movement in her face, how her muscles have tiny micro movements and how her pupils seem to dilate as the fork gets closer to her mouth.
"So what do you want to know?" I ask.
"Um... I don't know."
"Well, what do you humans ask each other when they want to learn about someone?"
She chews thoughtfully.
"They ask them silly questions like what their favorite color is or what movies they like to watch. What their favorite food is and what music they like listening to."
To me, that seems so asinine. There is no way you could learn about a person just by knowing what they liked to eat or watch.
"Ok," I begin. "My favorite color is a muted butinfa."
"Eh?"
"Butinfa, it's a color that exists on Orba but not on Earth."
"What does is look like?"
"There's no way to describe it. There's nothing like it here."
"Oh."
"Ok, moving on. My favorite food, I think is this."
I point to the cake.
"Exceptional tongue tingles," I say.
She laughs.
"I'm glad you like it."
"Ok, what next?"
"Movies, have you seen any since you came to Earth?"
"I watched one once about a serial killer that murdered people in relation to the seven deadly sins. At least that's what Alison told me but I didn't understand any of it. I couldn't fathom why you'd want to see dead bodies on the screen and back on Orba we have no concept of sins, never mind deadly ones."
"Who's Alison?"
"A girl I used to know."
Felicity's face drops.
"Was she like... your girlfriend or something?"
She's talking as though she doesn't care what the answer is, her legs crossed in front of her and her jaw tilted up as though it's no big deal but I've lived with her long enough. I know when she's upset, can always tell when something is bothering her.
"Are you jealous?" I ask.
"Um… no," she says with a touch too much arrogance.
"I think you're lying but if you must know, no, she was not my girlfriend. She is now the girlfriend of a member of my crew. He's a little guy called Benzen and I miss him very much."
She lets out a sigh of relief and I watch as her shoulders slump and her legs uncross. So, she was jealous, even if it was just for a fleeting moment. I make a mental note of this and sip the last of my chocolate.
"How did you guys meet her?"
I thought about those first few terrifying days on Earth after the crash and how we had walked into the grocery store starving and confused.
"We landed near a shopping mall. She worked there and took pity on us. She helped us out thinking we were from another country. She took a liking to Benzen too so that helped. She was great, a good friend. I'm not sure what would have happened to us if she had not found us."
Something strange is happening inside my brain. I feel a mixture of sad and happy, just so terribly emotional and overwhelmed. Part of me wants to cry while the other part needs a hug. I can't explain it. I think I'm feeling a sense of nostalgia as I think about Alison. I've read about it before; it makes you look back on your past as though it was more pleasant than the present. Meanwhile, telling Felicity all of this makes me calm, makes me feel warm and peculiar on the inside. I think we're bonding on an emotional level. Of course, we bonded those times when we were naked and pressed up against one another but this is different. This is... more special, somehow.
"Are you ok?"
She leans forward and tangles her fingers into mine.
"You look a little upset,” she stated,
"I'm just happy," I say. "Just happy to be here with you and tell you about my life. It's not something I've had the pleasure of doing before."
"Aw, well I'm happy to be here with you too."
She smiles so wide her cheeks pucker up with little dimples. I reach over the table and plant a kiss on her face.
"You look so cute when you're happy."
She beams and kisses me back.
"You too."
For a long while, we just stare at each other as we hold hands. Although we're not doing very much at all it feels so special just to be touching in this way.
"I want to know everything about you," she says.
"I feel the same about you."
"What was your house like back home?"
"It was big. I was a lucky little Orban and had everything I ever desired."
"And your parents?" she asks.
I hang my head at the memory of them.
"I miss them more than words can say."
She looks away from me.
"You know, it's ok to cry."
"Cry?"
"Yes. It's normal. It'll make you feel better, I promise."
"I have not done that before. What is its purpose?"
"Well, I'm no doctor but I know it releases all your pent-up emotions so that after you cry you feel a lot better. It's a release. Believe me, if I'd been through half of what you've endured, I'd be crying all the time."
There's a prickling sensation at the back of my eyes. The more I think of my parents and my life back home, the stronger it gets. This is not something I was able to do in my Orban body but human eyes seem to be primed for this salty and stingy sensation.
"I think I'm crying," I say.
A droplet of water leaks out and falls down my cheeks.
"It hurts me on the inside but it feels good too. What's happening?"
"Just let it out."
She moves around to my side of the table and squeezes me tight. I lean into her shoulder and cry as much as I can, the release feeling sweeter than I could have ever imagined.
Chapter 13
Felicity
"Hey! I'm home!"
I pull off my coat and scarf and dump them on the seat by the window.
"Woah, this place looks different."
Looking around the motel room that was always so crappy, I now see that it almost looks like a home. There are small candles on the window ledge and new sheets on the bed!
"How did you do this?"
Voland is scrubbing a patch of carpet near the bathroom, his face an inch from the floor as he puts all his concentration into the task.
"Hey," he looks up. "You're home early."
"The bar was dead and Bertie had some shit going on so he sent me home."
I watch him scrub some more. He's going for it, his tongue
poking out his front lips as he concentrates.
"You've done a great job," I beam.
"Thanks. I hope you don't mind but I had some leftover money that you'd given me for groceries so I thought I'd head into town to get some things for this place. I have seen magazines where homes have these."
He points to the candles.
"Apparently, women love them, especially if they smell like exotic flowers from countries they've never been to or vanilla. Human women are said to love vanilla."
"You're learning fast," I say as I pick up a candle and breathe in its scent.
I'm a little overwhelmed by this. He's done such a great job. It's hard to imagine that any regular guy would go to this much trouble.
"This is the nicest things anyone has ever done for me," I say.
"That can't be true."
He stands up and throws his rubber gloves on the floor along with the dirty rag he was using.
"It was an easy thing to do. I just thought about what you'd like and I went and did it."
"I wish human men thought it was that simple."
He smiles. If I'm not mistaken, I see him blush, but then he turns away.
"Come see what I've done with the bathroom."
Leading me inside, I see that there are even more candles and the place has been cleaned to within an inch of its life. It smells like fresh, clean lemons and my heart feels as though it's bursting.
"Oh my God! It's amazing! I can finally have a bath without freaking out about the mold problem."
Looking up to the ceiling, I can see the green patch that was steadily spreading across the plaster has now gone.
"You must have worked really hard on this!"
He shrugs. I kiss him on the cheek and he smiles, a big radiant grin that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. I grab him tight around the waist and hold him so tight he starts to make a strange wheezing sound as he struggles to breathe.
"You're the best Voland. Just the best! I can't thank you enough."
"It's the least I can do. After all, you saved me from the darkness out there and all the dangers that come from being on the streets. You have fed me and clothed me, you have listened to my problems and made me feel safe and more than anything, you have been a friend to me."
I feel close to tears.