When We Left

by Elena Aitken

“Okay, but—”

  “Jess would.” Shelby nodded. “She definitely would have gone if there was a party somewhere. Especially if she’s dating Jason again. Damn kids.”

  Cam’s eyes widened.

  “I see Scotty and Ash,” Shelby said. “I bet they know something. Hell, they probably bought the beer for him. I’ll go ask them if they’ve seen Jason.”

  Evan shook his head. “That’s probably true.”

  The minute Shelby was gone, Cam spun on him. “What do you mean that’s probably true? Who are these kids, Evan? Parties? Beer?”

  Evan put his hands on Cam’s arms and squeezed. “It’s fine, Cam. They’re just being kids and I wouldn’t worry about the beer. Morgan wouldn’t drink it. She didn’t have any last weekend and there’s no—”

  “Last weekend?” Cam took a step backward and Evan realized his slip. “What happened last weekend?”

  “It’s nothing.”

  “It’s obviously something. What didn’t you tell me, Evan? Was Morgan at a party?”

  Trapped, he had no choice and nodded. “But she wasn’t drinking,” he said quickly. “And it was a small party. Just a few couples and—”

  “Couples?”

  Shit.

  “What the hell, Evan? I’m her mother. You are supposed to tell me these things.”

  “Calm down.” He tried to lead her out to the hall, but Cam shook her head.

  “Don’t tell me to calm down. Do you have any idea what it’s like to be a parent? You have no idea what it’s like to deal with this shit. And then to think you’re making progress with your daughter only to hear about a whole other…” She waved her hand. “You don’t get it. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me that this has happened before.”

  “This hasn’t happened before.” He leaned in and took her hand, but she only pulled it away again. “And I’m sure she’s fine, Cam. We’ll find her. Don’t worry.”

  She opened her mouth, but before she could say anything else, Shelby was back, a meek-looking girl in tow. “Tell Officer Anderson what you told me, Jann.”

  Faced with two angry, upset mothers, Evan decided it probably wasn’t a good time to point out that he wasn’t on duty.

  The girl looked between the adults, clearly intimidated.

  “You won’t get in trouble,” Evan said encouragingly. “We just need to know if everyone is okay.”

  “No,” Cam interrupted. “We need to know where the hell the girls are.”

  Evan put his hand out to try to calm her, but it was a losing battle and he knew it.

  “There’s a party in the woods,” Jann said. “Out by Ghost Lake.”

  Evan wasn’t surprised. Ghost Lake was a favorite hangout for teenagers.

  “What else, Jann?” Shelby urged the girl.

  “They’re going to kill me.” She swallowed hard and looked at her feet. “They were drinking something. I don’t know who was driving.”

  Everything was spinning, including the backseat of the car Morgan knew she shouldn’t have been in. Jason’s? Trent’s? No. It wasn’t Trent’s car; he was sitting next to her. She had no idea whose car she was in.

  But Trent was next to her. He had his arm around her. That felt good.

  Really good.

  She’d been having a good time at the dance and hadn’t really wanted to leave. Dancing with Trent was nice.

  “It’ll be more fun to go to the lake,” Jess had convinced her. “We always do it.”

  She’d handed her the flask of rum they’d been sharing all night and Morgan had taken another deep drink. Only it wasn’t the same. Whatever was in the flask now stung her throat as it went down.

  Jess laughed and told her Jason filled it up for them.

  Morgan didn’t want anything else to drink. She just wanted to get out of the car and make it stop spinning.

  Finally, the door opened, and the shock of the fresh, spring air hit her face.

  It felt so good.

  Morgan was vaguely aware of leaning over Trent to get closer to the fresh air, and then he was moving and holding her hand, taking her with him.

  “Come on, let’s go sit by the fire.”

  Fire?

  She remembered the fire. The last time they’d sat by a fire together, he’d kissed her. She wanted to do that again.

  They were walking and she was trying not to stumble over the rough ground in her mom’s high heels.

  Mom.

  She’d be so pissed at her if she knew she left the dance.

  But she didn’t have to know.

  Jess promised they’d go back before it was over so that their moms never found out.

  Morgan pushed aside any thoughts of her mom and focused on the moment. The moment that included Trent. That was a much better thing to focus on.

  She threaded her arm through his and laughed as she tripped over a branch. He held her tight and led her to a grassy spot by the roaring fire.

  “You look really nice tonight.” Trent smiled and Morgan’s heart did a weird little flip. She’d never had a boy look at her like that. Hell, she’d never had a boy interested in her at all before. “I like the blue. It’s my favorite color.”

  She giggled then immediately slapped a hand over her mouth so she didn’t sound stupid. “I like you.”

  Too late for not sounding stupid.

  But if Trent noticed he didn’t seem to care. He leaned in, cupped her cheek and kissed her, and the world was spinning again. Only this time it was for a completely different reason.

  Morgan had no idea how long they kissed, or when another drink got put into her hand, or how long they’d been by the lake. The time passed in a swirl of laughter and alcohol. She couldn’t remember ever having such a good time. When Jess appeared in front of her, extending a hand down to where she sat, Morgan grabbed it and was pulled up into a hug from her new best friend.

  “Let’s go swimming,” Jess announced.

  “Swimming?” Morgan’s head swiveled around to stare at the lake. “In there?”

  “Of course, silly. It’s the only place to go.” Jess was pulling at her. Morgan waved good-bye to Trent as she was pulled closer to the water’s edge. “Let’s leave our clothes here.”

  “Clothes?”

  “You don’t want them to get wet, do you?” Jess laughed and Morgan joined in, the idea of her clothes getting wet suddenly hilarious. Of course she didn’t want them to get wet.

  Together the girls stripped their clothes off down to their underwear, left them in a pile and then, hand-in-hand, went running into the water, screaming and laughing the entire time.

  It might be almost summer, but the mountain lake was still freezing cold and it took her breath away, but with Jess yelling encouragement, Morgan moved a few more steps before she let go of Jess’s hand and dove in.

  As soon as she broke the surface, Morgan gasped and shrieked out. “It’s so cold! Holy shit!” She laughed and splashed around to keep herself warm.

  It took her a few moments to realize that Jess wasn’t laughing and splashing with her.

  Jess wasn’t there.

  Morgan spun in the water and scanned the surface for her friend. “Jess? You chicken,” she called toward the shore. She must have chickened out at the last minute and let Morgan run in by herself. “Get in here.”

  But Jess wasn’t on the shore. The shoreline was empty, the pile of clothes a dark, shadowy lump where they’d left them under a tree.

  “Jess?” Morgan’s voice was little more than a whisper and then, as she realized what might have happened, louder. “Jess! Jess!” She splashed and screamed for what felt like forever, trying in vain to find her friend.

  Finally there were more voices. More yelling. More splashing.

  And then arms around her, pulling her out of the water and wrapping her in a coat before holding her tight. A hand stroking her wet hair. “It’s okay, Morgan. It’s going to be okay.” Soothing words being muttered in her ear.

  A familiar voice. A comfortin
g voice.

  Unwilling and unable to accept what was happening, Morgan squeezed her eyes shut and let her mom hold her.

  Cam waited until she was sure Morgan was asleep before backing silently out of the hospital room. The paramedics had insisted on bringing her in for observation, a fact Cam was grateful for. She wrapped her arms around herself and leaned against the wall.

  She’d never been so terrified in her whole life than when she’d heard her daughter’s voice screaming out in the night.

  Evan had driven them out to the lake in his truck. There were kids everywhere. Music played from a car stereo. A giant bonfire illuminated the scene, and the lake beyond. They’d only just started looking for Morgan, when Cam heard her scream out Jess’s name.

  Evan had heard it too. After that, everything happened in a blur. Cam followed Evan to the water’s edge, where he immediately ran into the water—understanding on some sort of level that must have been instinct exactly what was going on.

  Morgan was still screaming and splashing and Cam didn’t hesitate. She splashed through the shallows and pulled her daughter to her before leading her out to the beach, where someone handed her a jacket to wrap Morgan in.

  In the few moments they’d been there, everyone, it seemed, was now on the beach. People were yelling. Shelby, Jess’s mom, was crying. It was all a blur. Cam stood and watched everything unfold as she held tight to her daughter, shielding her from everything.

  Evan pulled Jess from the water and began CPR.

  The police showed up, along with an ambulance. Thank God Evan had called in the party on their way to the lake.

  Shelby fell to her knees in the sand when Jess coughed and spat out water. Cam’s heart hurt for the other mother, and she wanted to go to the woman, but she couldn’t leave Morgan. Thankfully, Jess was loaded into the waiting ambulance and together, mother and daughter were whisked away.

  Morgan had been assessed at the hospital, and despite having a blood alcohol level that was way too high for a girl her age—not that any level would have been acceptable—she was going to be fine.

  Cam hadn’t had a minute to digest everything that had happened. She needed to process, but she knew if she did, she would fall apart. And she couldn’t do that here. Not now.

  She dropped her head to her chest. Cam didn’t see Evan until he spoke. “Hey. How’s Morgan?” He wrapped his arms around her and Cam let him hold her for a moment. It felt good to be in his arms. To not have to hold herself up, even for a moment. It had been a whirlwind after they left the lake. Evan had driven her to the hospital, following the ambulance. After they arrived, he volunteered to deal with the police officer who had a few questions, and they’d been separated ever since.

  “She’s fine.” Cam nodded. “She’s going to be fine. I haven’t heard anything about Jess.” She brought her hand to her mouth and swallowed back a sob. She couldn’t lose it. Not yet.

  “Jess will be okay.” He released her from his embrace and took her hand. Evan led her to a nearby bench. “She hit her head when she dove into the lake and because of the alcohol in her system, she didn’t react the way she should have. She took in a lot of water, but she’ll be okay.”

  The impact of what Evan was saying crashed through her. “Oh my God. She could have—” She shook her head. “That could have been Morgan. We’re so lucky. We’re just all so lucky. They never should have been there, Evan.”

  “They’re just kids.” He shook his head. “They were just doing what kids do.”

  He still didn’t get it.

  “No!” She yanked her hand away from his. “Not all kids do that, Evan. You can’t keep saying that. You can’t excuse their behavior because they’re kids.” She couldn’t sit anymore. Cam paced in front of the bench. “You just don’t get it, Evan. And maybe you’ll never get it. You think that’s how all kids behave because it’s how you acted. And even if that was true, it didn’t have to be like this tonight. You should have told me about the party last weekend. You never should have kept it from me. Maybe if I had known, none of this would have—”

  “Cam, that’s not fair.”

  “It isn’t?” She stopped in front of him. “What do you know about fair? Do you think pulling your drunk fifteen-year-old daughter out of a lake while her friend almost dies next to her is fair? Because that isn’t fair. You couldn’t possibly understand, Evan.”

  He jumped to his feet. “Why can’t I understand, Cam?” He gripped her arms and forced her to look him in the eye. “Why can’t I understand how horrible everything was tonight?”

  “Because you don’t have children.”

  He dropped his hands, releasing her arms and took a step back.

  “Don’t I?”

  Cam blinked hard. And then again. “Pardon?”

  “Don’t I have children, Cam?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” But she did, and the realization of what he was asking her made her stomach roil. He thought the worst of her, just like Ryan did. She’d hoped that Evan was different. She’d hoped and believed that he knew her better and knew she’d never in a million years keep something like that from him. But he wasn’t different. All this time, he hadn’t said a word, but he thought that she was capable of letting another man raise his baby. She stood in front of him, but could no longer feel her legs beneath her.

  “Is Morgan mine, Cam?”

  The second he said the words out loud, her blood roared in her ears, drowning out the sounds of the hospital around them. Her legs wanted to buckle. She couldn’t feel her fingertips. Somehow, unbelievably, she stayed standing.

  “How could you ask me that?”

  His voice was quiet, but firm. “Tell me the truth.” He swallowed. “The timing…after you left…everything…is she…could she be…” His eyes pleaded with her, searching for something he wouldn’t find.

  “Do you really think that?” Her voice broke. “Do you really think that I would keep something like that from you? That I would keep you from your daughter?” Her heart squeezed and cracked. It hurt to breathe. “Is that what you think of me, Evan? Really?”

  He didn’t answer, but he didn’t have to.

  “I was young, and I made choices that I’m not proud of. Choices that led to the life I have now.” She wished more than anything that Morgan was his daughter. She deserved a father that loved her, that wanted her and cared about her more than anything in the world. If Evan was her dad, things would be different. A lot different. Everything would be changed. The idea that he thought even for a minute that she could keep that from him, broke something inside her. She shook her head in a vain attempt to clear her thoughts.

  “Cam. I—”

  “No,” she said softly. “Morgan is not your daughter.” She looked into his eyes, at the man she thought she knew so well. But she’d thought that once before, too. And she’d been wrong then too. “So you can go.” Each word she spoke caused a new and fresh pain in her chest. “There’s nothing tying you down here, Evan. You have all the freedom you need.”

  His hand reached out to her, but then fell to his side.

  “Leave.” Her voice was barely a whisper, laced with a hurt she could hardly process. “Just like before.” Cam turned and silently walked back into Morgan’s room because there was nothing left to say.

  Chapter Sixteen

  The sunlight cut through the half-broken metal blinds that hung across from Morgan’s bed, just as it’d done every morning for the last few days, as if the world outside with its blue, sunny skies had no idea that her entire world had ended.

  She pulled the pillow over her head but it was immediately pulled away.

  “Nope,” her mom said. “Not today.”

  Morgan groaned and rolled over on her side.

  “I mean it, Morgan. You need to get out of bed.”

  “I have a headache.”

  Her mom laughed. She laughed. As if it were funny that she’d drank too much and her friend had almost died. She shot s
traight up in her bed and almost told her mom what an unfeeling, heartless bitch her mom really was. But she didn’t.

  “Mom, please.”

  Cam sat on the bed, the flimsy mattress sinking a little. “Hey, I know it’s been a rough few days but you can’t hide forever.” She stroked Morgan’s arm over the blanket. “Besides, we need to leave for Portland this morning. Remember that doctor appointment I told you about?”

  Morgan groaned. “I was literally just at the doctor.”

  “Different doctor.”

  Her mom wouldn’t look at her. When she’d first told her about taking a trip to Portland, Morgan hadn’t really thought much of the lame story she’d given her about needing Morgan to have her yearly checkup at some sort of specific doctor. She probably could have pushed for more details then, but she didn’t really care. She cared even less about it now, except for the fact that it meant she had to get out of her bed.

  “Come on. We leave in an hour. Besides, I know you want to get out of bed because that means you’ll get your phone back.”

  Her mom grinned at her because she knew she’d won. Morgan had been asking for her phone ever since coming home from the hospital. Her mom had been holding it hostage. “Really?” She eyed her mom suspiciously. It seemed too easy.

  “Really. But you have to be showered, packed for an overnight and in the car.”

  Morgan groaned again, but the second her mom left the room, she rolled out of bed.

  “As promised.” Forty-five minutes later, as they pulled away from the curb, her mom handed Morgan her cell phone.

  Morgan stared at it for a minute instead of immediately powering it on. She already knew from her mom that Jess was okay. She had a concussion and she was grounded, but she was okay.

  Thank God.

  Morgan didn’t remember much from the night of the dance. Only snatches of memory came to her.

  The taste of the rum. The light of the fire. The cold of the lake water. The sounds of her own screaming.

  She squeezed her eyes shut and tucked her phone away.

  She’d check it later.