Here

by Zolendz, Christine

  I’m blind, the world around me is pitched in total darkness and I struggle to right myself, to douse the inferno that devours my flesh.

  I scream, but the only sound I hear is the quickening of my pulse rushing through my ears.

  Flames of scorching pain slice through my face. Is my body being burned alive somewhere? There’s too much pressure in my skull, the heat sears me and I cannot think or breathe. The pain is too great. It swallows me whole.

  A bright blinding light flashes and rakes across my vision. An explosion of stars and suns and universes right before my eyes.

  Then it’s over.

  Gone.

  It all abruptly disappears.

  And Rune stands before me, breathing heavily, with my faceplate in his hands. “Kate?” His expression twists and furrows with worry.

  “Take…take it…off.” I claw at the armor, I want it away from my skin, gone from my sight.

  Rune immediately drops the helmet on the floor and slides gears and things across the metal plates that bind me. I’m covered in sweat, drenched in it. Rune’s hands slip and slide over my skin as he tries to tear the suit from my body. “Jex,” he rasps. “Her skin is too hot.” His voice breaks.

  I’m suddenly horizontal and half naked, trembling violently. “R-r-r-u-n-n-e.” I try to speak his name, but the word stumbles and slurs past my lips. I struggle to stop the spinning in my head.

  “Quiet down, girl,” Sarah says from somewhere above my head. “Don’t struggle. Let us help regulate your temperature and get you to optimal health.”

  “N-n-n-o-o m-machine,” I stammer.

  Rune doesn’t listen and plugs the bottom half of the armor in. I try to kick my feet away but they’re too heavy to move. He shifts his attention to the top of my body and holds my face in his hands. “Kate, it’s me. It’s okay,” he whispers.

  Hot tears pour out of my eyes and stream over my temples and into my hair. Rune’s eyebrows pull together and his face blanches more than its usual pallor. “Kate?” he breathes.

  His thumbs brush over my tears as my eyes roll into the back of my head. I fight it, the feeling of succumbing. I need just a moment to tell them. To let them know Pious is coming. “P-pious kn-n-nows w-where…”

  “Jex!” Rune growls. “We need to evacuate this part of the core, now.”

  Jex hovers over me, his eyes darting all over my face. “This is the reason we could not remove the armor from her body. He must have locked her inside long enough to find her location.”

  Yes! That’s it. That’s the answer. I try to agree—to tell him he’s right—but I end up dry heaving into the closest person’s lap.

  “General sir, we should separate, take her into the core’s basin and we’ll circle around the perimeter and meet you there.” Jex’s voice sounds like he’s talking from deep underwater.

  I don’t know what Rune’s answer to him is, because his voice fades to a low murmur and I’m lifted away. My body floats through a long winding tunnel as Rune hums soft soothing sounds in my ear. I’m not sure, but it feels like it takes hours. At least long enough for my muscles to ease their trembling, for the sweat to dry from my skin, and for someone to have stripped me completely bare of any armor.

  Rune makes a small refuge for us in a hidden alcove just off the main corridors of the core. It’s freezing in here which helps get the sting of the Caelum armor out of my skin, but still, now I’m beyond cold. He sits, leaning his back against the wall, and gathers me in his arms to keep me warm. I don’t have the strength to refuse. I keep going over the things that Pious showed me, and I wonder if there’s really such a lonely life waiting for me back home.

  “Can you tell me what happened?” he asks softly. “Did the ship show you something?” The warmth of his lips, so close to my ear, sends a shiver through my shoulders.

  “Pious,” I whisper, turning my head to look up at him. It puts my face a mere inch in front of his. It’s quite disarming. “H-he was in the arboretum.”

  His eyes flit across my face, making my cheeks heat. The way my body lays over his is suddenly too intimate. How did we even get in this position? I shift my weight to move away and his hands softly tighten and press into my sides. “Please, don’t,” he pleads. “Please stay here with me like this. Just for a moment.” His fingers spread out, his thumb caressing my skin. “Tell me what happened.”

  I suck in a quick breath and hesitate. The way his hands touch me slowly melt away all my fear and worry.

  I just need to keep focusing on Rune.

  His eyes are so liquid blue I feel like I’m falling into them, willing to drown. In another time, another place. God, in another life I could see myself falling for Rune. If he were only a regular guy I met at school or in a coffeeshop. But he’s not. He’s not of my world.

  “Please, Kate.” His voice shakes over the words, making me feel completely off balance. I’m still wavering, I know I should move away, but…

  His hand reaches up. His fingertips tremble along my jaw and brush over my bottom lip. My stomach flips at the touch and a lump forms in my chest. His gaze drops to my mouth and heat sparks along my collarbone. Suddenly I can’t catch my breath for very different reasons than before.

  This has to stop.

  I need to get off him, tell him what Pious said. Find the truth and get my head on straight again. It’s time to move away, way past time.

  But then he leans forward slowly, deliberately, and a low groan rumbles deep in his throat. I’m mesmerized by it, by its seductive sound, and the carnal hunger in those blue eyes.

  I find myself wondering how warm his lips would be against mine. The taste of his mouth. The touch of his tongue. The thoughts make me shiver.

  “Kate,” he whispers my name reverently. I don’t know if he’s asking me to talk about Pious or something else now, the only thing I can focus on is savoring the way his hands skate over my skin.

  We shouldn’t be doing this, I shouldn’t want this, but all I can think about is burrowing closer into him for warmth. Yes, that’s it. Of course, it’s because I’m so cold.

  No. I’m lying and delusional. I want him to kiss me. To touch me. I want what’s left of this horrible world to fade away until it’s just me and him and nothing else.

  Slowly, so very slowly, he traces his fingers over my throat to the nape of my neck. Each movement slow and calculated, down, down, down the back of my spine. Oh, sweet baby Jesus, that feels sublime. I arch back in response, my insides instantly melting, liquifying. My body curves into his touch, floating backward. My bare breasts lift up, intentionally offering themselves for full view.

  His hands move quick, grasping onto my hips. I hear a soft moan and a whispered curse. Then I feel it, the soft graze of his lips skating over my nipple.

  A gasp escapes my lips and both of us freeze.

  I squeeze my eyes shut tight—the warmth of his mouth feels too good to make him stop. I can feel the heat of his breath every time he exhales, it pebbles my nipples to hardened flesh that ache and pinch, desperate to be played with.

  “Tell me to stop, and I will,” he whispers.

  But I don’t tell him to stop. I don’t say anything, I’m too busy fighting myself from pulling him closer.

  That small moment of hesitation is all he needs before his lips latch on to my nipple, tugging and sucking softly. There’s a sound growling out of the back of his throat and then he’s rocking slightly beneath me, rubbing slowly against me, back…and forth.

  His fingers press into my hips harder as his tongue flicks against me and his teeth gently nip and bite exactly how I need them to.

  This is crazy. I need to get off him, I know I do. But instead, I’m wrapping my arms around him, running my hands through the silky strands of his hair. My brain is too foggy to think; his body rocking and shifting against mine is overwhelming all my senses.

  My hair tumbles around us. His hands slide up and down, over my hips, and tightening around the curve of my bottom as if guid
ing my body to align with his. Thick fingers massage and rub, sliding lower and lower until he’s spreading both of my bottom cheeks, touching everything between them.

  I bury my face in his neck, muffling the sounds of our heavy breaths. The only thing keeping him from being inside me is the thin metallic pants he wears between us.

  Will he take them off? Will his fingers fumble with the buckles and gears until his body is bare? Will he rock into me and curse the stars and skies?

  It might be so wrong, but I want him to. Oh God, do I want him to.

  Just when I open my mouth to tell him what I need, he pulls away, leveling his glazed eyes on mine. He’s breathing hard, his chest rising and falling fast. “Will you mate with me now?”

  Mate with him. Mate with him? It’s like a splash of icy water to my skin.

  Hot tears prick at my eyes. That’s what he thinks this is. He thinks I’m going to stay here now and become some baby factory for his next generation?

  He leans in to bring his lips to mine and I lean away and flatten a hand across his chest. This is wrong, so wrong. I can’t believe I let myself get into this position with him. I can’t give Rune false hope about me and him or anyone else making the next generation of humans. I just can’t.

  His eyebrows pull together. “Your body is willing. I feel it,” he whispers, lowering his fingers through the slickness between my legs, sparking a burst of heat at the apex of my thighs.

  Jesus, is he trying to kill me?

  “I’m not going to fall in love with you,” I blurt out, leaning back and scrambling off him. I kneel on the floor for a moment with my arms crossed over my breasts and lap. I wish I had a blanket or shirt, anything to cover myself with.

  He sits straight up, leaning his palms flat on the floor, his gaze meeting mine. “I don’t even know what that word means.” His voice is low and vicious, his eyes blazing with fury.

  I feel the blood drain from my face. His words make me feel more naked than I already am. I can’t believe I wanted to—that I thought—forget it, I don’t even know what’s going on anymore. I just need to get back home. Get off this tin can where everywhere you look is some hot alien asshole wanting to get with you, for all the wrong reasons. Me, mating to have a baby? Or a few babies? I couldn’t even keep my sister safe, what the hell would I do to a bunch of alien babies?

  He shifts closer, until the backs of his hands and the tips of his fingers brush against mine. “Kate. I’ve never…I’ve never touched a female…did I do something wrong?”

  I shake my head quickly and try not to think that all this man just wanted was to impregnate me.

  “Kate, all I’m asking you to do is mate with me, nothing more. Must you look so tormented by the idea?” he huffs.

  I move away from his touch. I need space, a lot of space, and I need to change the subject and get him back on track. My no is no. I’m not talking this out with him so he can fool himself into thinking I could be some crazy alien baby mama for his people. “Stop, let’s just stay focused, Rune. Remember what we’re supposed to be talking about? Pious, and what he said to me in the garden.”

  He stops short, his eyes narrowing. “Pious. Right. What did he say?” He shakes his head and drops his gaze to the floor.

  I take this moment to create a distance between our bodies, not stopping until my back is leaning against the farthest wall. “He said the Caelum created the virus that caused the pandemic.”

  His body stiffens and his eyes shoot back up to meet mine. “No, Kate. He’s lying to—”

  “Then how did the Caelum know when to leave Earth?” I ask, jamming my hands on my hips. “How did they know what would happen? How did they have time to build a ship and create an environment that would sustain life in space?” My lungs feel tight, like they’re fighting for air. He’s got to see how it all looks to me.

  He reaches out for me but I’m too far away. “No. No, my people wouldn’t,” his voice cracks.

  “But what if they did and you just don’t know?” I take a deep breath and add, “Or what if you’re the one lying to me right now?”

  His expression darkens. “After everything, this—this is what you really think of me?”

  I stare at him. “You have to know—you have to realize I don’t know what to think.” My thoughts and words tumble together and they come out in a flood of tears. “All you want of me, Rune, is to be some sort of reproduction mechanism for you and your people. You…you just asked me to mate with you! You want the same thing Pious wants.”

  There is no softening to his expression. And there’s no denial.

  “I’m a person, Rune. With feelings and fears and wants and needs. I don’t want to be just some baby-making machine to someone…some breeder.”

  “Kate—”

  “No! I won’t be with someone just because I have a significantly high chance of contributing to your population increase! I’m more than that!”

  “I never said you weren’t,” he says through clenched teeth.

  We stare at each other, silently. Until his gaze loses its intensity and his eyes drift down across my body, and peer defeatedly at the floor.

  If he’d only just asked a few women on Earth. There’s no denying how attractive he is, how attractive they all are—perfectly created male specimens—tons of girls would have followed him back here. I’m just not ready to start having babies. “I know how desperate you must feel, Rune. I feel the same way about getting back to Claire. But mating for the sole reason of me getting pregnant…it’s not…I’m not ready for that. I come from a world where procreation isn’t just for breeding purposes.” This is all too heavy to even explain. “We have sex for fun, to feel good. Because we love, or lust, sometimes even because we hurt or hate.” I wish I could help him, but then who will help Claire and my father and all the women on this ship that are being held against their will?

  He swipes his hands over his face. “The human race is at stake, Kate.”

  “I want to have a baby with someone I love. Maybe one day it will happen, according to Pious’s future for me it never will, but I can’t just hand over my body to you. Like you said before, you don’t even know what the word love means.”

  “Then there’s no hope for mankind,” he whispers.

  “Take me home, Rune,” my words break, “and I’ll help you find someone who is willing to give you what you need.”

  “I might be new to your kind of humanity, Kate. But at least one of us is being honest about knowing the difference between what they need and what they so desperately want.”

  49

  Kate

  I silently follow Rune through the hidden walkways of the ship. He’s angry with me. I can tell by the way he moves and the absence of his glances. Outrage balls in his fists and keeps him ten feet in front of me.

  He no longer leads me chivalrously through doorways with a warm hand to heat the small of my back, but grunts and points his curt directions.

  His refusal to talk—to look at me—it claws an ache in my chest and hollows out my insides.

  I stumble over my feet to keep up. “Rune, please. Can’t you slow down?”

  He neither slows nor responds.

  My chest tightens. I want to scream and throw something at him. My chest fills with fire despite the icy temperature in the ship.

  I stop walking, and with a loud growl, cross my arms up over my breasts. “Rune,” I shout, “stop!”

  His head whips around and faster than a flash of lightning he’s in front of me, taking up all the space and air around us. “Talking and stopping are a waste of time. The faster I get you to the rendezvous point with the others, the quicker you’ll be able to get back where you belong. Isn’t that what you want?” He steps closer and his jaw tightens. “Isn’t that what you’re so damn desperate for? To live on a destroyed planet as far away from me as possible?”

  “That’s not fair. You’re being an asshole.”

  His eyes narrow. “You want to leave here, yes?
You want to get out of, what do you keep calling it?” he laughs dryly. “A tin can?”

  “Yes, but—”

  “And you wouldn’t care if I took another female to mate with?” he asks.

  I don’t give him an answer. I don’t want to think about him touching another person the way he just touched me, but telling him that wouldn’t help this situation at all.

  “Then I will take you back to Earth and leave you there.” His face is red, the veins in his neck coiled. “You women are so easily replaceable, right? That’s what you said. I can just toss you back down and pluck up some other one. Interchangeable.” He crouches lower and levels his eyes with mine. His dark hair falls past his temples, drowning the blue of his eyes in darkness. “Maybe I’ll look for one with a better disposition and a lot less curves. Definitely one smart enough to realize she would be safer with me up here in a tin can teaching me what the word love means to her.”

  What. The. Fuck.

  He spins his back on me and continues to storm through the narrow walkway.

  I’m frozen. Tears blur my sight. I let him walk farther down the hall, feeling the divide between us with every step he takes away from me. I don’t want to feel bad about my decision. I want to help him, but staying here and just popping out babies isn’t what I want to do. Why can’t he understand that?

  Maybe my feelings will change when I know Claire and Dad are safe—when they’re with me again and I can take care of them. Right now, being so far away from them and not knowing where or what they are doing, and not having the ability to get to them on my own, I feel too out of control. He’s known this all along—that I needed to get back to Claire. Nothing else matters. Rune may look human, but he doesn’t understand how to be human. I don’t know if he ever will.

  I wipe at my eyes and thump my head against the cool metal of the wall. I breathe in deeply and look up ahead through the dimness of the walkway, but I can no longer see Rune.