Rocco is right. I’m not trying hard enough. I’m in the same place as I was with Bonnie. No further ahead. What am I actually doing with my life? Am I using Prince Fuckface as an excuse not to push myself?
Thank God I’m meeting up with April today, because I need a friend. I’m glad I have at least one person I can rely on to tell it to me straight. It’s time I faced this future of mine head on, but I need to work out how to do it.
****
“Spence and I are thinking of doing a joint bucks-hens trip to Vegas,” April says, and a beaming grin spreads across her face.
Oh boy.
I’m far from excited. I hope the look on my face doesn’t convey that. Vegas equals big bucks. It means time off work. How the hell can I tell my best friend that I can’t go? Some maid of honour I am.
“Babe, I—”
“We’re paying for you on frequent flyer points, Soph. I won’t hear another thing about it.”
“Fuck, I can’t have you do that for me. It’s not right.”
“Spencer and I have a shitload of points. You’re my best friend, Soph, and I’m not doing this without you. We’re gonna do Vegas, baby!” She launches at me, giving me a huge hug.
“I don’t think there’ll be many girls, but you and Vicky are definite. At the end of the day, if you two are there with me I’ll be one happy hen.”
In other words, I’m going. There’s no negotiation here.
“I floated the idea with Eevie this morning,” April continues. “The poor girl had to run to the bathroom in the middle of the call to throw up. She’s about eight weeks pregnant and having terrible morning sickness, so she’s out.”
I can’t help but smile, but then comes the pang in my stomach. “That’s great news. About the baby … not the sickness.”
“Yeah, I know. Those two make beautiful babies.”
Babies. I swear my ovaries just sighed.
“So you’re good with Vegas?” She nods as if she’s trying to send me not-so-subliminal messages.
The problem is what kind of friend am I if I let her pay my way?
“Yes, of course I’m there, but I’ll pay you back,” I say.
“No, you won’t, so shut your face.”
I let out an exasperated sigh. I know she’s never going to let me back out of this. It makes me love this woman even more. “Tell me more about this grand plan of yours.”
A tiny squeal escapes her mouth and she claps. “We were thinking that the boys and girls can do their own thing for the first two days, then I think it’d be cool for everyone to get together and do something, like a pool party? That way everyone in the bridal party can spend some more time together before the big day. We just want the wedding to go off without a hitch, you know?”
“Anything you need, babe. I’ll make it work.”
“Have you got a passport?” she asks, taking another pick at the plate of hot chips between us. I scoff to myself. Yeah. I have my fucking passport. I had it all sorted in preparation for my honeymoon. But with a groom MIA, there was no wedding, and no tour of Europe for me. It was going to be the trip of a lifetime.
“Well, do you?” she prompts.
“Yeah, I have it.”
“Sweet. There’s some great specials on now, so we thought about booking this week to go in a month. I hope that’s okay?”
“Sure, it’d be great if we could include a weekend in the dates, seeing’s I haven’t been getting any shifts then.”
“I was thinking about doing that anyway.”
“Babe, I hate to ask, but if I need to borrow a bit of money, are you okay to spot me?”
“Of course.”
“We’re really doing Vegas, huh?” A grin slowly spreads across my face. April bites down on her bottom lip and then nods.
“Yup. We’re really doin’ it. Watch out, Vegas,” she says, with a wink.
I try to ignore the negative thoughts that bombard me. How much time will I have to take off work? How much further will I be behind? How much money do I really want to borrow from my friend?
“I’ve never been overseas before. I’m fucking thirty, and I’ve never left the shores of Australia. I can’t imagine doing it with anyone I love more, April. Us bitches are gonna teach Vegas how Aussie girls party.”
“Now there’s the Soph I know is in there.”
“Which one?” I ask.
“The take-life-by-the-balls kind of Soph.”
“I don’t do balls, babe. You know that.”
“Ha ha. You know what I mean.”
“Yeah, I do. I promise to make this trip the most memorable it can be.”
I dive into the chips and eat them slowly as I contemplate how I’m going to bring up the big issue on my mind.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure,” she says with a shrug.
“Do you think I play the martyr?”
Her eyebrows pull together. “What?”
“I kinda had a fight with Rocco, and he said I’m letting my past hold me back.”
“Since when does Sophie McKenna take shit from anyone? Don’t listen to him.”
I let out a long breath and run my fingers across my forehead. April doesn’t know the extent of my debt, or my history with Fuckface. It’s time I shared. If you can’t spill your deepest, shittiest secrets with a close friend, then what kind of friendship do you really have?
“You know when I told you I’d had dick before,” I say quietly.
“Yeah, and I clearly remember the fact that you were as tight as a cat’s arsehole about the details.”
“Yes,” I say, with a roll of my eyes. “There’s a reason I don’t talk about it.”
She reaches across the table, her mood turning more sombre.
“Whatever it is, Soph. Whatever he did to you, you know you can talk to me about it.”
“I know.” I trust this woman with all my heart.
“Four years ago, I was engaged.”
April chokes. I have no idea on what, because it’s not like she has a mouthful of food or drink.
“I wasn’t always this bitter and twisted. I met this guy, an older guy, when I was working at Gloria Jeans in the city. Like clockwork he came in every morning, always immaculately dressed in sharp suits, with fancy cufflinks and silk ties. For months he asked me out on a date.” I think back to those days, and how persistent he’d been. “At first I used to fob him off, because I had no idea why he would be interested in someone like me. I was just a girl working in a café by day and studying at night. He was persistent, and eventually I said yes. We had a connection and it didn’t take long before I’d moved in with him and we were engaged. It snowballed quickly, and we’d even talked about planning a family. He put me up on this pedestal—not that I really thought I deserved to be there. He made my life easier. He was supportive of me, and what I wanted to achieve. I could finally concentrate on my studies without the financial pressure. Once I had my qualifications, I could really go somewhere.”
“So what happened?” she asks, with a concerned look splashed across her face.
“All my money was in our joint account. He maxed out our credit cards, borrowed against our house right up to the max. He drained every last cent. When they re-possessed the house, the bank couldn’t recover what was owed. They couldn’t even get a buyer at market value. He disappeared overseas and the bank couldn’t find him. His family shut me out, and I was left with hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt, which I’ve been struggling to pay back ever since.”
She clutches at her chest. “Oh, Soph. This is why you’ve struggled all this time?”
“It’s my own fault. I was naïve. I believed he loved me. I believed in happy-fucking-ever-afters and having a beautiful family of my own. I just wanna have kids, babe. I don’t wanna get too old and miss my shot.”
“Which is why you broke up with Bonnie?” she asks.
“Yeah, for the most part, but I don’t think we would’ve worked out long-term anywa
y.”
April seizes both of my hands and grips them tight. “Thank you for telling me. I’m sorry you’ve had to carry this shit for so long on your own. You know you can tell me anything, right?”
“Yeah, I know.” I nod and sniff back my runny nose. “I feel better for sharing. I hate having secrets. I guess I’m kind of still in denial. I’m still astounded that someone could be so cruel to someone they supposedly love.”
“Fucker,” she says, as she shakes her head.
“I prefer to refer to him as Prince Fuckface.”
She bursts out laughing. “Ha, that’s gold! Very fitting.”
“I think so too.”
“And you know what else?”
“What?”
April leans in close, flicking her hair over her shoulder. “Now we can have some serious sexy-time conversations, because I’m dying to know stuff.”
“He’s not the best sex I’ve ever had, if that’s what you wanna know.”
“No rush, we can workshop this out some other time … over red wine.”
I shake my head and chuckle. “Okay. Because that’s what best friends do, right?”
She nods. “Right.”
“The big thing is what do I do now? How do I get out of this shitty rut? How do I get ahead?”
“Okay, Miss Soon-To-Graduate, I want you to tell me something. Let’s say you were working in your dream job in recruitment. As a consultant, or whatever. What would you say to someone in your exact same situation?”
Why the fuck haven’t I thought of doing this before?
“I’d say they should get their CV together, do a bit of research on recruitment companies, and then arrange an interview to discuss career options.”
“Sounds like perfect advice to me,” she says, with a wink.
“You’re not just a pretty face,” I say, playfully barging her shoulder.
“Hey, you came up with the bright idea, not me.”
****
Friday
For the last three days I’ve stewed on what Rocco said, even though April tried to tell me to ignore the arse. His harsh words have infiltrated my dreams, and every minute I’ve worked in the café since, it’s as if I’m a dead woman walking. There’s no job satisfaction. No challenge. It truly is time for a change.
I’m doing something about it. Yesterday I took my own advice and did my homework. I contacted one of the top recruitment agencies in Sydney. If I’m doing this, I’m going to start trying at one of the best.
Today, Sophie McKenna is going to dominate at life.
I believe that I can.
I barely recognise my reflection as I walk through the grand steel and glass doors of Walker & Wilde recruitment agency. I’m wearing the smartest outfit I own—simple, yet classic. A white blouse and a black pencil skirt, with a matching fitted jacket and patent black heels. My attire screams office worker, hopefully executive, but on the inside I’m rocking tight jeans and my old AC/DC shirt. I straightened my hair this morning and have pulled it up into a smooth ponytail, wrapping a length of hair around the band.
A young girl with sleek, long black hair in a smart knee-length red dress promptly greets me and takes me through to a small waiting room, where I try and focus on not looking nervous. Thankfully no one can see the growing sweat patches under my arms. Yet.
A lady with short ash-blonde hair, adorned in a navy pantsuit, approaches me, all smiles. She extends her hand, and I shake it with a firm grip. If there’s one thing you have to have, it’s a good handshake.
“Good morning, I’m Sophie McKenna. Thank you for seeing me today.”
“Lovely to meet you, Sophie. I’m Julie Walker.”
Wait a minute, the Julie Walker? Principal, and well known for her awards in the recruitment industry?
“Nice to meet you too, Mrs Walker.”
I did my homework. I know from her profile that she’s happily married, otherwise I’d refer to her as Ms.
I’m surprised to be meeting with one of the owners of the firm, because I was sure I’d be meeting one of their recruitment consultants. I’ve got a prime opportunity here to really make an impression.
“Please, Julie is fine. Follow me.”
I walk behind her to a corner office, and take a seat across from her at her uber-organised desk.
“I’ve had a look at your CV and uni results. You’ve done very well in your studies,” she says.
“Thank you. I hope to finish my degree in the next six months.”
“Great. So tell me, what are you ideally looking for?”
“Ideally, a HR position somewhere. I don’t mind if it’s small business or government. I think regardless of the organisation, I’ll be able to make a difference.”
“Great. Do you have any problems starting at low-level entry?”
It can’t be any worse than what I’m doing now. I don’t mind where I start. It’s a stepping stone, and it’ll be a good foundation for my career. “Not at all; in fact, I’d prefer it. I’d like to know how it all works from the ground up.”
“I love your attitude. You’re right. I think there are some basic skills that many people in recruitment could learn from starting at the bottom.”
I smile and nod. I don’t know whether she’s having a dig at her colleagues or not, so best not to say anything.
“Can you tell me why you’ve been at Wild and Free Range for so long? Have you been actively looking for work relevant to your degree?”
Um, I needed the money? Loyalty? Better the devil you know?
“There’s a few reasons I guess, but truthfully, I only just got up the courage to put myself out there, and I’m both excited and terrified, but I know that it’s time.”
“Yes, it’s not always easily, but I applaud you for taking that first step. It’s always the hardest.” Julie lifts up the top page of her notepad and scans the page. “And you’re familiar with workplace OH&S laws?” she asks.
“Yes I am. Last term I studied them in great detail, and my first-aid certification is current. I’ve also recently spent time reviewing various enterprise agreements and code-of-conduct policies.”
Julie straightens the notepad on her desk, and raises her eyebrows. “Tell me, in your opinion, what do you think makes for an attractive work environment for an employee?”
“I think staff morale is very important. Staff should be given an opportunity to contribute to decision-making, where appropriate, and should be supported with learning and development. Above all, I think communication with staff is the key.”
“Excellent. Yes, all very important things for a happy workplace.”
She turns to her computer and types in a few words, then double-clicks her mouse a couple of times.
“I may have a position I could potentially put you forward for. Do you think you could obtain a reference from your current employer?”
“Not a problem,” I answer without hesitation. I’m gonna hate having that conversation with Tony, but I need it to move forward, and I can’t do that without a recommendation. I know we’ve had our differences, but I’ve always had the best interests of his business in mind.
“Just shoot that reference through and either myself or one of the team will get back to you as soon as we can.” Julie writes something down on her notepad, and then stands and hands me a business card.
I take the card, and then shake her hand. “Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.”
“Nice earrings, by the way,” she says, with a wink.
I immediately grab at my ear, recognising the small silver skull and crossbones by touch. I guess you can’t take the grunge out of the girl.
“Thanks.”
As I walk out into the crisp winter day, I have to stop and take a breath. There’s a blooming feeling inside my chest. Hope. There’s a bounce in my step. Heat rises to my cheeks and I swear, if it’s such a thing, my soul is tingling.
It’s hope.
Jesus Christ, I’ve missed this feeling.
/>
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
SOPHIE
When I walk in through the front door of the café, it’s evident that Tarsh is flat out. Her cheeks are flushed and her hair wild, teamed with a sweaty brow. She can still manage a smile for me. Smiling back doesn’t seem to take nearly as much effort as usual.
Fridays are always busy, but Tony made the dipshit decision to cut my shift today. Regardless, after I’ve said what I need to say to him, I’ll offer Tarsh a hand.
“Hey, you’re not supposed to be in today,” she says and sighs.
“I know. Are you coping okay? Can I do anything?”
“We’ll be fine, but I appreciate the offer.”
“Is Tony in?”
“Yeah, he’s out back,” she says, with an eye roll. I guess she gets fed up as well that he doesn’t seem to lend a hand when it’s crazy like this. All he’d have to do is make a few coffees or take a few orders so customers weren’t waiting as long. It’d make the world of difference, and his staff wouldn’t be run off their feet.
“I’ll just pop my head in then I’ll come and see how you’re going?”
“Great.”
With a rap of my knuckles on the open door, Tony’s eyes look up from his laptop. “Hey. What are you doing here? You’re not on today,” he says, and rubs at his stubble-free chin.
“No, I’m not. Do you mind if I sit?” I ask. Any other time I’d just plonk myself down by his desk, but not today. I need to be considerate with what I’m going to say. I don’t want to get fired. Although there’s hope of something more out there for me, I can’t risk this. I still owe so much, and I need to keep this job until the last moment before I move on to something else.
“Sure. What’s up?”
“Tony, I’ve worked for you for a long time …”
“This I know.”
“Yes, and I know you’re busy trying to run things—”
“And you’re one of my best,” he interrupts.
Since when does he throw out compliments like that? Like, never.
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