From the moment I saw V on that cold metal trolley, guilt has surrounded me in a deathly fog. I failed him and failed my mother.
A giant of a man in a black suit, with a strong jaw and sandy brown hair appears out of nowhere, making me jump.
“Are you De Luca?” he asks in a deep voice.
I wipe the wetness from my cheeks. “Not now, mate.”
“I’m Ryan. Jones sent me out here to—”
“The cops just told me they charged someone with my brother’s murder. I need a fuckin’ minute.”
“Oh, man. Shit,” he curses, running his fingers across his jaw.
“What?”
“Are you Vinnie’s brother?”
“How did you …”
“I’m a cop. I’m really sorry for your loss, man.”
“What the hell do you know about it?”
“I’ve been doing some work on the affiliates of the guy that’s been charged.”
I let out a heavy sigh, and it feels as if part of my spirit has left with it. I’m weary. I’m so over this shit. I don’t know if I have the strength to put on a brave face today, even though I owe it to my friends.
“The only justice for that piece of scum is to let him get raped and bleed out like Vinnie did.”
“I know it’s not much comfort to you right now, but there’s a taskforce working around the clock on this club, among others.”
“Still doesn’t bring him back.”
“You guys, we need to get the hell inside,” Stone says, as he jogs towards us. “Jones is, well, sweating like a manwhore in church.”
“I just needed a minute,” I choke out. I comb my trembling fingers through my hair and suck in a deep breath. “Let’s get this manwhore married, then.”
We slip in the side door to the church and make our way to the groom. The deep lines across Jones’s brow fade as his eyes connect with mine.
“Sorry, Jones. Got some shitty news. I’m good.” I clear my throat and smooth my clammy hands down the lapels of my suit jacket.
“Don’t be. Whatever it is, I’m here for you,” he says, and grips my shoulder, drawing me into a hug.
I bite down on my bottom lip. It’s a fuckin’ struggle not to cry.
Murder.
A slow violin piece fills the expanse of the church, momentarily silencing the chatter amongst guests.
“Would you please stand,” the minister announces. I drag a deep breath through my runny nose, and tell myself to man up.
The music grows louder and then Vicky walks down the aisle, smiling and nodding at familiar faces as she approaches.
I wait anxiously for the next in line. My heartbeat quickens. I spot the dreamy blonde waves of her hair first, and gulp around the lump in my throat as I take in all her glory. The aisle might as well be a catwalk. The short creamy-coloured dress flows at the sides of her thighs as it moves with each step. The shoes, holy fuck, the shoes. I love her in her Doc Martens, but in these strappy silver hard-on-provoking heels? So sexy.
When her eyes meet mine, her shoulders visibly drop. The smile that spreads across her glossy pink lips is nothing short of beautiful. Having her close lifts some of the weight from my chest, making it easier to breathe.
When April makes her journey down the aisle, with Mac proudly at her side, I turn to look at my best mate. Wow. Never have I seen a man smile like this before. I don’t know whether he’s nervous, about to break out into laughter or burst into tears. From the look of his glassy eyes, I’d say crying is a real possibility. I could give him shit about it, but I won’t. The nuts and bolts of it are that he’s a softy when it comes to his woman. I admire that.
The minister takes over proceedings, and guides Jones and April in their vows. When I’m asked for the rings, I hand them over as if I’m operating on autopilot. I’m here in body, but in spirit I’m standing at the cemetery.
It’s cold, just like it was the day we buried him. As I stand at the foot of his grave, I apologise to him once more. I’m sorry, brother. A million fucking times, I’m sorry.
I’ll never forget how small he looked in that coffin, how his skin felt cool and waxy beneath my fingers.
“Rocco?” Suds says, gripping my forearm. It takes a few blinks before I realise where I am. Jesus, I’m out of it. “We need to sign,” she whispers into the shell of my ear.
“Right,” I mutter, as I clear the deathly visions from my head.
As we sign the paperwork as witnesses, I can’t stop staring at Suds. She’s like some kind of apparition. An angel in a walking wet dream.
“What?” Soph says, with her brows pulled tight together.
“Huh?”
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
I shake my head.
“You’ve got nothing to say?”
“You’re beautiful.” And I wanna bury myself in you.
“You scrub up alright too, grease monkey.” She winks and then takes her position on the other side of the aisle, beside Vicky.
“Now we get to the fun stuff,” the minister says. “I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride.”
The church fills with wolf whistles and cheers as Jones dips April and kisses the ever-loving fuck out her. In front of all these people, he kisses her as if he doesn’t give a shit who’s watching. When they come up for air, April is clutching at her chest and her face and chest are flushed. The two lovebirds laugh together and then hold each other, whispering and revelling in the moment.
For the first time in a long time, I know what I want.
I want that.
I want someone to look at me like April does Jones. I want that heat, that passion, that friendship and that understanding.
I glance over, and Suds is talking with Vicky. She glances up and our eyes connect.
I want that girl.
****
“Next up, we have the best man speech with Rocco De Luca,” Nathan says, and hands over the microphone.
Polite claps fill the room, but everyone on the bridal table wolf whistles. I shake my head as I chuckle. I love these guys.
I look out to the sea of well-dressed people, their eyes eagerly waiting for some words of wisdom. Not one for public speaking, I pretend for a moment that they’re all wearing MX gear. I’ll like ’em better this way.
“I’m not big on words, so I promise this’ll be brief. Jones is my brother. My family. I couldn’t be happier today, seeing these two tie the knot and I’m privileged to have stood beside you today as your best man.” I swallow down and loosen my tie. Sweat beads across my forehead. “I lost someone close recently and had it not been for some special people in this room I don’t know how I would’ve gotten through it. Jones, today you married the love of your life. As husband and wife, I just know you have an awesome future ahead. With the way you two can’t keep your hands off each other, it won’t be long before you have a family of your own.”
The newlyweds lean in and kiss each other, drawing an echo of ahs and aws from the room.
I reach out and place my hand on Jones’s shoulder, looking my mate in the face. I want him to know I’m sincere about what I say next. “It’s taken some time and some life lessons, but I’ve come to realise that I want what you guys have, and I hope one day soon I’ll get that chance. With any luck, in years from now our kids will be racing around together.”
“Cheers to that, bud,” Jones says, and smiles.
I turn back to the room, and raise my glass of non-alcoholic champagne, which I know will taste like arse. “Would you please raise your glass, and help me cheers to Spencer and April.”
The room erupts with cries of “to Spencer and April!”
****
The happy couple have their first dance, and Nathan announces it’s time for the bridal party to join them on the dance floor. Suds offers me a mega-watt smile as I take her hand and lead her to the side of the room. I’d rather have her all to myself somewhere. Fucking formalities.
�
��I thought you’d have two left feet,” she says, as I hold my arm up and twirl her around. The hem of her dress floats around her thighs, flashing me enough extra flesh to cause my dick to stiffen. It’s not the most convenient timing with this many people gawking at us.
I grind my hips into her, letting her feel what she’s caused in a matter of moments. I’m not holding back today. Not anymore.
“You look good enough to eat,” I growl in her ear.
She laughs softly and stares deep into my eyes as we continue to move to the slow beat. “Hungry, are we?” she says with a raised brow. Tease.
“Starved.”
The song ends, and Suds lowers her hands to her sides and takes a step back.
“Not so fast, Suds. I’m not done dancing with you yet,” I growl, grabbing her hand and bringing her body against mine.
“What’re you playing at, De Luca?” she asks as she boldly glides her hips against mine and my growing hard-on.
“What. No De Loser anymore?” I challenge.
She brushes her finger along my jawline and then presses her finger to my lips. “No. Not anymore.”
“Must’ve done something right,” I joke.
“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” she says, and tilts her head to the side. Her green eyes bore into mine, as if she’s searching for something. “Did you mean what you said in your speech?”
“Every word.”
She nods and her throat bobs as she swallows. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you,” she says, her voice wavering.
“Spit it out then.”
There’s an awkward pause between us.
“I found a place,” she finally says.
My feet freeze. She’s leaving? Whoa.
“A place, huh?” I say, trying not to show how much it hurts. It’s gonna be one lonely place without her. “Cool,” I add, shrugging one shoulder. I say it more to convince myself to be that way. I knew this day would come, but each passing week gave me the hope that maybe she’d stay … permanently.
“Are you okay?” she asks. “You seemed kind of distant at the church.”
I can’t tell her what the cop told me today and spoil what’s happening here. I don’t want her to stay because she feels sorry for me. No one should hold her back after the shit she’s been through. Not even my selfish arse.
Suds could have made a move to leave before now because she had the money. I adore her for not turning her back on me. She put me before herself, and the only person who’s ever done that for me is my own mother.
“Nothing I can’t handle.”
“Good.”
“You know, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you,” I whisper.
“What?” Suds wraps her arms around my neck and draws our chests against each other.
I squeeze my arms around her waist and drink in her sweet, blossomy scent. “I want you in my bed, Suds.”
She melts into my embrace and a sweet sigh falls from her lips. “We’ve been practically in the same bed since, well, you know.”
Yeah, I know. Since he died.
“Not to sleep,” I say, my voice deeper this time.
“Oh,” she says quietly.
“Not quite the answer I was lookin’ for.”
She worries at her bottom lip, but her lust-filled gaze is telling me a yes.
“Is it poor form to leave before the bride and groom?” she says, and allows a smile to spread wide across her face.
And there it is. I’ve got her. Small fucking miracle.
I laugh softly and rest my forehead against hers. “Not in my book, but I think we have to hang in here for at least another couple of hours.”
“You keep rubbing that lizard against me and I won’t last a couple of minutes.”
Fuck me. I’ve a right mind to drag her arse out of here and drive into her until she’s a screaming hot mess. I won’t though, because I’m a selfish man. I don’t want it quick. I wanna be greedy. The first time we do it, it’s gonna mean something. I won’t cheapen it. Holding out until we can leave the celebrations is gonna be some fucking test of my manhood and willpower, but it’ll be worth it.
“I have a room here. That’ll save some time.”
She scrunches her brow. “You do?”
“Yup.” I paid for a room for one reason. You. My way of kicking my arse into action. There’s no way I’m spending the night in that room alone.
“But it’s only twenty minutes in a cab home.”
“I know this. I can do a fuckin’ lot in twenty minutes, Suds.”
“I bet you can.”
A couple brushes past us, followed by a hushed giggle. Billy and Vicky dance close, trapped in their own world as their eyes greedily eat each other up. Billy whispers something in her ear, causing her to sigh and fall farther into his arms. My prediction is that Billy will be dicking Jones’s baby sister tonight.
Guaranteed.
“Looks like we won’t be the only ones bumping uglies tonight,” I whisper to Suds, and jut my chin towards them.
“I’ll have you know there’s nothing ugly about my puss,” she says, her tone clipped. If it wasn’t for the challenge in the raise of her eyebrows, I’d be worried about her reaching for the nearest piece of silverware to carve me with.
“And I can’t wait for you to prove it, Suds.”
****
My fingers fumble with the buttons. Do you think I can do a simple thing like undo my shirt? Fuck no. Not when the woman of my wet dreams is stripping off layers like her skin is on fire.
I end up ripping the fabric open, causing buttons to skitter onto the bedside table and bounce on the floor. My shirt gets caught on my cufflinks, and it takes some fucking effort to get it off. When my hands are free, my belt isn’t too difficult to undo, thank fuck, and I’m down to my boxers in seconds, with my pants and shoes kicked across the room.
“You move fast,” Suds says, with a soft laugh.
Suds’s dress is pooled at her feet, and she’s standing there in a white strapless bra, a matching G-banger and those fuckin’ hot heels. Her hair is wild, her cheeks flushed pink, and her chest is expanding in time to her quick breaths. Holy testicles, I need to preserve this image.
“Stop. Wait.”
I’m stone-cold sober. There’ll be no haze surrounding tonight. I wanna remember every second. It doesn’t help that I’m as nervous as I was my first time. I don’t know what the hell is happening to me.
Her body freezes in place, and she swallows hard. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, it’s just … don’t rush.”
Suds gives me a wry smile and then presses the toe of her shoe onto the soft edge of the bed beside my knee. With her legs parted like that, I’ve got a prime view of her pussy. The sheer fabric provokes me as it blocks my view.
She leans over, teasing me with her knockout cleavage as she toys with the ankle strap.
“Leave ’em on,” I tell her, gripping her raised ankle beside me.
With my other hand I tug the G-string aside and bury my face between her legs, sucking long and hard on her clit. The salty taste of her on my tongue has my cock painfully hard.
Her nails graze over my temples, and she tugs at my hair. She opens her legs wider and thrusts her hips against my face.
“That mouth,” she chokes out.
The grunting noises that break from her lips have me wondering how loud she’ll be when I’m balls’ deep inside her. I appreciate a woman who isn’t afraid to be vocal about their pleasure, but this girl? I wanna hear every sweet sigh, whimper and scream.
I flick her clit with my tongue until she’s riding my face as if she’s seconds away from coming. With my hands either side of her hips, I lever my face away and glance up at her.
Her eyes are glazed over, and the one foot she has on solid ground is teetering on its high heel.
“Bra. Off,” I say, as I glide my hands over her smooth stomach up to her tits. With both hands, I pinch her nipples h
ard. She squeals and makes quick time undoing the strap and ripping the fabric from her.
Suds sits astride me and wrestles me into the mattress. Her hot mouth teases mine in a frenzy as she rolls her hips into my boxers.
With one hand I’m tugging the hair at the nape of her neck, and with the other I’m trying to get my fucking boxers off. As if sensing my frustration, her fingers scoop into the fabric either side of my hips. The boxers are yanked down my legs, freeing my swollen cock. She rids herself of the last stitch of her clothing, leaving me gasping for breath at the divine creature in front of me.
She sits across my lap, and rubs her wet pussy up and down my shaft. “Fuck,” I groan, driving my nails into the firm flesh of her arse.
I twist and roll her into the mattress. She battles to be on top, using her legs and arms for leverage, but I want her beneath me. I need to be in total control.
I pin her wrists above her head with one hand. “Just let me fuck you,” I growl through a chuckle and bite down on her ear, eliciting a yelp and then a breathy moan from her.
I reach for the condom I’d tossed on the bedside table earlier.
“Put this on,” I say, freeing her arms.
Her palm grazes down my shaft. Fuck me dead. She grips my cock tightly and pumps the shaft. I buck my hips. I want in.
“On this?” she asks, in a smart-arse tone.
“Don’t tease,” I grunt.
She sits up, wasting no time rolling it right to the base, and then lies back down, legs open wide.
“So fuckin’ pretty,” I hiss, trailing my fingers through her glistening pussy.
“I told you,” she whispers. “Nothing ugly about it.”
She wriggles her arse closer to me, and claws at my shoulders, pressing her tits against my chest.
With measured thrusts, I drive deeper inside her, sucking at her neck and the soft lobe of her ear. Having her tight pussy wrapped around me, her body holding on with pure want and need—it’s a revelation. This is what it’s like to have sex with someone you feel for.
“You know this isn’t just fucking, Suds. I … I didn’t mean—”
She silences me with her mouth in a kiss that’s more tender than anything I’ve ever had. “I know.” She sighs.
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