‘I’ve had a horrendous day, with three very difficult customers,’ she said while pulling off her wet shoes and raincoat. ‘Then I got caught in this awful weather and it’s supposed to be summertime. I mean, for goodness’ sake, it’s May month and we should be having warm, sunny weather.’
One thing I had noticed lately was that Granny, when faced by Mum’s wrath over difficult customers or rotten weather, would sit quietly until the storm passed; however, on this particular night it didn’t pass and Mum raged all through our meal and afterwards. Even when Maisie appeared, she was still moaning.
Finally Granny had had enough and she said pleasantly, ‘Maybe you should go to the doctor, Beth, and get something for your nerves.’
Mum exploded. ‘My nerves … What’s wrong with my nerves, Mary?’
Granny remained placid. ‘Well, you always seem to be overwrought these days. Perhaps the doctor can prescribe something to help you.’
‘I don’t need anything to help me. All I’m looking for is some decent weather so I can wear my new summer frock, which hasn’t been off its hanger since I bought it, and some cheerful customers who want to buy a hat instead of trying on all the stock then walking away without buying a thing.’
‘Well, we can’t pick the weather or make cheerful customers go into the millinery department, Beth, so we just have to put up with it.’
I didn’t look up from my book when Granny said this and she didn’t raise her eyes from her knitting. Then poor Maisie put in her pennyworth, as she tried to be helpful. ‘I remember when I suffered from nerves a few years ago. I got a lovely bottle of tonic from the chemist and it only cost me sixpence.’
‘Right then,’ said Mum. ‘Tomorrow Lizzie can go and get me some of this magic tonic from the chemist and we’ll see if it helps my nerves.’
Later, when I went to bed, Mum was still awake and gazing at the ceiling. ‘Do you think I need a tonic, Lizzie?’ she asked me.
Unsure how to answer, I decided that truthfulness was best. ‘Yes I do, Mum. You always seem so unhappy and pale, and you never eat enough but leave most of your food on the plate.’
She sighed listlessly, all of her former aggression now spent. ‘Yes, I know. I’m beginning to be a pain to live with.’
‘No, you’re not. It’s just that we’re worried about you and want you to be happy again.’
She gave a mirthless laugh. ‘Happy? I haven’t been happy in years. But tomorrow you can get me this bottle of tonic and I promise to take it all and be a changed woman.’
The next afternoon I picked up the tonic from the chemist and carried it home like it was the Holy Grail. It was a huge bottle filled with a noxious-looking black mixture and I wondered how Mum would view it. After her tea – and I noticed with satisfaction she cleared her plate and even ate a slice of bread and butter with the cheese omelette – she took a tablespoon of her medicine, screwing up her face at the taste.
‘This tastes awful,’ she said, rinsing the spoon under the water tap.
Granny was pleased. ‘The worse it is, the better it does you. That’s a known fact.’
Over the week, the contents of the bottle grew less, and Granny congratulated Mum on taking the tonic every day. However, I knew better because I caught her on day two pouring the large tablespoon of the mixture down the sink and rinsing it away. She didn’t know that I had seen her and I never let on.
Our exams were over and Laura announced one day as we strolled towards the school gate, ‘I hope I pass my exam and I can apply to the teacher-training college for a place in the autumn.’ She turned to me, her face glowing in the warm morning sunshine and her hair held back from her face with a ribbon. ‘Have you made up your mind what you want to do, Lizzie?’
I hesitated, as quite honestly I hadn’t. ‘I’ll wait till I get the results of my exams, Laura. After all I might have failed them.’
Laura shook her head. ‘Rubbish, you’re cleverer than me and I’m sure I’ve passed.’
I played for time. ‘Do you honestly think that I’m clever?’
She laughed and ran towards the gate. ‘Stop fishing for compliments.’
One night just before the school broke up for the summer holidays, Mum announced she was going to Glasgow on the Saturday night after work to see Milly. ‘I’ll stay the night and come back on the Sunday.’
Granny and I were both surprised because she hadn’t mentioned this trip, although we knew she was still in contact with her friend. Granny said what a good idea it was. ‘It’ll be good to get a change of scene, Beth, and you can catch up with all Milly’s news.’ Then she added as an afterthought, ‘Why don’t you take Lizzie with you, as she’ll enjoy the trip?’
Mum looked dismayed by this suggestion and I was suddenly annoyed with her for not asking me along in the first place.
‘I don’t think Milly can put us both up for the night, Mary, as it’s not her house. Lizzie can go to Laura’s house if you’ve got a meeting at the church.’
Granny shook her head and she also looked annoyed. ‘No, I’ve nothing planned. It was just a suggestion.’
Before leaving on the Saturday, Mum had packed her small suitcase and said she would leave straight after work and be back on the Sunday night. For one terrible moment I thought she was planning to abandon me and go off, never to return. My mouth was dry and I knew I wouldn’t be able to say goodbye without making my fears known. For the first time in my life, I suddenly felt afraid.
Then I came to my senses and almost laughed out loud at the ludicrous thought of being left behind. For one thing, Mum’s suitcase was too small to hold all her belongings and she hadn’t packed Dad’s trophies. I knew she would never leave without them. Then I was struck by another disturbing thought. What if she was on a scouting mission to look for a job and a house in Glasgow? That would leave Granny all on her own.
When it was time for her to leave for the store, she smiled at us both. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow night and I’ll give you all Milly’s news then.’
I felt so foolish, especially when Granny picked up her shopping basket and announced, ‘Let’s go and get something nice for our tea, then we’ll go into town and have a cup of tea in a café.’
Mum had been excited when she left and I thought she would be the same on her return, but when she appeared on the Sunday evening she looked tired and annoyed.
Granny gave her an enquiring look. ‘Did you enjoy your visit, Beth?’
Mum sat down and gave a huge sigh. ‘I thought Milly would be feeling unhappy in her new home, but she loves it. Her cousin Jeannie has a nice flat and Milly gets on well with her. She has also found a job in a ladies’ fashion shop in Argyll Street and has become friendly with the owner’s son, Albert. Milly says they go to the pictures together and she hopes it will lead to romance.’
Granny said that was good news, but Mum disagreed. ‘Surely she can’t have forgotten her dead fiancé, Mary.’
‘But he died years ago. Surely Milly deserves some happiness and life has to go on.’
‘Well, all I know is I could never replace Peter. Not then and not ever.’
Granny looked as if she was about to cry. ‘No, Beth, I know you couldn’t.’
As we lay in bed that night I suddenly realised that Mum was disappointed in Milly. Perhaps she had wanted her friend to be still mourning and weeping; instead she had found a new life and a possible new love.
Mum said, ‘I thought Milly wanted to come back and that’s why she asked me to visit her. Instead she wanted to show off how well everything has gone for her.’
‘But surely you must be pleased for her,’ I said.
Mum turned her back to me as she pulled the covers over her and I had to strain to hear her reply. ‘Yes, I suppose I am. As your granny says, life has to go on.’
Her voice sounded so flat and dejected that I was afraid. Mum hadn’t moved on with her life. She was still stuck in 1917, and nobody would ever be able to talk her into making a new life for herself or
trying to make new friends and having a life outside of work and coming home every night to Victoria Road.
17
NEW HORIZONS
Laura and I spent our last week at school in the knowledge that we had both passed our exams with excellent marks, in my case much to my surprise. We spent that week discussing our futures, and for Laura the way ahead was as clear as it had always been.
‘I’m putting my name down for a place at Dundee College of Education, Lizzie. What about you? Have you made up your mind what you want to do?’
I had to admit I hadn’t, not that I hadn’t thought a great deal about it, but the restlessness I felt was keeping me from making up my mind.
‘I’m not sure about going into teaching, Laura, but I honestly don’t know what I’ll do,’ I said truthfully.
Both Mum and Granny had tried hard to make me realise I needed to make a decision and make it soon.
‘The places at university and the training college will fill up quickly,’ Mum said one night when she was exasperated at my lack of commitment. ‘It won’t be easy to get a job either, as loads of people are unemployed and jobs are scarce.’
I knew that and I was annoyed at myself for my lack of forward planning. I wished I had Laura’s clear-minded dedication, but I didn’t.
Mum said, ‘Why don’t you write to Aunt Margaret and ask her for advice about the training college.’
So I did, but while I was waiting for a reply, Mum and Granny were worried I would be too late to be admitted along with Laura.
The long summer holiday lay ahead, and Laura and I had planned what we were going to do with these last few weeks of freedom before setting out on our chosen paths.
Perhaps I was looking back with rose-coloured spectacles when I recalled every day was sunny and warm because I know that wasn’t true, but years later I was to remember those few weeks as a haven of sunshine and fun, with the shackles of school firmly cast off and the future still misty and unknown.
Every day we would set out on some adventure, sometimes going by the train to Broughty Ferry and swimming in the sea before lying on our damp towels on the sand eating ice cream, or spending days in the Barrack Park with our books. Once we borrowed two bicycles from a small bike-repair shop in the Hawkhill and pedalled into the countryside along with a picnic of sandwiches and bottles of lemonade. Another favourite outing was to the swimming baths, where after our dip in the icy-cold water we emerged shivering with goose-pimpled skin but laughing as we made our way home. However the best bit was the enjoyment and the freedom.
Three weeks into the holiday, Margaret replied to my letter. She was delighted that I was considering becoming a teacher. ‘I know you want adventure, Lizzie, but you can always get a teaching post abroad after you qualify. The point is there is no future in setting off around the world without some qualifications to fall back on.’
After reading her letter I felt annoyed because she had been a head teacher in Edinburgh before her marriage to Gerald, so she was bound to say this was my best option. I said as much to Laura, but she said I was talking a load of rubbish.
‘Your aunt knows what she is talking about, Lizzie, but if you don’t want to take her advice, why did you write to her in the first place?’
I could have told her it was my mother’s idea, but I didn’t because she would have thought I was making excuses like some five-year-old who couldn’t think for herself.
‘All right then, I’ll put my name down for the training college, but maybe I’m too late.’
To be honest, I wasn’t sure if this lateness was a good or a bad thing, but I was now committed and there was no way of going back.
18
DUNDEE COLLEGE
OF EDUCATION
Laura received her letter of admission to the training college during the summer holiday. She was going to start her studies towards her teaching career in October. I remember the day well when she appeared at Victoria Road with her good news.
‘I’ve got my letter,’ she said, her voice full of excitement. ‘Did you get yours as well, Lizzie?’
Granny and Mum looked at me, disappointment showing on their faces when I said I hadn’t.
‘Never mind, you’ll probably get it later because my application was in before yours. I can’t see any problem, because we both did well with our exams and we both got our leaving certificates.’
Laura was quite certain this was the case, but I had my doubts, and judging by Mum’s face, so did she.
‘The best thing about it is we won’t have to go into the accommodation hostel because we live in Dundee,’ she said.
Later that night, Mum asked me if I really wanted to go to the college and I said I did.
But as the days went past I realised I wasn’t going to be admitted along with Laura and I began to seriously think about my future. Jobs were very difficult to find. Granny said there might be an opening in my late grandfather’s solicitors’ office, but when she enquired it seemed they were fully staffed. However, they said perhaps if things changed I would be considered.
Granny was annoyed. ‘If your grandfather was alive, he would have got you a position in the office, fully staffed or not.’
Unfortunately times had changed, and according to the newspapers most employers were now getting by with the minimum of workers. I tried to hide my worry, because Mum looked tired all the time and she had enough to cope with without my added burden. So much for my childhood fancies: I had to ruefully admit to myself that no one seemed to need pirates and explorers.
Laura and I still spent all our time together, but she seemed to be embarrassed by her good fortune. I told her not to be silly. It had been my own fault for dithering about my future.
One bit of pleasure during this difficult time was Laura’s mum’s piano. She had gone to lessons as a child and she had always wanted to own a piano but because of money being tight she hadn’t been able to realise her dream.
I was at the Hawkhill one day and had been persuaded to stay for my tea because it was Irene’s birthday. Wullie arrived home with a huge smile on his face. Irene gave him a suspicious look as she bustled between the cooker and the table, but before she could speak, Wullie announced he had bought a second-hand piano from a workmate.
‘It’s being delivered tomorrow, Irene. Happy birthday!’
Irene was speechless, but she went towards her husband and planted a kiss on his smiling face.
‘Oh, thank you, Wullie. That’s the best birthday present I’ve ever had.’
Wullie tried to look modest, but he was obviously pleased that his unexpected present had been greeted with such joy.
After our tea, Irene planned where to put the piano. She shifted a small table and chair and announced that this was the perfect spot for her new acquisition.
I made sure I was at the house the next day to see the piano. Laura and I stood on the stair while three hefty men manoeuvred the piano into the house, and after a cup of tea and a sugar bun to compensate for all their hard work, we stood and admired it.
Irene lifted the lid gingerly but was pleased to see it was in perfect order.
‘It looks brand new,’ she said, running her fingers over the keys.
Some of the neighbours came in to look at the new piece of furniture and Irene began to play some Scots songs. I had to admit she was very good, and even Laura looked bemused. Once again I stayed for my tea, and afterwards we gathered around and sang ‘Comin’ Thro’ the Rye’ and ‘Flow Gently, Sweet Afton’.
Irene said she would have to buy some sheet music for some of the popular songs and we said we looked forward to singing them.
I had enjoyed myself and I went home with the sounds of the singing in my head. For a short time I had stopped worrying over my future, but no doubt it would be back with me by the time I got home.
I told Granny all about the piano and how Laura and I had joined in the singing. She was smiling as she held out a letter. ‘This came for you, Lizzie.’
Granny said, ‘Is it good news?’
‘Oh yes, it is. I’ve been accepted at the training college and I start in October along with Laura.’
‘Did they say why your letter was late?’
‘Yes, they have. This year’s intake was full, but someone dropped out and I’ve been given her place. Isn’t that good news?’ I stopped. It was good news for me, but perhaps it wasn’t good for the person who had cancelled her place. I hoped she had changed her mind about the course and that it wasn’t anything bad that had stopped her from taking up the place.
I said as much to Granny, who agreed with me but added, ‘One person’s misfortune is another’s good fortune.’
I could hardly wait to pass on my good news. When Mum arrived home from work, she was delighted to hear that I had been successful. She asked me, ‘How long will the course last?’
‘Two years unless I’m a university student. If that was the case, then I could take another year to gain a degree, but I’m happy just to have a chance of a job at the end of it.’
‘Your aunt Margaret was a university student at the college, where she did three years training, but she came out with a degree and a Teacher’s Special Certificate, which enabled her to teach English, Science and Languages. At the time I was just a small child, but I remember it well, especially as my father and Margaret’s mother were so pleased at her success.’ As usual when Mum spoke about Margaret, her face came alive, and I wished that she could look like that all the time instead of her tired, worn-out expression.
Dragon Land Page 9