She tried to look nonchalant but failed. ‘I might.’
When I got home, I suddenly felt bereft. I wondered if our friendship could possibly survive this romantic involvement. I mentioned this to Granny and she gave me a stern look.
‘You’ll probably meet a young man as well, Lizzie. That’s what happens to friends, but hopefully you’ll still have time for each other.’
I decided to spend most of my time before the start of my second year in my studies. I so desperately wanted to do well in order to get a job overseas. I had read somewhere that teachers were needed to teach English to foreign students and I was hoping that would happen.
It was now September and my days of freedom would soon be over. I noticed that Granny appeared to be tired most days. She often had to sit down, and although I did most of the work around the house she would still make an excuse to go to bed early.
Of course, Mum didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary, but then she was only home in the evenings and didn’t see Granny having to put down her knitting and take deep breaths. One day I told Granny I was worried about her, but she just said she was fine and it was the colder weather that was making her more tired than normal. ‘I’m always like this in the autumn, when the nights begin to draw in.’
I almost said I hadn’t noticed this during all the autumns we had lived with her, but I could see from her expression that the matter was closed.
I hadn’t seen much of Laura during these last few weeks, but on the night before we were due to start our second year’s course, she arrived at the door.
Granny was visiting Maisie and Mum was in her room. ‘Well, it’s back to the training college tomorrow,’ she said. ‘It’ll be great to see Pat again.’
I said it would. Laura then leant forward and whispered, ‘I’ve been seeing Mike, he’s the lad working in the shop for the summer, and we’ve been to the pictures a few times and we sometimes go for a walk on Sunday. He’s gone back to Glasgow University, where he’s training to be an engineer, but we said we would write to each other.’
‘That’s wonderful news, Laura. I’m so pleased for you.’ Although I was sincere, I somehow knew life was changing and we couldn’t stay as we were.
Pat was wearing a new hand-knitted pink jumper when we saw her the next morning. Her cheeks were rosy and she looked full of life, and Laura couldn’t wait to tell her about her new romance. Pat’s eyes were like saucers as she listened, and then she said, ‘I’m glad to be back. It’s been hard work on the farm and in the big house, but maybe Lizzie and I will meet two nice lads this term. What do you think, Lizzie?’
‘I suppose anything’s possible, Pat.’ On that flippant note we joined the rest of the class.
One morning at the end of October, the weather turned very cold and the wind promised the threat of snow. Granny was still in bed when I left, which surprised me, but as she was sleeping I didn’t like to wake her.
It was mid-afternoon when one of the tutors entered the room and asked to see me in her office. I was so taken aback, wondering what misdemeanour I had committed, that I followed her like an automaton. I do remember Laura and Pat staring at me as I went past, but I shook my head at them as if to say I had no idea what was happening.
Mr Robert Ash, the medical officer, was in the office and he asked me to sit down. ‘Miss Flint, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your grandmother has had a heart attack and she’s been taken to the Royal Infirmary.’
I stared at him for what seemed ages. ‘I saw her this morning and she was fine,’ I stuttered.
‘Well, I suggest you make your way to the infirmary right away, and we are all very sorry to have to give you this bad news.’
I rushed to get my coat and bag and was lucky that a tramcar was turning the corner of Tay Street, although it seemed to take ages to travel to the foot of the Hilltown. As I hurried up the road to the infirmary, I hoped that Mum had also been told, but when I arrived she was nowhere to be seen. However, Maisie was sitting in the waiting room and she had been crying.
‘I went to see your granny this morning and I found her lying on the floor. I called the doctor and she’s now in with a consultant. I went out to the telephone box and called the college, as I wasn’t sure what to do.’
I told her she had done the right thing, but I was annoyed at myself for not contacting Mum. ‘I should have stopped at DM Brown’s to tell Mum, but I’ll wait till I speak to the doctor before going.’
The waiting room began to fill up, as it was the afternoon visiting hours, but the doctor appeared at the door and asked me to come with him to his office. My heart was hammering against my ribcage, but I managed to smile weakly at Maisie, who had turned her anxious face towards the man.
The office was small, but he ushered me towards a chair and I sat with my hands in my lap, desperately trying not to twist and turn them in my anxiety. The doctor was medium height and middle-aged with a round, cheery-looking expression, which changed when he looked at me. Alarm bells began to ring in my brain, but I fought hard to keep composed.
‘I’m afraid I have to tell you that your grandmother is very ill. She suffered a heart attack, but I hope she’ll recover with rest and medication.’
A feeling of relief washed over me. ‘Can I see her?’
‘No, not at the moment, but she was asking about your mother and yourself, so I’ve told her it might be possible for you both to visit tonight.’
I was feeling better by now, and back in the waiting room I told Maisie what the doctor had said. She dabbed her eyes with her handkerchief and said simply, ‘Thank goodness.’
As it was coming up for five o’clock, I decided to wait till Mum came home before telling her the news, but I couldn’t sit at peace and kept going to the window to look out for her arrival. At five thirty I couldn’t stay in the house any longer, so I wrapped up warmly in my winter coat and went downstairs to wait for Mum. I spotted Maisie also looking out of the window and I gave her a wave.
It was nearly six o’clock when I spotted Mum hurrying up the road, and she looked at me in surprise when I ran to meet her. ‘Granny’s been taken to hospital, Mum, and we’ve to go and see her.’
Mum was confused, as anyone who had been suddenly accosted on the pavement would be. ‘What’s wrong with her, Lizzie? Has she had an accident? She was perfectly all right this morning when I left for work.’
I told her about Maisie finding her lying on the floor.
Mum seemed exasperated. ‘I’ve noticed she has got a bit shaky on her feet recently. I bet she tripped over something.’ She gave me an accusing glance. ‘Have you left something lying on the floor? You always have these binders with notes and you put them on the floor.’
I said I hadn’t left anything, but I was afraid to mention the heart attack in case Mum panicked, as she often did. By this time we were on our way to the infirmary. The wind was bitingly cold and it whipped against our faces as we made our way along Garland Place. Mum gave a long glance at our old house, but she didn’t say anything.
When we reached the front door of the infirmary, the porter, who had a small office right beside it, asked us what we wanted.
‘We’ve come to see Mrs Mary Flint, who was admitted this morning,’ I said.
The porter said there were no evening visiting hours today as there had been afternoon visiting earlier.
‘The doctor told us to come back tonight to see Mrs Flint,’ I said, getting slightly annoyed by this obstacle of a man at the entrance.
‘What doctor was that?’
I suddenly realised I hadn’t registered the doctor’s name. ‘I’m sorry, but I don’t know it. But my granny was admitted with a heart attack.’
Mum heard the word ‘heart’ and she began to cry. ‘You never said anything about Mary’s heart. I thought she had tripped.’
The porter, now that I had given him some information, said, ‘That’ll be Dr McNab. I’ll give him a buzz and get him to come down.’
I sai
d to Mum that we should have a seat in the waiting room, but she was still annoyed at me for withholding information. Thankfully, the doctor arrived within a few minutes and we went back to his office. Mum was trying to dry her tears as we walked along the corridor.
When we were seated, the doctor took off his glasses and I knew at once the news wasn’t good. ‘I’m afraid to have to tell you that Mrs Flint died at five thirty this evening. I’m so sorry.’
I grasped Mum’s hand, hoping she wouldn’t become hysterical, but she looked shell-shocked at this sad news.
‘But you said you thought she would get better with rest and medication, doctor,’ I said, my voice coming out all squeaky with shock.
‘Yes, that was my diagnosis this afternoon, but your grandmother took another heart attack at five thirty this evening that proved fatal.’ He gave us a kindly look. ‘I’m so very sorry. We were going to get in touch with you as soon as we could.’
He began to tell us about getting a death certificate, but I didn’t take it all in. His words seemed to come from a distance, as if I was somewhere else listening to an echo.
Afterwards, I’ll never forget trying to get Mum home. The rain had come on and I had to support her, as I felt she was about to collapse on me, but somehow we made it back to Victoria Road.
Maisie must have noticed our approach from her window because she was waiting at our door. She opened her mouth to speak, but when she saw my expression she remained silent and she quietly followed us into the sitting room, where she had lit the fire.
Mum still hadn’t said a word, but I quickly removed her wet stockings and shoes while Maisie made tea. Suddenly there was a roar of pain and Mum began to cry. It wasn’t a gentle cry but harsh sobs that seemed to come from deep in her soul. Maisie tried to comfort her, but she would have none of it.
‘Granny died at five thirty this evening, Maisie.’ I didn’t add that at that time I had experienced the awful feeling of anxiety and agitation. ‘We never got the chance to say goodbye to her.’
Maisie said, ‘I think we should get Beth to her bed.’
I agreed and we tried to get her to go to sleep, but the awful crying wouldn’t stop. I painfully remembered a similar time when Mum cried like this, when I was six and Dad was posted as missing. Maisie said we would have to call the doctor out tomorrow if Mum was still distressed, and I agreed.
‘I’ll sit up tonight with her, Maisie, and hopefully she’ll fall asleep with exhaustion.’
Maisie left, but she put her hand on my shoulder. ‘We’ll all miss your granny, Lizzie. She’s been my neighbour and friend for years but I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to her either.’
I felt my chest constrict with emotion, but I didn’t want to cry in front of her. She wasn’t the only one who hadn’t said goodbye, as Mum or I hadn’t either, and I was furious with myself for not waking Granny up this morning. Perhaps if I had I would have noticed she was ill, and if I had then maybe she would still be alive.
Mum finally fell asleep around midnight, but as I lay down on my bed I couldn’t sleep. Then at three o’clock in the morning Mum awoke and told me to send a telegram to Margaret before another bout of tears made her body shake as if she was in the throes of a fever. She got back to sleep before dawn, and mercifully I fell asleep as well.
We didn’t get up till after nine the next morning, and Mum sat in the chair looking as white as a sheet and rocking gently to and fro. I tried to get her to eat some toast, but she ignored me. Maisie appeared, and I said I was going to get the doctor and also send a telegram to my aunt.
Thankfully the post office was empty of customers as I handed over the telegram. The man behind the counter gave me a sympathetic look, but I knew I couldn’t have handled any questions if I ran into Granny’s neighbours and friends.
I phoned the doctor’s house from the telephone box down the street, and he said he would come round as soon as possible. When I got home, Mum had burst into another flood of tears and Maisie was trying to comfort her.
I sat beside Mum and said, ‘I’ve sent the telegram to Margaret and the doctor will be coming in soon to help you.’
She clutched my arm. ‘Did you tell Margaret to come quickly?’
I nodded, although I hadn’t actually said as much.
The doctor arrived mid-morning, and when he saw the state of Mum’s grief he prescribed a sedative. ‘This will help to sedate Mrs Flint and it will also make her sleep better.’
Laura and Pat turned up that evening, but they didn’t stay long. ‘We just want to say how sorry we are, Lizzie.’
The next morning, Mum was still asleep when Margaret’s reply to my telegram arrived. It said simply that she was on her way and would soon be with us.
I sat at the window and gazed down on a wet and windy street. A few people with umbrellas were out and about. As I sipped my tea with the telegram on my lap, and with a numb feeling of helplessness and grief, I silently said a prayer of thanks.
23
THE FUNERAL
Two days later, Margaret arrived at seven o’clock in the morning. She had travelled from Lisbon to London, where she caught the overnight sleeper, but when she appeared at the door on that dark autumn morning she looked as if she had only travelled a short distance instead of the many hundreds of miles from Portugal.
I was so grateful to see her. As she took off her coat and placed her suitcase in the lobby, she asked how Mum was coping with the shock of Granny’s death. As it was I had been up most of the night with her, but she had finally fallen asleep at five o’clock.
Margaret said not to wake her up, and she sat at the fire while I cooked bacon and eggs, as I expected she would be hungry after her long journey. After breakfast, which she enjoyed, she asked about the arrangements for Granny’s burial.
‘I’ve been in touch with the funeral director’s business on the Hilltown, but I haven’t manage to do much more, Margaret.’
She said she would get in touch with the authorities, and I was relieved to have that burden lifted from my shoulders.
Mum must have heard our voices because she suddenly called out, ‘Margaret, is that you?’
Margaret went through to the bedroom and Mum began to cry again, but Margaret’s soothing words seemed to help, and within minutes they both appeared. Mum’s hair was dishevelled and she was wearing her dressing gown, and her red-rimmed eyes were a sharp contrast to her ashen complexion.
‘Would you like some bacon and eggs, Mum?’ I asked.
She gazed at me with a glazed expression and shivered. It was as if I had offered her some boiled octopus, so I just made her a cup of hot sweet tea, which she didn’t drink.
Margaret took charge immediately. ‘Now, Lizzie, I think you should go back to the college today, and they will give you the day off for the funeral.’
I opened my mouth to protest, but she said, ‘I remember when I was at the college and they didn’t like any absences. Don’t worry, I’ll be here to look after Beth.’
So that was arranged, and to be honest I was grateful to get out of the house and leave everything in Margaret’s capable hands.
As I walked along the wet pavement to the college, I was feeling depressed. All my plans to go and see the world were now in tatters, as I realised I could never leave Mum because I feared she wouldn’t be able to cope on her own. I would get a job in a school in Dundee and that would be my life. Then I felt guilty at having these thoughts. After all, she was my mother and it was my duty to look after her.
When I appeared at Park Place, the first person I met was Pat. She looked surprised to see me.
‘Should you be here, Lizzie? What about your mum?’
‘My aunt has arrived from Portugal and she said she would take over everything and look after Mum.’
‘Well, I’m glad to see you and I felt really sorry for you both that night Laura and I came to see you after your granny’s death. Your poor mother was so distressed and we felt so helpless.’
‘Yes, I know. I feel like that as well, so that’s why I’m so grateful Margaret is here, as she copes so well with anything.’
Laura then appeared and the three of us went into our classes. Before I left that afternoon, I went to see my tutor to arrange time off for the funeral, and with everything settled I set off for home.
Mum was sitting in the chair wearing a clean dress, and her hair was newly washed and combed. She looked so much better now that Margaret was here. I couldn’t help but marvel at the change in her, and I wished that my aunt could stay with us forever and not have to go back to Portugal.
Margaret explained that they had been busy that day. ‘We went to see the funeral director and the funeral will be the day after tomorrow. We also went to see the solicitor, and Mary’s will states that she wants to be buried beside her late husband at Balgay Cemetery. The minister from the church came here this afternoon and everything is settled.’
I looked across at Mum and she seemed to be so relaxed. It was such a contrast to her earlier state of mind. It was when Margaret and I were taking the cottage pie out of the oven that she whispered, ‘I called the doctor in again and he’s given Beth some sleeping pills to help her until after the funeral.’
As she scooped the pie onto the plates I noticed the fine lines on her face and that she looked tired. ‘Margaret, please don’t do too much, because you look tired.’
She laughed. ‘It’s just the journey catching up with me. I’ll be fine by tomorrow.’
After tea, Margaret and Mum discussed some things about the funeral service. Mum and I had arranged for Margaret to live with us instead of booking into a hotel, and she seemed pleased about that arrangement. As I didn’t want to sleep in Granny’s room, I said I would sleep on the sofa. Margaret said that Maisie had offered me a spare bed in her house, but I said I was happy with the sofa. For the first night since Granny’s death, Mum slept right through the night, but I was too restless to sleep, although I did doze off in the early morning.
The funeral was to take place at eleven o’clock, and it turned out to be a misty day. The church was packed with Granny’s friends and fellow parishioners, and it was with a feeling of unreality that I followed Mum, Margaret and Maisie to the front pew.
Dragon Land Page 13