9 Ways to Fall in Love

by Caroline Clemmons

  I didn’t want to have a knockdown drag-out fight and leave Olivia right outside the door, ready to swoop in and pick up the pieces, but at the same time, I didn’t want to be in this relationship any longer. If he was going to turn back to Olivia, there was nothing I could do to stop it. She could have his baby, when I hadn’t been able to. She had his love and devotion long before I did. Their child’s name was forever tattooed on his arm.

  I dropped my purse and removed my rings. I turned to look at him sternly and reached over and placed them on his desk, then took a step back. “I love you with my entire heart and soul. I have felt you pull away. It’s understandable that you’re grieving our loss and realize that she can give you something I can’t. But right now we need to be apart. It’s just so incomprehensible to me that you would want to visit your painful past with her. But, whatever it is, you need to get it out of your system and we’ll both move on… apart. I won’t be in a relationship where I have doubt and where my trust has been broken. I love you, but I won’t do this. I’ll make arrangements to get my things and file the papers. Goodbye, Grayson.” I picked up my purse and walked out the door.

  He called out to me. “I love you, please don’t leave me.” I heard the pain in his voice, but he didn’t say he was sorry. He didn’t offer any explanation as to why Olivia was there, whose baby it was, or as to why they were in his office. Olivia wasn’t in sight as I made my way out of his office, thank goodness, or I might’ve given her a piece of me.

  I went to the apartment and packed my suitcase. I was unable to hold back the tears and since I knew he wasn’t coming home anytime soon, I was able to release my anger. I couldn’t empty the closet, but I did manage to get enough clothes to last me for a while, grabbed my briefcase and some files that I needed, and left.

  On the drive back to the hotel, I turned on the radio and just about lost my way when I heard “As You Turn Away” by Lady Antebellum playing. The words explained exactly how I felt at that moment.

  I keep reaching out for you as you turn away… nothing more left to say…

  At the hotel, I ran a hot bath and soaked. When the water chilled, I awoke from a crazy dream. I sat up in the tub so quickly that water splashed everywhere. I grabbed a towel and tried to catch my breath. I took deep breaths and slowed my breathing. I dreamt that I was pregnant. Startled, I tried to come to my senses. Pregnant? Nah, not possible. I tried to remember my last period and the only one I could remember was the one before December, but nothing since then. I wrapped the towel around me as I took my calendar from my purse, hoping something would trigger my memory of when my last cycle was.

  Nothing seemed to help me remember anything other than December as my last one. If my calculations were correct, I could be three months pregnant. There was only one way to know for sure. I dressed and drove down the street to the CVS Pharmacy and got a couple of pregnancy tests.

  I didn’t have the patience to wait until the next morning, even though the test said it would be more accurate then. A watched clock never seems to move, it felt like I was waiting forever. I picked up the test and gasped… I was pregnant.

  Not wanting to believe the results, I took another test, the results the same this time, too.

  Pregnant and divorcing my cheating husband. My legs began to quiver, not having the strength to support me. I slid down the wall of the bathroom and came to a resting point on the floor. With my knees pulled tightly to my chest, I gave in to despair. I crumbled, realizing my life was in shambles.

  Pregnant by a man who chose someone else. I didn’t even desire to tell him, after all, he didn’t tell me about their baby. What a fucking nightmare. I finally got what I craved, only to have my life in ruins. My baby deserved better.

  My husband was having a baby with another woman.

  I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore.

  I finally found the strength to get up and climb into bed. There had to be a reason for the timing, maybe it was God’s way of giving me something to be positive about, something that would get me through the loss of Grayson. Only this time, I wasn’t running back to Chicago, I could be strong and I could do this by myself. I would be a fighter. I could live in the pain, or I could be strong and make a new life for myself. Lying in bed, I was numb to what had transpired that day. I had no more tears for Grayson Brooks.

  My phone kept beeping beside me. Cooper had left several messages and I knew it wasn’t right to keep him in the dark, especially where my safety was concerned.

  “Hey stranger, you been holding out on me? Grayson had to give me the scoop first. What gives?” He tried to crack a joke, but I could tell that he knew this was serious.

  “Are you in town already?”

  “Yeah, I got home a couple of hours ago. Where are you? You at your dad’s?”

  “No, I’m at a hotel. I’ll text you the address.”

  Moments later, someone was knocking on my door. When I opened the door, Cooper was standing there in front of me, a sight for sore eyes. He walked into my room and held me as I cried. He whispered, “It’s all going to work out, you’ll see.”

  “Does anyone else know that you’re here?” I asked, concerned.

  “He knows I’m talking to you but I wouldn’t give him the address. It won’t take long for him to find you, though. You need to talk to him.”

  “Nope! No more. I tried that several times already.” I paused for a moment, taking a seat on the bed. “He was in his office but he wasn’t alone, Olivia was there. She’s big pregnant, Cooper, but he wouldn’t tell me anything about that, even when I begged him. He chose to explain nothing. I told him that I couldn’t be in an empty relationship full of doubts and without trust. He didn’t offer any clarification. He just kept saying it wasn’t what I thought it was. Even when I told him I was filing for a divorce, he didn’t say anything. I’m ready to move on. Work will keep me busy. I’ll throw myself into PMC and never look back, but I can’t do this anymore.”

  “Come stay with me. Monica and I are both gone so much, there’s room.”

  “Cooper, I don’t want to put you out. The last eight months have been nothing but disaster after disaster. You moved to Dallas embracing a change for me, but you didn’t bargain for all of this.” I couldn’t hold back the flood; the tears were mixed with hurt, anger and betrayal.

  He held me. It felt so comfortable to be in my brother’s arms. I didn’t want to tell him I was pregnant. I had to wait this time until I saw a doctor and knew everything was okay, besides, I needed to get my arms around it myself first.

  “For all the time I’ve known you, you were quiet as a church mouse. You move here and make up for twenty-six years of missed mischievousness. The least you could’ve done was warn me!” He laughed so hard, he doubled over in hysterics. Finally, I managed to laugh with him.

  “The past few months have been enough material for a mini-series. Geez!” I shook my head.

  “I’ve talked to him and I know the whole story and it’s not what you think. In fact, you’d be shocked, but I want you to hear it from him. I’m your friend, first and always. But I’ve always told you when I thought you were wrong--and you’re wrong, Alex.”

  “Why do you always take his side?” I yelled as I broke our contact and stood up in defense.

  “There’s no side here but the right one. You two belong together. You both have issues and are almost psycho right now, but nonetheless, you belong together. Do you love him?”

  “Yes, but…”

  “No buts, girl. Get your ass on the phone and call him. I’m not leaving here ‘til you do. He deserves the chance to…”

  Another knock on the door. Geez, could a girl get some peace for a moment?

  When I opened the door, Grayson was standing in front of me, holding flowers.

  “I followed Cooper. I had to bribe the guy downstairs to give me your room number. Please talk to me, let me in. I promise to clear things up and help you understand everything.” His eyes searched mine for a
n answer.

  “That’s my cue to leave.” Cooper approached us in the doorway. He kissed my cheek, “Love you girl, if you need me, call.” He punched Grayson’s shoulder on the way out.

  We stood there staring at each other for several minutes. Finally, he came in and shut the door behind him. I took a seat on the sofa and stared him down. Not a friendly stare, mind you, but one that said I’m ready to kick your ass, so bring it on.

  “Olivia’s mother, Sylvia, was recently diagnosed with stage 5 cancer with brain metastasis… she only had weeks to live. I wasn’t her doctor, but Olivia asked me to consult. Sylvia and I were always very close, and I couldn’t turn her away. That’s what brought Olivia back to town. Sylvia died this morning.

  “You saw us kiss at the gym, but not the way you think. She kissed me and it was only a friendly kiss. Regardless, I put a finger in her face and told her to never do that again, and that we were done. Did you see that part? Yes, I had my hands on her stomach and yes… I was curious if the baby boy was mine. She’s only five months, so it’s not possible. I even have the sonogram right now with the dates on it if you need to see it. That’s why I stalled in telling you all of this. I wanted to be certain she was telling the truth and that we had no more surprises coming. She just married a professional boxer who was working out at the gym while they’re in town, that’s why she was there when you saw us.” He stopped talking long enough to take a seat beside me and hold my hand. “I should’ve told you everything, but patient confidentiality protected her mother. What you saw in my office was a happy moment after we had just seen Sylvia regain consciousness for only a brief time, but long enough for Olivia to tell her mother goodbye. That’s it. I know it’s more intimate than you would desire, but Sylvia was dying. It’s over now.”

  I thought for a few moments, trying to put my anger aside. “Why did you have to be so secretive with me? Why not tell me the truth and let us go through it as a couple?” I was confused and he needed to supply some answers.

  “If I told you, I risked you coming to the hospital and blowing up and making a scene, which gets us all in trouble under patient confidentiality rights. You and Olivia would’ve argued for sure. I couldn’t risk it, and I was hoping that I could tell you once it was all over and you’d understand. You’re so jealous where she’s concerned and her baby would’ve been enough to put the fire to the fuse.”

  “Yep, I think I could take her with no problem!” A laughed slipped past my lips.

  He knelt in front of me.

  “Like it or not, we’re married and your stuck with me. I love you so much and I was wrong to keep things from you. I promise from this moment forward that I will keep nothing from you, regardless of how I think I’m protecting you or sparing you from your own reactions. If you want to go through with the divorce, just know that I’m going to ask for a year of marriage counseling. I’ll do anything to make it right and it may take time for us to work this out. For now, will you let me put these back on?” He held up my wedding rings.

  I nodded my head yes and broke out in tears.

  “I love you, I’m so sorry. I tried not to overreact. In fact, I came to your office to ask for the truth. I asked you, Grayson! I gave you a chance to be honest with me but you wouldn’t do it. And I felt like your silence meant you chose her. I will do the counseling though, it might be just what I need to get past my trust issues with you. But I do have one thing to say, mister. I forgive you, but this is your second strike where keeping things from me is concerned. You will never get a third. Are we clear?”

  “Crystal,” he answered quietly, relief in his voice.

  He put my rings on and kissed me passionately for a few minutes. When he pulled back, I saw that his eyes were red and misty.

  “I’m sorry, Alexandra. I’ve hurt you deeply and I never meant to. I love you so much!”

  He didn’t give me time to answer, his mouth pressing against mine. He made mad, passionate love to me like nothing would stop him from possessing me, and I needed him, too. Afterward, we held each other in the bed all entangled and he rubbed his fingers across the crest of my breast.

  “When was your last period?” He raised up in the bed and looked up and down my body. Before I could answer him, he was kissing my tummy and running his hand over my pelvis area.

  “Hmm, I’m not sure.”

  He was doing the math in his brain. “You’re sure about that?” He smiled.

  “I’m busted, aren’t I?” I grinned back at him.

  “Your breasts are bigger and you’re showing. How long have you known?” The look on his face wasn’t a happy one.

  “Just a couple of hours. I had a dream that I was pregnant. It reminded me that my last period was in December. I went and got a test.”

  “We’re pregnant.” He laughed and grabbed me in his arms. He propped his chin on top of my head. “This is crazy.”

  “I know, right? Do you remember the wall sex?”

  “Of course, how could I ever forget? I think there’s a hole in the wall where your head kept hitting it.”

  We both stilled and looked at each other. “You think that was the time?”

  “Yes, in fact, I know it was.”

  “I should’ve noticed the signs. Do you realize that you are more emotional and moody as hell when you’re pregnant…?”

  “Watch it, mister,” I growled, my expression clouding. “You haven’t seen moody until you shut me out and I catch you with your hands on another woman again.”

  “Hey now, I have to touch my patients,” he quickly quipped back at me.

  “Patients, I understand. However, I’ll take that troll out next time, pregnant or not. It will be a date with Jerry Springer for sure.”

  “I understand completely,” Grayson said, holding both hands in the air in surrender and laughing the whole time. “Hey, let’s go to my office and look at the baby before we go home.”

  We showered quickly and packed my things up in a rush to get our first glimpse of our little baby.

  Chapter 18

  We kissed and giggled in the elevator on the way up to his office. It took a few minutes for the ultrasound machine to warm up, so we passed the time making out. I don’t think I’ll ever look at a doctor’s exam table in the same way.

  The gel was cold against my skin. For a moment, my mind drifted back to an unhappy time just a few months before. The news was horrible. Fear took over and Grayson sensed my exact thoughts.

  “It’s going to be fine. This time, we’re going to be parents.”

  There seemed to be a new wrinkle between his brows, from stress I was certain. His eyes drilled deep into mine. It made my heart warm. It was the look he gave me sometimes just before he climaxed. Deep. Intimate. Strong. “I love you,” he said. He studied the monitor for a moment and a big smile came to his face. He turned the screen around for me to see. “Your bladder isn’t completely full, but here is the baby’s heartbeat and over here is the baby’s brother or sister’s heartbeat.”

  I sat up quickly. “What are you saying? We’re having twins?”

  “Yes, sweetheart, we’re having twins.”

  I laid back down and put my hands over my face. I laughed through my tears. “I can’t believe it.”

  “Well, believe it. Do you want to tell anyone?” I could see that he wanted to shout it from the rooftops, but I wasn’t ready.

  “I want to see Dr. Stewart tomorrow. When she says everything is okay, then we can tell everyone. We do need to let everyone know we’re at home and everything’s okay, though.”

  “True. I’ll text Harrison and Zoe, if you’ll let your Dad, Monica, and Cooper know.”

  I sent a text to Cooper and Monica and told them that I wanted to get together later in the week for dinner. I called Daddy on the way home and told him that we were headed home and that all was good with us. I didn’t want to tell him any more than that because we needed to confirm everything with Dr. Stewart the next day. I was still nervous and couldn’
t wait to hear her say everything was okay.

  Going to bed with my husband that night was amazing. There was something to be said for make-up sex. I needed him, in fact, I needed to feel close to him again, skin to skin.

  “Little momma!” He kissed me, but it was difficult to catch his lips because he was positively beaming.

  “I don’t know what to think. I’m excited and scared at the same time. Congratulations, Daddy!” I wrapped my arms around his neck and just held on to him.

  “What a day… we’re having a baby.” He was beyond giddy.

  ***

  I met Grayson outside his back office door so that we could sneak up to see Dr. Stewart. He pulled me close in the elevator and held me. He must’ve sensed that I was reeling with anxiety from everything. I hadn’t said much since seeing the pregnancy test the day before. My heart felt like it was beating out of my chest. I couldn’t find my voice, but his was enough for the both of us.

  He brought me out of my reverie, kissing me and exclaiming “Everything is going to be fine, angel, I promise. Relax and enjoy me taking care of you! Thank you for this most wonderful gift!” He took my hand and led me out of the elevator and through Dr. Stewart’s back office where she was waiting for us.

  “Grayson, Alexandra, what a wonderful surprise! Let’s take a look at what we have going on here,” she said, smiling big at both of us. With her ultrasound machine, she took measurements and made us pictures. “Well, it would appear that you are about three months along, Alexandra, which means that you conceived before the New Year. Grayson’s correct, you’re carrying identical twins, but I won’t be able to tell their gender for at least a month or so. Everything looks completely fine, but with twins we’ll be overly cautious and we always plan for early births. Congratulations you two, go celebrate a little! Alexandra, I have a big packet here for twins. Make sure you both go over everything and call me if you need me. Otherwise, I will see you next month.”

  “The heartbeat has two sides,” I mumbled as I got dressed.