by Carol Rivers
Hattie stuck out her chin. ‘That’s the first sensible thing I’ve heard you say in a long time.’
But Lily shook her head slowly. ‘Given half the chance, Hattie, I’m going to see more of Charles. And if you don’t like it, then I’m truly sorry.’
Hattie opened her mouth to speak then shut it. She reached for her coat on the back of the chair. As she did so, the front door banged.
Reube walked in the kitchen. His face was white. ‘Ben’s just gone.’
‘Why didn’t he say goodbye?’ Lily asked.
‘I would have thought that was obvious.’ Reube glanced at Hattie. ‘Next time you two have a ding-dong, keep your voices down.’
Hattie’s eyes suddenly filled with tears. Before Lily could speak she ran out of the room and the front door banged once more.
Reube looked at Lily, his face even paler. ‘Well, that’s set the cat among the pigeons, ain’t it?’
‘I can’t help how I feel, Reube.’
‘Obviously not.’
‘I don’t want to upset Hattie or Ben, or anyone. But I mean what I say about seeing Charles again. He came to the market today whilst you were out.’
Reube’s shoulders sank. ‘He did, did he?’ Rubbing his hand across his jaw, he asked, ‘Does he feel the same about you as you feel about him?’
‘I don’t know, Reube.’
‘You could be taking a risk, like Hattie said.’
‘I don’t care. I have to find out.’
‘You’re refusing the love of a good bloke like me brother for someone you’ve only known five minutes?’
‘I didn’t know how Ben felt, not till recently.’ Lily hoped that Reube, of all people, would understand.
‘But it’s been on the cards for years, you and him.’
Lily dug in her pocket for a handkerchief. ‘If I knew Ben felt the way he did, I would have—’
‘What would you have done, Lil?’ Reube broke in sharply. ‘Say you never met this Charles Grey, say that tonight Ben asked you to marry him. Would you have said yes?’
It was a question she hadn’t considered, because before meeting Charles she hadn’t known what love was or wanted to marry any man, other than the one in her dreams. She couldn’t even imagine that Ben, being the flirt he was, would ever have asked her to marry him.
‘I’ll take that as a no,’ Reube said before she could answer. His voice thick with emotion as he looked at her. ‘Well, Lil, I’ll tell you this for nothing, it would take someone blind, deaf and dumb, not to know that Ben’s in love with you and has been for a long while. And I don’t mean just a five minute wonder. He’s got it bad. And what he overheard you say to Hattie tonight might have just about broke his heart. And that, gel, is gonna take a while in mending.’
With one last long look in her direction, he squared his shoulders, then turned and left the house.
Ben was sitting in the charabanc as dawn came up. He could see the pink sky crawling into the stars, lifting the Quarry’s old roof into daytime relief. There was smoke already funnelling out of one of the chimneys. Ernie and Gladys must be up, preparing for another Sunday and he envied them.
He envied the normality of their life, the certainty of the hours ahead. It was a certainty he had shared himself once too. The belief that the universe would provide the wherewithal for life. You may be penniless, thirsty, hungry and unemployed, but there was always tomorrow. Another day on the horizon, a chance at survival. Every East Ender lived for that day and the opportunity to make good. But for some reason, he knew that his own private universe had within the last few hours, taken a violent knock. His thirst for the things he believed in, his dreams of becoming a self-made man, they were all a million miles away. And why? Because without Lily, none of them mattered. And yet he’d never known it before . . . never guessed . . . never given it a single thought that she might not be in his life for ever. He played at being the Romeo with other women, kidding himself as well as kidding her. And now he’d lost her.
Last night was like having a leg removed. And the rest of his body wasn’t bleeding, just not sure how to walk again, because you certainly didn’t function the same without a limb. You expected to always have arms and legs, they were part of your makeup. Just like Lily, she was part of his living and breathing. And now she had fallen for someone else.
He pulled hard on the cigarette, its glow dying as he opened the window and chucked it out. The birds were scooting over the roofs, dancing in the clouds above the scarlet wash. Red sky at night, shepherd’s delight. Red sky in the morning, shepherd’s warning.
A warning too late for him.
Mustering up what strength he had left, he jumped out of the vehicle and stretched his back. His spine was aching from the hours of sitting, trying to reason out what had gone wrong. Last night he was thinking of proposing, going down on one knee in the old-fashioned way and popping the question then asking her dad for her hand in marriage. Not for a minute had it occurred to him that she’d refuse. In his dreams he’d even had them walking over Blackheath, deciding on a house, a nice little terrace away from the Smoke. He reckoned he could afford it now. He had enough money saved and he’d work like a slave to make her happy.
But none of it meant anything now. Not without Lil.
Broad shoulders drooping under his crumpled new suit, he turned away from the Quarry and began to walk home.
Chapter Ten
On Sunday morning, it was Uncle Noah who brought her a cup of tea.
‘Thought you’d like this,’ he said as he shuffled into the room.
‘What time is it?’ Lily sat up in bed as he put the cup and saucer on the table.
‘Eight o’clock.’
‘Are Mum and Dad up?’
‘No, they’re having a lie-in after last night.’
All that had happened came back in a rush. After all the things that had been said, her birthday had been ruined and Lily had cried herself to sleep.
Her uncle sat on the end of the bed. ‘There was a lot of bangs last night.’
‘I’m sorry. It was the front door.’
‘I heard a lot of shouting.’
The tears were very close. ‘Hattie and me had a row.’
‘You were going at it hammer and tongs.’
Lily sniffed. ‘It was awful. I don’t know if we’ll make it up again.’
‘Course you will.’ Her uncle patted her leg.
‘Do you think Mum and Dad heard?’
‘Doubt it. They sleep like logs. I was still reading me Sunday paper.’
Lily was having trouble seeing through her sore eyes. ‘You must have heard everything, then?’
‘No,’ said her uncle, ‘But I ’spect it was over a bloke.’
‘Yes, it was.’ Lily sipped the hot liquid, grateful for its comfort. ‘And you know who, don’t you?’
‘That Charlie boy was it, who came round here? Your mother has been on at me to warn you off him.’
‘But why?’ Lily couldn’t believe that everyone’s opinion of Charles was so poor. ‘He only asked me to help him buy things, not run away with him to Gretna Green.’
‘That’s what they’re afraid of, see?’
‘What, of me running away? They know I wouldn’t do that.’
Uncle Noah sighed as he wiped his pince-nez on a piece of rag and balanced them on his nose again. ‘You’re just an innocent in their eyes. And he’s much older, ain’t he?’
Lily nodded slowly. ‘He said he was twenty in 1917 when he went to sea so that makes him thirty-three.’
‘It ain’t young, is it?’
‘It’s not old.’ Lily put down her cup. ‘But what does age matter? He’s a business gentleman who has paid me more than fairly for my time. The money he gave me helped to clear all our debt. He ain’t made me no indecent proposition as Hattie seemed to think he would . . .’ Lily’s voice broke at the memory of all her friend had said last night. She scooped away a tear.
‘Listen, Lil,’ said her uncle
firmly, ‘they’re worried because it might not stop at business. Strikes me, you’re not thinking of him just in the way of being employed. And, if that’s the truth and things go further, your friends will be slow to accept an outsider. He’s a gent and always will be.’
‘But he came here, Uncle Noah, and you met him. He’s not the sort to look down on anyone, no matter who they are.’
‘It ain’t him, gel. It’s us who know our place and don’t like to be reminded of it. This is the Depression, Lil, money is scarce, there’s no jobs and half the island or more is out of work. Charlie boy appears, with his shiny motor, and good clobber, and arouses suspicion. It ain’t so much class, as downright envy. Why should he have it all and people like us, have nothing?’
‘But we have got everything!’ Lily protested. ‘We’ve got each other, we’re a family. He’s on his own and is lonely.’
‘And the loneliness is of his own making.’
‘His wife died,’ Lily argued gently. ‘He didn’t want that to happen.’
‘Look, Lil, I’m sorry for his loss, but our losses are greater. He’s got his money and good standing, the world is his oyster. As for us, no bloody politician, union or Blackshirt, quack or preacher is going to relieve us of our poverty. We’ve got to make the best of what we have, in other words, there ain’t any hope for our future to change.’
‘We’re happy, Uncle Noah!’
‘We could be a bloody sight happier.’
Lily sighed. ‘I s’pose Mum and Dad want me to end up with a man like Ben.’
‘That’s ’cos we trust ’im. Like attracts like, ducks. It’s an unwritten rule. And your gent ain’t like us.’
Lily hadn’t thought about breaking rules, written or unwritten. She understood what her uncle was saying, but she couldn’t change her feelings. Every time she was with Charles she was happy. Was that so wrong?
‘What am I going to do, Uncle Noah?’
‘Only you can decide that,’ he smiled, pushing himself up from the bed. ‘You’re a woman now and as such, should know your own mind.’
Lily looked confused. ‘I want to keep my friends. I want Mum to be happy. But I want to see Charles.’
Her uncle shook his head despairingly. ‘A woman is a bag of mixed tricks.’
‘I wish I knew a few more.’
‘And you’ve just reminded me why I never got spliced,’ he opened the bedroom door. ‘Now I’m going to cook yer all a breakfast and hope your mother don’t nag me to blazes for messin’ up her kitchen when she comes down.’
Lily slipped out of bed and began to get dressed. What did she really want in her life? Was it selfish to yearn for happiness and excitement? She didn’t want to hurt her friends, but she didn’t want to give up Charles either. What was she going to do?
Later that morning, there was a knock on the door. Lily rushed to open it, hoping to see Charles. The look of expectancy on her face soon died when she saw who it was. ‘Oh, Ben, it’s you.’
‘Have you a minute to spare?’ He looked tired and cold as he stood with his hands in his overcoat pockets.
She quickly glanced behind her. ‘I’m helping Mum to cook the dinner.’
‘It’s about last night.’
‘Oh.’ Lily was afraid of what he might say. Was he still angry and upset? How could she explain her feelings without upsetting him again?
‘Who’s at the door?’ Josie shouted from the kitchen. She came along the hall. ‘Oh, hello, son. Did you have a good time at the party?’
‘Yes, thanks, Mrs Bright.’
‘That was a lovely dance you two did,’ Josie smiled at them both. All morning she had been hinting to Lily that after seeing Ben kiss her, she thought he was the right man for her daughter.
‘Can you spare Lil for a moment?’ asked Ben quickly. ‘I won’t keep her long.’
‘You two go off and enjoy yourselves,’ Josie said eagerly. ‘Lily, wrap up well as those winds are still biting.’
Lily didn’t want to go out. She wanted to wait in for Charles. After speaking to Uncle Noah she had decided to give Ben and Hattie a wide berth this week, hoping they would have time to forgive and forget. But now she couldn’t refuse Ben.
Five minutes later they were walking towards Island Gardens. Neither of them said much until they arrived in the green space and sat down on a bench overlooking the river. It was cold, but a bright morning sun broke through. The white puffs of clouds were scudding joyfully along and there was evidence of spring everywhere. Little green shoots had appeared overnight, the birds were flying from the trees to the glistening rooftops. Across the water the oval dome of Greenwich Observatory shone like a jewel in a crown. Being Sunday, the river traffic had ceased, the tugs and barges, lined up for tomorrow. But there were children playing on them, despite the dangers of falling in, as they jumped from one to the other. Their cries rose up in the air and travelled up to where they sat.
‘Me and Reube couldn’t resist a challenge like that,’ Ben said suddenly as he sat with his hands in his overcoat pockets. ‘Before Dad was called up he tanned our hides something rotten when he found out we jumped the barges. It was our aim to jump three in a row.’
‘Me and Hattie used to watch you,’ Lily nodded. She couldn’t recall Mr James very well, only that he looked like an older version of Reube. When he had died in the war, he had left his good friend Pedro, who was too old to be called up, to take charge of the stall. But Reube had left school at fourteen, eager to help. Ben had joined him a year later. The James brothers had grown up quickly after that.
‘We were only about six or seven,’ Lily smiled, ‘and nearly died holding our breath as we watched you.’
‘They was good days, Lil.’
‘I never thought they were going to end. I never thought Samson would die or we’d lose the yard or that we’d grow up.’ She turned to him. ‘But we did.’
He nodded and looking at her said softly, ‘Lil, I know I’ve lost you. And I know it’s me own fault.’
‘Why didn’t you say something before?’
‘I was too busy showing off, pretending to be Rudolph Valentino.’
‘I always thought you was funny.’
He sighed. ‘Is that all?’
Lily blushed. ‘I never really thought about it. You’ve been like me brother—’ She went to continue but he held up his hand.
‘Listen a minute, because what I’ve got to say is important. If I don’t say it now, I might lose me courage and never say it all.’ He took a deep breath. ‘Last night I caused you a lot of embarrassment, and made meself look a right clown into the bargain. It was me own daft fault, waiting too long. I suppose I never grew out of being that kid jumping the barges, showing off to the girls. Now I know I should have grown up a bit faster. I managed to run a market stall all right, but inside there was this kid, still trying to impress.’ His soft grey eyes looked deeply into hers. ‘Anyway, that’s enough about number one. What I want most, right this minute, and for always is to keep what we had once, our friendship.’
‘We’ll always have that, Ben.’
‘Are you sure? I ain’t spoiled things forever?’
‘It’s not your fault what happened,’ Lily fumbled. ‘I . . . I just met someone . . .’
‘I know.’ His face looked tight. ‘And I don’t want you to get hurt.’
Lily looked away as she remembered the words of her friend. ‘That’s what Hattie said to me once.’
Suddenly Ben chuckled. ‘Old Hat is the fount of eternal wisdom, ain’t she?’
They both laughed and Lily felt a relief from the tension.
Ben seemed on the point of saying something, but then stood up. ‘Come on, let’s have a gander at the water.’
They walked to the river and looked over it. On the South Bank, a picturesque dome was a dazzling, burnished gold. ‘Lil, if ever you need me, I’ll be there, right across the road, all right?’
She felt close to tears. ‘I’m sorry if I hurt you, Ben.’
Lily smiled into his gentle gaze. Had their heart to heart now resolved their problems? As they walked home, Ben told her enthusiastically about the work he had arranged for the charabanc. She was happy that he seemed to have a bright future.
When he left her at the door, he gave a cheery wave goodbye.
But Lily was not convinced that everything was really all right again.
It was barely light when Ben heard a noise at the window the following morning. Yawning and stretching he got out of bed and drew the curtain. A figure was standing in the road. Lifting the sash, he called softly, ‘Who’s there?’
‘It’s me. Sweetsy.’ The man came closer. ‘Got a minute?’
‘What do you want at this time of the morning?’
‘Come down and I’ll tell you.’
Ben closed the sash and pulled on his trousers. Careful not to disturb his brother, he crept downstairs.
‘Cripes, Sweetsy, what’s all this in aid of?’ Ben grasped the young man’s sleeve and pulled him in.
‘I thought knocking would wake everyone. So I threw a stone.’
‘Well, I’m up now. What do you want?’
‘There’s a job going.’
Ben knew Johnny Sweet to be a bit of a flyboy. But he was harmless enough and he’d always got a few quid in his pocket, ready to do a deal. Swathed in a coat, scarf and hat, the early visitor smiled. ‘I always give you first refusal, my friend.’
‘Is it kosher?’
‘As kosher as my old mum.’
‘Your mum died years ago.’
‘Yeah, but she ain’t forgotten.’
Ben smiled. ‘Get on with it, then.’
‘The goods have gotta go out today. This moment to be precise.’
Ben frowned suspiciously. ‘What’s all the rush?’
‘I’ve important customers waiting.’
Ben nodded thoughtfully. ‘How long’s it gonna take me?’