by Carol Rivers
Lily, her mother and uncle walked home from the hall, enjoying the summer evening. Josie carried a bag of left-overs whilst Lily had changed her clothes and now wore a skirt and blouse. Her arms were full of flowers and her pink dress.
‘These titbits will do us for a week, you know,’ Josie said happily to Lily. ‘There’s ham and cheese and two big slices of pie, plus our wedding cake. Mrs Parks did us proud.’
‘Looks like we won’t need feeding tonight,’ said Lily. She was thinking about her appointment in seven days’ time. What would she wear? Where would Charles take her?
‘I’ll have the pie tonight,’ said her uncle, puffing on a cigarette. ‘I fancy a bit of that.’
‘I was going to save it for tomorrow,’ declared his sister.
‘I didn’t have any at the do,’ he replied, to which Josie gave him a frown.
‘Don’t ’spect you did as you had a glass to your mouth for most of the time.’
Lily smiled, unaffected for once by their bickering. The secret she had was warming her inside. Nothing could prevent her from feeling happy. The evening was beautiful, and the streets were still full of kids. Lily looked at the young couples who strolled lazily along to the public houses. She didn’t envy them either, for she had a love of her own now. She possessed an inner glow of happiness. In one week’s time she would see Charles. If someone had told her that yesterday, she wouldn’t have believed it. But today, when she looked into his eyes, she felt that fate had played its part in her destiny.
There was a spring in her step all the way home. It must have shown because her mother said suddenly, ‘You look happy, love.’
‘I am,’ Lily smiled.
‘You and Ben were like your old selves today.’
‘We had a few dances, yes.’
‘That boy had eyes only for you.’
Lily felt her spirits deflate. ‘Mum, don’t start that again, please.’
‘Why don’t you admit it, Lily? He thinks a lot of you.’
‘Because Ben and me are friends it don’t mean to say there’s a big romance.’
Her uncle chuckled. ‘You won’t have any luck on that subject, Josie. I’ve tried already.’
Josie lifted her chin. ‘You’re a man, Noah, you don’t understand the workings of a woman’s mind.’
Lily felt as though they were talking as if she wasn’t there. ‘Mum, there’s no romance going on.’
‘You’re twenty-five, love,’ said her mother as they neared the house. ‘Most girls are settled by then.’
Lily stopped and looked at her mother. ‘And just where is it that I’m supposed to be settled?’
‘You would live with us.’ Her mother shrugged as she stood there. ‘Why should you live anywhere else?’
‘Mum, there’s four at home.’
‘You and Ben could have the top room. Lots of couples do it.’
A flush of scarlet flowed into Lily’s cheeks. ‘When will you accept that Ben and me aren’t going to be together?’
Her uncle shuffled forward. ‘You two ain’t gonna row on the street, are you?’
‘Keep out of this, Noah,’ said Josie angrily.
‘Mum, let’s go in.’ Lily walked to the house. She wasn’t going to allow herself to be upset. She drew up the key and entered the house.
Her mother went to the parlour. ‘I was hoping your father would make up the fire,’ she said as she sank down on the couch. ‘There’s still a chill in the evenings. It would have been nice to come home to a flame in the grate. Never mind, I’ll just rest me legs a moment. Then I’ll go up to see him.’ She held out the bag to Lily. ‘Put this in the larder, would you, ducks? And don’t let your uncle near it.’
‘Don’t really want none anyway,’ muttered Noah Kelly as he joined his niece in the kitchen. He took off his coat and draped it over the back of the chair, then undid his collar. The two sides sprang out and he breathed a sigh, collapsing in a chair. Opening his tobacco tin, he rolled a cigarette.
Lily put on the kettle. She sat down, her mind far away. She had one week to decide what she was going to wear. She wanted to make an impression this time. She had to look her best for Charles.
‘So what did he say?’
Lily came out of her trance. ‘Who?’
‘Your gent,’ said her uncle.
‘How did you know?’ she gasped.
‘I saw you and him at the church. I walked out to have a fag, and these two blokes came out by me.’
‘Did you know it was Charles?’
‘Not until I saw the look on me girl’s face. She looked a different person. She was happy for once.’
Lily looked down. ‘I can’t forget him, Uncle Noah.’
‘So what’s he have to say for himself?’
‘He’s been travelling a lot and hasn’t bought much for his house.’
‘Are yer seeing him again?’
She nodded. ‘In a week’s time. He asked me to go for a walk. And just because he says he likes my company.’
‘Well, you’re old enough now to know right from wrong. Just keep your wits about you.’ He shifted his pince-nez up and down the ridge of his nose. ‘You know that boy was watching yer too?’
Lily nodded. ‘Yes, I saw Ben.’
‘What did he have to say about it?’
‘Nothing,’ replied Lily indignantly. ‘Why should he? Charles has nothing to do with him.’
‘I was only asking, that’s all.’
‘I never wanted to hurt Ben – ever.’
‘I know you didn’t, girl.’
‘I hope he finds a nice woman to marry.’
He inclined his head to the next room. ‘You gonna tell your mother about the gent?’
‘I don’t know. She keeps on about Ben all the time. I would have thought by now, she understood.’
‘Well, I wouldn’t blame you for one, if you looked to pastures new.’
Once more she stared at her uncle in surprise. ‘What makes you say that?’
‘You ain’t got no kids to tie you down.’
‘I haven’t thought ahead that far.’
Her uncle crushed out his cigarette in a saucer. It took a long time to grind it down. As he did so, he sighed. Then he looked into Lily’s puzzled gaze. ‘Lil, there’s something you gotta know. By rights, it ain’t up to me to tell you. But I—’
‘Noah! Lily!’ The scream went through the house. Lily jumped to her feet and ran into the hall.
Her mother stood there. ‘Oh my God, Lil!’ Her face was drained of colour.
‘Mum, what’s the matter?’
Josie clenched her hands. ‘Your dad’s gone!’
Lily laughed. ‘He can’t have gone. He don’t go out anywhere.’
‘Well, he’s gone now. The bedroom’s empty.’
Lily looked up the stairs. ‘He could be up in the top room.’
‘No, I’ve looked.’
‘Then he must have got fed up by himself. That’s good news not bad, Mum.’
‘No . . . no . . . that’s not it at all.’
Lily didn’t understand what was happening. Why was her mother so anxious? ‘Come and sit down.’ She led her into the parlour.
‘This is all your fault Noah Kelly!’ Josie suddenly exclaimed as she pointed to her brother.
Lily looked from one to the other. ‘What do you mean, it’s Uncle’s fault? What’s going on?’
‘I knew this would happen if—’ Josie covered her face with her hands.
Lily felt fear flood into her heart. What was this all about?
Bob Bright was desperate. There had been nothing left in the bottle and the stomach cramps had begun. What was a man supposed to do? He was in pain and the cough had seized up his lungs. Now he could hardly walk. His feet seemed like lead weights as he stumbled along, the left half of his body seeming to slow him down. The chest pain that had wracked him had sent him tumbling out of the house. He had to find relief. And with the old man so stubbornly refusing, he had no choice but to
go there himself.
It was a long time since he had been out in the fresh air. A longer time still since he had followed this path. In the days after his dismissal from the timber yard, he’d come once or twice with Noah, then when his brother-in-law had refused to accompany him, he’d come under the cover of darkness, until Josie had discovered it wasn’t the tavern he visited, but Limehouse. At her insistence, he’d tried to abstain and for a while he had managed. But then the dark feelings returned. It was as if a hole had swallowed him up. Trapped in it, he was powerless, confronted by inadequacy and guilt. What good was a man who couldn’t look after his family? What purpose did he serve in this life? The torment wouldn’t stop until he succumbed to his habit.
Bob shambled painfully into the broken streets of Limehouse. His darting eyes were narrowed and furtive. The assault on his belly grew more acute with each step.
At last he came on the door. He hammered the boards, his need murderous. Where was the Lascar? Where was Mai Chi? Sweat beaded his brow as he stepped back, swaying and cursing.
He shouted, careless now of who heard. If she was gone, then let them take him, imprison him, do away with him. His existence meant nothing without the draught.
He fell to his knees, his palms heavy on the filth. A gasp rose from his chest. ‘A curse on you, old woman,’ he sobbed and unable to right himself, Bob Bright sunk with the curse on his lips to the earth.
Lily was staring at the two people she thought she knew everything about. Now they seemed like strangers. Her mother’s eyes were red with weeping. Her uncle looked crestfallen.
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ Lily couldn’t believe they had kept her in ignorance.
‘Because I hoped he would get better,’ said Josie with another deep sob. ‘And no one would ever have to know.’
‘Your mother tried her best, girl. But the habit grew too strong.’
Lily caught her breath. She couldn’t cry, she was too angry. ‘All this time you’ve lied to me.’
‘It wasn’t lying,’ Josie protested. ‘I just thought of it as medicine.’
‘But it didn’t come from the doctor.’
‘Course not,’ said her uncle, fidgeting uncomfortably. ‘They won’t give the strong stuff out unless you’ve got a good reason, like being in the war and ending up disabled.’
‘But Dad has a cough medicine,’ Lily said, standing up and walking to and fro. ‘He used to take that.’
‘It wasn’t strong enough,’ said her uncle. ‘Your dad got depressed after being laid off. He was at the end of his tether.’
‘So you took him to this place you say is in Limehouse. Is it one of them dens you read about?’
Her uncle looked away.
Lily sat in front of him. ‘Why did you go there?’
‘It’s the only place you can get it cheap. I used to pass the old woman’s cottage on me rounds, years ago. Got to know her a bit, knew what she was selling. I didn’t think a little help would go amiss for your dad. It was only a drop at first, gel,’ said her uncle, his voice rough with emotion. ‘A few spoonfuls of paregoric.’
‘A tincture,’ said Josie quickly, glancing at her brother. ‘It cleared up the loose tummy that came with his cough. I would say to meself, I’ll tell Lily where the money’s going just as soon as he don’t have to take it any more. Each day I tried to get him to go out, to act as normal, but he wanted more each day.’
Lily felt a shiver of cold down her spine. ‘What happened then?’
‘The old Chinese gave him something else.’ Noah Kelly sank back on the couch. ‘Something stronger.’
‘What’s that?’
Her uncle sighed. ‘It was laudanum.’
Lily blinked. ‘But that’s what the doctor gives Sylvester.’
‘Yes, gel, I know.’
‘It stops his bad dreams and calms him.’
‘Well then,’ said her mother, her eyes suddenly wide as she sat on the edge of her chair, ‘it can’t be so bad, can it, that your dad takes it once in a while for relief.’
‘But it’s not once in a while, is it, Mum?’ Lily jumped to her feet. ‘I wondered why we weren’t managing. We’re always short. We’ve run up more on the slate again. With all the overtime I do, we should be all right.’
‘I know, Lily, and I’m sorry.’
‘Do you know where Dad’s gone?’
Josie wrung her hands together. ‘To buy it himself I should think.’
‘Did he have any money?’
‘He took all I had in me apron pocket.’
Lily sniffed back her tears. ‘We’ll have to find him.’
‘Not at night we can’t,’ objected her uncle. ‘Not up there. After dark you’d take your life in your hands. It’s risky enough in daytime when I get a lift up with the coalie.’
Lily tried to think what to do. She loved the good and gentle man who had provided a roof over their heads when she was a child. He had always been there for her and now she must help him. She had to make him see that the drug he relied on was slowly killing him.
‘We’ll leave it till morning,’ she said at last.
‘It’s me that will go,’ protested her uncle. ‘Those places ain’t no place for a woman.’
‘He’s me dad, Uncle Noah,’ Lily replied. ‘We’ll go together.’
‘But what state will he be in?’ protested Josie, clenching her hands once more. ‘And how will you bring him back? The coalie don’t work on Sundays.’
Lily looked at her mother and shrugged. ‘We’ll find a way. And when he comes home, we’ll call in the doctor.’
‘I don’t want him told,’ said her mother, looking alarmed.
Lily knew that her mother was worried what the doctor would say. People who lived in poverty were the first to be ashamed of their circumstances. If the fact could be hidden or disguised, women would go out of their way to do so. But worrying what other people might think is what had begun the trouble in the first place. She had grown up with the shame of poverty instilled into her. Now nothing mattered more than bringing her dad home and making him well again.
Ben stretched and heard a loud creak. Flexing his arms and rolling his neck, he realized his head had been at an angle overnight. He’d slept so soundly that it would take more than a Sunday dinner and trot down the pub to cure his stiffness. A stride out, that was what he needed. Or maybe he’d give the charabanc a good wash?
He eased himself up and glanced at the empty bed beside him. He hoped the lucky bugger who’d slept beside him for the past thirty years was enjoying himself. A smile touched his mouth as he thought of the boarding house he’d delivered the pair of lovers to. There was a bit of an old dragon inside, who had barked out orders as they’d heaved up the two suitcases to the third floor. But the room had been large and the bedclothes looked clean. And from the look in Hattie’s eye anyway, it wasn’t those sort of details she was interested in.
Ben pulled on his trousers, thinking of what he would do after a wash and shave. First he’d begin to clear his clothes out of the wardrobe and take them upstairs to the top room. There wasn’t a great deal of stuff as he’d trimmed down over the last few weeks. It wasn’t going to be long before he, too, was off. Mum still hadn’t agreed to wed Pedro, but she had Hattie and Reube to look after her.
Rubbing the stubble on his chin, he made his way downstairs. It was a bit quiet, with just him and Mum at home. But when Hattie and Reube were back, they’d soon cheer it up. He glanced through the lace at the lorry outside. He’d been too damned tired at three o’clock this morning to park at the Quarry. Next week he’d start looking round for that four-seater, an Austin or Hillman perhaps. Whistling his way to the kitchen, he put on the kettle.
He was ruminating on the day ahead, when he heard the knocker go. Glancing at the mantel clock, he saw it was eight on the dot. Early for Pedro. But then the poor bloke was probably eager, without half of the family around.
But when he opened the door, he found Lily there. ‘Blimey,’ he s
aid hesitantly. ‘Lil! What are you doing up and about this early on a Sunday?’
‘Can I come in?’
‘Course you can.’ He stepped back, self conscious of his appearance. He hadn’t washed or shaved or even brushed his teeth.
‘I got to talk to you, Ben.’
He led her into the parlour. ‘Sit down, take the weight off your feet.’
She perched on the edge of a chair, her blue eyes staring up at him anxiously. For a moment he wondered if this had something to do with what he’d seen at the church. He’d been a fraction away from thinking they could pick up the broken pieces of their friendship in a more intimate way, when that fella had appeared. What was his name? Grey . . . Charles Grey! He’d seen the way she looked at him and knew that it still wasn’t over between them. Yet, it wasn’t the look of love in her eyes right this moment. It was more like fear.
‘I saw your lorry,’ she said, her face parchment white.
‘Yeah. Got back late from Brighton,’ he nodded. ‘Was too tired to park it up. So I left it outside. Now how can I help?’
‘I need a favour.’
He shrugged. ‘Anything, Lil. Just name it.’
‘It’s me dad . . .’
He frowned, shaking his head. ‘Is it his cough? Shall I come over?’
‘No, it’s not his cough. When we was at the wedding, he went off somewhere and he’s still not back.’
Ben waited, a troubled feeling growing inside him. ‘You mean he’s been gone all night?’
‘Yes.’ Her eyes were full of sadness. ‘Me dad’s sick, Ben. But not with his cough. He needs something else to help him . . . not regular medicine . . . something not easy to stop.’
For a moment he drew in his breath. In his mind’s eye he saw Noah Kelly in the cart, riding beside the coalie. The cart had always turned out from Limehouse.
‘You’d better tell me what’s going on,’ he said.
Slowly, as she spoke, the puzzle all fell into place.
‘You stay with your mum,’ he told her as he quickly pulled on his jacket. ‘Your uncle and me will find the place.’
‘Me dad might need me,’ she said and he shrugged.
He wanted to take her in his arms and protect her. What had Mrs Bright been thinking of? Her daughter working all hours that God sent. An old man, running the gauntlet to Limehouse. Proper barmy that was. No wonder the Brights were always hard-up. The poppy didn’t come cheap. No wonder Bob Bright was half the man he used to be.