I rubbed at my wrists, feeling naked without the bracelets in place. This was too much. Too fast. Too overwhelming.
Xavier turned to the ocean. “It’s beautiful here, but will be desolate without you. I’ll miss you terribly. Despite everything, know that is the truth.” He turned away from me. “If you decide to stay, the collar and bracelets will be yours again, as well as everything that comes with them.” He hung his head and jabbed his hands deep into his pockets. “Choose well, my sweet Raven, but it must be your choice.”
Xavier turned and left me on the beach. In my head, I chased after him. My body shuddered as I wrapped my arms around him. My entire body came alive beneath the fury of his kisses. The ache to be possessed by him burned inside of me and I yearned to surrender. Instead of chasing after him, I tugged my knees to my chest and cried.
How long I stayed on that beach wasn’t something I would remember. At some point, I stripped out of my dress and cooled off in the water. Long sure strokes took me almost to the breakwater and the ground dropped beneath until I swam in water over forty-feet deep.
With deep breaths, I submerged myself beneath the waters and dove until the world disappeared. Saltwater stung my eyes and I gazed at blurry shapes in the water, blinking until they came into better focus. I dove again. And again.
Each time, I extended the duration of my dives, counting the beats of my heart until the pain in my chest became intolerable and I could no longer resist the urge to breathe. I sought the surface of the water and sucked in air. Then, I did it again.
And again.
The ache I felt was only from the need to breathe. Xavier had freed me. I should be celebrating, but I never felt so lost.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
The sun dipped toward the horizon as I lay on the beach confused and dazed by the sudden change in my status. A plane took off and disappeared into the setting sun. Forest had left the island and I wasn’t with him. Yet, this didn’t mean I made any decisions.
A war waged inside of me, desire and want battling it out with reason and need. I’d never felt this conflicted and that terrified me more than anything else.
Eventually, I’d have to get up. I couldn’t stay out here all night. But when I returned to the estate, where would my feet take me? To my stark and barren room? Would it wait for me, empty of guards? Or would I take a different path? Make a different choice?
Xavier’s words spun in my head; a never-ending repeat. When you enter this room, a signal will be sent…The door will lock…There will be no exit, no reprieve, except what is granted by me…That is the choice you’re making…
But could I give him what he craved? Was I brave enough to make that choice? Could I bow beneath his dominance and not lose who I was in the process?
The sun sank further, painting the sky in a vibrant canvas of reds, yellows, and golds. Time forced me to move from the beach and return to the estate. I felt at my wrist, at the emptiness there, then touched my bare neck. The feelings sweeping through me with those simple gestures couldn’t be ignored. I took to my feet and left the beach behind as the horizon swallowed the sun.
Dusk swept over the island, bringing a curtain of dark purples sweeping over the sky to usher in the darkness of night. I had no problem finding my way back to the house. Lights along the path illuminated my way, bringing me closer to an inevitability. Salt and sand covered my skin and dried saltwater turned my hair crusty. I needed a shower. I needed more time. I needed to make a choice.
I turned down one of the many halls, moving on autopilot as I retraced my steps. I didn’t have the dolphin pendant to guide me based upon a flash of red or green. I stopped by a door and wondered if the keypad would work for me, or not. A press of my palm answered that question. The door swung inward and I stared inside as adrenaline spiked in my veins.
Unlike my last time here, there was no fear. I took a step inside, then another. I walked all the way in, and behind me, the door closed and a lock turned. A deep shuddering breath rattled into my lungs and my palms slickened with sweat. Was I making the wrong choice?
Lights turned on, giving me ample opportunity to explore this room. I didn’t know the function of many of the pieces of furniture, but had no doubt I would soon. My gaze went to the wall and the precise, ordered rows of all manner of devices. These too, I would soon know intimately. An ache settled between my thighs, a delicious throb I would soon ease.
Xavier said I would wait for as long as he pleased, so I was surprised when the door creaked open a few moments later. Had he been waiting? His large frame filled the doorway and I could see nothing but his silhouette.
His coarse voice vibrated the air, heavy with his need. “Raven?”
I crossed my arms over my chest, then looked down at my dress. With my eyes glued to his face, all hesitation faded. This was what I wanted, and everything which came with it. I lifted the fabric over my head and let it fall to the floor. I released the clasp of my bra and dropped it on the dress. Then I hooked my fingers beneath the waistband of my panties and took those off as well.
A hiss escaped him. I expected him to rush me. To take. To claim. But he stood solid and unmoving as my panties joined the waiting pile of clothing at my feet. The need to cover my nakedness had me folding my arms across my chest, but I bit at my lower lip and forced myself to place my hands to my sides. It made no sense to hide from this man.
“You gave your consent before,” he said, voice vibrating with barely contained restraint. “You said the answer was Yes.”
“Yes, I did.” My admission came easily. Now that I had made my choice, I felt at peace.
“The consent you gave before was given under duress. I need to know if this is what you want? Do you want to be mine?”
“It is, and I most definitely do. My answer is still Yes.” The truth of those words sent the butterflies in my belly off on a stampede. My world shifted, tumbling about, with the reality of this choice I freely made. I felt nauseous and excited all at the same time. “May I make a request?”
He took a step inside. “You may.”
“One day a week…” My voice hitched and I stumbled over my words, but I needed a concession from him.
“Yes?”
“One day a week…” My voice steadied and my nerves quieted. “Can it just be you and me? Raven and Xavier? No master. No slave. Just us?”
“You entered this room knowing there was only one way out. You made that choice.”
“I did.”
“Are you withdrawing your consent?”
I shook my head. This was what I wanted. “No.”
It hurt that he didn’t give me the concession, but he was right. I knew what stepping inside this room meant, and what I was giving up—correction—what I’d already given up. I belonged to him, freely this time, and he would determine everything that came next.
He took in a deep breath and blew it into the silence stretching between us.
“I need this Raven. It’s not a thing I can ignore. It’s a deep-seated need within me. One day a week is too much time away from what we’ll become.”
“Yes, Master.”
I should’ve kept the disappointment out of my voice, but I couldn’t manage it. I needed something too. Submission wasn’t something I knew existed within me. I was still learning what it meant and how to handle the things Xavier made me want. It had taken Xavier to show me the darkness I craved and the great strength within me to give in and surrender. His missing piece, that’s what he called me. Well, he was mine, too; the other half which made me whole. Never would I have believed such a thing possible, but I’d fought a war within me until only one truth remained. I needed him and everything he represented.
“One weekend a month,” he said, almost as if he were testing the words.
My head snapped up.
He repeated himself. “One weekend a month, we drop our roles, be just you and me. That’s all I can give you.”
Truthfully, I didn’t care whether he
gave me a day, a weekend, a week or more. That he cared enough to not only consider my request, but concede to it, filled my heart with joy. I wanted to run to him and hold him tight, never letting go. Instead, I locked our gazes together with the inevitability of our future.
“Xavier…”
“Yes, Raven?”
“I’m terrified.” I breathed out my fear.
“You don’t need to be.”
Chapter Thirty
“This is our beginning, Raven.” He knelt down meeting me at eye level. “Surrender is the most difficult step, but it’s a part of who you are. You crave what I can give.”
I gave a tight nod, but couldn’t find my voice.
“I’ve seen the way you respond to my touch and how you bend to my authority. I promise to give you everything you need, take only what you can give, and devote myself to being the master you need. I wish we had met under different circumstances. I would have liked to have taken you slowly and introduced you to this life differently, but your father made that impossible. I ask that you forgive me for the pain I’ve caused you.”
“Master…it’s not.”
He placed a finger to my lips. “It’s necessary. I need your forgiveness.”
My lashes grew wet from unshed tears, but I gave a nod. “I forgive you.”
He tugged me to his chest and held me tight. It was just the two of us, two souls bound by an indescribable force, needs and wants which tied our lives together. The beat of his heart, deep, solid, strong and true, set a rhythm which mine met. Even our breathing came together as time stood still.
Xavier took to his feet and undid his buckle. “It’s time to please your master, slave.”
He would take and I would give. The ebb and flow of our roles formed the structure of my new life. The rasping of his zipper sounded as he unzipped his pants. I gazed up at him while he pulled out his long length, grasping it in his powerful hands. He stood before me, staring down, hand gripping the root of his shaft as his eyes blazed with lust.
“I’ve thought of nothing but this moment for far too many weeks. Are you ready to serve your master?”
Heat bloomed at the apex of my thighs and I held back a needy groan. I wanted to feel his touch upon me, but understood why this came first. This was about me pleasing him, serving him. The rest would come later.
X put his hand on top of my head and rocked his hips toward me, pressing his cock toward my mouth. Deep uneven breaths surged out of his lungs. He moved back, leaving the salty taste of him on my mouth. “Last chance, my sweet Raven. Say the word and all of this stops.”
I glanced up, meeting the heat in his gaze, and shook my head. “I never want this to stop.” And I believed the truth of those words. The future terrified me. I didn’t know what things would look like in a week, a month, or even a year, but I embraced this moment. The rest, I’d figure out along the way.
He held his very prominent erection in his hand, stroking it from root to tip. “Now, open that pretty mouth.” He stepped toward me, his hand moving up and down his shaft in long sure strokes. He placed a hand on my shoulder. My heart leapt at the darkness in his eyes.
He moved his hand to cup the back of my head, then rocked his hips forward, brushing the tip against my teeth. The saltiness of his precum had me opening for him. A single thrust forward and the hot length of him invaded my mouth. He slammed into me, seating himself to the hilt. I gagged as the tip bumped against the back of my throat. He filled me and I couldn’t breathe. I tried to pull back, but he gripped the back of my head, holding me in place.
A groan of satisfaction filled the room as he seated himself deep. He held still, his cock pressing against the back of my throat as I struggled to accommodate him.
“You need me to force you, Raven. You and I both know this. It’s okay to resist, if it becomes too much, tap my thigh three times and I’ll stop.”
I could barely breathe with him filling my mouth, and fought against the urge to gag and hurl the contents of my stomach. But he was right. I needed him to take control and force what I couldn’t give. Now that he had pried his way inside my mouth, the responsibility for what came next was no longer mine. I needed to fight him, but more than that, I needed him to overcome my resistance. Only then could I respect his strength and grant him the authority to master me.
His eyes widened as I took him and licked the underside of his cock. I reached up and gripped his balls, stroking him with my fingers, knowing if not from personal experience but from what I’d read, that he would like it, and was rewarded by a jerk of his hips and an indrawn breath.
“More,” he said. “Harder…squeeze my balls.”
His hand gripped the hair at the crown of my head, fingers twisting in the strands. “God, I want to fuck you. Tell me you want me too.”
I opened my jaw and let him plunge into me.
“Suck,” he hissed. “Wrap your lips around me and suck.”
I breathed around him, not daring to move, as he rocked his hips. His hands held my head in place, even as I tried to rear back. I accepted the intrusion knowing accountability for whatever happened was his and not mine. He took over, thrusting in and out, rocking up and down. When he went too deep, making me gag, he backed off, adjusting his thrusts to the last depth I was able to manage.
He started slow, but the tempo increased, until the end when his thrusts came hard and fast. Panic overcame me and I tapped his thigh.
One. Two.
He slowed down and allowed me to recover. I never tapped a third time. Xavier chased the limits of what I could endure, pushing me to the edge, pulling back, then pushing even harder as he tested my resolve.
He gripped my hair and tugged. I nearly tapped out, but then his breathing changed. He pulled my head to his belly and curled around me as his climax overtook him. As his body shuddered and shook, a deep masculine groan vibrated through his body. I choked on the salty mix as his release slid down my throat. He held me there, breathing deeply, as his erection softened inside my mouth.
“Swallow, slave,” he commanded.
I obeyed and a fire burned in my belly, stoking the unbearable ache between my thighs.
Tears dried on my cheeks. Pressure released from my chest. I had done it. I sent him over the edge. An upwelling of satisfaction filled me and flooded me with pride? Pleasure? Happiness? Satisfaction?
I stared up at him, a feeling of blissful contentment plastered on my tear streaked face. I was a hot needy mess and seconds from begging him to take me. He stepped back, met my gaze with a hooded expression with the flames of lust heating his eyes.
“Never forget you’re my slave, Raven.”
I wiped my chin and regarded him with a mix of emotions.
He pulled out and took a step back. “Raven…”
No response was required, because I felt it; this thing between us. No longer taken, I’d given myself to him. He owned me not as payment of a debt owed, but because I gave myself to him freely. A moment passed between us, but then his fierceness returned.
“Come.” He led me deeper into the room, moving with purpose, as he grabbed a set of leather restraints. “Lay down.”
He pointed to a padded table and I followed without question. He didn’t specify how I should place myself, but I lay on my back, eyes glued to his every move. He went to a drawer and removed a black hood. Fear coiled in my gut. I hated that hood and my entire body shivered.
“I want you to trust me,” he said. “Can you do that?”
My heart jumped in my chest. My breaths quickened. What rights did I have as a willing slave? Were they the same as when I’d been unwilling? Could I refuse? I didn’t know and that paralyzed me.
He came to me, stroking my shoulder, brushing my hair away from my face, trying to ease the panic building within me.
“You can always make this stop. Say the word, call out Red, and I stop, but know this is something I believe you need. Removing your sight heightens your senses.”
“But I’m
afraid.”
“I want you to trust me. Believe me when I say I will not harm you. Put your faith in me.”
“But…” I couldn’t tear my eyes from the hood. It terrified me and reminded me of all the times before when I’d been forced to wear it. “Please, not the hood.”
One word would stop everything, but I didn’t want any of this to stop. I needed this. Xavier was right about that. I was here of my own free will. But could I give Xavier what he wanted?
I didn’t know if I could get over the hood.
He bent over me, brushing his lips over mine. The gentleness of the kiss surprised me. I was used to hard and rough; gentle confused me. But, it eased the beating of my heart. Slowed my ragged breaths. I relaxed beneath the gentleness of that kiss.
“Trust.” He slipped the hood over my head.
I could pull it off. He hadn’t restrained my hands, but I decided to trust and prayed my faith wasn’t misplaced. I don’t know if I’ll fully understand everything which came next. The expectations in my head didn’t prepare me for what followed. Xavier wrapped the leather restraints around my wrists and ankles. Those he attached to rings bolted to the table. I was bound and unable to move. Hooded and blind.
He began by running his fingers over my shoulder, across my collar bone, and to my other shoulder. His light touch moved down first one arm and then another, bringing goosebumps to my skin. I shivered beneath his touch. His lips followed, taking the same leisurely path as I ached for more beneath his touch. I heard him move around me, check my circulation in hands and feet, then walk away. Drawers opened and closed, bringing all kinds of images to my head.
A sadist, Xavier loved pain. Pain turned him on. Forcing me to endure excited him. I expected the worst and therefore wasn’t prepared for what came next. He took what I decided must be a feather, and traced every curve of my body. I writhed on the table, squirming away from the delicate touch. Something soft came next, not silk, but some other fabric which felt buttery smooth. Something cold touched my skin, but warmed immediately. It was hard, curved, and I had no idea what it might be. Then he tickled me, running something sharp across my skin. With more pressure, I had no doubt it would hurt, but he used the lightest of touches. I felt pinpricks, nothing more, and moaned beneath his touch. Not once did he touch my most private places, leaving my breasts and pussy achingly untouched during the delicious torment he subjected me to.
She’s Mine: A Captive Romance Page 22