by Solet, Trina
"It's only a sprain," Mark told him. Though he was sure on that point, Mark also looked bewildered by Zack’s craziness. It was like Zack's meltdown was too much for him to handle. But then he was sure of himself again and leading Zack through the hospital corridors.
"You don’t have to be calm. Just pretend to be calm. OK?" Mark was now holding his arm as they neared the examining room where Al was. He turned Zack and held him by the shoulders. "Take that look off your face," Mark ordered him.
"I don't like it," they heard from inside. It was Al. Zack was ready to rush in there, but Mark didn't let him go. He put his hand to Zack’s face and touched his forehead to Zack's just like he had done with Al when he climbed the bookcase. He whispered, "That was Al. He's OK."
That was true. Al was complaining, like he always did. He wasn’t in any kind of distress. Zack nearly cried with relief then smiled. Mark let him go. He signaled for Zack to wait then went in ahead of him. He said a few words then he and Suzie came out. Suzie looked at Zack, but he didn't want to talk to her until he saw Al.
"What's all the fuss in here?" Zack asked as he went in.
"Daddy!" Al said and burst into tears threatening to make his father cry too. Al stretched out one arm to him. The other one was still being attended to by the nurse. Zack sat next to Al on the examining table and put his arm around him.
"What happened here?" Zack asked seeing that his wrist was wrapped to immobilize it.
"It's a sprain. Not too bad. The doctor will come by to talk to you," the nurse said then Al took over with his own version.
"I was trying to do a hand stand. Jamie can do it. I wanted to do it too. Miss Suzie said we weren't allowed. I did it anyway, then I fell. It hurt a lot."
"Aww. Does it hurt now?" Zack asked.
"Yes," Al said but in a pouty way that demanded sympathy and meant he wasn't in too much pain. "And I want the one with the dogs, but she won't let me have it."
"Oh," Zack saw what he meant. The nurse was wrapping his wrist with a contraption that had cupcakes on it. "You like cupcakes."
"I want that one," Al said pointing to a different one that had dogs on it.
"Sorry," the nurse said. "That one is too big for you, honey."
"Broccoli," Al said gruffly.
The nurse looked confused, but Zack didn’t explain. He praised Al for being good and brave and scolded him for disobeying Miss Suzie. When Zack gave him a hug, he was careful of his arm.
"Mark gave me half of a hug too," Al told him since what he got certainly wasn’t the full hug that Zack wanted to give him.
"That’s good. Put them together, and you’ll have a whole hug." Zack was so glad that Mark had been there to hug Al before Zack could get to the hospital.
The doctor came by as promised. She wanted to show him Al's x rays, but Zack told her he couldn't look at them. The thought of those little bones made visible, he couldn't take it. But the doctor had mostly good news. The sprain wasn't bad at all. The wrapping was more a precaution than anything, If it had been an adult with the same sprain, it wouldn't have even been necessary. She said it could probably come off in a week if he didn't reinjure it. Zack again got the feeling that he might cry but held it back. He hurried off to join Mark and Al.
They both had their heads bent over Al's wrist as Zack approached. They were talking about giant cupcakes. Zack looked at them while they still didn't know he was there. Mark had a very natural way of speaking with Al. He wondered how today would have gone if Mark hadn’t been there. Would Zack have barged in and frightened Al? Yelled at Suzie? He didn’t know. Good thing Mark was there so he didn’t have to find out. Zack took a minute to get himself together. He hated that he had been so difficult when he arrived, that Mark had to work so hard to calm him down. But he also worried that Mark might think less of him now.
It wasn’t until Al was in bed that night that Zack got a chance to talk to Mark.
"Thank you for what you did. And I'm sorry I was so crazy."
"Anyone would be," Mark said. "I did have prior warning. George called me to warn me after you left the office. He wanted to know what was happening. He said you were inarticulate before you ran out of there. I explained, and he said when you arrived I would be dealing with a crazy man. 'You won't even recognize him as the Zack you know.' That’s what he said. He told me I would need to handle you."
"Oh God," Zack said feeling even more embarrassed.
"I guess he knows you," Mark said with a shrug since everything George had told him proved to be right on the nose.
"Yeah. He's seen me in action. Al had a stomach ache when we went over to George's father's place for a barbeque slash wedding slash retirement party for his father. Al was throwing up a little too much, probably something he ate, and I went crazy."
"Did you blame George?" Mark wanted to know.
"No. Al was a little iffy when we arrive. I thought it was because he was car sick. It was a long, winding drive. We saw more cows than gas stations. George's father lives in the middle of nowhere in this crazy house George designed for him. It won't surprise you to find out that George's father is quite a character. Anyway, Al didn't want to eat anything from the very start. Lucky for George and his father considering what a lunatic I was. I was going crazy thinking how far the nearest hospital was, how long it would take an ambulance to get there. Meanwhile, Al threw up a few times, took a nap, and he was fine. I was a disgrace."
"I'm sure you were forgiven," Mark said then he was thoughtful. "The drive to the hospital was scary. I knew it was just his wrist, but until I saw him... That's when I called him my baby, and he told me he wasn’t a baby so I knew he was OK."
"That’s my boy," Zack praised Al. He was proud of him and grateful that Mark had been there. And now he was grateful to have Mark next to him. He couldn’t imagine sitting there, alone in the dark thinking about Al being hurt. It meant everything to have Mark with him. And the moment made something crystal clear. This was why he never made a move on Mark. Mark was here for Al. He was Zack’s backup, his second in command, his anchor. No matter how much he wanted him, it wasn’t worth the risk of losing someone who could keep him steady and keep Al safe.
Chapter 18
Al’s wrist healed with no trouble, but Zack noticed that Mark was even more watchful. It was after dinner when Al came over to Mark where he was studying on the couch. He had his finger in his mouth. Zack was on the phone so he let Mark deal with him for now.
"My tooth is wiggly," Al said then he demonstrated by wiggling the tooth sickeningly.
To distract him from playing with his tooth, Mark decided on another activity.
"I know. Let’s do a wiggly dance," Mark proposed. And that’s exactly what they did.
"We're dancing," Al said to Zack. Mark turned and saw Zack watching them. He didn’t hide his amusement so Mark stopped dancing.
Zack was off the phone now. Seeing he was free, Al came over to him.
"You dance too," Al demanded. He took his hands and moved them back and forth in what he believed was a dance move.
Now Mark was smirking at him.
"Don't smirk at me, I saw that butt wiggle you were doing," Zack said.
Al did his own version of the butt wiggle. Zack handed Mark his phone.
"Here. Get some video of this. I'll blackmail him with it when he gets older."
"I thought I was capturing precious childhood memories not blackmail material," Mark said as he recorded the dancing.
"They're the same thing. There used to be this picture of me in the bath when I was two. When I was 11, I sneaked it out of the photo album and I ripped it up," Zack said. "I have no regrets about that bit of vandalism."
Zack grabbed the phone from Mark and got some video of him dancing with Al. He imagined looking at it years from not when Mark would be gone, moved on with his life, no longer in his. He felt a pang of anguish. He couldn't let that happen. It could be him and Mark looking at the video, laughing at each other's moves. They could
be happy. They could be a family. He just didn’t know how long Mark would want that, or if he was even old enough to know.
They got plenty of their crazy dancing on video. Even PJ got in on the action. Afterward, Zack went to put the video on his computer. Mark came along to see some of their old videos. Zack sat at his desk, and Mark stood close behind him.
"Hey look at these. That's monster Al. This was when he was three. Whenever I tried to get him on video, he attacked me like I was some kind of paparazzo or something. Look, he's like some kind of giant monster," Zack said when Al loomed large as he got too close to the lens.
"Alzilla?" Mark suggested.
Next Zack showed him videos of Al demolishing his birthday cakes.
"This is him digging through his first birthday cake. I had to hose him down afterward. I don't think he actually got any into his mouth. That's Louise. This is his second birthday, most of his cake ended up in his hair and down his shirt. That's Louisa again."
"You're not letting me see," Mark complained because Zack was only showing him a little bit of a video then switching to another one.
"I don't want to bore you."
"Is that what I think it is?" Mark asked having spotted the folder marked Blackmail Material."
"Yup. And it’s password protected," Zack confirmed with no shame.
"Are you kidding? From who?"
"Al. Some day soon, and definitely before I expect it, Al will know more about computers than I do. I want to keep him out of there," Zack said. Then seeing how Mark looked at him, he added, "What? I am not paranoid. I told you how I ripped up that picture of me in the bath."
As Zack clicked through the videos, Mark had to lean over him a little to get a good look. Zack inhaled slowly feeling guilty that he was taking advantage of this opportunity to sniff Mark. Zack could feel the warmth radiating from his body. Feeling it only made Zack hot. So close, Zack would hardly even need to move to touch him, to reach up his hand to cup his face, to circle his waist with his arm to pull him into his lap.
Zack forced himself to focus and showed a video with Louise in it.
"That’s the last one before she left," Zack said. It was from when they went on a picnic. There was a big checkered tablecloth blowing away in the wind. Al was delighted. He couldn’t stop laughing as Louise tried frantically to keep it down, and Zack filmed her instead of helping. Al giggled non stop.
"How did Louise ever manage to leave while looking at Al?" Mark wondered. He was looking at two year old Al laughing uncontrollably.
"It helped that she had a hot guy waiting for her," Zack said.
"So when I have a hot guy waiting..." Mark had said jokingly, but Zack had felt horrified and stricken. He had to turn away. Mark noticed.
"I’m not going anywhere yet," Mark reassured him. He even rested his hand on Zack’s shoulder for a second.
Among the videos, Mark saw a folder with Kelly’s name on it.
"Do you have videos of Al’s mom?" he asked.
Zack shook his head sadly. All the home movies his father had made after marrying Anne were at the house when she died and then who knows where they ended up. And Kelly wouldn’t let him take any videos of her when she was sick.
"Al doesn’t need to see Cancer Mom," she said. Then she seemed to consider her fate. "Of all the things that could have killed me. Cancer. And now." She pointed at Al sleeping in his crib. "Not before when it wouldn't have made any difference."
Zack had to correct her.
"It would have always made a difference."
"Not like now. Now it makes a huge difference."
Zack had to agree with that. After she was gone, that baby would be left only with him as a poor substitute. Zack felt like he would never be equal to what the kid needed. But he would do his best for him and hope that Al had inherited Kelly's spirit to make up the difference.
When he told Mark this, he said, "You did fine."
"My paternal instinct kicked in, and I had Louise," Zack said. Then he went on to explain why there was no video of Kelly. "I thought we should have some video of her for Al, but she nixed that idea. So all I have are these." Zack opened the folder. All the files in it were audio. "She talks about my father in a lot of them. So it's a double whammy for me if I dare to listen. We recorded them over her last few weeks but only while she sounded OK. She didn't want Al to only know her as some sickly woman. She even told me that if she didn't need me to take Al, she wouldn't have let me see her like that either. And I couldn’t even get mad at her when she said that."
Zack clicked on the first recording.
"Al, this is your mother speaking," Kelly started off in a deep, serious voice.
Then Zack could hear his own voice, sounding strange, of course.
"I thought you didn't want to scare him."
Then he could hear Kelly again, speaking in her normal voice now, only a little weaker because of her condition.
"Ok, here's some motherly advice. Remember these words of wisdom. You must always give Zack a hard time," she said.
"Great. Thanks.".
"Ok, what else? Oh, always wear a condom," she said.
"Hey, I want to be able to play this for him when he's little. Start with the G rated stuff and work your way up to sexually transmitted diseases," Zack told her.
When Zack looked up and over his shoulder, Mark was smiling.
"She isn’t how I thought she would be," he told Zack.
"You thought she would be nice and sweet," Zack guessed. "It’s those big, brown eyes."
"I should have known she would be like that." Mark turned his eyes to Zack. "That’s why Al is always getting the better of you, isn’t it?"
"Hey!" Zack protested. "And yes. She always got me. I can barely keep up with Al now. When he gets older, he’ll demolish me."
Mark laughed at Zack’s self pity.
"Then why are you always teasing Al? You shouldn’t have started a war you couldn’t win," Mark admonished him.
"He was just a baby when I started. I thought I had the advantage. That’s why you have to stick around and be on my side."
"You are living in some dream world where I stay with you and Al forever," Mark said snapping Zack out of his joking mood.
It sounded like Mark hadn’t meant to say that. It just slipped out. That didn’t mean that Zack was going to disregard it. Obviously, the question of how long Mark would be living with them was on both their minds, and Al’s too.
"I know you won't be here forever," he said thinking that Mark might be bristling at the expectation and the constraint. But then he noticed that wasn't it. He turned to Mark more fully. "You know this isn't some summer job. You are going to be staying with us at least until you finish college."
Mark looked confused.
"Sorry. I should have mentioned that before," Zack said.
"No. I..."
"I’m sorry. I should have made sure that you knew that you have a home with us. Even if you decide on graduate school," he added trying to regain a lighter mood.
Mark smiled. He looked sad and happy at the same time.
Chapter 19
Mark liked hearing from Zack that he wanted him to live with them until he finished college. He did warn him that since he went only part time that might take even longer.
"The longer the better," Zack had said.
Though he wanted so much more from him, his body for one, Mark still liked hearing that Zack wanted him to stay. It made him feel more secure.
He noticed that he had a different feeling about the house than he did at first. Mark felt it most when he was leaving and when he was arriving back. When he was on his way out, he would leave knowing that this was his home, where he would come back to. It wasn’t just a knowledge, it went deeper than that. He had a home.
He and Al were about to leave. Mark had all his stuff for class, and Al was ready for Little Rainbow. When it was time to go, for some reason, Al was holding PJ and heading for the door. Mark stopped him to
find out why. Al wanted to take her for Show And Tell, and no amount of convincing would get him to give up the idea. Reasoning with him didn’t work. Obviously the little dude thought he had figured out a loophole that would let him take PJ to Little Rainbow, and he wasn’t going to give up easily. Mark tried putting his foot down, but Al only said, "If PJ can’t go, I’m not going."
Mark tried telling him that he would miss his class at the college if Al didn’t listen to him, but Al didn’t care. Mark decided to call Suzie and have her tell Al that he couldn’t take PJ to Little Rainbow. He tried giving the phone to Al.
"Here, Miss Suzie wants to talk to you."
"I don’t believe you," Al said, and he wouldn’t take it.
"He won’t take the phone. I’ll put you on speaker."
Now Suzie’s voice came from Mark’s cellphone.
"I’m sorry, Al, but you have to leave PJ at home," Suzie told him kindly but clearly.
Al ran out of the room with PJ in his arms.
"He ran off. Thanks anyway," he said to Suzie as he hung up and went chasing after Al.
"Did you hear what Miss Suzie said?" Mark asked once he caught up with Al in his room.
"That wasn’t her. You’re trying to trick me," Al said. He tried to climb on his bed without letting go of PJ. But PJ squirmed, and Al couldn’t hold on to her. As soon as Al let her go, all the commotion sent PJ scurrying under Al’s bed. Al went after her and then he didn’t come out. Mark tried talking to him some more, even guilting him by telling him he would fail his class, but Al stayed put.
Mark hated to do it, but he called Zack.
"Do you know how to get Al out from under the bed?" Mark said.
"A broom?" Zack joked.
"I have to get to class, and he refuses to go to Little Rainbow without PJ. He wants her for Show And Tell. I already called Suzie so she could tell him it wasn’t allowed. It didn’t work."