by Solet, Trina
"I can't. I mean, how can I?"
"OK. That's true. But only because no one can take the place of another person. You’re not a substitute. Just know that no one could be a better parent than you."
"Kelly would have been. She would have aced it. She and Al, they would have been connected, they... they...there are just no words."
Mark interrupted him while he struggled for a way to express his doubts.
"There are no words for what you and Al share either. Unless you consider father and son words."
"OK, OK. But I can't shake the feeling that I'm always failing Al and Kelly and everyone. I mean, Al is a great kid. He could do a lot better than me. He could have his pick of fathers."
"You're just crazy," Mark concluded giving up on talking sense to him. Smart move. But he wasn’t really giving up. He straddled Zack and made himself comfortable on his lap. "Be the best crazy parent you can be for Al. You won’t know how crappy you’ve been until Al is twenty and you count his piercings and tattoos."
The thought of his little boy mutilating his body was horrifying to Zack. After a long moment of speechlessness, he could only say one thing to Mark, "You are evil."
"It was too much trouble trying to make you feel better," Mark said as he stood up. "It’s easier to drive a crazy person crazy than to make them sane."
Mark went to the kitchen and left Zack smiling. He came back with some cold drinks for the two of them. They stayed up late wrapped in each other’s arms on the couch. Most of the time, they didn’t say anything. But whenever Zack felt like talking, Mark listened like he was absorbing his whole life. Zack insisted on hearing a story from Mark’s childhood. He heard how Mark and his cousins all learned to swim together then raced each other across the lake. Zack fell asleep picturing Mark’s memories.
Zack and Al came home to a broken air conditioner. Every fan in the house was on, and Zack opened some windows to create a breeze. When Mark came home, he found Zack and Al sitting on the couch in front of the oscillating fan which alternately cooled one of them then the other.
"They’ll be here tomorrow to fix it," Zack said immediately. "Come and sit with us."
Mark brought his dinner into the living room, and they sat with Al in the middle. As long as Al was there, everything was wholesome and innocent. Maybe there was an occasional glance at sweat dripping down the side of Mark’s neck to disappear inside his collar or at the moisture on his upper lip.
Though he couldn’t imagine wanting to do anything strenuous in this heat, Zack had a feeling he would anyway. But first he had to send Al to bed.
When Zack got back, Mark was sitting in front of the fan, working on his laptop. He ignored Zack as he sat down next to him. Taking Mark's hand, he found it was sweaty. Zack ran his fingers over the wet palm. Mark breathed in.
"You're tickling me," he said. He never looked away from his computer screen. As Zack reached down to feel the bulge in his shorts, Mark threw his head back. Zack loved that he could arouse him so easily. Mark's sweaty palm went around Zack's neck, rubbing his neck then digging his fingers through his hair as he panted.
"I need to finish this and send it in," Mark said without looking at him then he let go of Zack with a sigh. He removed Zack’s hand from his crotch decisively.
Rejected, Zack retreated to his office. Mark had told him he needed to revise an assignment at the last minute, but Zack’s mind was clouded with heat and lust. He couldn't help it. He was always anticipating the next time they touched, craving it.
Hearing the shower running in Mark’s bathroom an hour later, Zack decided to take one too. Afterward, he went to make sure Al was sleeping. His ceiling fan was keeping him cool, and Zack gazed at him for a while. He came out to find Mark standing by the screen of the open glass doors. A chorus of crickets could be heard outside along with the rustling of leaves in the slight breeze. The sounds of traffic were further away and easy to ignore. The way Mark was standing there reminded Zack of those nearly obscene ads, the kind that make you overlook whatever is being advertised while you ogle the hot body of the model. Mark had taken just that kind of pose. His fly was partly undone, his t-shirt was raised. But Zack was pretty sure he could figure out what Mark was advertising.
After coming out of the shower, Mark decided not to button his fly all the way. He leaned by the glass door and pulled his t-shirt up to let the breeze cool his chest. Eventually Zack found him like that. Mark gave him a "come get me" look, but Zack kept his distance.
"Mark," Zack said as if scolding him for indecent behavior.
"I'm just standing here cooling off. If you are having a hard time, that's your problem."
Zack went up to him. Mark opened his mouth and closed his eyes. He inhaled Zack's smell. He slid down wanting to kneel in front of Zack, but Zack pulled him back up.
"No," Mark said in protest too loudly.
"Shhh," Zack said. He cupped Mark's face.
Mark felt his lips part again, for a kiss, for a cock, for anything of Zack's. He wanted to seduce him. He wanted that very badly. Zack was looking at Mark's mouth as if mesmerized. His thumb played over Mark's lips, found the space between them. Mark opened his mouth more, but Zack only pushed in the edge of his thumb to rub against Mark's soft, wet inner lip. Mark licked him. Zack's skin tasted good. It didn’t have the salt sea taste. It was all Zack now.
Mark licked and drew the thumb into his mouth. Zack removed it reluctantly and pulled Mark away from the open door. He closed it and locked it then took Mark to his room. He pushed Mark’s body into the door until it closed. Mark locked it as Zack undid the rest of the buttons of Mark's fly. He let Mark's cock pop free and kneeled down. Zack unzipped his own fly as he took Mark's cock into his mouth.
Zack made it clear that he wanted to be fucked, and Mark was glad to be the man chosen for the job. They established a slow rhythm. Zack jerked and trust back as Mark pushed forward. He watched how lightly Zack handled himself. In contrast, he could see his muscles tense and bunch up with the need to come to impale himself, to make Mark ride him like a beast. Mark loved Zack’s control.
"I want to make you feel good," Mark whispered meaning so much more than that.
"I don't want it to end. I never want it to end," Zack said and threw his head back, willing himself to hold off. His throat stretched then worked to keep back a cry as Zack opened his mouth but still refused to come.
Mark moaned seeing him like that.
"Oh, Zack. Please come," Mark begged.
Zack laughed and lowered his forehead down to the mattress.
"No. I want to wait for you." Zack's voice was a little muffled, but his words were clear.
Mark choked back the words "I love you". He felt a nearly physical pain mix with his own need to come, and he moaned. Zack turned his head. Mark came just as Zack said his name. Zack came with a surprised look and a cry he quickly cut off. He shuddered as Mark dropped on top of him. Mark had meant to lower himself down gently but his muscles had other plans, like checking out on him. Now he was dead weight and sweaty on top of Zack's own sweaty, limp body. Zack turned carefully to ease Mark off him.
"What a gentleman," Mark teased him. He really was, down to his core. Mark again felt the welling up of feeling, the need to tell him that he was loved. Instead he just looked sad drawing Zack's concern. Zack poked his chin.
"What's this?"
He looked at Zack, wondering if he could tell what Mark was feeling, if maybe he felt something too. Another wave of sadness washed through him over those unsaid words.
Zack didn't press him for an explanation for his mood. He lay on his back and pulled Mark close to lie against him.
"You’re too hairy. It’s like having a blanket over me," Mark complained. He didn’t really mind, but he felt too much like he was being comforted.
"I’d let you shave me from head to toe," Zack said. He sounded serious.
"That would take days."
"I was being romantic," Zack claimed.
&nbs
p; "OK. Then I admit I like you the way you are," Mark said, being a little romantic in return. But he had to ask, "Aren't you hot?" This was a lot of body contact for an unairconditioned house when the breeze had died down. Zack turned and kissed him lightly.
"We could be on fire, and I'd still want to hold you," Zack said with a melancholy, deep look in his eyes.
That sounded so heartfelt and romantic until Mark actually thought about it.
"Now you have me thinking about burn victims and charred flesh. And in this heat. You are just the worst at this," Mark groused but still rested his head on Zack shoulder. He also couldn't stop smiling. Zack had sounded so sincere when he said that stupid thing about being on fire. Instead of that earlier sadness, Mark now felt a crazy, giddy happiness.
Chapter 31
More and more, Zack felt the urging of his own heart to announce his relationship with Mark. The need to tell everyone about the two of them was particularly strong as he spoke to Louise.
"And no, Mark has not abandoned us yet," Zack updated her
"So you're still not getting on Mark's nerves? He must be a saint."
Zack was going to object, but he had to agree.
"He is, actually."
"Oh my God, you're smitten," she concluded from that scant evidence "I want a picture. Right now. Send it."
"Sorry. I don't have any," Zack lied and made a counteroffer. "I can send you a picture of PJ halfway inside my shoe."
"I've seen that picture of PJ's butt. I want Mark. Go snap a picture right now."
He did snap a picture and sent it right away.
"That's you giving me a finger, you jerk."
Zack laughed.
"Come and visit then you can get an eyeful of Mark," he told her.
"I just might," she threatened. But it would be nice to see her. It had been more than a year since her last visit.
"You don’t look so bad you know," she said. She must have been taking a close look at his picture. "But you will not be looking this good for long, you know. You need to secure yourself a man to tie down for your future, declining years."
"For my future pudgy self?"
"Exactly."
"When I get pudgy, I'll go fuck pudgy guys."
"Even those guys want to fuck hot guys. No one will want you," she predicted.
"Remind me what this is about again. Destroying my ego?"
"It’s about getting you out there. Are you a monk? Did you take a vow of celibacy?"
"I'm hardly celibate. I just don't waste my time on nonessentials."
"Like talking to a guy or, God forbid, dating."
"Waste of time and an even bigger waste of time," Zack told her.
After he got off the phone with Louise, Zack wasn’t sure, but Mark might have been glaring at him. It didn’t last long. Now Mark had his eyes back on the laptop screen. He was at the kitchen table working on something for school. Zack sat opposite him. He was pretty sure Mark could hear his conversation with Louise, but he didn’t think he had said anything that should piss off Mark. But maybe not telling his best friend that he already had a man in his life was enough.
"Did you want me to tell her about us?" Zack asked. He was prepared to call her back and do it and then swear her to secrecy of course.
"I don’t care what you tell her," Mark said sounding pissed.
"You obviously do."
He was silent for a minute.
"You could have at least hinted that you met someone."
"That would satisfy you?"
"No." Mark thought about it. "I don’t like being a secret. Again." He looked up at Zack.
"That’s below the belt, Mark."
"I know. But it’s also the truth."
"You are not a secret. This is only about Al. You told me yourself that Al wants you to be his second dad. He will..."
"I know I’m overreacted. But it doesn’t feel good to be hidden away."
Zack knew Mark was right. He was still introducing Mark as the nanny when in reality Mark was his boyfriend. The thought made Zack smile.
"Have you been a boyfriend before?" Zack asked Mark.
"No," Mark admitted then he continued. "Thanks so much for making me your secret boyfriend, Zack. You’re so awesome," Mark mocked him.
"You’re such a bitch," Zack said though he knew he deserved it. Then he added, "But I still like you."
Zack got up and went to stand behind Mark. He started kneading his shoulder’s gently. Mark rolled his head back and forth.
"I can tell Louise. It won’t get back to Al," Zack offered.
But if Zack thought that was an easy way to satisfy Mark, It didn’t work.
"I don’t care about that. I only care that you acknowledge we’re together. When might that happen?" he leaned back and looked up to give Zack a hard stare.
Zack didn’t know the answer. But as Zack kneaded, he felt a little of the tension leaving Mark's shoulders. Mark leaned back until he rested the back of his head against Zack. He sighed then moaned as Zack slowly upped the pressure he was applying.
"I like how you do that. I like how you're building up," Mark mumbled. His words were slurred like he was under the influence.
After making sure they couldn’t be seen, Zack kissed him on the mouth.
Zack liked how Mark climbed into his bed, without hesitation. He knew he belonged there even after an argument or maybe especially after an argument. At his approach, Zack’s breath caught in his throat, and he rubbed a hand over Mark's thighs as he kneeled on the bed. He was leaning in slowly until Mark pushed him back, laid him out flat and kissed him thoroughly. They rolled around, kissing and taking off each other’s clothes. Mark then took charge of Zack’s cock. He held the base firmly and licked the rest lovingly while maintaining eye contact with Zack. Shifting his hold to Zack’s balls, he sucked on the head then swirled it with his tongue. After he drove Zack crazy with need, Mark started sucking hard until Zack’s come flooded his mouth.
Zack leaned back with a satisfied smile on his face.
"Don't get comfy. There's still one cock outstanding," Mark reminded him.
"But now I'm sleepy and not really interested," Zack joked.
Mark slowly drew his hand over his own cock and smirked at Zack. Zack did his best to ignore the action, but that was impossible. Zack reached for his cock, but Mark evaded him.
"No. Relax. I got this," he said to Zack and kept stroking.
"Shut up," Zack said as he made another grab for him with no success. Mark was quicker while still not letting go of his own cock. Zack didn’t even break his rhythm.
"Rest up. At your age..." Mark started to say.
"Give me that thing," Zack demanded.
"I wouldn't want to overtire you." His stroked were firm and slow designed to show off his beautiful cock.
"OK. I've learned my lesson. Now let me have that before you waste it."
Mark laughed at his desperation and reached out to him, letting Zack pull him close. They kissed for a little bit then Zack bent down to Mark’s hard cock. Zack swallowed hard and turned his attention to Mark's balls first while handling the shaft gently. Ready to take Mark’s cock in his mouth, he held Mark steady. When he put his hands on Mark's hips, he felt Mark's hands cover his. Mark slid his hands down drawing them over Zack's arms. Zack reached higher so Mark's hands could travel the length of his arm and Zack in turn could caress his chest.
Mark's dark head was nestled against his arm as Zack stroked his hair and they gazed at each other. Zack couldn't guess about himself, but Mark's expression said contentment, peace. Zack felt like he could be swallowed by that look. Mark blinked slowly then fell asleep. Zack now gazed at his face instead. Stubble darkened his chin slightly. His mouth was a little open. Zack had to resist kissing him. Asleep or awake, Mark was just too much of a temptation.
Holding Mark as he slept, Zack tried to think if he had ever felt this way. He had to skip over every quickie experience since he became a father. They were the equ
ivalent of his old college, men's room encounter or two, behind him now, thank God. That’s when Zack would simply indulge his libido with some guy. The encounter left him with a feeling of a simple need satisfied, like having a drink when you’re thirsty. Now he felt like the need in him was bottomless, impossible to fulfill. Zack thought about his two college boyfriends, nice, good looking guys. Kirk was more fun than Dale. Kirk made him laugh and played pranks on him all the time. Dale was often too serious but sexy as hell. But had Zack felt the way he did with Mark? No. He had not felt this heat suffusing his body and soul. He hadn't felt this tenderness and need never to let go. Mark was like no one else. He was impossible to give up.
As Al walked into the house with big, angry strides, Zack followed after him with a sigh. Mark didn’t have a class so he was making dinner. When Zack came to mope on his shoulder, Mark asked him, "What did you do now?"
"Don’t convict me already. You’ve been in my shoes. It’s about a damn dog."
"Why is Al obsessed with dogs when he loves PJ?" Mark wondered.
"Because he doesn’t have one. Someone was selling puppies near Little Rainbow. There was a sign tacked up right at the intersection with the longest red light in the world. Al had about a million years to figure out that it said puppies for sale. And there’s a big arrow pointing the way. Al went crazy telling me to turn. If he could have grabbed the wheel, he would have. He was so mad when I wouldn’t do it."
"And you don’t want a dog because...?" Mark asked.
"I didn’t even want PJ. We told you how we ended up with her," Zack reminded him, but Mark looked skeptical about that.
Mark decided not to play the mediator. He knew Al would let go of his grudge soon enough. When Al came to the dinner table, he stomped past his father. Zack grabbed him and pulled him into a hug. Al only let his dad hug him a little then he pushed away from him. Zack tried the maneuver again after they ate, and Al was getting out of his chair. He held Al in his lap but failed to win him over.