“Yes, I did.” It had been one of her most challenging assignments. She’d had a hard time holding back her sympathy for many of the young offenders she’d seen. While the intended purpose of the whole juvenile system was rehabilitation, not punishment, it was hard to buy when you were recommending a sixteen-year-old kid be committed to the Youth Authority.
She’d found herself wanting to reach out to some of the defendants, and that had made her feel like a hypocrite. And as if she were betraying her sister all over again. Logically, her compassion for troubled youths was a good thing, but whenever she found herself softening towards any of the men and women charged with any type of violent crime, Bryn couldn’t help envisioning the fear on her sister’s face the night she’d been attacked. Black and blue and crying. Because Bryn had left her alone in a nightclub to go make out with some guy and smoke pot in his car.
Every time she stood up for a victim, Bryn felt she was standing up for her sister, too. And getting a little closer to forgiving herself.
Dating a defense attorney would taint that. Wouldn’t the same be true if she granted Daniel the favor he was asking?
She shook her head, both to dispel her thoughts and in response to Daniel’s request.
“I don’t know, Daniel. Personally, I don’t see the point of making victims face people who’ve hurt them. Hopefully, if I’ve done my job right, they get justice when the criminal is convicted. Sounds like you just want to help alleviate your clients’ guilt.”
Instead of countering her insult with good-natured humor, Daniel sighed and looked down at the ground. For a minute he looked defeated. “Do you really believe that? That throwing criminals in jail solves the entire problem? What about atonement? Rehabilitation? Understanding?”
Bryn stared at him. Why did he keep harping on that theme? Why was he even talking to her about this? Her sister had suffered tremendously at the hands of a young man who’d gotten off scot free and now Daniel was giving her a hard time because she questioned the motives of criminals wanting to meet with their victims? She straightened and forced herself to sound brusque.
“Look, I’m sorry. I can’t help you. This is not something I can get behind. I don’t have time to help criminals feel better about their crimes.”
A flash of disappointment flashed across his face and it made her stomach sink. She wasn’t trying to be cold-hearted or cruel, but he had his beliefs, and she had hers. Too often people thought they could undo vicious actions with remorse, but they couldn’t. Many people didn’t feel the remorse to begin with. He was asking too much of her. Although he didn’t respond, she felt compelled to defend herself.
“I believe in redemption and rehabilitation,” she clarified. “But people need to want it enough to work for it. They need to change their lives. Not explain away their crimes or seek absolution from their victims.”
Daniel nodded his head.
“Okay. I guess you’ve got your mind made up.”
Bryn swallowed hard, trying to tell herself that the disappointment in Daniel’s eyes was for the best. She’d been trying to get him to leave her alone. Apparently, this was the way to do it.
“Enjoy the coffee, Bryn. I won’t bother you again.” Despite his words, Daniel reached out and brushed a strand of hair away from her face and tucked it behind her ear. For a moment, he let his touch linger. He looked at her intently, as if trying to memorize every line of her face. Then he dropped his hand. “Take care, darlin’.”
Daniel turned and walked away, leaving Bryn with an irrational urge to run after him. It was for the best, she told herself again. Too bad her heart didn’t agree with her.
Bryn angrily wiped away the moisture leaking from her eyes and walked toward her car. She had work to do.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Daniel slammed the phone down in disgust. It had only been a few days since Bryn had turned down his offer to join his pro-bono program. What had he done? He’d tried and convicted her because of it. He hadn’t been more than a mile from her house when he’d realized he’d made a mistake. Seeing her this past week had cemented the thought in his mind.
Something was going on with her. The last few times he’d seen her in court, she’d looked drained. Tired. Not quite as pulled together as she usually did.
He’d sensed her looking at him during a suppression hearing yesterday. When Judge Peters announced she was taking the case under submission, Daniel turned to find Bryn’s gaze on him. She looked away when someone had approached her, but not before he saw the sadness in her eyes. At that moment he’d convinced himself that maybe, just maybe, she was sad because she missed him.
So he’d finally broken down and called her. She hadn’t answered the call or his voicemail. He ran his hand through his hair and let out a harsh laugh, one without any hint of humor.
She missed him? Boy, he was reaching. And he couldn’t blame his desperate desire to see her all on his libido. For God’s sake, he’d kissed the woman once. If sex was what he wanted, there were plenty of women who were willing to spend some time with him.
But sex wasn’t all he wanted.
No, Bryn Donovon touched him in a completely different way.
She obviously had issues she was dealing with, ones that had driven her to be a prosecutor. And apparently, a detester of defense attorneys. But her issues didn’t mean she was cold-hearted, or at least he shouldn’t assume that. He knew there was more to her than she was letting him see, and something was telling him that if he didn’t give this thing between them—whatever it was—another chance, he’d regret it for the rest of his life.
A lot of people would have a problem with the idea of bringing victims face to face with their attackers. It was a common reaction, and for good reason. But he’d taken her rejection of his proposal and walked off, not even willing to fight.
Fact was, Bryn Donovon scared the shit of him. He’d used her reaction to his proposal to take the easy way out. And even as he was doing it, he’d known he wasn’t being honest with himself. Or her.
Vance had been completely accurate when he’d said Daniel was obsessed with her. He noticed everything about her. The delicacy of her collarbone. The way her nails were bare of polish but well-cared for. Hell, the fact that she wore a single diamond stud in each ear despite the fact that each lobe had multiple piercings. She was one complex contradiction after another. He could look at her for a hundred years and never tire of her.
What early-thirties male in his sexual prime wouldn’t fight that feeling?
But bottom line, he wanted her. Now more than ever.
He needed to see her. Today. Now. And not in court.
Daniel sighed. Maybe they just needed to talk. If she understood he saw her as more than a piece of ass, maybe she’d let her guard down a little. Maybe she’d let him see the woman she really was. Despite the fact that she’d refused to work with the mediation clinic, he didn’t believe she was heartless.
Planning to stop by the DA’s office after lunch to see Bryn, Daniel shook out the newspaper in front of him, hoping to catch up on the NBA finals. He scanned the article on the front page and instantly recognized a name.
Man Released From Jail Kills Young Woman; Leaves Baby Behind.
Daniel quickly scanned the article, his stomach clenching tighter with every word.
Apparently, Kyle Winsor had become emboldened by his victory in court. Late last night, Kyle had entered a residence in midtown, intent on residential burglary. When Tess Blaker walked in on him, he attacked her. Blaker’s screams alerted neighbors, who called the police. Blaker had been twenty years old, single, and the mother of an eight-month-old baby.
The young mother had obviously loved her baby. She’d drawn Winsor to the kitchen, the furthest room from where the baby lay sleeping. Winsor had stabbed Tess Blaker with one of her own knives. Blaker had died at the scene, but she hadn’t died easily. She’d struggled first. She’d fought not to leave her baby, but in the end she’d lost.
The
newspaper fell out of Daniel’s numb fingers. He grasped the top of his head and bent over until his forehead touched his knees.
Oh God, what had he done?
***
Bryn glanced at her watch. Two hours until Tam’s baby shower. Not a fan of small talk, Bryn had RSVP’d “no” for the shower, but wondered again if she should reconsider. She glanced at the small brightly colored box that sat on her desk. She’d planned on giving it to one of Tam’s fellow staff attorneys to bring to the shower on her behalf, but something had held her back. Guilt, most likely.
Tam was becoming a good friend. She was a wonderful, fun, lively person. Her bright presence had often lightened Bryn’s day, and knowing that they could share some conversation at work had been comforting. But Bryn really hadn’t let Tam in. Instead, Bryn had repeatedly refused Tam’s offers to get together after work or on the weekend. Not because she didn’t want to, but because her solitariness had become such a habit, she was actually terrified of stepping out of it. It was as if, in some illogical yet stubborn part of her, she believed that since she hadn’t been there for her sister, then she didn’t deserve to have friends because she was bound to let someone else down. It was easier just worrying about herself, but what kind of life was that? Couldn’t she try just a little harder to show Tam how much she appreciated her? She didn’t want to hurt Tam’s feelings.
Maybe she would stay home as planned, but she could at least take the gift to Tam herself. Visit with her a bit in an effort to show her friend how much she cared. She stood, reaching for the box when the low volume of her small TV in the corner of her office, which she kept on a local news channel for background noise, caught her attention.
“….a fund for the baby girl has been started in an attempt to help her aunt, who already has five children, pay for her care. Once again, Malia Blaker is eight months old. Her mother, Tess Blaker, was brutally murdered last night. We are told that the suspect, Kyle Winsor, was recently released from jail on commercial burglary charges. We’ll be following up on…”
Her heart slammed against her chest in a distressed rhythm. She took several deep breaths to calm herself down, then turned off the TV and stared at her reflection in the blank screen. Regret and sympathy washed over her at the thought of the young woman who’d lost her life, as well as the baby who’d lost her mother so violently. Foremost in her mind, however, was concern. Concern for Daniel. She reached for her phone to call him but then stopped short. What would she say? The last time they’d talked, she’d frozen him out. Insulted him yet again. Maybe she was making too much out of the news story, anyway. Would Daniel be upset by the news? She didn’t know for sure.
They’d shared a few conversations. One amazing kiss. But beyond that, they hardly knew one another.
Nevertheless, she picked up the phone and realized she didn’t even have Daniel’s phone number. But Tam would have it. Vance was Daniel’s best friend. . .
Realization coursed through her and she slowly put down the receiver.
What was she thinking? Daniel didn’t need her.
Vance and Tam were Daniel’s friends. They would be there for support if he needed it.
Forcing herself away from the phone, Bryn sat down at her table and picked up a fax. As far as Daniel was concerned, she was a hardened bitch.
She knew she wasn’t a very good friend. Her heart twisted.
She glanced at the present she’d bought for Tam and decided to drop it off at the staff attorney’s office after all.
CHAPTER EIGHT
The next day, Bryn couldn’t stop thinking of Daniel. She needed to make sure he was okay. So what if he had friends? Those friends might never have felt the kind of guilt Daniel would be feeling. The kind of guilt Bryn had felt before and still did.
She could be a friend to him. Just as she could be a better friend to Tam. Starting right now.
The Logans lived in a cozy little neighborhood off of McKinley Park. Gift in hand, she walked up the stairs to the bungalow’s front door and knocked.
Tam opened the door with a delighted squeal, obviously having verified Bryn’s identity through the front door’s peephole. She wore a soft pink maternity shirt with flowers that managed to look chic and flatter her dusky complexion. “What a great surprise! Wow, I love your hair.”
“Hi.” Bryn touched her soft brunette waves, which she usually didn’t bother straightening on the weekends. “I hope it’s not too early to drop by. I…I’m sorry I couldn’t make the shower yesterday. I was going to have one of the girls from work bring my gift but changed my mind at the last minute. I wanted to drop off your gift in person.”
“Thank you!” Tam took the gift and grabbed her arm, pulling her inside. She didn’t resist.
She looked around, laughing at evidence of the recent baby shower. Baby clothes, gift bags, and boxes of various baby paraphernalia were stacked in the living room. Tam chuckled.
“I know. The baby’s not even here yet, and she’s already taking over.”
“She? You know you’re having a girl?” Bryn immediately pictured a cherubic baby with her mother’s red hair and her daddy’s brown eyes.
“Not for sure. Vance says he’s got a feeling though. I have to admit, so do I.” Tam rubbed her stomach and winced. “She’s going to be a soccer player, that’s for sure.”
She started opening the small package in her hand, saying, “I want to open it while you’re here. Thank you. I really….” She stopped talking and stared at what was in the box.
Bryn clenched her hands together. “Um, is it…okay?” She’d shopped at five different stores to find it, and finally special ordered it from the Internet. Maybe she’d ordered the wrong one.
Tam pulled out the miniature book titled, “People Who Love Me.” She had casually mentioned one lunch how she’d seen it at a friend’s baby shower and thought it was the cutest idea. Each page, including the cover, sported a place to insert a photo. Bryn had snuck a photo of Tam and Vance from her desk one night and scanned it before returning it. After reading somewhere that babies like primary colors, she’d colorized it in Photoshop to look like a brightly colored Andy Warhol picture and had slipped it in the front cover. She thought it came out nice, but maybe….
Tam looked at her with tears in her eyes and Bryn’s heart sank. “Oh no, I’m sorry if I did something—”
“Thank you so much. It’s awesome!” Tam put her arms around Bryn and gave her a big hug. As big a hug as a pregnant woman about to deliver her baby could give, at least. Bryn stiffened momentarily but then hugged Tam back, relishing the closeness almost as much as she had Daniel’s kiss. When she felt something kick her in the stomach, she jumped back, startled.
Tam laughed again. “See, what did I tell you? We’ll be spending a fortune on soccer uniforms.”
She looked around. “Is Vance home?”
Tam’s face turned serious. “No. He actually spent the night away last night.”
Bryn raised her eyebrows.
“I insisted. Daniel needed him, and my friend Lucille stayed over with me. She’d driven down for the shower anyway, and didn’t feel like driving all the way back to Folsom. Did you hear about Winsor?”
She nodded, even though she felt a little weird talking about Daniel. The last time they’d talked about him, she had voiced utter disdain for the man and had been incredibly angry with Tam for trying to set them up. But now? Imagining Daniel so distraught that he needed the comfort of Vance’s presence even at night? It made her heart ache for him.
“Yes, I did. I heard it on the news. How is he?”
“Not good. Vance called last night, said Daniel was having a really hard time. Blames himself.”
She said nothing.
“I know what you’re thinking, and it’s not true.”
Bryn shook her head. “Of course it’s not. He couldn’t have known what Winsor would do. No one could have.”
Still, he defends criminals, a voice whispered. She ruthlessly shoved that tho
ught away. “Has he ever had something like this happen before?”
“No, never.” Tam paused, her voice softening. “Have you?”
Bryn shook her head.
“Do you feel guilty?”
The question surprised Bryn but not as much as the answer. She didn’t feel guilty. Why not? Could she have prevented what had happened, if she’d argued the case a little differently? Somehow she didn’t think so.
“No, no I don’t. Even if Winsor had been convicted, he would have served a few months in jail at most. What’s to say he wouldn’t have done the same thing when he got out? He obviously had everyone fooled. Not just Daniel, but a jury of twelve citizens. And even if he hadn’t fooled them, their job was to deal with real evidence. And they did.”
She thought about it. It had been a close case. Close enough to raise a reasonable doubt in the jury’s mind, and that’s what the legal system was designed to do. Eliminate the conviction of anyone whose guilt wasn’t proven beyond a reasonable doubt. It was an imperfect system, but Daniel had been doing his job, just like she had.
“I’m glad you see that.” Tam sighed. “I hope Daniel sees it eventually. He’s taking it so hard. I know anyone would, but Daniel—” Tam glanced at her. “He’s a great guy, Bryn. He cares about people. About his clients. This is hurting him. I’ve never seen him so torn up.”
Bryn felt the need rise up inside her. Tried telling herself that Daniel didn’t need her when he had Vance. But the feeling wouldn’t be quashed.
“Tam, I need Daniel’s address.”
***
Ten minutes later she’d arrived on Daniel’s doorstep, but just stood there, unable to knock. For the third time, she turned around, walked toward her car, and then walked back again. She was crazy. What in the world was she doing? When she’d asked Tam for Daniel’s address, she knew she’d surprised her friend. But the thought of Daniel blaming himself for Tess Blaker’s death was more than she could bear.
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