by Bill Bernico
“Now you can go home and tell your wife that you’ve eaten a brat,” Chuck said.
“Is that like a big deal?” I said.
“Not in Sheboygan,” Chuck said. “This is the bratwurst capital of the world. It would be a big deal back in L.A., though. Just try to find a good brat back there.”
“It’s still kind of early,” I said. “Is there anything else to do in this town before we turn in?”
“Beats me,” Chuck said. “I’m not from here. I just came here with Rob and Eileen to pick pockets. Say, what time is that flight leaving tomorrow?”
“Seven-thirty,” I said. “They want you there by six-thirty and it’s an hour drive from here. I’d suggest we be on the road by four-thirty so we’ll have enough time for breakfast and to turn the car in at the terminal.”
“Up at four?” Chuck said. “That’s insane. It’s still the middle of the night.”
“The only other alternative is to drive to Milwaukee now and get a room there,” I said. “But that’ll mean even more money out of your pocket. The room here is already paid for.”
Chuck looked at his watch. “Then I suppose we’d better get back to the rooming house and get to bed,” he said. “You couldn’t have picked a later flight, could you?”
“Eight tomorrow night,” I said. By the time we got back to Los Angeles, we’d be wiped out. No, it’s better this way.”
Chuck sighed. “All right,” he said. “But I’m not a morning person, just so you know and don’t expect cheerful conversation at that ungodly hour.”
Chuck and I were on the road the next morning by quarter to five. We grabbed a couple of fast food breakfast sandwiches and ate them on the way south. I pulled into the Mitchell Field parking lot in Milwaukee shortly after six, turned in the car and walked with Chuck to the boarding area. Even after we each checked our single bags, we still had more than forty-five minutes before the plane was scheduled to leave. Chuck decided to catch up on his sleep, right there in the chair.
Our plane touched down at LAX four hours later. We’d gained two hours on the return trip and it was only nine-thirty local time. I had called Gloria from the air, somewhere over Arizona, and told here when we’d be arriving. She agreed to pick us up in front of the terminal. Chuck and I retrieved out bags and walked out the front door to the street. Gloria honked her horn and waved. Chuck and I hurried over to the car and threw our bags into the trunk. I slid into the front seat next to Gloria and Chuck made himself comfortable in the back seat.
“Gloria,” I said, “this is Chuck. Chuck, this is Gloria.” They nodded politely to each other before Chuck laid his head back on the seat and nodded off again.
“How was the trip?” Gloria said.
“Long,” I said. “I’m just glad to be home again. I’ll tell you all about it tonight. Right now I just want to close my eyes for a few minutes.”
Gloria drove back to Hollywood in silence. As she exited the Hollywood freeway she nudged me with her elbow. “Elliott,” she said. “Where are we going?”
I opened my eyes and saw her tossing her head toward the back seat. “Oh,” I said. “I hadn’t thought about that. Just drive to the office. I’ll call Rob and Eileen and have them pick up Chuck. Then you and I have some catching up to do.” My eyebrows bounced up and down like Groucho Marx.
Gloria punched me in the arm. “Not until you’ve had a shower,” she said. “You’re getting a little ripe.”
I lifted one arm and sniffed. “I think you’re right,” I said. “We left Sheboygan very early this morning and didn’t have time for a shower.”
Gloria pulled into the parking lot behind our building and we both got out. I slammed my door and startled the still sleeping Chuck.
“Huh?” Chuck said. “Where are we?”
“We’re home,” I said. “Everybody out.” I opened the back door and Chuck slid out, wiping the corners of his eyes as he stood up.
I handed him his bag and led him into the building and over to the elevator. The three of us walked to the end of the hall and into the office. Chuck made a beeline for the leather sofa and I went directly to my desk. I found the piece of paper with Rob’s phone number and called it. Eileen answered on the third ring.
“Hello?” she said.
“Eileen,” I said. “It’s Elliott Cooper. Is Rob there?”
“He’s out getting us some coffee,” Eileen said. “He should be back shortly. You want me to have him call you?”
“No,” I said. “Just tell him he can come to my office and pick up Chuck. We finished up early and we’re back.”
“That’s great,” Eileen said. “How is Chuck?”
“You can ask him yourself when you two get here,” I said. “He’s snoozing on my sofa right now.”
“We’ll be there within the hour,” Eileen said and hung up.
I turned to Gloria. “Forty minutes,” I said and laid my tired feet across my blotter.
Gloria pulled her chair over to my desk and sat at my side. “You feel like talking about it?” she said.
I tossed my head toward the office door. I beckoned Gloria to follow me into the outer office. We sat in two of the waiting chairs. I leaned in toward her and kept my voice low. “Long story short,” I said. “The cops killed one of the guys who shot Chuck and the other punk was shot by his own brother. Funny how it all worked out.”
“What did you guys end up doing with the money those three pick pocketed?” Gloria said.
“I found a clever way to donate it to the local chapter of the Salvation Army,” I said. “Turned out all right, I guess, although Chuck might have a different take on the outcome.”
“Is he going to try to go straight like his two cohorts?” Gloria said.
“We didn’t get into it,” I said. “I wasn’t interested enough to ask him. This whole thing doesn’t sit right with me. Sure, the money’s good, but something about these three just rubs me the wrong way and I’ll be glad to see the last of them.”
“I think I know what you mean,” Gloria said. “Eileen called me late yesterday and asked if I wanted to go and have some drinks with her. I made up some excuse why I couldn’t. After I hung up I got the feeling she was going to try to pump me for information.”
“Why?” I said. “Did she say anything to make you suspect something wasn’t right?”
“Not really,” Gloria said. “It was just a first impression I got when I met her again the other day. Both of them just strike me as insincere con men, or women. Ever notice those kind of people are always called con men, even if they’re women? I’ve never heard anyone refer to someone as a con women. Hummpf.”
“I think I know what you mean,” I said. “I was wondering myself what those two are doing for jobs these days. I can’t believe they could abandon their previous profession just like that. Minimum wage jobs would have to seem like a waste of time to professional pickpockets who can make a hell of a lot more money in a much shorter time.”
“Are you thinking of looking into their lives, Elliott?” Gloria said.
“The thought had crossed my mind,” I said, “but then it occurred to me that even if they were back to their old ways, what could I do about it and why should I care? I mean, what’s in it for us if we try to stop them, except maybe a little more aggravation. I don’t see an upside for us.”
“By the way, Elliott,” Gloria said. “You came back a lot earlier than expected. What happens to the price you quoted Rob for this job? It was based on two weeks’ worth of work.”
“If you recall,” I said, “I never got a chance to quote him any price. He’s the one who offered us fifteen grand to do the job. Well, I did the job. Doesn’t matter how long it took me to do it. I’m keeping the fifteen grand as well as the ninety-nine hundred from Chuck.”
“What?” Gloria said. “What ninety-nine hundred are you talking about?”
I explained how I had Chuck cause a commotion at the back of the Salvation Army store so I could slip into the manage
r’s office and leave the bag of money as a donation. “Well,” I said, “I left the bag all right—with a hundred bucks in it. I still have the rest of what Chuck had left from their pickpocket take.”
“You can’t keep that,” Gloria said. “It doesn’t belong to us.”
“It certainly doesn’t belong to Chuck or those other two career criminals,” I said. “This ninety-nine hundred and another ten thousand one hundred from Rob is going into a college fund for Matt.” After expenses on this job, that’ll still leave Cooper Investigations with a little more than a grand for two days work. I’d say that’s a pretty good pay scale, wouldn’t you?”
Gloria had to admit that the idea of a college fund for their son made a lot of sense, especially knowing where the money came from and how impractical it would be to try to get it back into the hands of the people who lost it. “All right,” she agreed, “but not a word to anyone how we came by it. Agreed?”
“Agreed,” I said. Just then I heard the elevator door open and the sound of footsteps in the hallway. They were coming closer. I pulled Gloria out of the chair and back into the main office just before the outer door opened.
The inner door opened and Rob and Eileen stepped in, looked at Chuck sleeping on the sofa and smiled at me. “Good job,” Rob said. “Sure didn’t take you long.”
“All depends how good you are,” I said. “And you hired the best.”
Rob stepped over to the sofa and shook Chuck by his shoulder until Chuck opened his eyes. When he saw Rob his face took on a wide grin. “Hey Chuck,” Rob said. “We’d almost given you up for dead.”
Chuck rubbed his eyes and the corners of his mouth. “I thought I was,” he said. “Good thing he couldn’t shoot worth a damn.”
Rob grabbed Chuck’s suitcase and helped him to his feet. “Let’s go buddy,” Rob said. “The three of us have some catching up to do when we get home?”
“Home?” Chuck said. “And where might that be these days?”
“Just come on and I’ll show you,” Rob said. “You look like you could use a good night’s sleep.”
“You ain’t just whistling Dixie,” Chuck said.
Rob and Chuck took turns shaking my hand while Eileen hugged Gloria and then thanked me for bringing Chuck home. As quickly as they had appeared, Rob and Eileen, with Chuck in tow, were gone.
I looked at Gloria and shrugged. “How’s that for strange?” I said. “Not a word about the fee or any kind of pro-rating. It’s like that kind of money doesn’t mean anything to them. Does that sound like two people who have gone straight with conventional jobs?”
Gloria shook her head. “Not for a minute,” she said. “Not for a second.”
It had been more than two weeks since the three pickpockets had left our office and I’d almost forgotten about them completely until I got the call from Lieutenant Eric Anderson from the twelfth precinct.
“Elliott,” Eric said. “Am I interrupting anything important? Can you talk for a minute?”
“Sure, Eric,” I said. “What subject did you have in mind?”
“Oh, let’s start with murder,” he said.
“Okay,” I said. “Which aspect is unclear to you about the subject? What would you like me to explain to you?”
“Well,” Eric said, “suppose we start with Charles Mallory and go from there?”
“Sure,” I said. “But first you’ll have to tell me who this Mallory character is.”
“I was hoping you’d tell me,” Eric said. “His body was discovered this morning by some homeless man scrounging the alleys for whatever he thought he could use. He stumbled across Mallory’s body behind a dumpster and quickly ran from the scene. The patrolman for then neighborhood just happened to be in the right place at the right time and the old bum ran right into him.”
“Well,” I said, “how’s that for handy? But you still haven’t told me where I fit into all of this.”
“Charles Mallory had one of your business cards in his pants pocket,” Eric said. “It looked like he’d been carrying it for a while. It was all bent and folded and torn, but I could still make out your name and number on it. So?”
“Still doesn’t ring any bells,” I said. “Maybe if I could see a picture of him.”
“I’ll do you one better,” Eric said. “Come on down here and I’ll show you his body up close. Maybe that’ll job your memory.”
“Has Andy got him on a slab?” I said. “Andy was Andy Reynolds, the country medical examiner.
“That he does,” Eric said. “How soon can you be here?”
I looked at my watch and then said, “Give me twenty minutes and I’ll meet you at the morgue.”
“Don’t be late,” Eric said and hung up.
I turned to Gloria. “Eric wants me to come down to the morgue to try to indentify some stiff they found this morning,” I said. “You want to hold down the fort while I’m gone?”
Gloria looked at the day planner open on her desk and then up at me. “There’s nothing pressing today,” she said. “How about if I just turn on the answering machine and come with you?”
“I think I know where this is going,” I said. “When we’re done at the morgue you’ll suggest we go somewhere for lunch. I know your tricks.”
“And what’s wrong with lunch?” Gloria said.
“Nothing,” I said. “What if you’re not up for lunch once you get a look at the body?”
“I can take it if you can,” Gloria said. “Come on, it’ll give us a chance to get away from the office for a while, if nothing else.” She turned on the phone answering machine and followed me out of the office.
I parked behind the precinct building and walked Gloria down the hall to the country morgue. Eric and Andy were already hovering over a body on the table when we approached. Eric looked up when he heard our footsteps.
“That was quick,” Eric said. “Are you sure you didn’t break any speed limit laws getting here?”
“Do you see any speeding tickets on me?” I said. My flippant demeanor changed when I got close enough to view the victim’s face. Gloria and I exchanged glances and then looked at Eric.
“Something tells me you do know this guy,” Eric said.
“That’s Chuck,” Gloria said.
Eric turned his gaze toward me. “Now what can you tell me about him?” he said.
“We only knew him as Chuck,” I said. “I never did get a last name. How’d he die?”
“First things first,” Eric said. “How do you two know him?”
“A client hire me a few weeks ago to fly to some two-bit Wisconsin town to pick him up and bring him back here,” I said. “He flew back home with me a couple of weeks ago and then left with his two friends, the ones who hired me to go and get him.”
Eric gave me a blank look. “And the names of these other two people are?”
“Rob and Eileen,” I said.
“Do Rob and Eileen have last names?” Eric said.
I shrugged. “Rob and Eileen is all I know them by as well,” I said. “I don’t think I ever got any last names.”
Gloria interrupted. “Hold on, Elliott,” she said. “Do you remember when we first met them and took them up to the office? You got their wallets and looked at their driver’s licenses, remember. Their last name would have been on those licenses.”
“Did we write them down anywhere?” I said. “I mean, I can almost envision looking at the licenses, but I don’t remember what the last names were. I just remember that the licenses were from somewhere back east. Maybe Illinois, maybe Wisconsin. Hell, I just don’t remember.”
“It could be important,” Eric said. “Try again and take your time.”
I tried to concentrate and to picture the image of the license in my mind. Nothing was coming to me and my face must have shown strain because Eric told me to forget it and maybe it would just come back to me later. I looked down at Chuck again and then over at Andy Reynolds.
“How’d he die?” I said.
“One shot to the back of the head,” Andy said. “Execution style right out of the manual.”
I turned back to Eric. “You think Rob and Eileen could have had something to do with this?” I said.
“Those two are our only leads at this point,” he said. “Any idea where I can find them?”
I shook my head. “They mentioned something about having regular jobs,” I said, “but it’s anyone’s guess what those jobs are or where.”
Gloria laid her hand on my shoulder. “What about the money Eileen said that they won with that scratch-off lottery ticket?” she said. “There would have to be a record of any winnings and the names of the people who won them.”
“That would be a great lead if it was true,” I said. “I got the feeling there was no scratch-off ticket. Those two probably just picked a lot more pockets to come up with that money.”
“It’s still worth checking,” Eric said. “I’ll take that angle and why don’t you two see if there’s anything you can do to locate them?”
Andy looked up from Chuck’s body. “And there’s this,” he said, holding up the bullet that he took out of Chuck’s head. “Ballistics might be able to trace that back to some other crime.” Andy dropped the bullet into a small manila envelope and handed it to Eric.
“I guess Chuck wasn’t so lucky this time,” I said to Andy.
“How’s that?” he said.
“He was shot before,” I said. “Three in the chest. It was odd that he survived those only to take one in the head.”
Andy ran his fingers over the three chest wounds. “I saw those when I posted the body,” Andy said. “It made me wonder about the kind of crowd he ran with.”
“I have to get on this,” Eric said, walking away with the small envelope. “You two keep me in the loop and let me know if you find anything.”
“I will,” I said and turned to Gloria. “We’d better hit the streets if we expect to find those two birds,” I said.
“Catch you later, Andy,” Gloria said. Gloria and I left the morgue and returned to our car. “Where do we start?” she said.