I tightened my lips, sitting back in my seat. I reached for the seatbelt and pulled it on, then paused when I noticed he didn’t have his own on. I growled to myself, but didn’t dare try to reach around him to do it myself. He wasn’t in the right state of mind, and I was worried what would happen if I distracted him even the slightest bit. Uneasiness grew in my stomach.
“Ryder,” I said carefully. “Look, I need you to pull over, right now. At least so we can pull on our seatbelts.”
He glanced at me, frowning. “The fuck are you talking about? I don’t need to stop the car for that.”
He took one hand off the wheel and reached for the seatbelt. I let out a short scream when the car went unsteadily for a moment.
“Forget that,” I shouted, frantic, reaching a hand for the wheel to steady it, as the other grabbed onto the handle above the car door. “Just keep both your hands on the wheel, please! And pull over!”
He slapped my hand off the wheel and scowled at me as he gripped it with both hands.
“Screw that, Alexis! I am not pulling over so that you can run again!”
“But I’m not going to run!”
“Of course you are!” he shouted back, hitting the wheel. It surprised me so much I flinched back into my seat. “Of course you’re going to run, it’s all you ever do! Well, I’m not going to stand for it this time! Is talking to me such a hard task for you, huh?”
My unease was growing. Ryder was talking bullshit; I wondered if he even heard himself. Just how drunk was he? And how could I be so stupid to get in the car with him, knowing the state he was in? Maybe if I just refused to get in, he wouldn’t have started driving…
No! I shook my head hard. Don’t think of that! You’re in this situation already, so just fucking fix it!
How, though?
“Ryder, please!” I cried out, my voice desperate, but I didn’t try to reach for him. “We can talk, I fucking swear, but pull over to the side of the road for a minute!”
“No! If I do that…”
He’s wavering! I thought with a sudden excitement. When I spoke, my words were fast, running over each other as I tried to get everything out at once. “I swear, Ryder, we are going to talk. You know what? We could leave your car somewhere, and I could call a cab for us. I could take you to my place, and you can sleep over. Wouldn’t that be so much better, Ryder—?”
“No!” he shouted, making me yelp and flinch again. “No stopping, no going anywhere else! I’m taking you to my place, Alexis, so just shut the fuck up and wait until we get there.”
I bit my bottom lip, my body trembling, and my eyes stinging with tears. I didn’t think I could get him to stop. I didn’t know how far away he lived, but I knew it wasn’t here in Romeoville; he’d obviously moved near his latest team since I last spoke to him, but I had no idea where that was. There were only a few other cars on the road. If he didn’t live too far, nothing might happen…
Then why are you crying?
I growled and shoved that pessimistic voice away, blinking the tears that wanted to escape back.
Just relax, I told myself. Maybe nothing will even happen!
I tried to make myself believe it, but that didn’t stop my body from trembling. In just the next moment, I realized pretending was useless.
“Alexis…”
Ryder’s voice was quiet, and when I glanced at him, he was squinting and blinking. His expression looked dazed. My heart jumped in my throat, but before I could say a word, bright lights appeared in the windshield from a car heading toward us. Ryder’s eyes slammed closed, and the car swerved just slightly when he turned the wheel on instinct as he turned his head away from the bright light.
It might not have been so bad if we hadn't veered off the road and moved toward the sidewalk—and right at a fucking tree.
I let out a short scream and squeezed my eyes shut because I didn’t want to see anymore. The tree was there, and Ryder aimed the car right for it. Even drunk, he couldn’t miss it. My heart jumped in my throat, and the last thought I had, that might have been more hysterical than anything else:
Now we’ll never have that fucking talk!
6
Alexis
I groaned, my body feeling achy as my mind woke up slowly. My thoughts were all jumbled, and I felt a bit disoriented. I felt so tired, but instinctively, I knew I couldn’t just go back to sleep. Something was wrong. There were alarm bells in the back of my mind, and though I could barely hear them with most of me wanting just to sleep, I knew I couldn’t.
What the fuck happened?
I pried my eyelids open and blinked the blurriness out of my eyes. There were two people leaning above me, and it took me a moment to realize I was lying down. Then I looked around me and recognized the equipment.
My mind froze. I’m in the back of an ambulance.
I’d seen a few in my work when emergency patients were brought in, so it was hard to mistake. And looking more closely at the two people with me, I noted their paramedic uniforms.
Immediately, I was panicking. Why was I in the back of an ambulance? And I wasn’t alone, to begin with, so why wasn’t anyone else besides the paramedics there with me!
I was breathing hard, my heart beating out of control. There was an oxygen mask on my face, and immediately, I reached for it. A hand grabbed onto mine to stop me.
“I’m afraid I can't let you pull that off, ma’am. You need to calm down, all right? Everything is fine.”
No! That’s a lie!
If everything were fine, then there’d be no need for me to show up in the back of an ambulance. For a moment, I couldn’t even remember what happened, but I could piece everything back together. The paramedic was nice enough to tell me, though.
“Ma’am, you were just in a car crash, so I need you to keep still. You might have hurt your spine, and I don’t want you making any of your injuries worse.”
I just ignored him, whining as I tried to struggle, tugging my arm out of his hand. When I reached for the mask with my other hand, he reached for that as well. I was on the verge of crying. But my movements were so fucking weak.
I should have… I should have done something…tried harder…I can't give up now!
“Okay, look,” he said finally, a desperate look on his face. “If you try to keep still, I will take off the mask.”
I stilled immediately and nodded quickly.
He sighed, but pulled the mask off my face.
“What happened…” I muttered, turning my head around, looking for something. I knew I wouldn’t find it, but I didn’t want to stop looking, either. “Just now, wasn’t I with…?”
Ryder, my mind supplied, and my eyes widened as I gasped.
“Where’s Ryder?” I asked, trying to sit up.
One of the paramedics placed a hand on my shoulder to keep me down.
“Ma’am, please, I need you to stay still!”
“No!” I flailed my hands, slapping away his hand, though I didn’t try to move anymore. “My spine is fucking fine, forget about that for a minute! The guy that was with me, Ryder, where is he!”
He had to be hurt, badly! I’d been trying to get him to stop the car, and the entire time he hadn't had his seatbelt on!
Fuck! I couldn’t even pray for him to be okay because I knew it couldn’t be possible. My thoughts were circling in my mind, not making any sense. But the tightness in my chest couldn’t be anything else but guilt and grief.
Or I might just be short of breath, I thought and huffed a short, hysterical laugh. The paramedics were keeping a cautious eye on me, but I didn’t care. I was just in a car crash, and I hadn't been alone. I was allowed to act however the fuck I wanted.
“Please, I need to see him. Just tell me where he is!” I pled with the paramedics, blinking my eyes rapidly as they filled with tears. “Just tell me he’s okay.”
They both hesitated and glanced at each other. The look they shared between them was loaded, and I let out a small sob. I didn’t
need them to tell me; I could guess what happened. I slumped back into the cot, placing a hand over my eyes and part of my face as my lips trembled.
“Your friend was taken in a different ambulance,” the paramedic was saying. “I’m afraid I can't tell you what his condition is, not until we get to the hospital, in any case.”
“But please try to relax,” the other paramedic added. “You might have a concussion, and you were pretty cut up by the glass from the windshield. We’re not sure where else you might be hurt, so can you please tell me where you feel pain?”
I shook my head slowly without revealing my face. Now that they’d mentioned it, I realized I did feel pain. My head ached. Fuck, my whole body ached! I could feel the stings all over my body where the glass must have cut, my shoulder hurt, so did one of my legs. My back felt like fire was burning its way up my spine.
But none of that fucking mattered! I could barely think of my injuries. We crashed, and I passed out, but at least I’d had my seatbelt on. How badly could Ryder have been hurt?
This is all my fucking fault.
I knew that wasn’t entirely true, because I didn’t force Ryder behind the wheel, and even tried to get him not to drive. But I could have tried harder to stop him! Thinking back, there was a lot I could have done differently. If I’d been smarter, we never would have gotten on the road anyway.
And now…what’s going to happen now?
“I-is…” I started hesitantly, my voice low. “When they took him, was he…”
My throat tightened, and I couldn’t finish the sentence. I moved my arm from my face and looked at them both, trying to read their expressions again. All I got was a smile, though, then one of them was sliding the mask back on my face.
“Just calm down, ma’am. You’ll get help, soon…”
Those were the last words I heard before my mind started to blur. Just before I passed out, though, I thought about Ryder, and what it would be like without him being there. They hadn’t outright said he was dead or dying. An ambulance picking him up didn’t necessarily mean good news, though, and I knew that.
What am I going to do? I thought, my mind growing more and more sluggish. If something happened to Ryder before I could...
I had a thought, which if I weren't so out of it, I would have broken down crying in that moment.
7
Alexis
The next time I woke up, I was in a room with white walls and ceiling, and a curtain was drawn on one side. I could hear the whirring and beeping of machines. Beyond that was the murmurings of voices. I recognized the hospital, though, when was the last time I was in the patient’s position? I couldn’t remember.
“Oh, honey! It’s so wonderful to finally see your eyes open.”
I blinked and looked to the side. My mom was sitting on a hard plastic chair by the wall. Seeing me awake, she jumped up, leaving her phone and purse on the chair, then hustled over to the bed. I smiled back at her, reaching my hand out for her. My hand trembled the moment I raised it, though, and if she hadn't caught it, it would have fallen back to the bed.
“When did you get here?” I asked, my voice scratchy. I was glad to note I didn’t have a mask on my face, though. “How long have I been asleep anyway?”
Mom returned my smile with blurry eyes, though it was shaky around the edges, her hand squeezing hard around mine.
“Not long,” she admitted. “You weren’t that badly hurt; they assured me you’d only been asleep for a little bit. But, Alexis! I was so worried when I got here and saw you lying on a hospital bed!”
Her expression crumbled, and I saw just how devastated she had been. Her hair and clothes looked disheveled, her eyes and the tip of her nose were red as if she’d been crying. The lines on her forehead and around her mouth looked more prominent than I remembered.
I didn’t like giving her trouble. As far as I could remember, it had only ever been the two of us, and Mom had to raise me up as a single mom while working extensive hours as a nurse. It was hard for her, even I could see it. Work was stressful, particularly in the times when there were accidents and emergencies. It wore her out.
But, I admired that she could do it all, and from a very young age, I wanted to be just like her. She was the whole reason I went into nursing, my inspiration, though she didn’t work as much as she used to, taking fewer hours and doing volunteer work on the side.
By the way she was dressed casually, she must have been at her volunteer job when she got called. I could imagine how worried she’d been, since she’d told me before how she was sometimes on the other end of that call, telling someone their loved one was either dead or dying, and she never wanted to get a call like that herself.
I felt a sharp sting in my chest, and I winced. Immediately, my mom jumped up, her hands flailing over my body.
“What is it, what’s wrong? Where does it hurt?”
I blinked, then huffed a quiet laugh, reaching for her hand again.
“I’m not hurt, Mom, it’s just guilt. I’m sorry I put you through that.”
She sighed and sat on the edge of my bed, giving me another smile, only firmer this time.
“Don’t scare me like that, honey. I have an old heart, you know! Let it relax for a little before you give me another scare, okay?”
I huffed out a laugh. “Old, you? No way!”
“Oh, but I am,” she said in light reprimand. Her hand reached for mine again, and she held it between both of us. “You have no idea how worried I was. When I first got the call, I thought it was something to do with work. Then they told me you were in an accident.”
My chest tightened, and the beeping that monitored my heart rate picked up the pace a little.
The accident.
“Mom, can you tell me what happened?” I asked quickly. I would have reached for her hands with my other one, but there was an IV needle stuck in the back of it. “I wasn’t alone in the car, Ryder was driving. Have you heard anything about him? Anything at all is fine.”
She sighed, and her expression fell. I told myself not to jump to conclusions before she said anything, but I couldn’t hide my worry.
“That boy. It was so bad, Alexis,” she whispered, her hands squeezing mine tightly. “When they told me Ryder was the man you were with, I asked about him immediately. Of course, they wouldn’t tell me much, because I’m not family, but they told me a little bit.”
She flattened her lips, and I felt the dread grow even more in the pit of my stomach.
“Mom, please stop trying to scare me,” I pled. “Just tell me what they said! He’s at least still alive, right?”
She nodded.
I felt relief for a moment before all the other possibilities occurred to me, and I was worried again.
“Honey, you need to calm down,” she said gently, glancing at the heart monitor. “I know I told you that you weren’t too badly hurt, but you did receive some injuries. You need to try and relax, please.”
“How can I relax?” I demanded, scowling. “Mom, you know Ryder is a professional football player! If anything happened to him, can you imagine how devastated he would be when he found out?”
The monitor was beeping too fast, but I couldn’t help it. Ryder’s career meant more to him than anything. It was all he ever talked about in high school, becoming a great NFL quarterback. I couldn’t imagine him doing anything else and I was sure he couldn’t either. Sure, he’d had some problems over the years, but he’d made it, he was a star, now…
Mom didn’t seem to be thinking along the same lines, though. “If that happens, then the boy deserves it. Who gets in a car and drives after drinking!”
“Mom, it wasn’t his fault!” I said, trying to defend him, but even I knew it was.
But she just shook her head. “Alexis, you rammed into a tree. He wasn’t even in a seatbelt, so he got himself injured. But what would have happened, if he’d hit another car, instead? Or knocked into someone walking by the side of the road?”
I winced
. If that had happened, there might have been more casualties. Someone might have even died, and in that case, Ryder would have gotten himself arrested. Again. He still might.
“Mom, please,” I said gently. “I know what he did was wrong, but he didn’t know what he was doing. His friends should have known better than to let him behind the wheel.”
“I would like to know where these so-called friends are!” she said, scowling at me.
I gave her a sad smile. “Mom, you’re looking at one of them. I was the only one there, and I couldn’t stop him. Hell, I got in the car with him! So part of that blame should fall on me.” And I did place part of that blame squarely upon myself.
She pursed her lips, and I knew she couldn’t refute the statement. Only, she couldn’t bring herself to blame me. In her eyes, I was the victim in this. I knew she was worried about Ryder, though, because that was just the type of woman she was. She just put more priority on her daughter, as usual.
“Please,” I continued. “Can you tell me how he’s doing right now? Anything at all.”
She sighed, her shoulders slumping as her expression turned bleak. “Bad,” was all she said.
I thought my heart would break.
8
Alexis
Ryder had a spinal cord injury. A few hours after being admitted to the hospital, the doctors operated on him, removing any objects that they found to prevent further damage to the spine. When they released me, I popped over to his hospital room to make sure that he was okay. I wasn’t sure why I went—instinct told me to go and see him. He was on a restraining board. I wondered if he was awake or asleep, but I was too chicken to enter the room to find out. The curtains were drawn back, and the room was clean and silent. Not even the television was on.
I knew when Ryder woke up, he would be moved out of the intensive unit to a private room. He’d get the best care.
Second Chance Draft: A Second Chance Sports Romance (Pass To Win Book 6) Page 3