My eyes drifted up to the ceiling. I didn’t want to have to be looking at him for this part. I didn’t like remembering it, and I’d pretty much pushed it out of my mind after it happened. Because the last thing I’d wanted then was to break down in the middle of Prom. I could have played the bitch and made things difficult for Ryder, humiliated him in front of the school. But I was more worried about being humiliated myself. So I kept my act together, then he took me home. After that, I found reasons to not be around him anymore. Then came college, and him taking football as a career seriously, and I had my out, so I took it.
Our relationship ended, and Ryder forgot all about me, or so I’d hoped.
“It wasn’t so much to me, but I did overhear her talking with her friends. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop; I was going to make some sound, or finish up and walk away clearly because she and I just never got along. But then she mentioned my name.”
“So, you broke up with me, because she insulted you or something?”
I shook my head. “Ryder, she was talking about you, not me.”
I waited for his reaction, but his expression didn’t change. I knew better than to trust it, though. I took a deep breath, then released it slowly, and went on with the explanation.
“So, there I was, minding my own business when your ex-comes in. And she starts talking about you, how you only went out with me because of sympathy. That you didn’t want to break up with her, and I was just convenient, and you were a nice guy. No one else wanted me, and being the wonderful guy you are, you felt sorry for me. Coincidentally, I was good at math, and you were struggling, so there was also that.”
His frown had been getting deeper as I talked until he was scowling off to the side. I watched his expression intently. He might have wanted to know my answer for a while, but I’d wanted something from him for a lot longer. I had been too chicken to just break it off with him straight, but I never got the confidence to ask him about that night and that conversation, either.
“You should have told me,” he said suddenly, eyes snapping back to me. “Alexis, why the fuck didn’t you tell me you overheard something like that instead of taking at face value? There’s a reason I broke up with Crystal! It was sure as fuck not because she was a nice person.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “So it’s not true?”
He laughed incredulously. “Are you fucking kidding me? If all I needed was someone to tutor me, I could have asked anyone! You weren’t the only person in our grade good at math, if that were all I wanted, I wouldn’t have picked you.”
“And what is that supposed to mean?” I demanded.
Out of nowhere, his expression froze then went blank. He looked away, and that made me even more suspicious.
“Just believe me when I say that wasn’t the reason I went out with you.”
I pursed my lips. He said that, but by his reaction, I had a feeling I wouldn’t like the real reason if I could even get him to tell me.
Don’t think about it, I thought to myself. I don’t need to fucking know.
What happened, happened. Looking to the past didn’t do anything more than make my heart ache.
“You should have told me about it, though,” he went on. “If only you’d talked to me, we would have cleared this stupid misunderstanding then. I will admit that before I got to know you, I thought you might have thought you were too good for me, but by the night of Prom, after we’d gone out a few times, I was definitely into you.”
“I was…a bit insecure back then,” I admitted. “You know I didn’t exactly have friends in high school… So when I heard that, I just kinda figured…it had to be true, you know?”
Ryder shook his head. “No. I admired you for standing up for yourself, for doing what you wanted instead of trying to conform because everyone else gave you shit. It was strong of you. And when we started to drift apart, I was worried, because I thought you weren’t into me anymore. And then you just stopped talking to me—”
He cut himself off, looking down with his lips pressed together into an unhappy line. This wasn’t a happy moment. We were having a serious conversation and revealing things, so why did I feel like smiling when I saw his expression?
“I hated it,” he blurted out, looking up at me with a glare. But his eyes didn’t meet mine, and he kept fidgeting. “I hated it so much, Alexis. I wanted to talk to you, but I could never get a hold of you. Everything got busy after Prom, and you were just gone. As far as I was concerned… when I realized you’d just left, out of nowhere, I regretted never taking the chance to tell you for real, because I was falling in love with you.”
I gasped, and my mind froze as I replayed his words in my mind. Then, I smiled. My eyesight went a little blurry, but I blinked the tears away.
He’d said it to me before, but why does this feel like the first time he’s being genuine?
23
Ryder
The next day after we’d had breakfast, Alexis asked how much time she had to get ready. I said an hour or so.
After an hour, I wheeled my chair around the halls of the house. Alexis shouted from the top of the stairs, asking where we were going and if she needed to dress up. She wanted ideas of what to wear. I simply told her, “Whatever you are comfortable in.”
Those were not the words she wanted to hear. Before I knew it, she came down again in the same shirt and pants that she had on before. She wasn’t serious.
“Ryder Russ, if you do not give me so much as a clue what we are doing, then the date is off!” She was frustrated, which I could understand.
I had gotten up extra early just to make sure that my jeans and shirt were not creased as I put them on. My upper body strength was a lot better, but sometimes if I got tired or even lazy, I managed to crease my shirt. Worrying about creases was a bit crazy, considering where we were going this Saturday afternoon, but I couldn’t think of anything else to do.
“It is something fun. Something that we used to do as kids.”
She realized what I was up to, and part of me felt disappointed that I had given too much away with the last words. Shit, I should have just stuck with something fun.
Like an excited kid, she ran up the stairs. “I will be down in two minutes.” I had been listening to the same line for the last hour. I decided to do something that I hadn’t done for a while. Watch the headlines. I headed for the living room and automatically switched on the news. I was disappointed, but not shocked about the headlines.
“Austin Spencer has been suspended by the Hawks.
“Yes, you heard it here first. The player was found intoxicated in his hotel room right before the big game.”
My thumb automatically turned it off, and I didn’t even hear Alexis come into the room as I sat facing the screen. Austin had been caught. The guy I thought was untouchable was completely out of it. I knew he was a sinking ship ready to drown the moment he got to the team. It was clear he wasn’t in a good place.
I should reach out to him.
Then again, I couldn’t. It was clear that he wasn’t ready. If I hadn’t had my accident, I could have easily been in back in that bathroom shooting coke right there with him. He had to be ready to move on. Without that then he would never change.
The league was getting stricter by the minute. They wanted top players, not smackheads or guys that were going to lose them games. Players were no longer in short supply. To the contrary, there were too many damn players lately. It was as if they were manufacturing them somewhere.
“I was going to tell you,” she whispered as she drew close. It made no difference. It wasn’t a surprise to me. Austin was the one who thought he was invincible. The one that would never be caught. He had been, and this meant the end of his career. No one would hire him. In fact, no one wanted him. He was like me, the player that no one wanted on their team.
I waved my hand. “I guessed it. I spoke to Jake the other day, and he was saying Austin was getting worse. It was just a matter of time.”
&nbs
p; She moved to block the screen that had nothing on it and aroused me with the black dress that she was wearing.
She had done the complete opposite. I’d expected her to put on her jeans or something, not high heels, a slender black dress that ended above her knees, and to tie her hair back. She had a bit of makeup on her lips and her eyes.
If she wanted to bring my dick back from the dead, it worked. I had an erection. I couldn’t believe it. I wanted to put my hand down my pants to see if it was a dream or if it was happening. I shifted in my chair. I was fucking, not dead down there.
“Are we going, or are you going to just stare at me all day?”
That was something I didn’t want to do. She was seducing me with her eyes, perfume, hair, fucking everything, and it was driving me wild. For nearly six months, my dick had been limp. In the space of a minute, she had done the one thing that I thought my dick was no longer capable of doing. I just turned my chair around and headed for the front door. I had to do it quickly, without letting her know what I was up to.
I had to touch my dick.
I needed to know if it was a fucking dream.
Luckily, her pace was a lot slower than my chair’s. I did a quick turn to make sure no one was around, and I stuck my hand down my pants. Sure enough, it was my dick. It was strong and hard like it used to be.
I couldn’t stop laughing. As Alexis approached me, she was perplexed. “Ryder, you start taking again? You’re acting like you are high or something.”
“I am high, but it isn't because of drugs. Simply because of you.”
Shit, I could be such a smooth talker when I wanted to be. I just hoped that not only was my dick going to be hard now, but that it would remain that way later on in the day. I had something planned for Alexis and me, and now that I knew I was capable, I wasn’t going to let go.
After we checked in and entered the suite, our roles halted the whole thing for me. Normally, I would walk up to Alexis or any girl and take off their clothes or something. This time, everything was being taken out of my hands. My nerves put my fucking dick on hold. I couldn’t jump up and take control of the whole situation.
It put me off.
It made me feel fucking pathetic.
I wheeled toward the window. Sat by it as I did whenever I felt like this, and Alexis bent down in front of me and held my hand.
“What’s up?” She had sadness in her voice, and I wondered if she felt that way because of the look in my eye or the idea that I couldn’t go through with it.
Fucking hooray.
Who the fuck wants to do it with a disabled person?
She deserved better. It could only be out of sympathy. I had nothing to offer her, at all. I let go of her hand and said, “I am a fucking cripple and drug addict. Nothing hot or sexy here. The complete opposite.” Shit, I wanted to fucking cry. I felt so low. What the fuck was I thinking?
Alexis slowly started to undo my shirt buttons. “I have loved you since high school. Wanted you to be in my life before you even asked me out.”
I put my hand on top of hers, which was even more reason for her not to want me. “And what did I end up doing? I somehow allowed you to think that I only wanted you for one thing. I am a complete jerk.”
She shook her head. “I was shallow back then too. I wasn’t exactly innocent.”
Alexis justified my actions, which was wrong. “I am not going to get you to take the blame, Alexis. I was an idiot.”
She paused for a minute looked into my eyes and said, “You misunderstand. Earl wanted to take me out a long time ago.”
I never knew all this. “Earl? The weird guy married to Gail?”
She nodded. “Exactly.” She kneeled in front of me and continued while my hand was enveloped in hers. “For a long time I said no. There was nothing wrong with Earl. He was a great guy,” she paused as if she was reminiscing, “Still is, but I wanted you. Maybe because you were a bad boy and cool. Maybe because you were on the football team.”
Just like all the girls back in High school and now I am in a wheelchair, I bet none of them would look twice at me.
“The point is, I never knew the real you. Not well enough to know that Crystal had lied. But now, the more time I spend with you, I realize that what I felt then and what I feel now, is more than just me wanting to fix you. It is about you fixing me too.”
I didn’t understand what she was trying to say. It made no sense. “I don’t get it?” I mumbled trying to make sense of it all.
“You are not bad, yes, you were troubled. I’m supposed to be a nurse, someone who takes everyone in and never judges them. But until I started caring for you, I never realized that was all I ever do. But what’s between us is different. We’ve got this connection.”
She shifted as if she was embarrassed about her words. “Scrabble for instance. You studied the dictionary. If I never made you play, would you have done that?”
Alexis had a point. I had never gone out of my way for anyone in my life, but it felt natural with her. “I love spending time with you. From the moment I wake up. To the time, I go to bed. If I don’t end up on the sofa in your room. I think about you…”
I started to stroke her hands; she made me want to do the one thing that I just wasn’t sure I was capable of doing. Making love to her. I looked down to see that all my buttons were undone, and as I tried to avoid looking into her eyes, she held onto my face.
“There are things you don’t know about me, about my past—”
“Your dad told me about your past. I am not interested in that. I am just worried about the future.”
Shit, just like a rocket, my fucking dick reacted. It shot up like a bolt of lightning. Then she undid my belt and jeans and started stroking it. Lightly and gently from the bottom to the head, as if it was hers. It was hers. All of it and I wanted her in between my legs as I kissed her. I could control my movements that way.
Sitting in this chair meant I couldn’t do the one thing that I wanted to do to her and that was to make love. I needed to love Alexis now, tonight, tomorrow, and every night from now on. She was the one for me. The one that made me feel complete. I wanted to come with her in my arms.
I stopped her, and we moved toward the king-sized bed with the red covering that matched the curtains. The room was simple and wide, but not as big as my bedroom back home. I just didn’t want the family involved in what we were doing. Today had to be about Alexis and me. We had to do it one step at a time, to make sure that everything was right.
She didn’t help me onto the bed, and that made me feel the way I wanted to feel with us in the room. Like a man. One that could control what he was doing with a woman, without losing himself. It was hard moving onto the bed and watching her undress.
She did it slowly and carefully so I could watch.
The dim lighting in the room made me appreciate every part of her curves. As she unclasped her bra, I wished that it was my fingers doing it. As she pulled her panties down, I asked for her to pass them to me. I sniffed her wetness, and then I tossed them to the side. I lay naked on the bed and watched her.
She crawled slowly onto the bed. It felt as if time stood still as her legs moved slowly. Her tits were swinging slightly, screaming out my name.
“Alexis, you’re so fucking hot,” I purred as she slid in between my legs.
One hand was on my dick, and she played with it as she kept her body balanced and kissed me gently on the lips. “You okay?” She stopped, troubled that she could have been hurting me in some way.
I choked, “I will be once I fucking come inside you.”
She laughed. “Slow down, big boy, we have all night.”
I shook my head as I flicked my tongue inside her mouth. I could taste the mints that she had been popping in the taxi on the way here, and I laughed at the idea that she worried about such things. Making sure that her breath smelt right. Everything about her was perfect. It was me that should be worried, not her. My dick jerked because we were both nerv
ous.
She was still anxious about her effect on me today. Probably scared that she would hurt me in some way. I was terrified that it would all be one big letdown. Never in my life did I get nervous about fucking some woman. Shit, it was so natural.
That was another thing; I didn’t want to fuck her. She didn’t deserve that. Me jerking and pumping inside of her to get some relief. That would never feel right. I wanted to taste her, pleasure her and make her come. This day was about her. No, who was I kidding? I was falling more for Alexis every day. She was too perfect not to fall for.
Today was about us on a different level, and it frightened me.
I could end up hard one minute and the next lifeless. Would she reject me?
No, she wasn’t that kind of person. She would sympathize and tell me that it was okay. That was like telling a kid that spent his whole summer studying that it was okay to fail. I would pretend for her sake that it was no big deal. But for me a man, like any other, I would be dying inside. Knowing the one thing that I thought I possessed no longer existed.
I whispered, “No, we have all weekend. Not just tonight, and that is a promise.” If my dick lets me down, then I needed more time. I wasn’t leaving this hotel room without pleasuring her. I had to give her that one thing she desired. She was wet; I could feel it when she slid up my body.
She said nothing as I rolled my tongue inside her mouth, no edge left untouched. It was the meeting of two minds without words; my fingers lightly stroked her arm as she enveloped my head. Her body was pressed against mine, but not her breasts. They spilled over the sides, and I managed to stroke her nipple. They were like pebbles, and I pushed her up and bit them gently.
“Arrh,” she cried out as she started to shake.
It made me want to bite her more, not too hard as I eased the bites with my tongue. I slid it around her nipples, and then I gently started to suck them.
I was so fucking hard. I caressed her body as she started to moan even louder. My fingers began to long for her clitoris. As soon as they found it, I rubbed it harder as she cried out my name, “Ryder!” as if she was a virgin coming for the first time.
Second Chance Draft: A Second Chance Sports Romance (Pass To Win Book 6) Page 10