by Ratika Kapur
Then I had to call up Vineet, because Bobby would not let me do anything else until I talked to his Vineet Bhaiya. With Bobby sitting on my head I felt quite nervous, but I picked up my phone, and in less than two rings, I could hear Vineet’s hello. It was much more nervous than my hello. I think that he thought that I was still angry with him for coming to our flat. We have not had the chance to talk properly since that day. But I tried to keep my voice friendly and steady, and without wasting any time I told him that Bobby, my son, was here with me and how he wanted very much for Vineet to give him cooking classes whenever it was convenient. When I said this it seemed as if I had told him he had won the lottery. I could almost see him jump. Yes, yes! he said. When should I come? Tomorrow? The day after? When? When? When?
If I had allowed Vineet or Bobby to decide the date, there would be a storm in my kitchen just now. But Saturday evening has been fixed. Vineet is actually on duty at his hotel that day, but he said that he has so many days of casual leave remaining that his boss cannot stop him.
25
Sunday, 14 August 2011
If I ever complain that I don’t have any fun, I should be given one tight slap and reminded about last evening when Vineet came for the cooking class. What fun it was! Even for me. Even though I had to stand quietly and watch my son, my own son, sweating in the kitchen as he chopped vegetables and grated paneer and kneaded dough, even though I had to watch him stand for hours and hours in front of the hot stove and then on his knees cleaning the kitchen floor, even then all that I can say is that we all had such a lot of fun last evening.
Vineet brought all the ingredients with him, and I am sure that he must have spent almost one thousand rupees. So, first he sat down with Bobby and he had a long, long talk with him. He told him that he would start him with some basic Indian cooking techniques, which Bobby did not seem very happy about, because Bobby thinks that he knows quite a lot about Indian dishes already, but Bobby is a good boy, a good student, and he kept quiet and listened carefully. Then Vineet talked about some general topics, about how important it is to respect the great chefs and their methods, for example, and about how only after you are sure, one hundred per cent sure, that you have mastered a recipe, only then should you try to be creative. He also told Bobby about how important it is to be organised and methodical, and to keep your kitchen neat and clean. The kitchen is your temple, Vineet said.
I was not allowed into the kitchen at all. They insisted that I relax in the hall in front of the TV. Obviously I could not do that, how could I? So, I just stood at the kitchen door and watched quietly.
What happened in my kitchen was better than any cooking show that I have ever seen. They worked quietly and methodically. I was totally wrong to think that there would be a storm in my kitchen. There was no banging and shouting, and even though they were cooking so many different things all at the same time in such a small, little kitchen, there was never ever any mess. And Vineet’s teaching method was so good. He would give Bobby some long instructions on something, he would explain everything so patiently, and Bobby would stand quietly and listen. Then Vineet would show Bobby something, and Bobby would watch him carefully and repeat it. The truth is that even I, a woman, learnt quite a few things about cooking from Vineet. I almost went to get an exercise book to take notes! I know that this sounds funny, but how many women know that when you want to grind cashew nuts in a mixie, all that you have to do is add a pinch of flour so that they don’t stick to the mixie container? How many women know that when you cut garlic, the best way to get the smell off your hands is by rubbing them on any stainless steel item?
The dishes that these two cooked in my kitchen were tastier than anything I have ever eaten. Even though they were everyday items, like dal and vegetables and paneer, pulao and salad, there was nothing everyday in their taste. I am sure that even a man like Doctor Sahib, who has eaten in every fancy restaurant in Delhi, who has probably eaten in every fancy restaurant in every city in the world, and I know this because I manage all his credit card payments, even Doctor Sahib, I am sure, would say that these dishes that Vineet and Bobby prepared were well and truly special.
After we all ate, and they had made me eat first, the two of them washed all the pots and pans and plates and cleaned up the whole kitchen, and I should say that the kitchen looked so good that it seemed as if I was the one who had done the cleaning. Then the three of us sat down in the hall.
For some time nobody talked. We just sat quietly, looking up and looking down. This made me worried. I wanted it to feel like a normal thing, like when some neighbour or relative comes to visit. But the thing is that nobody actually ever visits us. I don’t have any relatives, and none of my husband’s relatives live in Delhi, and when a neighbour comes to the flat, they just stand at the door to give me a bill, or return the torch or whatever that they borrowed. This is an odd thing. And I never realised this before. Still, I wanted it to feel like a normal thing, I wanted Bobby to feel like this was a normal thing, so I quickly thought and thought about what to talk about, and, by God’s grace, I thought of the computer that Doctor Sahib is supposed to buy for me, so then I told them, both Vineet and Bobby, that since they both know much more about computers than I know, they could help me decide which model I should tell Doctor Sahib to get for me.
This was a very good idea because then, for the next one and a half hours, this is what we talked about, the computer. We had to go into the bedroom, that is where our computer is. Bobby and I sat on the bed, and Vineet sat on the chair in front of the computer, and together we looked at many different, different desktop models on the Internet. Vineet thought that I should give Doctor Sahib some options in case there are availability problems with the vendor, so we made a shortlist of four models, one HP, two Dells and one Lenovo. There was this beautiful one from Apple that all three of us liked so much, but it was so costly that I did not put it on the list. Doctor Sahib would think that I have gone mad.
There was quite a lot of laughing and joking when Vineet was here, and this, obviously, was nice in some way, and I understood that my Bobby needs company from time to time, but now I am a little bit worried by this. I know that just by laughing and joking with Bobby, Vineet cannot become his father, but I don’t want them to get too close. But I should not worry too much. Most of the time Vineet was very professional with Bobby. Still, maybe I should encourage Bobby to become friendly with the girl with the green eyes at the bus stop. I know that I sound like I have gone mad, but if you stop for one minute and think about it, think about it as a modern person in modern times, what is actually wrong with boys and girls being friends? This girl, more than Vineet, is probably the type of company that Bobby needs. As long as she does not interfere with my Bobby’s studies and career, which, from how neat and clean she looks, from how neat and clean her father looks, she surely would not do, I think that it would be good for him to have a nice girl in his life as a friend. Actually, I think that it is good for everybody to have a friend.
So, after Vineet left, which was around ten o’clock, Bobby and I had our baths and changed our clothes, and came into the bedroom. Then, while I was hemming one of my kurtas and Bobby was writing something in his exercise book, Bobby suddenly looked up at me and said, Ma, can you promise me one thing?
You know that I can’t promise anything until you first tell me what it is, I said.
Can you promise me that you will not tell Papa about Vineet Bhaiya and the cooking classes? Maybe he won’t like it.
This was almost funny. Wasn’t I supposed to be the one asking for such a promise? But I just said, Fine, I will see, and then I put away my sewing kit and pretended to go to sleep.
26
Sunday, 21 August 2011
It seems that I will never see Vineet again. It is sad, but it seems that whatever it is that Vineet and I had, these nice five months that we spent together, it is all finished. The day before yesterday, when I had come back from the clinic and Bobby had come back
from school, and we were sitting together and eating our lunch, Bobby told me, just like that, in a calm, cool voice, about how he had met Vineet two times since their cooking class last Sunday. He said that for both meetings he had got a gate pass from school, children from the eleventh and twelfth standards are allowed to do that, he said, and that both times he only bunked his PT class because he knew that I would have got very angry if he had bunked any proper class. And then he told me about how both times they sat at a tea stall in Sheikh Sarai and talked and talked about cooking and life and what not.
Now, I was angry with Bobby, obviously. I was happy that he had not bunked his Maths or Physics class, but still, any type of bunking is wrong. But what actually made my blood boil was Vineet. Not only did he make my son bunk school, which was already a horrible thing to do, but Vineet also met my son without telling me. Vineet met my son behind my back. Vineet lied to me.
Vineet and I had not met in the five days since he came to the flat because he was on evening shift at the hotel, but we did talk on the phone two or three times and he still never said anything, not one word, about meeting Bobby. But I should say one thing here. On Wednesday, when Bobby had come back from school, I thought that I could smell Vineet’s cologne, but then I just let it be, because it seemed that it was just one of those foolish things that happens with lovers, when you feel them around you even when they are not actually there. How stupid I was. So, I was angry with Vineet, angrier than I have ever been with anybody, I think, and my blood boiled and boiled. I was also confused. I could not understand why he was doing all this. So I decided then and there, while sitting and eating lunch with Bobby, that I would meet Vineet as soon as I could and get some answers out of the man. But before I got up from the dining table, I looked at Bobby and, in a voice as cool and calm as Bobby’s voice when he told me about meeting Vineet, I said, It is good that you met your Vineet Bhaiya, because he told me that from next week he is going to be out of station for some time.
I left the clinic one hour early yesterday and met Vineet at Barista in SDA. And what can I say? Vineet Sehgal lives in some other world. He does not think like normal people. Normal people who have affairs and who also have sense, and I think that means most people, normal people don’t just leave everything, their husbands and children and homes, and run off with their lovers. But it seems that Vineet has no sense. I could not shout at him because there were so many people sitting around us, but when I asked him in the hardest but quietest way I could ask why he had been meeting Bobby without telling me, he just said, I am doing all this because I want to marry you.
Then he just kept begging me and begging me to marry him. He said that from his side everything is fine, it does not matter to him if I am a divorced woman, and that he has now also told his mother about me and she will also be fine. I almost laughed at this, and I wanted to tell him that he is the biggest fool in the world to think that his mother would treat a used woman with any type of respect, but I kept quiet. And then he told me that he knows me very well now, better than I know myself, he said, and he said that knowing the type of respectable woman that I am, I would never ever have started any relationship with another man if I was not already unhappy in my marriage, and that the only reason I have still not agreed to marry him is that I am scared about what will happen to Bobby, and now he, Vineet, wants to prove to me that he can look after Bobby.
I could not keep quiet any more. Look after Bobby? I said. You force my son to bunk school and then you say that you want to look after Bobby?
I did not force him to do anything, Vineet said. But even if I was a little stupid, even if I am not as mature as I am supposed to be, one thing I won’t do is abandon him like his father did.
When he said this my head just burst. It seemed as if it had smashed into thousands of little, little pieces. I did not say anything for some time. It seemed as if I was trying to collect together all the broken pieces of my head. But after two or three minutes, I fixed my eyes on Vineet’s eyes, and I said, Now, you listen to me very carefully, it is my turn to speak. And then very slowly and very calmly I said, In my family nobody abandons anybody. Bobby’s father has not abandoned his son, he has not abandoned his wife, and he never ever will, and the opposite is also true. Bobby will not leave his father, and I will surely never ever leave my husband. Now, you better remember that.
Vineet’s eyes roamed around the room but his mouth did not move.
And one last thing, I then said. You will swear on your mother that you will never ever meet my son again.
I have never sworn on my mother before, Vineet said, and I cannot swear on her now.
That is fine, I said, but remember that if you do ever dare to meet Bobby, then you will never see me again. And then I stood up and walked out of Barista.
When I had Skyped with my husband this morning he had said that there are two words that Arabs always use, inshallah, if God wills it, and khallas, finished. I can’t say inshallah, because God has not willed this relationship between Vineet and me, but I can say that it is khallas. Khallas, finished.
I am such a fool. I had always believed that Vineet was not interested in marriage at this stage in his life, but I had still made a promise to myself that if and when Vineet was ready to get married and his mother had found him a girl, then I would quietly walk away. I also believed that until that time for marriage came, Vineet and I could go on as it is. As long as Vineet behaved himself for the one month when my husband comes to Delhi each year, I thought that this relationship could last. And I also thought that if by chance Vineet was not interested in getting married at all, then this relationship could last for all the years that my husband is in Dubai, which would be at least another seven years if we want a good future for our son and ourselves.
But Vineet is interested in getting married, and even though he, and not his mother, has found the girl that he wants to marry and by chance that girl is me, even then I will not break my promise. Now I will walk away.
27
Wednesday, 24 August 2011
The straight road is not only the right road, but it is also actually the easier road to take. I know that in those five months with Vineet I would sometimes talk about how nice or calm or good I felt when I was with him, but the truth is that it was also difficult. People don’t realise how difficult it is to have this type of relationship, which I will not call an affair because affairs mean sex, a lot of sex, and, actually, in all those five months Vineet and I had sex only three times and not one time more than that. But now that is all finished, the hiding, the lying, all those difficult times are all finished, khallas, and inshallah I will be on the straight road again.
Actually, maybe I am already on the straight road, because everything is already feeling better, less difficult, and nice things are starting to happen. The first and most important thing is that Bobby and I have made an agreement, a proper agreement that we talked about so seriously and carefully that I joked that we should get it attested at a notary public! Bobby has agreed to stop going to Ankit’s father’s restaurant, to study very hard and try to come in the first three ranks of his section as he always used to, and then to do an MBA. From my side, I have agreed to allow him to cook in the kitchen on all holidays, to also convince his grandmother to allow him to do that when she comes back, and to allow him to become a chef or whatever else he wants to become as long as he does his MBA first. Obviously I don’t think that I actually have to worry about the last promise because after my Bobby has walked into a posh, fully air-conditioned office for his internship, Rosie told me that all MBA courses require students to do internships, would he then ever want to walk into a kitchen again? But yes, Bobby and I have made an agreement, and I think that we are both very happy about it.
Obviously Bobby wonders why Vineet has not called him up for so many days. Last evening Bobby told me that every time he has tried to call up Vineet, Vineet either does not pick up the phone or it is switched off. I said that Vineet is out o
f station, that he has gone off somewhere with Neha, and that maybe the network is poor in the place where he is, or the roaming charges are too high. I think that Bobby believes me because he has not talked about Vineet again.
Sometimes I think that Bobby is a lonely child. But that is the fate of an only child. Ask me. And that is why I am now trying to make Bobby become friendly with the girl with the green eyes at the bus stop. Actually, I don’t have to make him become friendly with her. Every morning he picks up his dumbbells from next to the bed and does these funny exercises, and I know that it is just to impress her. I just have to help him. But we know her name now. It is Madhurima. I asked another mother at the bus stop.
A mother trying to help her son become friendly with a girl? I know that it sounds as if I have gone mad. But he is only fifteen years of age. What wrong can happen? I think that wrong things happen much more in the company of other boys. I cannot forget what happened the last two or three times that my son was with other boys. Either he came back home drunk or he came back home wanting to be a cook. And this Madhurima seems to be such a good, studious girl. It is obvious from the way her hair is tied neatly into a ponytail, from her bright white nicely pressed uniform, and from the way she stands quietly with her back straight and feet together, next to her father, waiting for her bus to come. And by looking at her father, it seems that she hails from a good family. Even at six thirty in the morning he is shaved and neatly dressed. And he drives a car. But obviously these things hardly matter. I am looking for a friend for my son, not a daughter-in-law.
So, as I said, nice things are happening, and on Monday another nice thing happened. I walked into Doctor Sahib’s office between two of his appointments, I had decided that I should just walk straight in, and I greeted him and then I put down on his desk the shortlist of computer models that Vineet and Bobby and I had made, which I had obviously typed out neatly, and then and there Doctor Sahib asked me for a purchase order form, which I quickly brought, and then and there Doctor Sahib filled it out and signed it, and now, in ten days’ time, there will be a new computer at the reception, which is only for me to use.