by Amy Clipston
He wiped his face with his shirtsleeve. “There’s still plenty to do.”
“Don’t you have chores to do at your haus?”
“Ya, but I’ve been doing most of my work there in the morning so I can come here in the afternoons.” He rested his arm on the fence post. “Caleb has been picking up the slack for me so I can help your dat.”
“You must be tired.” She took a step toward him while searching his eyes.
“I am, but that’s okay. I want to help your dat. He can’t run this entire farm by himself.” He rubbed his chin as he seemed to be carefully considering his next words. “I’ve also realized I’ve made a lot of mistakes in our relationship, and I’d like to make it up to you.”
Mistakes? Her stomach plummeted. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve taken you for granted, and I want to make it right.”
She shook her head. “You haven’t taken me for granted.”
“Ya, I have,” he insisted. “Your bruder said some hard things to me last week, but I’ve realized he made a few valid points. He said I’ve never had to work for anything, and that everything comes easily to me. He implied I’m spoiled, and he’s right. I was able to build a haus when I was only twenty-three. You’ve always had feelings for me, and I never had to work to prove I was worthy of your affection.”
He gestured toward the fence. “Now I’m trying to prove how much I care about you and your family.” He clenched his jaw. “I’ll do anything necessary to show you and your dat I intend to take care of you for the rest of my life.” He took her hands in his. “I promise I’ll always do my best to not take you for granted.”
Her chest constricted. “I still don’t think it’s true that you’ve taken me for granted.”
“Ya, I have. Remember when I forgot to tell you it was time to go to lunch at the lake? And then when I didn’t join you on the porch at Mariella’s, even though I’d promised? I’m so sorry.” His voice quavered.
“I told you that was okay.” She sniffed.
“No, it wasn’t okay.” He shook his head. “You’re precious to me, and I can’t bear the thought of losing you.”
Reaching up, she cupped her hand to his cheek. “I promise you won’t lose me.” Standing on her tiptoes, she brushed her lips across his cheek, and he sighed as his shoulders relaxed.
Ariana cut her gaze toward the barn, where her father stood talking to his driver. She took a step back. “I have to go. We’ll talk again soon.”
As she rushed back to the garden, she couldn’t help but think it wouldn’t be much longer before her father realized how genuine and good Jesse truly was.
CHAPTER 7
DISCOURAGEMENT AND ANXIETY SETTLED OVER JESSE as he moved a paintbrush up and down the slats of Marvin’s pasture fence. The early morning July sun beat down on his straw hat, and his shoulders, back, and neck ached after spending the past two afternoons painting the fence.
He’d arrived early this morning to finish the last section so he could concentrate on other chores this afternoon. He’d hoped his hard work during the past three weeks would have gained him at least a pleasant greeting from Marvin, but again this morning he’d growled a half greeting. It seemed no matter how hard Jesse worked, he still hadn’t earned an ounce of forgiveness or respect. But he wouldn’t capitulate and go home.
As he worked, his mind spun with thoughts of Ariana. They’d stolen glances and a quick conversation here and there, but he longed for more time with her. He’d managed to speak to her alone at the youth gathering Sunday night, but the time had flown by too quickly and their privacy was limited. He hoped to see her again today.
As he moved his brush across the slats, his thoughts turned to Tobias. No one had heard from him. Ariana shared that she and her mother were consumed with worry about him.
He was painting the last slat in the fence when he heard boots crunch on the ground behind him.
“Did Caleb take over all your chores again today?”
Jesse craned his neck, glancing over his shoulder at Marvin. “Ya, he did, and I also worked late last night.”
“And then you got up early this morning and came here to work some more,” Marvin finished his thought.
“That’s right.” Jesse set the paintbrush on top of the can and spun toward him. “I think I’m finally done.” He made a sweeping gesture toward the wooden fence, the fresh white paint gleaming in the bright sunlight.
Marvin studied the fence and then gave him a stiff nod.
Jesse’s shoulders sagged. That was as close to a thank you as he would get, but he would accept it. Any acknowledgment was better than none.
“I don’t think that fence has been painted in twenty years.” Marvin’s words sounded almost wistful as his expression flashed what seemed like melancholy. “I’m going in for lunch.”
“Is it lunchtime already?” Jesse wiped his forearm across his sweaty brow.
“Ya.” Marvin stared at him for a moment, and to Jesse’s complete surprise, the old man’s scowl softened. “Are you hungry?”
Jesse blinked. Was Marvin inviting him to eat lunch with him? Hope bloomed inside his chest. Perhaps he was making headway with Marvin after all.
“Well, are you?” Marvin asked.
Jesse shook himself from his shock. “Ya, I am, actually.”
“Come inside. Rosanna and Ariana are making lunch.” And with that, Marvin turned and started toward the back porch.
After rinsing out the paintbrush and stowing the paint can in the barn, Jesse went in the back door of the house and stepped into the kitchen. Rosanna was placing a bowl of potato salad and a bowl of macaroni salad on the table. Jesse scanned the kitchen for Ariana, and disappointment filled him when he didn’t see her.
“Ariana went to check the mail. She’ll be right back,” Rosanna said as if reading his thoughts. Her lips tipped up as she nodded toward the sink. “You can wash up.”
“Danki.” Jesse scrubbed his hands and arms before sitting down at the table, which had been set for four. He looked over at Rosanna as she set down a platter of lunch meat beside a basket of rolls. Had it been her idea to invite Jesse in for lunch? Or maybe Ariana’s?
The front door clicked shut and Ariana entered the kitchen carrying a stack of mail. She looked beautiful in her light-blue dress. When she met his gaze, her cheeks stained pink and a tentative smile curled her lips. He returned the gesture as his heart squeezed. Oh, how he’d missed her.
“Looks like we received quite a bit of mail today,” Rosanna commented as Ariana crossed to the table and set the stack down.
“Ya, we did.” Ariana held up a white envelope. “This one is addressed to the Smucker family. It doesn’t have a return address, but it’s postmarked from a town in Florida.”
“Open it,” Rosanna instructed, coming to stand beside her.
Ariana opened the envelope and unfolded a piece of lined notebook paper with handwriting on it. She inhaled a sharp breath, and then held it out to her mother. “It’s from Tobias.”
Jesse’s stomach clenched as Ariana’s parents echoed her gasp.
“Read it.” Marvin’s voice sounded shaky. “Please.”
“Ya, please read it,” Rosanna said, wiping her eyes. “I don’t think I can.”
Ariana cleared her throat and began to read.
Dear Mamm, Dat, and Ariana,
I’m sorry for the way I left. I’m certain you’re going crazy with worry, and I want you to know I’m safe.
I’m in Florida. I decided to visit Mamm’s bruder Earl. I remember Mamm once saying she had a younger bruder who left the community. I found his contact information in an old address book in the kitchen and decided to take a chance that he would let me stay with him. I found out Onkel Earl and I have a lot in common.
You’re probably wondering why I decided to leave the community, and you have a right to know the whole truth. First, I left because I thought it would make life easier for Ariana and Mamm. They’ve had to listen to Dat and
me argue for years now, and I know it tore them up inside to hear it. I’m sorry for all the heartache I’ve caused. I didn’t mean to be such a burden.
The night before I left, Ariana told me I should try harder and compromise with Dat. I’ve had three weeks to think about Ariana’s advice, and I’ve come to the conclusion that she was right. For years I’ve been blaming Dat for our problems, but I realized it wasn’t only Dat’s fault. The truth is I’ve been part of the problem. I haven’t been carrying my load as far as chores and responsibilities go. I’m truly sorry. I’ve been too selfish and self-centered to realize how much pain my behavior has caused all of you. I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.
I also believe Ariana was right when she said that both Dat and I are stubborn. While I haven’t been carrying my load, Dat also hasn’t respected my feelings. I understand the farm has been in our family for generations, but it’s not my dream to be a farmer. I want to be a carpenter and create things with my hands. I’ve tried to enjoy being a dairy farmer, but I don’t. Instead, I resent it. I’m not sure how we can come to a compromise on this issue when he won’t listen and respect my dreams for my future.
Dat, Ich liebe dich, but I can’t live with you right now. I will come back someday, but right now it’s best that I just stay away for a while and work out all my issues.
I’ve also finally admitted to myself that I need help. I’ve been drinking alcohol in secret for a few months now. I was using it as a way to deal with my problems, and as Jesse wisely told me the night of the accident, it’s not the way to deal with things. I’ve accepted that I have a problem. Onkel Earl told me he had a problem with alcohol, too, and he recommended a facility that can help me. I’m going there soon. In fact, by the time you receive this letter, I will probably be admitted into the center.
Dat, please don’t blame Jesse for the accident. It wasn’t his fault. I had gotten drunk that night after our trip to the lake, and it was my idea to race. Jesse never meant to put Ariana in danger. Don’t punish Ariana and Jesse for my mistakes. Jesse is a great man, and he will take gut care of Ariana. He tried to stop me from drinking, and he also tried to stop me from guiding my horse home. I was too stubborn and drunk to listen to him. I’m sorry for wrecking the buggy. I will send you money to repair it when I have a job. Please forgive me for my dangerous and immature actions.
When you see Jesse, please tell him I’m sorry. I was cruel and hateful to him that night. I’m sure he’ll recall what I said to him. I said those terrible things because I was envious of the relationship he has with his family. He didn’t deserve my wrath. He’s been my best freind since we were kinner, and I hope he finds it in his heart to forgive me too.
I will contact you again soon.
Sincerely,
Tobias
Tears sprinkled down Ariana’s face as she sank into the chair across from Jesse. She grabbed a few napkins and mopped up her cheeks. Then she looked at her father, her eyes shimmering in the bright sunlight pouring in through the kitchen windows.
Marvin turned his gaze to Jesse. “Is that true?” His voice quavered. “Was Tobias drunk that night?”
Jesse nodded. “Ya, it’s true.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Marvin leaned forward in his chair, his eyes seeming more curious than accusatory.
“I tried to tell you the night of the accident, but you wouldn’t listen.” Jesse shook his head. “After you forbade me from seeing Ariana, I didn’t know how to tell you. I was worried you’d think I was lying about Tobias to push the blame for the accident onto him.”
Marvin pursed his lips and stared down at the tablecloth. The room fell silent for several moments with only the sound of birds singing outside the windows. Rosanna sniffed and wiped her eyes, and Ariana rubbed her mother’s arm.
“I didn’t want Tobias to leave,” Marvin said. “He kept telling me he wanted to be a carpenter, but I needed him to take over the farm for me. I was wrong not to respect his opinion, but I thought he would eventually agree to help me. This farm has been in our family for three generations, and I didn’t want to even think about selling. I just wanted Tobias to take responsibility, for his life and for his inheritance.
“I was wrong. I should have considered his point of view. I never meant to drive him away.” Marvin looked at Jesse. “I’m sorry for misjudging you and blaming you for Tobias’s actions. I was wrong to take my frustrations out on you. You’ve never been anything but responsible. I hope you can forgive me.”
Jesse nodded. “Of course I forgive you.”
“And danki for all your help during these past few weeks,” Marvin said. “I couldn’t have run this farm without you.”
“Gern gschehne,” Jesse said. “I’m froh I could help, and I’ll keep helping you for as long as you’ll allow me to. I’ll do anything I can to help your family.”
Marvin cleared his throat and quickly swiped his hand across his glistening eyes. Then he motioned toward the food in the center of the table. “Let’s eat. We can talk about this more later.”
Jesse stole a glance at Ariana, and when she smiled at him, warmth flooded his chest. They were going to be okay, and it seemed as if Tobias was going to be okay too.
Jesse followed Marvin into the barn after lunch. “I have a question for you.”
“Ya?” Marvin swiveled toward him, his bushy eyebrows careening toward his hairline.
Jesse cupped his hand to the back of his neck and took a deep breath, gathering all his courage. “You asked for my forgiveness, which you already have. Does that mean I’m permitted to date Ariana again?”
“Ya.”
“Does that also mean I can marry her in the fall?” His voice sounded small and foreign to him. Where had his courage gone?
“Ya, of course it does.” Marvin patted Jesse’s shoulder. “Rosanna and I would be thrilled to have you as a member of our family.”
“Danki.” Jesse’s grin was wide.
Now he just had to ask Ariana if she would still marry him. His chest tightened as ideas filtered through his mind for how he could ask her.
That evening Ariana laced her fingers in Jesse’s as she walked beside him toward the pasture behind the house he’d built for her. “Where are you taking me?”
“You’ll see.” He shifted the cooler in his hands and bottles rattled inside.
“Do you have homemade root beer in that cooler?”
“Maybe,” he said, teasing her with a grin.
Her heart fluttered. “It’s a schee night.”
“Ya, it is.”
She gazed toward the small pond at the far end of the pasture and gaped when she spotted a bench under a beautiful oak tree. “Did you install a bench?”
“I put it out there earlier today. Do you like it?”
“I love it.” She squeezed his hand as they approached the bench and then sat down beside him. He opened the cooler, revealing four bottles of homemade root beer.
He lifted one bottle, opened it, and handed it to her.
“Danki.” She took a long drink and then ran her fingers over the cool condensation. “This is perfect.” She looked up at him and happiness buzzed through her. Not only had they finally heard from Tobias, but her father had given her permission to see Jesse again. She thought she might burst from all the excitement coursing through her veins.
Jesse opened a bottle for himself and then closed the cooler. “What are you thinking?”
“I was just thinking about how froh I am.” She placed her bottle on the bench beside her. “Mei mamm is relieved to know Tobias is okay, and I am too.”
“Ya, I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.” Something unreadable flickered in his eyes as he set his bottle on the bench too. “I put this bench out here because I thought you and I could sit out here together and talk on warm evenings.”
His tone and expression were so serious that worry nipped at her.
“That sounds perfect. I’ve always loved this pond.�
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“Gut.” He looked down at his lap for a moment, as if gathering his thoughts. “I brought you out here tonight so we could talk alone. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and I realized I haven’t been a very gut boyfriend, and I wasn’t a gut fiancé when we were engaged.”
She opened her mouth to protest, but he held up a hand to stop her.
“Please, let me finish. A gut fiancé would put you first in his life, but I haven’t done that. I’ve been too busy working for mei dat and worrying about my own life. I’ve never had to fight for you, but that’s going to change.” He tapped the seat of the bench. “This bench is just a small token to show you how I will always put you first from now on. I’ll always make time for you, and I’ll work on being the best man I can be for you. If you agree to marry me, I promise our marriage will always be my top priority.”
He took her hands in his. “I’ve already asked your dat’s permission and he’s said yes, so now I need to ask you.” He took a deep breath. “Arie, will you marry me?”
She sniffed as tears filled her eyes. “Of course I will.”
“Oh, danki.” He blew out a deep breath.
“Did you think I’d say no?”
He shrugged and gave her a shy grin. “I was afraid I’d messed up so badly you’d be afraid to trust me again, and that you’d find someone else who would treat you better than I have.”
“You’re talking narrisch.” She touched his arm. “I was afraid I was going to lose you when mei dat said I couldn’t see you. I can’t imagine my life without you.”
“I feel the same way.” He draped his arm on the back of the bench behind her. “I suppose we should start discussing our wedding plans again.”
“Ya.” She rested her head on his shoulder. “I need to start sewing dresses for Mariella and me.”
“You do.” He rubbed her shoulder. “We should try to convince Tobias to come to the wedding.”
Ariana sat up straight. “Ya, we should. If we don’t hear from him soon, I can write a letter to mei onkel Earl and ask him how I can contact Tobias.”