by Nikki Chase
God, it feels even better than the one we had this afternoon—the wedding kiss. Now it’s just the two of us in the dark, just like it was when I was completely in love with him.
My heart can’t help but go back to that place, and soon I stop avoiding him, avoiding this kiss. I forget why I even try.
So I give in. I let myself drown in this kiss. I let myself forget all the ugly things that have happened between us, and focus on the now.
I’ve agreed to have a baby with Zeke, and we’ve even gotten married. I’m halfway there already. There’s no going back now, so why not go all in? Be his wife, even if it’s only for one year.
I kiss Zeke back with all the passion that I’ve been saving up just for him. My breath grows ragged, and my sighs grow heavy. I need him more than I need air. I cling onto his strong, muscular arms, afraid the currents of time are going to tear us apart again.
I want him. I want this. Even if it’s only temporary. I’ll take however much time I can with Zeke. Maybe we’re not meant to be forever, but is there really anything that lasts forever?
Relationships fall apart, people change, and even when they stay the same, they die after a short time on earth. Nothing is ever guaranteed, and that makes everything more valuable, more beautiful.
I cherish this. This moment. This man.
Zeke lays me down flat on my back and gets on top of me. I miss his skin, his scent, the weight of his body. He’s so familiar, and yet so foreign at the same time.
He puts his knees between my legs, pushing them apart, and I realize he’s wearing pants after all. But my disappointment evaporates when he presses his hard-on against me. My eyes snap open to look at him. He’s wearing a smirk, knowing exactly what he’s doing to me.
He yanks off my shirt, not surprised that I’m not wearing a bra underneath. He knows I never do when I sleep.
We have spent a few precious nights together—and now we’ll get to spend a few hundred more. That has to be a good thing.
As Zeke trails kisses all over my neck and down to my breasts, I know something that feels this good can’t be a bad thing.
My lips part and a moan escapes. I’ve never been very vocal in bed, except when I’m with Zeke.
I thought that version of me had gone away with time, but now I know it has been inside me all along, lying dormant, waiting for Zeke to come back into my life. And now he is.
I put my hand on his head and grab his thick hair, as if to convince myself he’s really here. Zeke moves down my body, his lips tickling my belly as his hands pull my pants down. I lift my hips off the bed to help. I no longer hide my desire for him—I can’t.
When he kisses the insides of my thighs, I realize what he’s about to do.
Just relax and enjoy it, he said.
That must’ve been only minutes ago, but it feels a lot longer than that. Because everything has changed so quickly between us—again. Just like it did that first night, when he turned to me and called me like I wasn’t just a friend, but a girl.
And now he’s treating me like a woman. I shudder as he plants light, butterfly kisses up my thighs, even as his hands grab my ass roughly. Wetness spills out of me, staining the sheets and making it clear just how much I want Zeke.
Gone are the tentative touches, and the gentle carefulness. He knows I want this just as much as he does, and he knows I can take it. I’m a big girl now.
I’m definitely showing him what I want like a big girl. I can’t stop myself, even if I try. My hips move involuntarily, lifting up and begging him to take me.
“You’re wet. You’re getting wet for me,” he says with a low growl, his stubble grazing against my skin.
“Yeah,” I moan. I whimper with need. I need him to unleash that hungry animal within him.
“I miss the taste of you,” he says as his lips get closer to my pussy. He sounds like he’s about to eat me alive, and by god, I want him to.
When his lips finally make contact with my wet folds, I start to shiver, already losing control of my body. Zeke seems as impatient as I am, wasting no time to lap up my juices and suck my petals into his wet, warm mouth.
He greedily parts my thighs further so he can take in more of me. I can only throw my head back as my body writhes and shakes for him.
He told me to relax? There's no way I can do that, especially now that he has found my clit. All the muscles in my body are tensing, as if coiling in preparation for something to snap them into motion. I grab the bed sheets. My back arches, while my arousal keeps building up…
And then, nothing.
Literally, nothing.
There's no tongue on my pussy—no lips kissing me either. The strong hands parting my thighs are gone, too.
I straighten my spine and look down, only to find Zeke still kneeling between my thighs, holding a phone to his ear.
Is he…
Is he actually on the phone right now?
Did he really stop eating me out to pick up a phone call?
This has to be a joke, right?
“You really can't find them? Have you checked your purse?” Zeke asks into the phone.
Okay, he's really choosing to pick up a phone call, even while I’m naked and about to come. And from the mention of a purse, it’s likely he’s talking to another woman. This has to be a new low in my sexual history.
“Hold tight, I’m coming,” he says.
I glare at Zeke in the darkness. Did I really hear that right? Is he seriously about to leave me here, naked and alone? Jesus, I was about to say ‘I’m coming’ mere seconds ago
“Ali, I’ll be right back, okay?” Zeke whispers as he gets up from the bed, already putting on his clothes and making his way toward the door. He's not even waiting for a response from me, nor is he giving me any explanation.
“Yeah, okay.” I pull up the blanket over my naked body, cold and ashamed now, where it was hot and lustful before.
As Zeke walks out the door, a slice of warm light spills into the room from the hotel hallway. The door closes, and the room goes back to almost complete darkness.
Even with the plush carpeting muffling Zeke’s footsteps, I can hear him walking away at a brisk pace, going further and further away from me.
Is it another woman?
Is it an urgent business matter?
It can't be family—an orphan who grew up in the foster system, Zeke has always been a lone wolf. Even though he gets along well with everyone he meets, he doesn't let people get close.
But…
But does it matter who—or what—it is?
Even back then, all those years ago, when I wanted him to be mine, I knew Zeke wouldn't treat me like a priority. He always had a thousand more important things to do, and I was just an afterthought.
I should've known better than expect anything different from him. People don't change. And even if they do, it's rarely for the better.
Zeke
As I walk down the hotel hallway, I start to second guess myself. Is this really the right thing to do?
I’ve never fallen for anyone as hard as I fell for Ali. And now that she’s here as my wife, I can’t even treat her right, or make up for all the shit that she’s been through. It’s not fair to her.
She makes me remember a younger version of me, one that hasn’t been tainted by the bleakness of reality.
She reminds me of better times….
No, wait. Scratch that.
Just by her being by my side, she’s making the present better. I would've preferred to get to know her again under more normal circumstances, but I can't complain too much. I’m lucky she's even here at all.
When my fucked-up brain came up with this insane plan, I thought I’d have to marry some crazy, unstable girl, who would ultimately screw me over in the worst, most fantastic way possible. There's zero chance that the kind of girl who’d marry me and have my baby for money would be the kind of person who makes good life decisions.
But all this deception is ultimate
ly going to be a good thing. I feel bad for Ali, but there’s no other way. And I have a whole year to make up for it.
I swallow down a lump that has formed in my throat. There’s no use getting all emotional now. I need to be the strong one here.
“Jo!” I exclaim as I knock urgently on the door of her hotel room.
I’ve deliberately placed her on the same floor as me for exactly this reason. There might be an emergency, just like this one.
“Yeah,” says a weak female voice from inside. She sounds okay—for now. I knew it was a risk to get her out here, but it had to be done, if I wanted to make her think this is a real wedding.
That said, there’s nothing fake about the raging hard-on in my pants. Or those little moans that Ali made. Or the way her body quivered underneath me.
I remember getting to know her tight little virgin body for the first time, and getting pleasantly surprised about how easily she came.
She’s still just as sensitive, just as responsive. And her body has only become sexier with time. She has lost what little baby fat she had, and both her tits and ass have filled out.
The number of times I lay awake at night, conjuring up the delicious little shivers and sounds that she’d made in bed…
And to think I had to end it like that. That’s a shame, but we can pick up where we left off on another day.
Joanne, though—she can’t wait.
The door finally swings open, and a tired, haggard woman appears. She looks like she’s in her forties, but Joanne is actually thirty—only two years older than I am.
Still, considering what she has been going through, it’s only natural that her body hasn’t aged well. That frail body has been assaulted by both her illness and the treatments for that illness.
“Are you okay?” I ask, concerned she’s pushing herself too far to attend “my wedding.”
“Yeah, Zeke. I’m fine. You worry too much.” Joanne smiles weakly, which doesn’t convince me that she’s “fine” at all.
“Do you have the prescription? The pill bottle? Whatever I need to get the medication?” I ask.
“Yeah. It’s right here.” Joanne raises up her bony fingers that are holding a folded piece of paper. “I’m sorry, Zeke. I should’ve remembered to bring everything. I’m being such a bother right now.”
“No, what are you saying?” I frown as I take the prescription. I hate when Joanne acts like she’s just an inconvenience to me, when in reality I’d do anything for the only family member I have. Especially now, when she doesn’t have much time left.
“Come on, Zeke, even you must be able to see how much of a pain I’m being, right?”
“You're talking crazy. I’m not bothered at all.”
“It's your wedding night. You should be with your new wife,” Joanne insists.
“Well, I’ve never been one to follow the rules,” I say, grinning at her.
Just as I expected, Joanne’s expression softens, breaking into a smile. She almost looks as beautiful as she used to be when she smiles like that.
“That's true,” she admits. “But I hate to think about Ali, all alone in bed on her wedding night. I'm sure she has some sexy things planned that you're missing out on.”
“We’ve just literally promised to spend the rest of our lives together. We have plenty of time to catch up.” As soon as the words come out of my mouth, I regret them. Worse, I let that regret show on my face. I can tell by the sadness that descends over Joanne’s pale face.
“We have plenty of time too, Zeke,” she says, forcing a smile. “You know, you don't have to do this yourself. You can get your driver to make the trip instead.”
“Really, Jo, it's okay. I want to do this for you,” I say.
“Thanks, Zeke. You're the best,” she says.
“I know.” I grin, masking the heaviness in my chest.
Ali
I put the clothes I slept in last night into my luggage and zip it up.
I’m glad we’re checking out today. I don’t want to spend another night here, in this hotel room where I was foolish enough to get carried away in the moment.
I should’ve known that Zeke is still the same guy. He still has a thousand other things going on in his life, and every single one of them is still more important than me.
Why did I think anything was going to change? Because he’s marrying me? I snort wryly as I look at the wedding band curled around my finger. It’s not even a real marriage, so I don’t know why I started to think of us as a couple again.
Last night, when Zeke finally came back into our hotel room, I pretended I was already asleep. From the sounds of his footsteps, it seemed like he just came in, took off his jeans and shirt, and climbed back into bed, wearing only his boxers.
I was relieved that he was going to leave me alone for the night. I needed time to collect myself. I felt so stupid and embarrassed I couldn’t go to sleep.
I stare out through the big glass sliding doors that lead onto the balcony. Outside, the sun is shining so bright I have to squint when I look directly at the sea. The blue waves with the white peaks seem blinding as they reflect the light from the sun.
It’s so serene and beautiful out there. But inside, a storm is brewing inside me.
Have I done the right thing? Is this really the best use of my time?
I could’ve gone back to college.
Of course I don’t have enough money to pay for my education, but maybe there’s a scholarship I could get.
But who am I kidding? I may have been a brilliant student when I got into the most competitive law school in the country. But things are different now, and not just when it comes to money.
It has been so long since the last time I sat in a class that I have no idea if I could do it all again, if I could go back to that life, after everything I’ve been through.
But even if I want to go back to school, it’s still probably a good idea to have two million dollars in the bank. I’d be able to focus on my studies and finish sooner if I have enough money. Otherwise, I’d have to wait tables or flip burgers, and I know I can’t do that.
It takes everything I’ve got just to start living like a normal person. Working toward a degree would be enough of a challenge. And holding down a job on top of all that? I’d be a mess.
Or am I just making excuses?
Maybe I want this. Maybe I’m pathetic enough that I’d do anything to be near Zeke.
God knows the flimsy reason he gave me about needing a wife to close a big business deal sounds too crazy to be true. He’s been doing fine on his own thus far; why would he need me?
Suddenly, the door opens.
I twist around as I remain by the glass doors, to see the man himself walking into the room. His Italian leather shoes sink into the plush carpet with each step.
“Ready to go?” Zeke asks in that voice that has always robbed me of my resolve and reasoning skills. He’s wearing jeans today, along with a plain white T-shirt that shows just a hint of the ropes of muscles in his shoulders and arms.
“Where were you?” I ask, before I can stop myself. I turn back to look at the ocean, afraid Zeke is going to see my face and know exactly what’s on my mind.
Zeke was already gone when I opened my eyes this morning. As soon as I remembered where I was, I began to search the hotel room for Zeke. But there was no sound from the en-suite bathroom, and he wasn’t on the balcony either.
I thought now that we’re married—on paper, at least—I’d have him by my side. But I see now this is not the case.
“Having breakfast,” he says, wearing an easy smile as he steps closer.
“And you didn’t ask me?”
“You were asleep.” He sounds really near.
I remain quiet as I gaze at the ocean, although my heart beats more loudly than a drum. I hate that he still has this effect on me, even when I know he’s not good for me.
Zeke stands right behind me, his breathing steady and regular, his body warm and just
out of reach.
Then he puts his arms around me and pulls me close until I’m leaning against his hard chest. But it still feels like he’s out of my reach.
“We should go,” he says.
“Where?”
“Home.”
Ali
It turns out Zeke has a pretty nice apartment downtown. And by “pretty nice,” I mean by the standards of wealthy people. Even my parents would’ve approved.
It’s a two-story penthouse apartment, with this huge, black-framed window as the centerpiece. It spans the height of both floors and runs along an entire wall. Sunlight floods the whole space.
The floors are white marble with light grey streaks, and thick, exposed wood beams make even the ceilings look stunning. The designer has chosen to go with muted colors like white, black, beige, and brown, to let the architectural details shine.
On the second floor, there’s a covered balcony with glass walls on all sides and even a glass ceiling. I’m looking closely at the walls, trying to figure out how strong they are, when Zeke joins me.
“Where’s my luggage?” I ask, suddenly realizing that his hands are empty.
“In our bedroom,” he says casually.
“‘Our’?” I ask, raising one eyebrow.
“Yeah. Where the marital bed is, wifey,” he says with a grin.
I was quiet the whole ride home, afraid to let my guard down. I ignored Zeke’s attempts at starting a conversation, pretending to be busy on my phone. After a few minutes, he decided to leave me alone and focus on driving his black Porsche back to San Francisco.
And after having all that time to think, I’ve made up my mind.
I’m going to keep this relationship strictly business.
The deal is for me to marry him and produce a baby, right?
Fine. I’ll do that. I’ve done half of that, actually.
And now it’s the tricky part. We’re going to have a baby, which means we’ll need to have sex. But that doesn’t mean that we’ll have to be intimate.