by Roh Morgon
I try to rein it in before it completely takes over, and thankfully begin to have some success. As calm slowly descends, I take a shuddering breath in gratitude. Peaceful tranquility continues to warmly work through me, and suddenly I recognize it.
Nicolas. He is here, or at least very near.
The bloodtears begin to flow again, partially in relief, and partially in resignation.
Damn you, Nicolas. I’m sorry I ever met you. And I can’t imagine living without you.
I get up and start traveling back in the direction of the house.
The Ferrari is parked at an angle behind the Audi and the BMW. Making sure I can’t leave.
I take a deep breath and walk into the house.
Nicolas is sitting in the living room, and his eyebrows raise as he takes in my appearance. I clench my jaw and storm into the bathroom, then slam and lock the door, hoping he gets the hint.
I look in the mirror and a sick laugh escapes my bloody lips. I truly look like something out of a horror movie. My face is smeared with blood and darker trails run down from my eyes. My hair and clothes are covered and sticky with it, and my hands and arms look like I’m wearing red evening gloves.
Awesome. Hope you liked it, Nicolas.
I realize the calmness he shared with me has faded, along with everything else he was feeling. Interesting. Apparently he can shut off the flow. I wonder if I can.
Shedding my ruined clothes, I step into the hot shower. The water runs pink as it courses over me. I start at the top, washing my hair first, then rinse it and grab the body scrubber and some soap and get to work.
While washing, I look for that place inside me I use when hunting, the one of absolute stillness and focus. I let the hunter loose a little, and she helps me find it. I zero in, then practice holding on to it.
A few moments later, Nicolas knocks on the door.
“Sunny, are you all right?” His voice holds a note of concern, but I don’t feel it. I don’t feel anything.
“Yes. I’m perfectly fine.” I try to hold the stillness, but it slips as I lose concentration. And now I can feel his concern, along with bewilderment.
Interesting.
He stands quietly on the other side of the door. After a moment, I hear him walk away and return to the living room.
I think I’ll be practicing that a lot from now on.
Finishing my shower, I get out and towel off. I quickly comb through my wet hair, then open the door and walk to the closet.
His heat runs through me, and I glance back to see him standing at the door, watching. My blood starts to respond, and I tighten my jaw and return to picking out my clothes.
He cranks the heat up. I shudder as the sweet flames of desire race along my veins.
“Nicolas, please stop. I’m really not in the mood right now.” I keep myself from turning around, because if I look at him again, I’ll be finished.
His breath is suddenly on the back of my neck, and he starts kissing and nipping the side of my throat. I close my eyes as my body surrenders, and he wraps his arms around me and pulls me close.
His warmth wraps around me and through me; and against the last little bit of will that I possess, my body responds with a warmth of its own.
We stand there, bathed in our feelings for each other, and I wonder why I ever considered any other future.
With a last nip at my neck, he pulls back and says, “Get dressed. We need to go.”
I nod and quickly put on a pair of black slacks and a red sweater, slip on my boots, and grab my leather jacket. Ducking into the bathroom on the way out, I pick up the pile of bloody clothes and head into the living room.
Nicolas is spreading the logs out in the fireplace, but steps back as I walk up and toss the clothes in. I close the screen as they catch fire and watch for a few moments while they burn. When the flames begin to die down, I look at Nicolas. He nods, and with a glance at the door, indicates it’s time to go.
I walk to the back door, open it, and wait while he passes through. As I close and lock it, I wonder how long it’ll be before I return. A while, I think.
Turning, I look up the slope, and a sadness comes over me at the changes in my life. I’ll miss my mountain, and the life of the hunter I’ve lived for so long. I wonder if I’ll ever get to experience it again.
Nicolas moves to my side and his sympathy washes over me. He gathers me in his arms and holds me, and his warm love traces its way through my veins. As it does, mine answers, and I realize a Choice has finally been made.
I’m just not sure I was the one who made it.
CHAPTER 50
We drop the Audi off at the estate and head out again in the Ferrari. I’m surprised when we pull into the parking lot of the club.
“Nicolas, how did you reopen the club so quickly? I thought it would take another day or two.”
“It is not open. I made special arrangements,” he answers, his tone neutral.
“Oh.” The hunger reawakens and begins to burn once again.
I wait impatiently as he gets out and comes around to open my door. With a resigned sigh, I step out and we go into the club, passing straight through Nicolas’s office and into the lounge. Nicolas stops at the bar, hands me two glasses, and grabs a couple bottles of bloodwine. Together we walk back to one of the private rooms.
Setting the bottles on the bedside table, he opens one and fills both glasses. He hands me mine, and quickly downs the other. I feel his relief when the bloodwine hits his system and realize that some of my edginess has been his as well.
I follow his example and close my eyes as the sweet nectar traces its way throughout my body, then give him a weak smile along with my empty glass. He refills it, then does the same to his own.
“Drink up. You need to mute your hunger before you feed, or you risk killing your donor. I know how powerful your need has been this evening, and I do not think I will be able to help you control it, as it is affecting me as well.”
Oh.
I don’t argue. We keep drinking until both bottles are gone, and I’m sitting in the happy glow of the spiced blood.
“I will be right back. You will stay here?” His question is really more like a demand, but I nod my head in agreement anyway.
I wait, enjoying the warm buzz of the bloodwine. The door opens, and Charlene and another girl walk in, followed by Nicolas carrying a small bottle of liqueur and two burgundy glasses.
My hunger, which I thought was safely drugged, slams awake at Charlene’s scent. I hold my breath, wrestling to maintain control, and glance at Nicolas, his jaw clenched as he deals with my beast as well.
Charlene’s eyes grow wide, but the other girl seems oblivious. Nicolas ushers them over to the couch and has them sit down. He opens the small bottle, fills the glasses, and hands them to the girls.
He walks over to me and takes me in his arms. His calmness seeps into my blood and I welcome it.
“You can do this,” he whispers in my ear. “Do not doubt yourself.”
He pulls back, holding me by the shoulders, and looks at me. I stare into his dark green eyes and nod. With a kiss to my forehead, he takes my hand and leads me to the couch where the girls are sitting.
“This is Annie. She is fairly new here. I trust you will be gentle with her. Yes?” He looks at me expectantly.
Nodding, I watch the slender blonde as she finishes her drink. She smiles dully, still apparently unaware of the beast raging behind my eyes.
I glance over at Charlene, and so does the beast, and from the look of fear on her face, I can tell she sees it. I suddenly feel ashamed, and strengthen my resolve not to harm this girl.
When I sit down next to the girl, she seems unsure of what to do. I frown and look at Nicolas, but he just raises his eyebrows and nods for me to proceed.
“Annie. Your sleeve,” Charlene says. She rolls her eyes, as though she’s a pro at this. Which I guess she is—at least compared to Annie. And me.
“Oh. Yeah.” Annie
pushes up her sweater. Her arm has scars running along the vein, but only one set of fang marks.
Junkie. I look up at Nicolas, frowning, and glance at Charlene. She shrugs.
Wow. This is a new low. But I’m unable to dwell on this as the girl raises her arm expectantly. The beast growls and the hunger demands I address it now.
I carefully press my nail into her vein and she sharply inhales. I quickly pierce it again, and then raise her arm to my lips. I gently take hold, keeping the beast tightly leashed, and draw in the first mouthful.
She gasps in pleasure, and I nearly do as well. Her blood coats and soothes the fire in my mouth and throat, and as I swallow, the ecstasy begins to move through my system. I pull again, and again, and again. She groans, and I answer it as the rapture builds. I start to lose myself, then fighting to stay aware, pause to regain control.
“Don’t stop,” she mumbles, and the beast strains against its bonds. I wait a moment longer, then slowly begin again.
I watch her face, and as it starts to go slack, reluctantly withdraw. The beast growls, but doesn’t insist. I glance up at Nicolas, and he nods. I gently release her arm and ease her against the back of the couch.
“Is she okay?” I ask in a whisper, brushing her hair back from her face.
“Yes, you did well. That was a good time to stop.” Nicolas is sitting on the other side of Charlene, and they are both watching me.
I realize that he didn’t feed, and look at him in question. Charlene glances at him and he nods. She gets up and sits on the other side of me.
The beast leaps up in glee, anxious for this blood it has savored before. I clench my jaw and look at Nicolas.
“You need this, Sunny. We both know it. I have other resources and can wait. You should not.” His voice is quiet but insistent.
I look at Charlene and she nods. The hunger begins to rage again, in spite of the limp, barely breathing body next to me.
“It’s okay. I’m not worried. You won’t hurt me,” she says, her brown eyes childlike and full of trust.
Is this what you look for, Nicolas; this innocence, this giving over of the self?
Because right now, I am revolted by it, and by the deception used to gain it. This is . . . despicable.
I shift my gaze away from her and stare across the room. I don’t want this.
And then Charlene turns her back to me, pulls her hair to one side, and tips her head, exposing her naked throat.
Over the roaring in my head I barely hear Nicolas shout, “Charlene, no!”
The beast leaps up at the same time I do, only I lunge in the opposite direction that it wants to.
I stand facing the corner on the other side of the room, my arms wrapped tightly around myself, and try to blot out Charlene’s words.
“But Nicolas, it’ll be okay. She’s already had some, and she was nice about it. I’ve heard it really is the most awesome way to do it. Please?”
“Charlene, she is not ready. And you do not know of what you speak.” His voice is strained. I feel his anxiety, and none of his calming influence, as he battles my beast inside him.
“But I want to do this. Please?”
“Charlene,” I growl. “I have already ripped out two throats tonight, though they were not human. This way is not something I’m capable of with you. I’m telling you that I would not be able to stop, and you would end up like those bodies I left in the forest.”
Only . . . you would be drained down to the last drop.
The room is silent, except for the sound of her breathing and the irresistible thump of her heart. Its rhythm increases as my words seem to finally register.
“Nicolas, she needs to leave. Now. Please.” My voice is still hoarse as I fight to control the hunger and the beast that threatens to take control of my body.
She offers no further argument. I listen as Nicolas scoops up Annie’s semi-conscious form, and he and Charlene leave the room.
I slowly collapse in the corner, shaking with my sobs. Nicolas comes back in, and then he is wrapped around me, whispering reassurances.
“I can’t do . . . this, and I can’t hunt anymore. What the hell am I going to do?”
“Sshhh. This will work out. It is always difficult in the beginning when one is learning how to maintain control.” His voice is quiet and soothing, and I feel his calming influence in my blood as well.
I focus on that feeling, and on his ensuing warmth. I hold tight onto that, and the beast finally succumbs in defeat.
“Nicolas, how many of your Chosen begin their lives with killing? I’ve been killing with little restraint since the beginning. That is what I do, how I hunt, and how I feed. I don’t think it’ll be possible to change.” The desperation in my voice is answered by his confidence as it flows through my system.
“It is possible to change, because I have done so. Only, my prey in the beginning was not animals, and the throats I ripped out were uncountable.” His remorse sounds old, tired.
But his words sink in and begin to smother my doubts, and finally I nod my acceptance. He stands, pulling me up with him, and turns me to face him. He frowns as he looks at me, takes a handkerchief from his pocket, and starts wiping my face.
The handkerchief is covered in blood when he stops and I grimace at it.
I remember being so disappointed when I had no tears. Now I wish they’d never started. Guess I’m going to have to learn to stop crying altogether.
Stepping around Nicolas, I go into the bathroom to wash up.
It’s been quite a while since Nicolas left, and I finally get out of the chair and start pacing for the third time. I really need to learn to pack some reading materials in my bag.
He opens the door, looks at me, and beckons, saying, “Come.”
And I do what I always do when he commands me like that.
I follow him out and down the hall to the next room. Nicolas ushers me inside and shuts the door behind us.
The room is dark and filled with the scent of a human male. The hunter perks up in anticipation of a chase, and I smack her down, but the beast is waiting as well, and it is not as easily controlled. Nicolas walks me to the chair in the middle of the room where the man is seated. Despite the lack of light, I can see that he’s average looking, older, and a little rough around the edges. The beast growls.
“Who’s there? Did you bring her? Can I see her? Is she beautiful?” His voice is thick with lust, and part of me feels disgusted.
But the other part couldn’t care less, and the hunter whines to be released, anxious to subdue this prey in the dark.
I glance at Nicolas, and he gestures for me to go ahead. I silently circle the man in the chair while he’s still peering forward, trying vainly to see in the inky blackness.
He’s wearing a flannel shirt with the sleeves cut off, and is well-built with large biceps. I feel myself start to heat up with a strange combination of hunger and desire.
I step up behind him and quietly crouch down. As I reach out and softly stroke his muscular arm, he gasps. I grab it with both hands and, rotating it toward me, sink my teeth into the inside of his upper arm, and I pull.
“Holy mother of God!” he cries out, half in pain, half in pleasure. I swallow, and feel the tangy nectar of his blood go down my throat and into my system. I draw again, and he moans.
“Yes . . . yes.”
I pull again, and again, and again, and the beast takes over. I shift my bite slightly and pierce his vein in new places, and then I’m gone, lost in the blood.
He slumps just as Nicolas touches my face, and with a shudder, I reluctantly let go.
There’s no movement from the slack figure as I slowly straighten. “He’s not dead, is he?” Alarm flickers along the edges of my blood haze.
I hope he isn’t, but I feel no remorse over how I treated him. He’s not some innocent kid looking for attention and thrills. This is an adult with baser needs, who came here to play adult games. He probably didn’t figure that he was the game
.
“No, just unconscious. There is some leeway between unconsciousness and death.”
“And the others? Annie, the couple from the other night? They are okay?”
“Yes. I ensure they do not die.”
Relief allows the soft, warm bloodcloud to embrace me once again. The beast is content, the hunger quenched.
Perhaps I just need to choose my new prey more carefully.
I turn to Nicolas and he’s just standing there, watching me. He looks . . . magnificent, and I’m thrilled that he’s chosen me to be his partner in this life. I reach up and pull his face to mine, and kiss him long and hard. He wraps his arms tightly around me and returns my kiss, and our mutual flames of love and desire ignite deep within my veins.
április 22., vasámap
This morning’s incident with Marie could have been a major setback had it turned out differently. But my Sunny’s will is strong, and she kept control and did not give in to the bloodlust. I am pleased to see how nicely she is coming along and enjoy watching her as she learns how to manage herself with the humans. I still feel her doubts, but I think today’s experience up on the mountain finally proved to her that she is truly a Chosen, and that it is time to embrace her rightful destiny.
This evening showed that she is progressing quickly—more quickly than I expected. Unfortunately I had to resort to using a human I knew she would bear no sympathy toward, but she responded perfectly, and without a trace of her normal regret.
It won’t be much longer until she can join me. She is almost ready.
TUESDAY
CHAPTER 51
We walk through the black curtains into the front portion of the club, nodding to the new bouncer as we pass by. The loud music pounds in the rhythm of a heartbeat, and excitement pulses through my veins in perfect time with it.
At the end of the bar, we stop while Nicolas speaks to the bartender. I scan the dance floor and notice the tall blond Chosen I’d seen with Skeeter. He stares at me intently, then curls his lip and smiles. He’s dancing with a pretty young brunette and, watching me, he pulls her to him and nuzzles her neck. His eyes redden, and he smiles at me again as he caresses the body of the human, who is now suggestively rubbing against him as she dances.