Memories Are An Old Man's Toys

by Elayne Tulliani

  His mind was racing with such intensity that he decided to make a bullet list of the many things that angered or frustrated him, to help focus his thoughts.

  •Parents who focus more on their social media and phones than they do on their children

  •People who videotape crimes or emergency situations rather than intervene or seek help

  •When people hide behind keyboards to bully and humiliate people or join into a mob mentality to attack others

  •When people interact more with their phones than they do the people who are standing right beside them

  •The fact that children seldom played outside anymore or barely used their imaginations, everything

  is pre-programmed in some digital format

  Billy quickly began to realize that there were many things that frustrated him and he wouldn’t be able to address them all, but he was extremely confident that he could put a dent in what he perceived as our ultimate demise.

  Billy sat for hours opening up old wounds and dissecting the emotions that oozed out because he wanted to be crystal clear as to what his true agenda was. He wrote notes and then scribbled them out and wrote new ones. He picked apart every thought he had ever had and tried his best to put a name to every emotion. With brutal honesty, he peeled back layer after layer of hurt feelings and self-loathing.

  What he was left with was the truth. He wanted to leave this world a better place than he found it. Now generally when people think like that, they are thinking of what they can leave behind as a legacy. Billy thought he could have a much greater impact if he were to simply take something with him. Having been one of the key players involved in designing the most sophisticated software on the market, Billy did in fact, have the knowledge and ability to set technology back thirty years.

  He was extremely confident that it would take some of the sharpest minds no less than four years to undo the

  gift he was about to unleash. The outage would only last two years, so he was certain that no one would be able to sideline his project. He was positive and even hopeful that the other key players in this software development would eventually figure out that it was him behind this software sabotage that he was orchestrating. However, knowing it was him would be of no use to them. They would all be working to detect viruses and security breaches, and neither of these would be the cause.

  His project had two key elements. He had designed what amounted to a delete button that would wipe clean and block access to every platform that utilized social media. His handiwork would also prevent big companies from utilizing our online searches to target us for marketing purposes.

  He had also found a loophole that allowed him to shut down the automated systems within all of the major utility companies, banks, credit card companies and other such corporations. This would prevent customer calls from being answered by annoying computer-generated recordings. Companies would have to provide live customer service. This would also serve double duty by creating more jobs. The people that he worked with over the years were some of the most brilliant technical minds of our times, so he was almost excited for them to figure out that it was him behind this impending crash. Some of these people admired him, some respected him, and the smart ones feared him. The fear wasn’t due to a street fighter reputation although he had been known to throw it down when necessary; it was because only a handful of people knew what he was capable of on a large scale

  When he first entered college, he began carefully selecting which classes to take based on which ones would offer him the knowledge he needed to write programs, design software and also become gifted in repairing programs. He knew those were the basic skills he would need. In his own time, he began studying how to hack computers, create viruses and infiltrate large corporations. If you remember, Billy spent a lot of his free time while living in New York, sitting in on business court cases. There was a method to his madness even then. He was able to obtain a great deal of information as to how companies viewed their clients and where their weaknesses lay.

  He was extremely cautious not to tamper with any software or companies that would have a direct effect on

  people’s safety such as hospitals, first responders, and medical research, nor did he interfere in any manner with people’s educations or personal finances. His agenda was not to destroy private citizens; it was to throw a monkey wrench into how lazy and entitled we had all become and how impersonal companies and agencies were when conducting business.

  We would still be able to conduct our banking, but we would have to go in person and speak with an employee. We’d still be able to contact all of the utilities, credit card companies, and mortgage lenders but our calls would no longer be met by automated recordings, live human beings would have to answer our calls.

  Basically, we would be thrust back to a time when people conducted business, not machines. Furthermore, people would no longer be capable of burying their heads in little devices to avoid interaction with one another. Although they would still have access to the internet and text messaging, he didn’t view those as the biggest culprits. He felt that in addition to social media being a serious distraction its tentacles reached much further. He watched how people used it as a tool to be cruel to one another. The recent political races on both local and federal levels were being played out on every social media platform. These accounts were being used as a tool to badger and assault people who held different views. The inmates were running the asylum. Although Billy deeply respected the fact that more people were demanding accountability and transparency, he loathed the fact that people were assuming the persona of armchair experts. Billy was well aware of the positive things the internet offered, but he was seriously concerned that there was a much darker side. Your ‘average Joe’ didn’t bother to educate themselves about the potential risks. They simply drank the Kool-Aid.

  Despite having shared a fair amount of personal information with Sherry, this was one area he chose to keep private. He had never confided in anyone, including his mother, that he was a private contractor for the government in software design. While it seemed that his secrecy was due to confidentiality the truth was he simply didn’t trust the government. Billy wasn’t a conspiracy theorist by any means, but he also wasn’t a stupid man. He had seen enough to know that there was a very strange correlation between people who had crossed the government and those who were suddenly found to be victims of single car accidents or sudden heart failure. He would not take that

  chance with the lives of the people he loved.

  There was also the threat of those who would simply love to get their greedy little hands on his software. Particularly nowadays with everyone from politicians and large corporations all the way down to criminals who had mastered hacking into people’s accounts for their own benefit, he needed to guard his software as a mother guards a child.

  He was a little uncomfortable knowing that in order to avoid provoking questions from Sherry in the future he would need to create the illusion of maintaining a small home-based business. If he told her he was retired, then she may very well question why he continued to lock himself away in the spare bedroom. Therefore he would have to lead her to believe that he had chosen to retain a small handful of clients that he serviced out of loyalty. He did feel a twinge of guilt, but he knew it was for the best that she not be involved. His new mindset brought with it a clarity that he could use his project to address a larger scale problem while still tending to a personal pet peeve.

  14

  ILLUSION OF FOREVER

  He logged off of his work system and into his personal computer. Billy’s eyes scanned the list of folders looking for the one that contained the documents he needed to update. It had been so long since he was in this system it took him a few minutes to locate the file. The folder was marked with the title “Estate Documents,” and it contained only a few files. There was a healthcare proxy, an end of life directive, a power of attorney and a Last Will and Testament.

 
He opened the Power of Attorney file first; he figured this would ultimately be the most important. Up to this point in his life, these files were left with no directive as to who would handle his affairs if he were unable to do so himself. This was no longer the case; he was certain he wanted it to be Sherry. Although he had considered her many times throughout the years he had never put his consideration down on paper; it was time to do that now. He granted Sherry full power of attorney over his estate effective at either his passing or his inability to handle his affairs, whichever event happened first.

  He saved the document, printed a copy and placed it in a folder on the desk. Next, he was onto the Health Care Proxy and End of Life Directive, printing copies and placing them in the folder with the power of attorney. Sherry was the only one that he felt he could trust to make end of life decisions for him without a hidden agenda of her own. Those were the easy files; now he needed to address his Last Will and Testament. He knew that Sherry would be the executor of his estate so that part was easy. However, he needed to do a little homework to complete his Last Will and Testament.

  There were only a handful of people that he intended on including in the will but he needed to get a little more information on them first. In the areas where he needed to include their details he simply left a blank line for their contact information and then entered the details of what they were to inherit from him. After that part of the document was complete he left the remainder of his estate to Sherry. “Okay,” he thought, “That’s enough for today. I’ll work on the details after Sherry’s vacation is over, now I need to hit the market.” He saved his files and logged off of the computer.

  He took a moment to tidy up his desk and then with a flip of the light switch he entered into host mode and began preparing for Sherry’s pending visit. After quickly straightening up the house, he scanned each room looking for anything he could do to make her stay more comfortable. He moved the remote control in the living-room next to the end of the couch where she sat. Then he placed the remote control in the bedroom on her side of the bed. Billy folded a washcloth neatly on the vanity for her to keep her toothbrush and whatever toiletries she brought with her. With that, he nodded his head and whispered, “Well this is as good as the old place is going to get.”

  Grabbing his house keys and wallet, he rushed out the door to make it to the market and back before she arrived. All the way down the stairs he wished he had been able to sneak in a little nap, he was exceptionally tired today. Regardless of his fatigue, he was determined not to let it interfere with their week. He knew she had promised her sister that one day during her vacation she would come to visit and he figured that would be the day he would try to catch up on some shut-eye.

  He rushed through the market like a man on a mission paying careful attention to pick the ripest fruit, the freshest veggies and the leanest meats. He was going to treat her so well this week with the hopes that it would ease some of the misery inflicted by other men she had encountered. He had always heard and believed that it only took one good man or woman to erase the memories of all the bad and he intended to put that theory to the test this week.

  When Billy arrived back home and was just beginning to carry the bundles from the market up the stairs, he saw Sherry pull up a few houses down.

  She yelled out to him, “Wait a minute Billy, and I’ll help carry the bags.”

  He was hoping he would manage to get them all up-stairs before she arrived so she wouldn’t see him struggle on the stairs.

  When she reached the porch, she said, “Billy why are

  you trying to carry these all at once? Here let me help.”

  He handed her the lightest bags and said, “I know it’s a lazy man's load trying to do this all in one trip. I’m just dying for a cup of coffee and figured I could get it brewing faster if I only had to make one trip.”

  He had no intention of doing this in one trip but it gave him a good reason to ask her to go ahead of him and put the coffee on, and he would handle the rest. As soon as she disappeared around the corner of the staircase, he set a few of the bags down. While she was making the coffee, he made a couple of quick trips up and down the stairs without her even noticing. The words “crisis averted” crossed his worried mind.

  Upstairs they both danced effortlessly around each other while putting away the groceries. He had been planning a menu in the back of his mind the whole time he was shopping. Already knowing all of Sherry’s favorites he began to arrange items on the counter in preparation to cook. Sherry looked at everything he was laying out, and she raised her eyebrows and placed her hands on top of one another over her heart. “Oh Billy, you didn’t have to go through all of this, this is so thoughtful of you.”

  His acknowledgment was a simple smile before saying,

  “You’re worth every second of it.”

  “How about a little music while we cook,” she suggested while reaching over simultaneously and clicking on the radio. The very first note of Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven began to play. With that first note, Billy put down the kitchen utensils and turned to Sherry. He placed his hands on her hips, and they began to weave to the music. Sherry offered no resistance; she settled into his arms and moved in unison with him. They stood there swaying for the entire song; both lost in their thoughts. Sherry was thinking how she had never felt safer with any other man and that she hoped this feeling would last forever.

  Billy was feeling torn, his love for her was undeniable, but he knew that ultimately he was going to hurt her. He tried to justify this by thinking; “She would have been hurt either way if she lost me, at least now I know she’ll be taken care of for the rest of her life.” He knew his hidden illness was catching up with him and he also knew it wouldn’t be long before he could no longer hide it from her. He was going to make sure that no matter how long he had, he would spend every minute making this woman as happy as he possibly could. As the song was coming to an end, they both allowed the haunting notes to linger in

  their minds a moment longer.

  When Sherry began to step back, her hand slid down Billy’s forearm, and she noticed that the wound on his arm suddenly looked new again.

  “Billy, what is this? It looked healed just recently, and now it looks like a new wound. “Hush beautiful, there is plenty of time to explain that, let’s just enjoy a great evening.”

  Oddly enough she accepted that, because at least this time he didn’t dismiss her concern, he said they would discuss it later. She knew he was letting her further and further into his life and that was the only answer she needed at the moment.

  The remainder of the dinner prep continued as if they had been cooking together for years. They prepared an amazing meal consisting of glazed carrots, garlic mashed potatoes, a glorious salad and a marinated roast that simply dissolved in their mouths. When dinner was finished Sherry leaned back in her chair and said, “Wow if I’d known you knew your way around a kitchen like this I would have barged into your life years ago.”

  Billy laughed and modestly said, “I’m just a plethora of surprises.”

  “Yes you are Billy, yes you are,” she replied.

  With that, he scooted his chair out from the table and said, “What meal would be complete without coffee and dessert?” He reached into the cabinet in the pantry and took down a small but beautifully decorated chocolate cake with tiny white roses surrounding the rim.

  “Oh, my weakness” she confessed.

  “Mine too,” he chuckled.

  Sherry poured two cups of coffee while Billy carefully cut two generous size slices of the cake. They began to eat, and they were several minutes into it before Billy busted out laughing and said, “Well you chattered all through dinner but haven’t said a word while eating the cake. I guess I know what I need to keep on hand should you ever get angry with me.” Sherry made a funny face and continued eating; she even dabbed her fork on the plate to be certain she didn’t miss a crumb.

  They quickly cleaned up the kitchen and
brought the rest of their coffee into the living room to catch the evening news. Sherry excused herself and went into the bathroom, and when she returned she was in a pair of comfy sweats and a little tank top, her hair was pulled up in a messy bun, and she was barefoot. Billy just stared at her;

  she looked so natural and beautiful to him.

  He didn’t get a chance to say a word before she asked, “Did you lay the towel out for me in the bathroom? That was so sweet.”

  “Yes, I just wanted you to be comfortable while you’re here” he replied, “You can just call me Sweet old Bill.”

  Billy suddenly had an epiphany. Years ago his mom would call his dad an S.O.B., and when Billy asked what that meant his dad would laugh and say it meant Sweet Old Bill. Now saying it out loud, he realized that his mom was calling his dad a son of a bitch all those years ago and that realization made him laugh.

  Sherry giggled and said, “Make me any more comfortable, and I may never leave.”

  With a sinister look, he questioned, “How do you know that isn’t my master plan?”

  She just walked over to the couch and snuggled close

  to him and whispered, “Your plan’s working.”

  Billy drifted off to sleep with her wrapped in his arms, and she was so comfortable, both physically and emotionally, that she didn’t want to wake him, so she pulled the blanket that he had draped on the back of the

  couch over the both of them and drifted off to sleep too.

  They both would have probably slept until noon had they not been awoken by the recycle truck as it banged the barrels around outside the window. The moment they both woke up they just looked at each other and laughed. Billy apologized for falling asleep, and she insisted that no apology was necessary; it was the perfect end to a perfect night.

  Over the course of the next few days, Sherry noticed that even after what appeared to be a restful sleep Billy still seemed to be feeling run down.