He was painfully aware that it was getting more and more difficult to hide his ailing health from her. He didn’t want to talk about it at the beginning of her visit because he didn’t want to put a damper on their week. However, he also didn’t want to wait until the last evening and then have her go home with a million questions in her head.
He decided that perhaps it was best just to bite the bullet and tell her that evening what was going on with his health. He figured while he’s chewing on that proverbial bullet he might as well spill the beans on his estate papers as well. That would leave only the secret about his project that he would not reveal until he was certain that any chance of a miraculous recovery had been exhausted. The decision was made, and with that in mind, he was determined to spend the remainder of this day having the time of their lives.
He knew that Sherry had promised Lisa that they would spend at least one of her vacation days together. Billy walked into the kitchen and Sherry was standing at the sink rinsing out their morning dishes. He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist and gently kissed her on the neck. She didn’t turn around she just stood there with one hand on his hands, and the other hand reached up over her shoulder touching his face.
He whispered, “I have a great idea.”
“Oh really.” she questioned, “And is it the same idea you had the other night?”
They both started laughing, and through his laughter, he said, “No, although you have to admit that was a pretty great idea.”
“I thought since you wanted to spend some time with Lisa, why don’t we make a day of it with her and Jimmy and go to Salem Willows. That is unless you want time alone with her in which case I completely understand.”
She turned quickly to face him, “That’s a great idea,
are you sure you don’t mind doing that?”
“I wouldn’t have suggested it if I minded, so why don’t you give them a call and see if they are free today. If they are, we can whip up a quick picnic to take with us and enjoy it on the pier.”
Sherry’s energy level was beautifully childlike, “I’m so excited, I’ve never spent a day like that with Lisa and Jimmy and now having you there too, it will be a great time, I’ll call them now.”
While Sherry called Lisa, Billy went into the bedroom and got dressed and straightened up the bed.
Sherry came bouncing into the room all excited, “They’re free today and would love to join us, what time should I tell them to meet us?”
He said, “How about one o’clock, that will give us enough time to pack a lunch?”
Sherry finished making plans and then ended her call and went back into the bedroom. She hugged Billy reminiscent of a child who just got a puppy as a gift, “Thanks so much for this; I’ll get dressed and start making some sandwiches.”
Billy felt a sense of peace that his suggestion made her happy, but he almost felt like he was setting her up like a lamb for slaughter. He knew what awaited her at the end of the day and he also knew there was no way to avoid it. Riddled with guilt; perhaps he should have never pursued the relationship in the first place knowing already how it would end.
He tried hard to justify his decision by thinking, “Even if it ends, we both had a right to experience these feelings. Yes, begrudging us these months together would have been the real selfish act. We’ve both handled serious heartbreak and pain before, what we hadn’t experienced was true love and happiness, we deserved these months and if it isn’t meant to be more than that, then so be it.”
As good as this all sounded, it still brought him little comfort when he looked into her eyes and knew he was going to be the cause of one of her greatest heartaches. He knew he had stepped over that bridge a long time ago and if he was going to spare her the heartbreak, then he should have done it before he placed that first call asking her to visit. Knowing there was no way to go back and have a do over the very best he could do was to be there to hold her when he let her down. He prayed that would be enough.
Together they hurried around the kitchen packing sandwiches, snacks, and drinks. Sherry took out a nice size blanket and packed it in a basket along with some paper plates and utensils. They then packed all the food in a cooler and emptied some ice cube trays over the top, “That should keep things cool until we get there,” she said out loud although talking to herself.
Billy did a last quick sweep of the house to make sure everything was turned off and then asked, “Are we ready to get this circus on the road?”
Billy laughed when she responded with a stern, “If this is our circus that makes you our ringleader.”
With that, they headed out the door and loaded everything into the trunk of Sherry’s car. The entire ride there Sherry was excitedly chattering about how great this day was going to be and how happy she was that he made this suggestion. They arrived at Salem Willows and noticed that Lisa and Jimmy were already there, standing at the gazebo where they had agreed to meet.
Billy ushered Sherry along, “Go ahead and say hi, I’ll get the cooler from the car and be right behind you.” Ordinarily, Sherry would have insisted on helping, but she was so excited to have a “sister day” that she didn’t even question him and she just hurried over to hug Lisa. Jimmy was a little uncertain of how he should be acting; this was after all the first time in all these years that they had gotten together socially with any of Lisa’s family that didn’t include a holiday title. Sherry sensed this and tried to ease the tension by giving Jimmy a big hug too.
Billy was relieved that Sherry went ahead to greet them because it gave him a minute behind the trunk of the car to take a little of the ice from the cooler and rub it on his face. He was feeling a little feverish and needed a moment to compose himself before walking over to the group. He dried his face off, closed the trunk and put a big smile on his face as he joined the group.
Sherry took a moment for introductions, “Billy I know it’s been a long time, but I’m sure you remember my sister Lisa.”
“Of course I remember you, it’s been too many years, you were just a little peanut the last time I saw you.” They gave each other a genuine hug.
Lisa then introduced Jimmy to Billy.
The two shook hands and Billy said, “I am so glad you were able to join us today.”
Jimmy smiled, “It was great of you to include us, and we appreciate it.”
They were all understandably a little stiff and formal,
but it didn’t take long for the formalities to slip away. Before they knew it, they were laughing and talking like lifelong friends, and the awkwardness was soon a distant memory.
They had all grown up in the same general area so they already had a lot in common and they were throwing out “remember when’s” like they were tootsie rolls at the Macy’s day parade. Without inviting any emotional dragons to the picnic, they did at one point turn the conversation in a more serious direction. They talked about what real family was all about and how the lack of that could shape who you were as a person. Without drawing the comparison to his own life with Lisa, Jimmy did open up a little about his upbringing and shared that his mother suffered from serious depression and his dad eventually left and broke contact with the family.
This immediately stabbed deep into Sherry’s heart. It explained so much about Jimmy that she had never known. It explained why he was so committed to emotionally supporting Lisa and the girls through everything. He was determined not to watch his wife and daughters go through what his mother and siblings went through. It also explained how he managed to guard Lisa’s secret and ultimately her depression with such conviction, even at the expense of being alienated and scrutinized by everyone around him. Sherry’s respect for him grew immensely at that moment, and she had to choke back the tears.
Lisa and Sherry talked about what it was like coming from a home where the parents were absent. Although they lived in the home, they participated in no manner in actually raising the girls. They never touched on the abuse during
the conversation, but everyone knew about the white elephant in the room. Both Billy and Jimmy repeatedly commended them both for coming out of that situation with level heads and strong morals. You could feel the sincerity in the air as they spoke of how much they both respected each of the women. For the first time, you could almost feel the shame and guilt lifted off of Lisa and Sherry. It was a moment they would all cherish. Billy knew that this moment in time would be cemented in Sherry’s heart and mind. This one simple day would be one of the ones she called on in memory when she found herself missing him.
Not wanting to be odd-man out, Billy chose to share some of his childhood memories as well. “While I can relate to a lot of what you’re saying I do have to say that all of my torment occurred outside of the house. My parents were very attentive. My dad was a little different, he worked a lot, and he dealt with his demons born from his childhood. That was all compounded by his time in the military. However, there were times when we would go sledding, or he would take me down to the track that he always made me feel like the center of his world. My mom, well that was a different story, there was never a time I wasn’t the center of her world. He had to glance away for a moment to compose himself. She doted on my dad and loved him dearly, but I always knew that every decision that woman ever made, revolved around how it would affect me.”
He then turned his attention to Lisa and Jimmy, “Enough about me, tell me about your beautiful daughters. I feel like I already know them because Sherry talks about them all the time, she is so proud of them.”
Lisa loved talking about her girls; it was one of the few things other than marrying Jimmy that she felt she did right in her life. “Oh the girls are great; they’re all in college now, that’s one of the downsides of having them so close together in age. Catherine is our oldest; she’s a senior, majoring in business marketing and will graduate with honors. Her goal is to start her own advertising company, and we know she’ll excel. Cathy is so smart, and she’s always been so great at helping to look after her sisters. She has one of the kindest hearts I’ve ever known. She reminds me a lot of Sherry.
“Theresa is a sophomore, and she is studying to be an occupational therapist. She’s so creative and talented; I swear I can’t think of anything that girl wouldn’t tackle. She’s such a strong young woman, no matter what is going on you can count on Theresa to maintain her composure.”
“The baby, Eloise is now a freshman studying English Literature; she loves to write and hopes to be a published author someday.”
Sherry chimed in jokingly, “They got all of those traits from me.”
Lisa just looked at her and rolled her eyes. “Okay sis, I’ll give you Eloise, she got her gift of gab from you, I swear, that kid even talks in her sleep.” They all got a little laugh from that. “In all fairness though,” Lisa continued, “Eloise did get her love for the written word from you. She used to sit for hours and read all the poems and short stories you wrote when you were in college.”
Sherry shook her head and said, “I knew that her overactive imagination would serve her well one day.”
The group had talked for so long that they were starting to lose daylight. Despite struggling to stay focused Billy suggested that before they called it a day they should put the stuff in the car and take a walk out to the end of the pier to watch the sunset. Everyone was in total agreement.
For Sherry, Lisa and Jimmy this was a beautiful sunset which marked a new start in their lives. For Billy, this sunset held a deeper, sadder meaning. As he stood there on the pier, behind Sherry with his arms wrapped around her waist, he too was enjoying the magnificent sunset before him, but as the sun faded into the horizon, sadness grabbed hold of him as he wondered how many more he would get to enjoy. He may not have known how many more he would witness but he sure as hell was going to enjoy this one.
As the sun slipped further into the horizon, a cool breeze took over the pier. Billy and Jimmy both removed their jackets and placed them on the women’s shoulders. They all walked back down the pier exchanging thoughts about how lovely the day was and that they needed to do these sorts of things more often. They arrived back at the cars, and each of them hugged goodbye and made tentative plans agreeing not let so much time pass before getting together again. As Billy and Sherry pulled away, she waved over her shoulder trying to hold onto the feeling of the day a little longer.
Billy decided right then that his news would wait until tomorrow night, he couldn’t bring himself to be the cause of her falling off the high she was riding.
Billy did the best he could to hold up his end of the conversation on the ride home, but he was having a hard time focusing. The pain he was experiencing, undoubtedly from sitting on the cool, hard ground all day was reaching an intolerable level. He was thankful that the traffic was light that night as he was fairly certain he wouldn’t have been able to deal with sitting in any traffic jams. He laughed to himself that he was equally thankful that Sherry was so excited that she was doing most of the talking anyway.
Sherry went on and on about what a wonderful time she had and that she was so happy to have finally enjoyed a day with Jimmy. In the past, she had always done her best to avoid him at get-togethers. Now that she had an honest picture of who he was she was thrilled to get to know him better. Learning a little about his background painted a much clearer picture of him, and now she understood why he was as committed to Lisa and the girls as he was. It was already completely dark by the time they arrived back at the house. They gathered the picnic items from the trunk and slowly walked up the flights of stairs. As much as Billy didn’t want the night to end, he was somewhat relieved that Sherry was exhausted because he was struggling to stay up-right at this point. “The cooler and basket can wait until morning” he mumbled, “Here, come lay down with me.” They both stepped out of their clothes and just sank down on the bed and were deep into sleep within a few minutes.
15
BEAUTIFUL HEARTBREAK
Sherry woke up to the sound of the bells on the old church down the road. The church had closed its doors years ago, but the caretaker of the building still made it his mission to ring the bell every Sunday morning. It was soothing but almost ghost-like, knowing that the church was closed yet the haunting sound of the steeple bell still echoed through the neighborhood.
As she rolled over on the bed to face Billy, he began to stir. “How about I go make you a cup of coffee and a bite to eat, you can lay here and rest a little more until its ready,” she offered.
“That would be great honey if you’re sure it’s not too much bother.”
“No bother at all Billy, I’ll call you in a few minutes.”
Billy was glad to get the few extra minutes to rest; yesterday had been harder on him than he initially thought it would be. He stayed there a few minutes then decided it would be a good opportunity for him to take care of something before she came back into the room.
He got up and walked over to the bureau, his legs and his back were both very stiff and sore. He reached into the little sock drawer and removed a medicinal patch from a package. As he was placing it on the underside of his upper arm, Sherry walked into the room. She stood there for a minute un-noticed then quietly exited the room. She returned to the kitchen and in a moment yelled in, “Honey breakfast is ready.”
Billy came out of the room as though he had just rolled out of bed. Sherry did her best to pretend she hadn’t seen what she saw but despite her best poker face, Billy knew the time was here. “Doll, this all looks great, thanks so much for this.” Before Sherry had a chance to utter a single word Billy continued, “Listen, Hun, after breakfast would you mind if we just hung around the house today? I have some stuff I would like to talk to you about, but I would rather not have a time limit based on other plans if
that’s okay with you?”
She immediately responded, “I don’t mind at all Billy, I’ve been sensing that there was something on your mind, but I didn’t want to push you, I figured yo
u would talk when you were ready.”
“Thanks doll I appreciate that, in fact, I appreciate everything about you and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Let’s enjoy this delicious looking breakfast first then we can talk until the cows come home.”
The rest of the breakfast they engaged in idle talk about how good the food tasted and how much they had enjoyed the previous day. Sherry felt a sense of healing spending the day with all of them and oddly so did Billy. As much as it saddened him, it also cemented his thoughts that he could have spared Sherry the impending pain that was sure to follow. However, he knew in his heart that she would have memories to cherish for the rest of her life and she would be in a much more stable situation, in the long run, they all would.
Sherry got up from the table and walked over to Billy, she gently kissed the top of his head and said, “Let me tidy up, and you go relax in the living room, I’ll join you in a few minutes.”
Billy reached up and stroked her face gently with his eyes closed as if he was trying to preserve this moment for her before the words that rolled off of his lips may perhaps shatter her.
Sherry had her own motive for wanting to delay the pending conversation. She knew whatever he was going to say was serious enough for him to attempt to hide it from her. Billy was never known to be dramatic or over-reactive, so she was fairly confident that she would need a few moments to prepare herself for whatever was waiting for her on the other side of that wall.
With a final wipe of her hand across her face and one last deep breath, she walked into the living room with a little tray holding two small bowls of cut fruit and some napkins. The napkins were there because she had a gut feeling that she would need some tissue for this conversation. Throughout her lifetime she had developed a heightened ability to sense when something was getting ready to rock her world and this moment was registering as a nine point nine.
She sat down next to Billy and simply said, “Regardless of what you are about to tell me, I wouldn’t give up what we have shared for all the money in the world.”
Memories Are An Old Man's Toys Page 17