by Claire Adams
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Roman
"I don't fucking know why we're friends." Don shook his head, taking a swig of his beer. He was squinting into the setting sun from where we sat out on his porch.
"Because no one else can stand you," I shot back.
He lifted the cat that had jumped up into his lap and put it back on the ground. It just jumped up again. There were a lot of cats on Don's family property. Some of them their cats, some that had wandered onto the property and just not left since they started being fed. Before they figured that they should have gotten the lot of them neutered and spayed, one of them had managed to drop two litters of kittens. Once in a while, Don would have them in the house, but mostly they hung out outside. One really old, big one with just one eye had fallen asleep near my foot.
"I have plenty of friends," he said. "You think I wouldn't have been able to replace you if you left again?"
"Good thing you don't have to put out that lonely hearts ad now."
"Like I said, I don't know how the fuck we're friends."
"You should be a lot happier about the fact that I'm staying. Maybe I should fucking leave."
"I wouldn't let you stay because of me, and you shouldn't stay for the reason you're doing it, either."
"I don't expect you to get it," I said, taking a swig of my beer.
"You're right. I don't."
"One day, when you meet the right girl, you will." He snorted.
"The girl who's gonna make me give up my dream just to be with her? No thanks. Wherever she is, she can stay there."
"I'm hopeful for you," I said, laughing.
"I'm not. You just had to go find her again after last year," he said.
"It would have happened sooner or later."
"Yeah. Wish it was later. You're really doing this?"
"Tonight. I'm calling the coach and telling the offer is great and all, but I can't take it."
"What will you say when he asks why?"
"Why the hell would he ask me that?"
"To talk you out of it. Maybe you'll listen to him if not to me."
"It won't work," I said simply, having another drink.
"You're an idiot," he said.
"You told me that already."
"I swear. Don't tell anyone we know each other. I can't be seen with you," he said, smirking at me. I knew he was kidding. It didn't matter what he thought. He wasn't the one who this was going to affect.
"Good to know I have your support," I joked.
"Do what you have to do, man. I just don't want you to end up regretting this."
"It's her. I know it is. Right now, this is where I have to be. I can't imagine a future without her. If football's still meant to happen, then it will. I'm not giving her up. That's not an option." Don sighed.
"You know what? If that's how it's gonna be, then I can't wait for the wedding," he said.
What was Don like when he was in love? The last girl he had been with was back when we were in high school and after the two of them broke up, he wouldn't even look at her anymore. I figured he could, for the right person, change and actually make them happy, but I knew he wouldn't appreciate the psychoanalysis.
"Oh, you're not invited. So you can fuck your way through Ron's bridesmaids?" He laughed.
"You know that's the only reason why single people go to weddings," he said.
He offered me another beer but I passed. I wanted to get home. Ron was coming over and I was cooking dinner that night. He tried to give me a hard time about blowing him off, but I ignored him.
It wasn't a competition, Ron did things for me that he didn't and couldn't do...and stuff I didn't want him to do, if we were being honest. I thought about maybe setting up double date or something where the two of them could meet. I didn't talk about Don to Veronica as much as the other way around, but something like that could be fun.
I had left all the groceries that I needed to cook the meal in the car. I passed by the store to buy the last couple things, wine, and dairy that would have spoiled if I left it in the car while I was at Don's, and went home. I could cook, if by cook you meant make oatmeal, ramen, rice...basically things you just added water to in order to make them not raw anymore. I was just making pasta, but I was making the cheese sauce from scratch. I had bought a rotisserie chicken at the same time as getting the wine, which I'd just carve up later.
The goal was to make it edible, and I was mostly confident that was what it was going to be by the time she got here. I wanted to be able to tell her that I was making the decision to turn down the deal before I made the call. Maybe she could be in the room as I made it. I had kept it to myself since my mind was made up already. I didn't want to take the deal. Tonight, I'd tell her everything. Nothing was standing between us again.
I was just slipping the chicken into the oven to heat up when I heard her at the door. She had a key and was walking in.
"Ron," I said, coming up to her. She gave me a small smile and let me kiss her.
"Hi," she said, pushing some hair back behind her ear.
"How was your day?" I asked. Her purse was still up on her shoulder, and her arms were crossed.
"Okay," she said, shrugging.
"Dinner's almost ready. Do you want wine?" She shook her head.
"No wine. I drove here."
"It's one glass. Besides, it's not like you have to drive back tonight."
"I don't want any wine," she snapped.
"Okay. No wine. What can I get you?"
"Nothing, Roman. I'm sorry you've already gone to so much trouble tonight."
"Trouble? What? Did you want to go out?"
"Roman," she said, looking down and taking a deep breath. "I came to end things tonight. I don't want to see you anymore." I looked at her, waiting for her to keep going, or just say something else that meant what she had just said wasn't true.
"Ron… What? What are you talking about?"
"I want to break up. I don't want to be with you anymore. It's over."
"The fuck it is. Where the hell is this coming from, Ron?"
"I shouldn't have let you back in. I had a life when you left, and you came back and acted like I should have just stopped everything for you. I did, and I wish I hadn't. It wasn't fair to me after what you did, Roman. I don't want to be with you, and I never want to see you again."
"Ron, you can't-" I reached for her arm and she violently pulled away.
"Don't touch me. Don't talk to me. I should have done this in the first place, that day I came to see you at the picnic spot. Never contact me again, Roman. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to know. I just want my old life back." She turned and walked towards the door, stopping suddenly. She turned back and came up to me. She took my hand and placed my key in it. Then she left.
I ran to the door after her, only to watch her slam her car door and back out of the driveway. She was gone.
I closed the door and looked at the key she had put in my hand. I had given her the key because she had given me one of hers, to be able to get in her place just in case she was out. I still had it. I thought for a second that I needed to return it, but stopped myself. She didn't want me to contact her.
I didn't know what to do. I had heard her, but her words didn't make sense. They hadn't sunk in all the way yet. I walked into the kitchen and picked up my phone. I scrolled down to her number but she wasn't going to pick up, she was driving. Who the hell was I going to call? Don? Tiffany? My dad? My thumb hovered over the number till I shut my eyes and let it fall, holding it to my ear. I listened to the dial tone for a few seconds before he picked up.
"Hello?" His gruff voice issued over the line. I hoped that meant I wasn’t calling him too late.
"Coach Hayes? This is Roman Blake," I said.
"Roman, I've been expecting to hear from you."
"Sorry I kept you waiting."
"So, what do you say?"
"Yes. I'll do it. I want to do it."
"You sure you do
n't need more time, son?" he asked. He was ribbing me. "Nobody's ever made us wait on them the way you have. You better make sure you're worth the time we could have spent looking for another QB."
"Of course. I'm ready."
"Well, the soonest we can start processing everything is tomorrow morning. You don't change your mind, you'll be here in Miami within a month." I swallowed.
"I'm looking forward to it, sir."
"Welcome to the Hurricanes, Roman."
"Thanks," I said, through gritted teeth. We hung up, and I dropped my phone on the kitchen counter. I went to the kitchen and turned the stove off. The food was ready by now, but I wasn't hungry anymore.
I thought it would feel better taking the deal. I had just prepared myself to be losing it, not to be losing Ron, so it didn't feel like a victory. I looked down at my phone almost wondering why I had done it.
I'd be gone within a month? She had said she didn't want to talk to me... A month was too fucking long.
Chapter Thirty
Veronica
I thought I heard a knock at the door, but I wasn't sure. I stayed put just to see if it would happen again. It did.
I got up and walked over to get it. My body unclenched, I had been sitting in one spot too long. It was Friday night. I had gone into hibernation mode the minute I'd gotten home from school. At some point, outside the sun must have set.
Unlocking the door, I stopped. What if it was Roman? I hadn't touched my phone since I had sat down on my couch. Would he have called before coming over? I didn't know. If he had and I had missed it, he had taken that as a sign not to come over. I balked, not really wanting to open it anymore. The knock came again.
"Vee? Open up" the voice on the other side called. I sighed – relieved and disappointed in equal parts. I opened the door.
"It's about time. I was starting to think you had died in here."
"Sorry. I wasn't expecting anyone," I said, walking back to the couch.
The television was only on for the noise. I had put an old episode of Sex and the City on, something frivolous that would make enough noise to drown my thoughts out. It was sort of working, but not that well. I turned it off. Tiff came up and stood over me, arms crossed.
"If I missed your call I'm sorry. I haven't looked at my phone-"
"Vee, cut it out," she said.
"Cut what out? What is it?"
"I've been trying your phone all afternoon. I thought you might be with Roman. Tell me why when I talked to him, he told me he hadn't talked to you since last night when you broke up with him?" I stood and walked past her.
"I mean, that's the whole story right there; what did you think I was going to tell you that was different from that. You wanted to know whether it was true?"
"You can't be serious, Vee. What the hell is going on? Why would you do something like that?"
I walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge – just a ploy to get away from Tiff, not because I was hungry, even though I hadn't eaten since I had gotten home. I pulled out some water and screwed the cap off.
"Because I didn't want to be with him anymore. That's why relationships usually end."
"Did you get into a fight or something?" she asked. I sipped the water, biding time so I didn't have to answer her immediately.
"I just realized things weren't going right," I tried to say casually.
"Veronica." I didn't like her tone. She sounded like a disapproving parent.
"What? What did you want me to do if it didn't feel right anymore?"
"What was it, two days ago when you couldn't stop talking about how happy you were with him?"
"I spoke too soon," I said.
"What happened?"
"Last year happened, Tiff."
"I thought you guys talked it out."
"That doesn't change that it happened and it doesn't change that he had the nerve to think it wouldn't be a problem after all this time. I wanted my life back. I kept going when he left me, and he didn't give a shit that maybe I was happier that way."
"You weren't. I was there, Vee. Both of you were still so hung up over each other. You asked me whether he was seeing someone else."
"It doesn't matter now. I'm done living in the past." I didn't believe myself, but I was hoping that she would. That or she'd just fold and let it go. If I told her what it was, she'd just go tell her brother.
"Was it what I told you?" she asked. I tried to keep my face neutral.
"No. Nothing like that. It was just me and what I had to do."
"You really have to do this again to figure out that you're meant for each other?"
"That's the thing. We aren't. When he dumped me last year, it was because he didn't want to be honest with me. Didn't trust me with the news that he had to leave. I had no idea that was how he felt. We weren't on the same page, and that is why it doesn't matter if we got together now. It wouldn't work. He doesn't feel the same way I do."
It was only half a lie. There was some truth there, but I had forgiven Roman for what he had done. I didn't want to dwell on that when I loved him so much and saw how earnestly he wanted to correct the situation.
"I can't believe this is happening again."
"This will be the last time," I said.
"Are you okay?"
"I will be."
"I'm sorry this is happening. It must be hard, even though this is the second time."
"I'll be okay. I was last time," I said, shrugging. She came over and hugged me.
"How do drinks sound?"
"Are you buying?"
"Of course," she said, grinning.
I was kidding, but a drink did sound good. She waited for me while I hopped in the shower and made myself presentable. Putting makeup on was therapeutic in a way. It got you ready to, well, pretend, and that was what I had to do tonight. I wanted to have a good time. It would be hard, but I wanted to give it my best shot. For my sake and Tiff's, too. I had broken up with him this time – I had a shorter misery grace period.
We each took our cars, stopping for dinner before finding a bar. It was Friday night, so there were a good number of people in it. Some people I recognized from school, doing with their summer what part of me still wished that I could have done.
How would things have gone differently if I hadn't forced the summer classes thing? I wondered. I'd been so set on it that I hadn't thought past anything other than maybe going home. I could have gone on vacation, disappeared till it was fall. If I had, I would have missed Roman completely and none of this would have happened.
He could have made the decision to join the team and left for Miami all without me even hearing about it. I could have spent this time traveling, hiking, bumming at my parents' place – anything but this. It would have simple. I never would have had to make space for him in my life again, just to rip him out as violently as he ripped himself out the first time.
He'd meet someone in Miami eventually, I'd meet someone here, or wherever I ended up after graduation, and our lives wouldn't cross paths again. I didn't want to remember it, lying in bed with him, making love, hearing him say he loved me... If I was getting rid of the bad, the good had to go with it. This was for him. I'd survive, but there was no guarantee that he would get another team offer like this if he turned this one down.
"Can I get you ladies anything?" a waitress asked. I just repeated what Tiffany asked for. A mojito, even though I didn't tend to drink tequila-based cocktails. My usual was wine, but I was feeling like something stronger fit the occasion better. I started feeling warm after downing half the glass.
"Can we talk about what happened?" she asked.
"Are you asking me to sit here and trash him? I don't know how I feel about that."
"You would if it was anyone else."
"I would if it was him, too... There just isn't a reason to with him. I made this decision. He made some mistakes, some stuff I couldn't get over. He wasn't a dog."
"I'm still here if you ever want to talk."
&
nbsp; "Sorry for putting you in this position."
"All I can do is trust that both of you are happy with what you choose, whatever it is."
"Did he tell you nothing?"
"Earlier today, we ate lunch together. He... Sorry, you probably don't want to talk about him," she said.
"He's your brother. He's bound to come up," I said, trying to sound nonplussed.
"You two were friends, too, right? Do you think you'll ever get to that place with him?"
"I don't know. It’s too soon to tell," I said. Way too early. I knew I could offer him my friendship, but I didn't know how I'd be happy with just that. Especially if he ended up dating someone else. It was bound to happen. I didn't expect him to become celibate because of me, but the thought did make my stomach feel tight.
"Will it be one of those situations where I can't hang out with the two of you at the same time?"
"I'm sorry in advance," I said sheepishly.
"If anything, it won't last longer than the summer, I guess," she said shrugging.
"Yeah? Why just the summer?"
"Because he's leaving. He confirmed his position with the team. He's flying down to Miami in a couple weeks.
"He took the position? That means he's moving?" I asked, a little too frantically. I sipped my drink.
"Yeah. Relocating to sunny Florida. Lucky bastard," she said.
"I'm glad he's going."
"Because it's less awkward for you?"
"No... Yeah, but this is what he's always wanted. I'm glad he's getting to do it."
"You have got to be the friendliest ex he could have gotten stuck with," she said. "Can I say... He's still here for two weeks. He'd appreciate hearing that from you."
"I don't think so," I said wryly.
"For the years of romance and history, one last goodbye in person."
"I'll think about it," I said, so she'd stop pushing. I didn't trust what I would do seeing him again, and I knew my resolve was as weak as him reaching out to touch me, kiss me, say that he still loved me. I couldn't do that to him.