by Anna Lewis
“I would like to, but we’ll just have to see…”
“Dad!” he tore out the room like a rocket, with his sister close behind him, leaving me with only a deep fearful pit of guilt forming in my chest. I really didn’t want Evan to think that I was in on this conspiracy, the last thing I needed was for him to feel like I was forcing a relationship. Yes, I liked him a lot, and sure I would’ve done anything to be with him but only if he wanted to be with me.
I didn’t want him to assume that I was a gold digger, or some crazy bunny boiler.
I sighed deeply and grabbed my bags, knowing that now I was going to have to sort out the added complication that James and Lorna has just thrown into the mix.
“Yes, okay kids, just go and get in the car, we need to get on the plane in a minute.” I stopped for a second as I could hear Evan talking in the other room. I just wanted to know what his opinion on the subject was before we actually had to have the conversation. “No buts, just go. This is something that can be sorted out later.”
He didn’t sound too pleased, I was getting the distinct impression that he didn’t need me around, which disappointed me like crazy. He was trying not to show the kids as much, but it felt clear to me that he didn’t want me around as a permeant fixture in their lives. It hurt like hell to know the truth, but it was much better to know before I did anything foolish.
I forced the fake smile on my face and I turned the corner. “Alright everyone? All ready to go?” I breezed past Evan and the children, not stopping to give them a chance to speak to me. “Let’s get in the car now before it leaves without us.”
As the vehicle moved off, taking me away from my dream, I fixed my gaze out the window so that I didn’t have to speak to anyone. My eyes kept randomly filling with tears anyway, so it was probably for the best. Then as we got onto the plane, I was the one pulling a screen out to focus on. With that and my headphones it was clear that I really didn’t want to be spoken to. I had every single one of my walls up, blocking out the family that I adored so much.
Admittedly it was a very sad way to say goodbye to what’d been the best time of my life, but it was the only way that I could survive. Now was the time that I needed to put myself first, just so that I didn’t fall apart. I wanted to be by myself when that inevitably happened.
***
As I found myself back inside the very familiar four walls that had made up my life for many years now, I realized that I was wrong to worry that my brain would immediately go back to Max. Despite the fact that I’d lived with him here, even though I’d found him screwing my friend on the couch, he was the furthest thing from my mind.
All I could think about was Evan and the terrible way we’d left things.
After a very long, stilted flight, I hopped off the plane to make my escape. I’d hugged the kids goodbye, and even held Evan close to me for a moment, but in a bid to protect my fragile heart I hadn’t even looked at him. Why didn’t I look at him? Just one more gaze into those beautiful eyes would’ve helped me get through this agony. It hurt so bad to let him go, it felt like there was a gaping hole in my chest, and I honestly wasn’t sure that I’d ever feel normal again.
I dropped my bags on the ground and made my way into the bedroom where I flopped onto the bed. I felt deflated, like every aspect of my personality was gone. My mind kept spinning back over everything in Hawaii, reminding me of what a wonderful time I’d had. I thought about the first few days there, how weird things were until we kissed. Then I recalled the day at the theme park, followed by the drink and the first time we’d had sex.
After that, us spending the night together became very normal, which made the night I felt like a princess even more incredible. That dress, the shoes, the diamond necklace… all of which he insisted that I keep…
I forced myself to stand, to go and grab the necklace, just to give myself something the cling on to. I looked and felt like crap, my emotions were everywhere, but just for a moment I really wanted to wear it. I wanted to feel close to Evan and all that he’d meant to me.
As I slid it over my head, one stray tear leaked down my cheek, and the emotion just started spilling out everywhere. I already missed Evan, James, and Lorna too. I loved the life with them, and not just because it was in Hawaii, but because they made me feel special too. They needed me, they wanted me around, I was important to them… and now I had nothing. How was I supposed to even go on knowing that I’d lost the best thing to ever happen to me? No job would ever feel the same, nor would any man. I was officially well and truly stuck.
Knock, knock.
Urgh, there was no way in hell that I was answering the door now, not after what I’d just been through. Knowing my luck it would be Max wanting to talk things through, or something equally cringe worthy. No, I would just remain as quiet as I could until the person went away.
Knock, knock.
I didn’t dare to breathe, all I wanted was to be left alone to wallow in my misery, hadn’t I earned that much? All I wanted was some space, why couldn’t I ever get what I needed?
Knock, knock.
Apparently not…
“Ali, are you in there?”
My heart stopped dead in my chest as I recognized the person calling to me. This wasn’t Max, coming for forgiveness, or even Taylor, with her much needed apology. This was the man that I’d left behind not so long ago. Did I want to talk to him again? Was I prepared to face the man that I couldn’t bear to look at because I wanted him so badly? The man that I never thought I would have to see again.
Then again, if I didn’t hear him out, would I regret it forever? Would I always wonder what he had to say? Would I wish that I’d just spent five minutes being brave.
“Y… yes,” I eventually stammered, realizing that I had to at least see what he wanted if I didn’t want to drown in regrets. “What do you want?”
“Please let me in, I want to talk to you.”
I stepped towards the door, trembling with fear the entire time. This wasn’t typical, this definitely meant something, I just didn’t dare hope what it could be. I knew what I wanted, but that seemed impossible. It had to be something else. Maybe the kids had convinced him to let me come back for work.
As I slowly tugged the door open, I could see stress etched on Evan’s face too. Maybe I looked like an emotional mess, but he didn’t seem too much better.
“How did you find me?” I decided to tackle the easiest question first.
“You left your address on the resume, so it wasn’t too hard to find.” His expression was serious, there wasn’t even an element of humor there, which had me even more freaked out.
“Did you… want to come in?” I stepped aside and he moved past me, but he remained in the hallway as he turned his body around to face me.
“I need to talk to you, and this is something I should’ve said at the airport. Actually, I should’ve said it in Hawaii, I had plenty of chances to but I didn’t.”
“Right, okay.” I nodded and waited as patiently as I could manage, but everything was jumping everywhere in my chest. I didn’t dare to dream, but my emotions darted everywhere.
“I guess I’m just not very good at this, and I never have been,” he was babbling, looking everywhere but at me. Whatever he had to say, it was clearly very difficult. “But I don’t want the month to be the end of it. I want you to come back, the kids want you to come back too.”
“To work?” I needed utter clarification here before I could even think of committing to anything. I needed to know exactly what I was giving myself over for.
“No…” he took my hands in his, and stared deep into my eyes. “I haven’t exactly worked out the details of everything yet, but I do want you back in my life, we all do. I’ve explained to James and Lorna that I’m falling for you, and they’re happy with that, they want you to come back in any capacity…”
“You’re falling for me?” To hear him say it in such a blunt way, at home as well, not just in Hawaii, it really t
ook me back. This was actually real, this meant something huge, it was everything that I wanted.
“Of course I am, I spent the last month trying to tell you that.”
Oh my God, everything he told me was the truth, this was almost too much to handle. I’d assumed he meant it in a throwaway manner, but he was actually being honest. “Well,” my voice was thick with emotion. “I’m falling for you too.” This was my dream coming true, but this time it was happening within the context of my reality, making it that much more special.
“So… is that a yes?”
I paused for a second, just wanting him to sweat before my face burst into a happy grin. “Of course it’s a yes, a thousand times yes.”
As our lips crashed together I knew that it would always be a yes for Evan Hawlin, he was the best damn thing to ever happen in my life, and this time I’d never have to let him go.
THE END
= Bonus Book 7 of 16 =
Charming Single Dad
Julia stared out of the window of her small, but luxurious townhouse. It overlooked the neighborhood park—prime real-estate, and Julia was lucky enough to have it all to herself. Lucky. Her heart throbbed in her chest and she stared down again at the letter in her hands. Maybe, just maybe, if she wasn’t living here all alone, then she would have someone else who could help with the living costs—living costs which seemed further and further out of her reach.
Only a few months ago, she had been living what had seemed to be the perfect life. Julia had a job at the local college, teaching as a professor there. She had studied and worked long and hard to get her PHD, and it was finally paying off. She taught education and she absolutely loved it. It was rewarding, enjoyable, and engaging and she loved the campus.
She was fortunate enough to work on a number of different projects with the undergrads, as well as doing her own research. Julia’s record was perfect, not a black mark to her name and she prided herself on this, striving to achieve excellence in everything that she did.
It was long work, tiring work, but deeply satisfying work. Also, it afforded her comfort. She was by no means wealthy and she doubted that she would ever be wealthy in her profession, but she was comfortable. A nice townhouse, a well-working car and extra money to play around with for food and clothes and other luxuries that she, strictly speaking, didn’t need. It was a good life and one that Julia enjoyed immensely. She was content where she was and was hoping to continue along these lines, gaining success in academia, seniority status among the lecturers and a solid pension.
It was a simple life, but one that she enjoyed, and one that she did not want to give up. She had had a slew of bad relationships in the past and she told herself that she did not want that from life. She told herself that she was happy on her own and that there was nothing missing from her world.
And on long, lonely nights, she could almost, but not quite, make herself believe it. But these nights were fleeting and Julia preferred to concentrate on her work, like she always had. It brought her comfort and joy and she was happy to lose herself to it.
It wasn’t until a few months ago that her world had come crashing down spectacularly. She shivered at the thought, feeling sick. It had come out of the blue, blindsiding Julia completely. She had been accused of falsifying results on one of her research projects and the college was taking it very, very seriously.
It rocked her world to the core and suddenly, the future that she had dreamed of no longer seemed so certain. She was suspended, with pay, during the investigation. Julia was innocent, and she didn’t know where these terrible rumors had come from, but she soon learned that someone was out to get her.
The results of the investigation left her under suspicion. Julia appealed, this time without pay, and she was still waiting for the results. Feeling sick to her stomach, Julia waited day in and day out for some news—for her name to finally be cleared.
She was not allowed to work or teach during this period, and she was certainly not allowed to do anything with her research, so she stayed in a terrible sort of limbo, terrified about what this would mean for her career.
A black mark like this would make it almost impossible to be hired again. It would make it even harder to get published, and her career in academia would be finished, would be destroyed with little hope of it ever being restored. It made Julia shaky, as she sat in her little townhouse and read the letter over and over.
So dismissive, so formal. It made her stomach churn as she tried to think who she might have offended. Another member of staff that she had unintentionally snubbed? A student who she had failed on a test? A senior member of staff or admin who had some grief with her?
Julia couldn’t think of anyone. She kept her head down, she was polite, respectful, and friendly, and her students didn’t have any power over the review committee, so she doubted that it would be them.
The anxiety had been swirling around her in a terrible, unending cycle that refused to give her rest, give her peace. There was so much that she needed to do, but it was hard to take the first step. Just appealing the decision had been difficult, almost impossible to finish, the anxiety making her sick.
But now, now there were so many other things that she needed to consider, like confronting the horrifying realization that her career might be over and she would have to start all over again. All those years, wasted. All the time and effort down the drain, along with her good name.
Julia had it all, and now she felt like she was losing absolutely everything, even her very name, the reputation that she had. Her family was too far away to help and she didn’t want to call them and admit defeat. Her friends were few and far between—her dedication to her work had always been her focus.
She had no partner, or even close male friends, and the people she did know at the college had turned their backs on her after the initial review. Julia felt very alone, and for the first time, she was struck by the fact that she was so lucky that she didn’t have kids.
She had felt the longing for a family, just like most people eventually did, but the thought of not being able to take care of her children made her awash with relief at her decision. She had made the right choice, even though she ached, even though she didn’t know it at the time.
However, children or not, she still needed to feed herself and pay her rent. She needed somewhere to live, she needed a stable position, even if it was just in the mean-time, and she needed something that wasn’t right in the middle of academia. This meant that she needed a position different from all the positions that she had held in the past.
She needed something that would utilize her skills, but not a job at a research institution or at a school of any kind, be it tertiary or not. This was a problem. She couldn’t think of many jobs that she had done in the past. Even in her youth, babysitting was about the most that she had ever done.
Julia was being careful with her money, of course, but a resume that consisted entirely of babysitting and research at a college left a lot of gaps that needed filling. Still, she wasn’t about to give up. That just wasn’t Julia’s style. Even though she felt like giving up, she was determined to make it, determined to hold her own and not let these terrible rumors ruin her.
So, she had begun applying to positions around town. She had applied to every hospitality job that crossed her path and had jumped on the administrative positions too, hoping to find something that paid a little more than waiting tables. She was hopeful that she would find something to help her stay afloat, even if it was just a small job that had her scraping together every penny.
But when she had received no interviews and her savings were steadily beginning to dry up, Julia had made a crazy bid by applying for a position as a live-in nanny. Babysitting experience was preferable, and they wanted someone who was able to tutor too. Legal clearances were a must.
Well, Julia met all those requirements, so she had gone for it, more on a whim than anything else, but it was still worth a shot. She had very little to lose a
t this point. Besides, the pay was really good and she would not have to worry about electricity and water bills while she was working there.
When Julia got a call back for the interview, she was stunned. She had frantically thrown together her most polished and professional outfit, doing up her hair in a neat up-do, and grabbing a copy of her resume as she went.
When she arrived at the address, her breath was taken away. It was a gorgeous building, a mansion flanked by beautiful iron gates. It spoke of old money, and it made Julia’s heart flutter. Living here, even as a live-in nanny, would be spectacular. Walking up to the doors, her heart had been racing in her chest as she nervously fixed her hair and smoothed down her skirt, her shoes clicking against the cobblestones.
After knocking on the front door, she did not have to wait for long. A man had opened it with a smile. “Ah, you must be Julia. I’m James. Please, come in.”
Julia’s stomach felt all fluttery. He was gorgeous. It was terrible to think that right before an interview, but he truly was. Dark hair trimmed into a neat, but fashionable style, a smile that slid onto his face with practiced ease and dark eyes that flashed as they looked at her.
He was in jeans and a neat, black polo shirt, and Julia could see the curves of his muscles, tight and well defined. He looked so at ease, so confident that Julia had not known what to say. His smile widened as he stepped back and gave her access to the house, and Julia caught the faint scent of his aftershave, something smooth and spicy.
The rest of the interview went well, once Julia got over the sight of him and started talking business. He was very professional and she felt at ease the entire time, until he politely walked her out. A gentleman, intelligent, confident.
A single father looking for someone to care for his eight-year-old daughter, as he worked long hours at his company. Julia had found herself longing for the job, wanting to be a part of this before she even knew what she was saying.