My lips ache to kiss her, but I won’t allow them to have the taste of her sweet lips which I crave like an addict. That’s exactly what’s happened, in a short time I have grown an addiction to her. Like all addictions, it’s important to get them under control.
Her body is no better than any other woman’s. Her kiss is no sweeter. It’s just the same as any other woman’s. It’s just a fuck, it doesn’t have to be anything more than that. If I can get through this without feeling so damn in love then I can break this addiction I have to her.
Her legs wrap around my waist and she arches up to meet my thrusts. Her arms go around me, but I take her hands in mine and hold them back over her head. I don’t want her running them all over me and taking me to the place her touch always does.
I pound into her and look at the headboard. It takes everything in me to fuck her like this and have no thought in my head about how much I love her and need her. I don’t want to need her. I don’t want her to need me.
Her legs tighten around me and she moans as I feel her body start to contract around my dick and she climaxes. I want to let go with her, but I hold back. I don’t want to need this, I don’t want to orgasm just because her body begs me to.
I pull out and flip her over and pull her back so she has to get on her knees. I ram into her from behind and look up at the ceiling so I can’t see her. The way her blonde curls bob around, make me think about all the times I’ve craved to feel them in my fingers.
Her cunt squeezes my dick and I can’t take it anymore and let it all go. Instead of falling on her back and snuggling and telling her how much I love her, I slap her ass and get up and walk to the bathroom to take a shower. I decide that’s a little too much to do so I look back over my shoulder. “Thanks, I’m going to shower.”
As I get in the shower and rub the shampoo into my hair my heart aches. I feel unfinished and more than a little awful. A lot like a person feels when coming off an addictive substance.
I’ll have to fight this hard if I am to live my life in a healthy way.
Peyton
The small waiting room seems empty and lonely as I walk in, finding only Samantha sitting in it. “Why are you in here all alone?” I ask her.
She looks up at me with sad eyes. She dabs at the edges with a tissue. “Where’s Kip?” she asks.
“He stopped off at the gift shop for some damn reason. I told him nothing is allowed in Tyler’s ICU room, but he seemed to want some distance between us. I assume he has to call his manager and set up a time when he has to go to Cheyenne.” I sit down and offer her a bottle of water.
She takes it and says, “I saw him this morning and he looks so terrible. His legs still aren’t moving and he’s getting more and more afraid they never will.”
I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter if they never work again. He has his life, and that’s pretty damn good if you ask me. Plus a baby on the way and a beautiful woman who is going to be his wife. That’s a lot to be happy about.”
“It is and I have to say about those things he is. But he said something about not being able to play catch with his son or some kind of crap like that. He’s having a pity party which I don’t blame him for, but I was kind of hoping he’d be able to focus more on the fact he’s going to be a father. In a good way though instead of how terrible it’ll be if he’s in a wheelchair.” She takes a drink of the water.
Kip comes in and hands her a little stuffed bear. “Here ya go, Samantha. It’s for the baby. I don’t know if I’ll be around when the tot is born, so I wanted to give you something from good old Uncle Kip.”
My eyes follow the bear into her hands and the thought runs through my head of why he’d say such a thing. He sits a few chairs away from me and takes out his phone and starts playing some game.
Samantha leans in close and whispers, “Did you two have a fight?”
“No, but he seems distant. Off in a way,” I say and find myself wondering if he wants to be set free. Maybe the concert without me was a lot better, and he wants that back, but doesn’t know how to tell me that.
Mom and Dad come into the waiting room. “Okay two more of you can go in,” Dad says with a frown.
I look over at Kip who only politely nodded at my parents when they came in. “Kip, you want to go. He’s not nearly as groggy as yesterday.”
“Nah, you and Sam can go. I’ll wait,” he says without ever looking up at me.
I get up and go along with Samantha and look back at him over my shoulder. He doesn’t seem to be the same man at all and my heart hurts as I walk away to go see my brother.
A young nurse is fusing over Tyler as we go into his room. His eyes go straight to Samantha and she hugs him, gently. “Hi, baby,” she murmurs.
His hand runs over her still flat stomach and he smiles at her. Their exchange nearly brings me to tears. Not only because I’m happy as hell for my brother and Samantha, but also because Kip isn’t looking at me like that for some damn reason.
“You look better,” I say as I push that crap out of my head.
“I feel better.” He smiles and tosses the blanket back, exposing his legs and then we see why as he wiggles his sock covered toes.
Samantha starts crying and I jump up and down and clap. “Tyler! I can’t believe Mom and Dad kept this a secret,” I say.
He shakes his head. “I didn’t let them in on this yet. I wanted Samantha to be the first to know.”
It hits me like a brick in the head. He held off letting his own parents know he isn’t paralyzed to tell her first. He holds her the closest to his heart. She kisses his lips so gently and he takes her head and pulls it so she has to kiss him harder. The nurse and I exchange glances and exit the room to give them time alone.
I make my way back to the waiting room and have no idea if Tyler wants to tell our parents the good news on his own so I stop at the door. “Kip, come here, please.”
He looks up and gets up, putting the phone in his pocket. “Yeah, what do you want?”
His body seems as if he’s holding it wrong. As if he’s holding it back away from me. I reach out to touch him and he lets me, but he flinches a bit. “Hey, you wanna get out of here for a while. My brother and Samantha want to be alone and I see no reason to sit around here. He wants her with him, not me.”
“I would, actually.” He says as he pulls his arm out of my loose grip. “We need to talk.”
His words make my stomach clench and I look at the ring he gave me and I can’t help but wonder just how much longer I’ll be wearing it. He’s not acting the same, not one bit.
I follow him out to the car and without saying a word we go back to the hotel room. Once inside he sits at the little table and I sit on the edge of the bed. “Something’s wrong,” I say.
He looks at me for the first time all day. He stares at me a while without saying a word. His eyes begin to glisten and he looks away. “This is unhealthy.”
The same words had come to me last night and I think he’s feeling some of the same things I have. “I agree.”
His eyes cut back to mine and he blinks the tears back. “I’m glad you agree. This doesn’t have to be a knock down drag out fight. There is no one who is right and no one who is wrong. This is just unhealthy is all.”
“I couldn’t sleep until you came back,” I say and find I can’t look at him.
“Me neither and I was exhausted when I got back on the jet. But I kept jolting awake, confused and wondering where you were. I didn’t like it at all. Then I got here and curled myself around you and fell asleep in an instant.” He gets up and looks out the window.
“Exactly the same for me. I fell asleep easily once you were next to me,” I say and though it hurts, at least we’re on the same page.
“It’s as if I love you way too much,” he says without looking back at me.
I laugh and say, “I know what you mean. I find it hard to breathe when you aren’t with me. Like I take in air, but feel it’s not enough, then you come in
and boom, I can get oxygen again. It’s all consuming and has to be bad.”
“You need to be here for you brother and your family and I need to fulfill my prior obligations to my band.” He shifts his weight and I can tell this is hard for him so I help him out.
“I’ll stay home and you go do what you have to. I have an interview in a couple of weeks with a literary agent and it’d be nice not to have to fly in for that. I’d like to be well rested and on my A-game for that.” I get up and go get a bottle of water. Suddenly my mouth feels dry and tears keep threatening me.
“I think this is best for us both. If this is meant to be then we will learn to give each other the space we need to do our own things.” He holds his hand out and I walk over and give him the bottle of water. He takes a drink and hands it back. “I’m not saying break up, but I am saying I won’t hold you accountable if you decide this isn’t what you want.”
My heart stops. “Kip, do you want to be with other women?”
He shudders and takes me by the shoulders. “No! That’s not what this is about. This is about the fact we’re getting our lives all wrapped up in each other's and it’s hurting us when we have to be apart. This is about learning to exist when we have to be apart.”
My heart beats again. “Okay, for a second there I thought that’s what you wanted and I can tell you now that would really be painful. A hell of a lot more painful than being without you for most of the night was.”
Kip lets me go and turns away. “The thought of you with another man makes me insane. The thought of another night without you makes me that way too, and that thing I know is bad.”
“It’s normal not to want your special person not to be with another, but not normal to have to have them with you all the time. I get what you’re saying and I agree. Life will not always lead us in the exact same direction, and we need to be able to live without each other too.” I place the water on the table and go back to sit on the bed.
“I think it best if I stay the next couple of days with you, then jet over to Cheyenne and finish out the tour. In December you can come to L.A. if you want to of course.” Kip turns back to stare out the window.
“That’s only six months away,” I say. “Not such a long time, I suppose.”
“Only a half a year. Any couple should be able to be away from each other for that small amount of time without dying, right?” he turns and asks.
“Right,” I agree and find my mouth is saying one thing and my body is saying quite another.
“Wanna go take a swim or something?” I ask.
His eyes run over me and he looks away. “Nah, not really. I’d actually like to stay here and rest. I’m still beat and have jetlag. Would it be awful of me to hang out here and you go do whatever it is you want or feel you should do?”
I want to be with him, but I guess that really is an unhealthy choice. “No, I’ll leave you to rest. We can go eat dinner later, how about that?”
“Yeah, dinner sounds great. See you around then.” He plops onto the bed and kicks off his shoes.
I nod and wave then walk out of the room. I lean back against the door and hold my hand to my heart. If this is so damn healthy then why does my heart hurt like someone is poking it with a sharp stick?
Kip
It seems my addiction to Peyton is so much worse than I imagined. I’ve fallen asleep three times and every time I’ve dreamt of her. I wake up with a jolt and in a sweat for the love of God. It’s the most ridiculous thing!
I get up and pace around the room and go to look out the window. Levi’s truck pulls into the hotel and up to the valet. He and Tanya get out and their two little girls they each get out of the backseat. One is three and one is a mere six months old. Levi carries the baby and Tanya holds the other’s hand.
The perfect little family they look like as they walk into the hotel lobby. Normal people with normal lives. Why does this thing with Peyton have to be all consuming? Why do I need her so damn much?
I go and wash my face and look at my reflection in the mirror. I hear the door open and realize she’s back. I have to stop myself from running out to her and grabbing her up and telling her I’m an idiot and can she please come with me and forget all I’ve said.
She’s making a silly sound and I walk out to find her niece in her arms. “Look who I found in the hallway, Kip.”
The baby looks at me and holds out her little arms. I don’t know why kids love me but they do. I take her and she hugs me. My heart melts as a thought runs through my head. From the corner of my eye I can see Peyton smile then turn away.
“So what is this little beauty’s name?” I ask the baby as if she’s going to answer me.
“Her name is Kyla. Their oldest is Kylie. Abby had a brother named Kyle who died in a motorcycle crash five years ago. I dare say if they have any more kids they’ll be named some form of Kyle as well.” She sits on the bed and takes her heels off. She rubs her feet and I have to look away so I don’t run over and do that for her.
I sit on the opposite side of the bed and play with the baby. “You look like your aunt Peyton, don’t you?” I ask the baby and make a silly face at her.
She laughs like I’m the funniest person on the planet and Peyton has to look back to see what I’m doing to crack her niece up so bad. “Damn it, she’s never laughed like that with me. Traitor!”
I lie back on the pillows and hold her up over my head as she giggles and squirms. “Who’s the pretty girl?”
Peyton lies back too next to me and watches the baby’s funny reactions to me. “She’s in love with you already, you can see it in her eyes. Look how they twinkle and shine,” Peyton says.
It’s her eyes that remind me of Peyton and I find I can’t look away from them. Just like Peyton, this little wench has sucked me in and now I’m lost. She coos and reaches out, touching my face and squeezing it and Peyton laughs.
I look over at her and nearly feel like crying at how fucking much I love her. I shake my head and hand the baby to her. “Here, take her I have to use the bathroom.”
She takes the baby and gives me a strange look. “Isn’t that where you were when I walked in, Kip?”
I haul ass to the bathroom without answering her. Cold water I splash over my face as I fight to regain some composure. I should leave now. I can’t take this.
When I go back out ready to pack up and leave I find Peyton is gone. And now I feel alone and sad and find myself falling onto the bed. Never have I felt so God damned torn.
The door opens and in walks Peyton and she’s looking pissed and maybe this is for the best. A fight will help me to go. This is just what I need. I hope she’s mean and makes this real easy.
Peyton
Kip is acting so odd and I find myself growing angry. This is more than just finding our need for each other unhealthy, so much more. He can’t even play with my niece with me. It seems almost as if he hates me. If that’s the case then he can just take his ring and car and leave.
Will my heart be broken? Fuck yes it will, but it’ll mend. The sooner the better if that’s his intentions.
I stomp over to him as he lies face down on the bed. I open my mouth, prepared to tell him to leave if he hates me. My hands land on my hips and he sits up, seemingly preparing to do battle.
His eyes narrow and his lips form a thin line. I glare into them and see the hint of a tear and promptly fall apart. My knees hit the floor as my tears flow like rivers down my cheeks. I lay my head on his knees and sob like a child.
“What’s happening to us?” I ask in ragged breaths.
“The truth?” he asks.
I pull my head up and look at him to find tears running down his cheeks. “No, lie to me.”
He smiles a crooked smile. “I’m afraid of this. What we have.”
I laugh. “Me too.”
I climb up on the bed and sit next to him, taking his hand in mine. He kisses my hand. “It’s overwhelming, Peyton. It’s much too soon to feel this much I thin
k. I looked at that baby and the first thing I thought was I wonder if ours will be as cute as she is.”
I rest my head on his shoulder. “Ours will be even more adorable. She’ll have your eyes and my hair. And before you say a word, I know this is too fast. This whole thing has moved too fast and our hold on one another is too tight.”
“So you’ll understand that I have to go,” he says and my heart breaks into a million pieces.
I pull the ring off and hand it to him. I get up and take the keys from my purse and place them in his hands. “Here you go then. Thanks for the fun times, Kip. I had a blast, and you taught me more than I could’ve ever imagined. Now go on out there and be the rock star you are. Forget about me, forget about this whole thing.”
I walk towards the door and his voice stops me. “Peyton, I’m sorry.”
Without looking back I flash him the peace sign and walk out of the hotel room and keep walking without looking back.
Kip
It’s Thanksgiving and I’m doing the second to last show before our December break. Sometime in the first week of January I have to decide if I want to sign back up with Silas. He’s kept us busy and I have to admit he helped me through the break up with Peyton.
The first week I couldn’t sleep and cried a lot. So he brought in a doctor and got me some sleeping pills and anti-anxiety pills. After a mere three months I was able to stop taking them.
Does the woman still cross my mind? Only every day and two or three times every night, but I handle it a lot better than I did at first. I sold the car I bought her. It held too many memories and I have thirteen cars at home anyway.
I’m getting geared up to spend the Christmas holiday with Max and his family. I’m getting the twins little ponies. Zoey should lose her little mind. I’ve been shopping online as we’ve traveled and have had presents sent to my place in L.A. for all of them.
I hate to admit it, but I even bought some for Peyton. I don’t know why. I suppose I’m a huge idiot. She’d never take me back.
The Shameless Billionaire Series: Billionaire Romance Box Set (An Alpha-Male, Billionaire, Bad Boy, Bad Girl, Romance) Page 42