by Katie Knight
Concentrated on all his missions that had gone wrong over the years, too. Friends he’d lost, good men who hadn’t deserved to die. The evil wrongdoers who’d gotten away with murder, literally.
“What do you want to eat?” Diana asked from behind him. “I can make tacos. Or there’s frozen pizza, or—”
“I don’t care,” he growled, sounding way harsher than he intended. He cringed slightly and shoved the last package of whole wheat crackers away before slamming the cabinet door. “Whatever you want.”
She didn’t respond right away, forcing him to turn around and see her watching him with a raised brow and one stockinged toe tapping against the linoleum floor. “What I want is for you to tell me what the hell your problem is all of a sudden.”
Diana set the box of taco shells and ingredients on the counter, then put her hands on her hips. “You’ve been acting like a real bear.” She sighed and crossed her arms. “So, give it to me. Is it bad news? Is the killer on his way or something?”
“What? No.” Demetri frowned and looked away. “I don’t know. Nothing’s wrong with me.”
“Really?” Her blue gaze narrowed on him like a laser beam. “Uh huh. Sure. You look pissed as hell and ready to explode any minute. With a temper like that, who needs a killer? You’ll wipe out everything in a ten-mile radius.”
Demetri scrubbed his hands over his face. Okay. Maybe his tactic to stop feeling so damned happy whenever she was around had worked a little too well, because she was right. He was pissed now. Not at her, but at the unfairness of life. It was thinking about his past missions that had done it.
“Sorry.” He took a deep breath, then leaned his hips back against the edge of the counter. “I’ve been thinking about my last mission, that’s all.”
Diana took a seat at the table and gestured for him to do the same. “Tell me about it.”
“I can’t.” He shook his head. “Classified.”
“No specific details then, just the gist of it.” She lifted her chin. “Peter does that sometimes. Calls me when things get too rough and he just needs an ear to bend. He says it helps.”
He pondered that a moment, then took a seat across from her, sighing. “Fine. We were in the Middle East. Can’t give you the location, but the situation was bad. Lots of rebel fighting and different factions that couldn’t agree on anything other than how much they hated us. I was supposed to go out on patrol, but somehow I’d caught a cold. In the middle of the frigging desert, right? Go figure.” He gave a sad snort, then stared down at his hands clenched atop the table. “Anyway, another guy on the team ended up taking my place that night. A sniper opened fire on them and he got hit. Died instantly.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, reaching across to take his hand, but he pulled away.
“That bullet was meant for me, not him.” Demetri squeezed his eyes shut against the memories, the guilt. “I should’ve been the one who died that night. He was a good man, had a fiancée waiting for him back home, plans for his future. It’s not right.”
“And it’s also not your fault,” Diana said, after a long moment, her chair squeaking as she sat back. “You had no way of knowing what would happen to that man. And I’m guessing he volunteered to go, right? That’s how Peter told me it works, anyway. If that’s the case, it was his choice, not yours.”
“But I should’ve gone,” he said, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes. “I should’ve manned up and done my job, no matter how crappy I felt that night.”
“And if you’d gone out while you were sick and not feeling one hundred percent, who knows what else might have gone wrong? There might have been even more casualties. Stop beating yourself over it.” She stood and got out a pound of ground beef to start the tacos. “I know you can’t tell me everything about what happened, but what I do know is that hindsight is always twenty-twenty. Thinking about would’ve, should’ve, could’ve won’t help you at all in the present. All you can do is move forward and make the best decisions you can for the future.” She stopped and pointed at her stomach. “Believe me, I’ve got some experience in that department.”
Demetri watched her as she put the meat into a fry pan to brown it. “Do you regret the baby?”
“Huh?” She scrunched her nose at him over her shoulder. “Of course not. I’ve loved this baby from the moment I found out I was pregnant. I wouldn’t give him or her up for the world. But this whole situation might’ve been easier with a little pre-planning, that’s all.”
“Hmm.” Things got quiet again, except for the sound of the beef sizzling and the cicadas outside. He picked at the tabletop edge, remembering the night of their date at the ball, how they’d both been a little tipsy, a little reckless, a little too horny to realize they weren’t using a condom. If he was honest, he couldn’t really say he was sorry either. The thought of a kid of his own running around the world made his chest squeeze with warmth and anticipation. A bit of anxiety too. His dad had been wonderful. Could he really take that away from his own kid—the chance to have an engaged, loving dad in his or her life? But if he committed to being a father, what would he do about missions? Would being gone make the kid not know him or love him? Did it even matter, since Diana hadn’t mentioned anything about him even being included in the kid’s life at all? Ugh.
She stopped stirring the meat and looked back at him. “You’re frowning again. Here, come over and chop up some tomatoes and lettuce for our toppings. Busy hands make a happy heart, my mom always says.”
He exhaled slowly and got up. Maybe she was right. Maybe he should just stop worrying so much about all this and just go with it. Enjoy it while it was here. Because once it was over, things would go back to the same as they’d been before—cold, quiet, solitary. Exactly how he liked it.
Yep.
And maybe if he told himself that enough times, he’d actually believe it.
Later that night, as she lay in Demetri’s arms in bed, Diana couldn’t help thinking about his earlier grumpiness. She had a hunch there was more going on than grief over losing one of his teammates.
She traced lazy circles on his chest, the steady thrum of his heartbeat beneath her fingertips finally slowing after the rush of making love. He’d seemed more driven, more intense tonight than he had the night before. His kisses had been deeper, his eyes darker with passion and purpose. Like he was desperately trying to memorize every minute with her, as if it would all disappear.
Truth was, she could sort of understand that. Ever since learning about the pregnancy, she’d operated on the assumption that she’d raise the baby alone. Neither of them had planned for this and while she was prepared to change her life for the baby, she didn’t suppose he felt the same. Knowing how much he loved being a SEAL, she’d never ask him to give that up. Just like she’d never considered terminating this pregnancy or giving the child up for adoption. This baby was her miracle and she’d do everything in her power to make sure it was loved and safe and well cared for. Even if that meant letting Demetri go after all this was over, and hiding that her heart was breaking.
And yes, she knew how stupid it was to get attached to him, but that hadn’t seemed to stop her from falling for the guy. Guess her MENSA card wouldn’t be arriving anytime soon.
As if in agreement, the baby kicked hard against the front of her abdomen where she rested against Demetri’s side, making Diana grunt with discomfort.
“Are you okay?”
“Fine—your baby’s just being really active. He or she is quite the kicker.”
“Wow.” Slowly, he placed his hand atop her baby bump, his touch reverent. “That’s amazing.”
“Yeah.” She rolled over to lie on her back to give him better access. “Not so much when they tap dance on my bladder, though.”
“I bet not.” He laughed, the sound rich and deep, moving through her like warm honey. “Hard to believe there’s a tiny human growing in there.”
While he wondered over their kid, Diana slipped her fingers t
hrough his hair, gently scoring her nails against his scalp and enjoying his answering shiver. Moments like these were so sweet and precious, they made her chest ache. She decided to press a bit more about what was bothering him, since he seemed more open and vulnerable now. She wanted to ease into it, though.
“Were we ever that tiny?” she said. “Apparently, I was a real terror—Mom had morning sickness out the wazoo, not to mention aches and pains all the time. I’ve had a few bouts of morning sickness and some trouble with swollen ankles, but nothing like my mom described.”
“You’re lucky.” He didn’t look at her, his focus solely on their baby as it moved around inside her. “My mom told me horror stories about being nauseous with me too. And some of the guys on the team who have kids mentioned their partners being really sick during the first trimester. If it’s been milder for you, maybe that means it’s a girl. I guess boys make you sicker. Something about the testosterone levels or something.”
Diana snickered. “Sounds like someone’s been spending more time on the Internet.”
“Hey, I had to do something while you made dinner. The tacos were delicious, by the way.”
“Thanks. Glad you liked them.” She ruffled the hair at his nape. “It’s nice to hear you talk about your mom. You don’t mention much about your childhood.”
“No. I don’t.” He exhaled slowly and lay back again, resting one arm behind his head before tugging her into his side with the other. “A lot of my memories of her are sad. Even if they were happy at the time, it can be sad to look back on them and remember how much things changed.”
“Well.” She snuggled into him again, placing a kiss on his chest, over his heart. “If you ever do want to talk about anything, I’m here. You know that, right?”
“I know.” He nuzzled the top of her head. “Thanks. But I think we need to concentrate on our next steps now. Harris might have left Atlanta, but I doubt he’d give up that easy. If he followed us here, I want to know about it.”
She tensed slightly before forcing herself to relax, saying, “You’re right. I need to remember the real reason we’re here and not get lost in pretend-land, no matter how nice it might be here with you.”
That seemed to snag Demetri up for a moment. His hand stilled on her back and his breath hitched. Then he resumed stroking her skin, his chest rising and falling again. “You like being here with me?”
“Of course.” She bit her lip, then asked, “Don’t you?”
“Sure,” he said. “What’s not to like?”
And there it was again, that darned wall she kept running into with him. The one that screamed this far, but no further. She wanted to ram that wall, knock it down and rush straight forward into the real heart of Demetri Lewis, but even attempting that might only spook him more and cause him to withdraw again, so she tried to play it off with a laugh. “I’m glad to hear I meet with your approval.”
This time it was Demetri who chuckled. He wrapped his arm around her and rolled her over to loom above her, his weight resting on one elbow. “Oh, honey. I approve.” He kissed a slow trail down her neck then licked that sensitive hollow of her collarbone, making her moan. “I approve so much you wouldn’t believe. Should I show you how much?”
Deep down, Diana knew it was another distraction, another way to keep her off balance and away from the real problems between them, but at that moment she couldn’t bring herself to care. She twined her arms around his neck to pull him down for a kiss. “Yes, please. Show me all night long.”
Nineteen
The next morning, Demetri was up early and determined not to get mired in his emotions again. Instead, he planned to stay so busy he wouldn’t have time to think about Diana or the future or all the crazy things she made him feel.
They had a nice breakfast together in the kitchen. He made eggs and bacon, then they cleaned up together afterward. Then, while she got ready, he walked around the house—inside and out—making a list of everything they’d need to get at the superstore today to make this place as secure a fortress as possible against Franklin Harris.
“So, what’s on the agenda?” she asked, coming back into the living room a short time later. At least staying here had meant they’d been able to do laundry. They didn’t have much—just the handful of clothes they’d gotten at the superstore where they’d bought the soup and other supplies. They’d loaded everything up in the duffel she’d taken with her when she’d left, so it hadn’t gotten left behind when the police arrested him. Still, it was nice to have clean things—and detergent, apparently, took years to expire, so the bottle his aunt had left behind was still good.
She leaned over him where he sat on the sofa to give him a kiss and he inhaled the scent of fabric softener and her sweet floral perfume. After this, he’d never be able to smell lavender again and not think of her. Diana took a seat at the other end of the couch and smiled, brightening his day despite his wishes.
“We need to toughen this place up, in case Harris makes a surprise appearance. That means barricading the windows, reinforcing the walls, stockpiling weapons.” He frowned down at the list he’d made on his phone. “I’ll stop by the hardware store too. Maybe we can cut an emergency escape hatch into the wall in my old bedroom, in case we need a quick way out and he’s got the exits covered.”
“Oh.”
He didn’t miss her glance down the hall or the way her expression turned sad. “What?”
“Nothing.” She shook her head and frowned down at her hands in her lap. “Just seems a waste to damage that room. I was thinking it would’ve made a nice nursery.”
His throat constricted a bit at that, but he swallowed hard. “We aren’t staying here long enough to need a nursery.”
“No, I suppose we aren’t,” she said, quietly, and his heart pinched.
Dammit. He wasn’t doing this again. Wasn’t going there, because each time he did it got harder to pull himself back from the brink of disaster. So instead he pushed to his feet and went to the kitchen to grab the car keys from the drawer. “C’mon. Let’s go.”
She followed him out to the garage, her earlier enthusiasm subdued now. “There’s a car here too?”
“Yeah.” He opened the garage door, then climbed behind the wheel of the four-door sedan. “It was…my dad’s. We didn’t drive it much, but we couldn’t let it go. When my aunt moved out, she took her car with her, but this one stayed. Let’s hope it starts.”
It took a couple of tries but eventually the vehicle chugged to life. Diana buckled herself into the passenger seat and they took off into the outskirts of Baltimore. The superstore was busy, but not too crowded, just enough that they could blend in without being too noticeable. As they wound their way through the aisles, grabbing supplies, Demetri kept looking over his shoulder. It felt like he was being watched, but each time he looked the only person he saw there was Diana.
Damn. Maybe he should’ve left her back at the house. Might’ve been easier that way, since he really didn’t need her help here. Honestly, he could’ve moved faster without her, but he didn’t want a fight. And given the fact she’d been going a bit stir-crazy this morning at breakfast, she would’ve fought him about leaving her at home.
“What about these?” she asked, stopping the cart she was pushing in front of a display of smart home cameras. “They hook up to your phone.”
“No. Those are cheap. And hackable. The last thing I want is for Harris to be able to tap into our system and watch us remotely.” He continued on down the aisle toward the more expensive monitoring systems in the glass case. “I’ll pay extra for one of these so I know it’s done right.”
After they left the superstore, they headed to the home improvement place down the street. By the time they finished a couple of hours later, they had the old sedan packed to the roof with bags and boxes. Diana was looking a bit worse for wear too, the corners of her mouth tugging down into a perma-frown and her ankles growing larger by the minute.
He turned out of th
e lot, heading for home. Her dour mood was more than likely his fault. They hadn’t stopped to rest at all. To try and make up for it, he said, “Let’s go through the drive-thru and get dinner. My treat. That way we don’t have to cook and we can start on fixing up the house as soon as we finish eating. What do you want? Burgers, chicken, Chinese? Probably not Mexican, since we had tacos last night. Or maybe—”
“Whatever,” she grumbled, toeing off her shoes and massaging her sore feet. “Burgers are fine, I guess.”
They got their order and headed back to the house. He didn’t say a word when Diana snuck fries from his bag, figuring food was a small price to pay for peace. Plus, he feared she might take his hand off if he tried to stop her.
“Feeling better?” Demetri asked as she sipped on her strawberry shake.
“A little.” She glanced back at the mountain of stuff on the back seat, then at him. “You really think we need all that stuff?”
“Yeah, I do.” He signalled, then turned onto their street. “Harris knows security and he knows how to get around it. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you and the baby safe, even if it means tearing up the house to do it.”
“Mmm.” She tucked one foot beneath her and fished more fries out of his bag, this time leaning forward slightly to feed him one. The salty, hot goodness was pretty hard to resist. She stuffed three in her mouth, then fed him two more. “Well, I suppose it will be worth it if we can finally catch this guy. I’m tired of running.”
Demetri swallowed and nodded. “Agreed. If we have to make a stand, this is the place to do it. I know this house and—”
About half a block from the house, he stopped short at the flash of hooded figure lurking around the side of the house. Demetri’s heart nosedived to his toes as he scanned the area. Nothing there now, but his gut didn’t lie.