I pulled out an old duffel bag and threw in some clothes, toiletries and shoes. I then went upstairs and grabbed the photo albums, making sure I got the ones with my mom. The photos were all I had left of her.
I could remember her smile and the way she smelled, but she had died when I was four. I put the picture of her holding me, the both of us smiling for the camera in my pocket. I wondered if she was looking out for me, or just watching me and wondering what I was doing with my life. I found myself wishing she were there with me, helping me pack and keeping me from getting scared.
I grabbed some things for my dad, and of course the binder full of important legal papers. It all fit in the bag and I put it by the front door. I picked up a plastic grocery bag and filled it with dog food before double bagging it. That and Shadow's leash went by the door too.
The sky seemed darker outside, so I checked the home phone again, feeling a little silly. I still had this horrible nagging sensation that something wasn't right. I paced the house a couple of times, making sure that I had all the sentimental stuff from the walls as well as all the practical things. My pile by the door grew a little, but not much. I couldn't shake the edgy feeling. Smoke and flames flashed on the silent TV screen.
I picked up my cell phone, thinking I would call Britney or someone from work to come get me. There was a missed call and a text message. Both were from Andrew. I felt my heart quicken and I nearly dropped the phone, my fingers clumsily pressing the buttons to view the message.
Where are you?
I looked at the message confused. It wasn't at all what I was expecting.
Home. Can we talk? I hit send and waited for the return message. It came almost immediately.
Bing. Why aren't you evacuated? Why aren't you here?
I felt a cold sweat break out on my forehead, my back twitching. The phone started vibrating in my hands and I answered it. "Hello?"
"Holly? Why aren't you at the evacuation site? Are you alright?" Andrew sounded worried. I felt a strange comfort in just hearing his voice.
"I haven't gotten a call yet- I didn't think it was that close," I answered. There was so much else I wanted to say to him, but the worry in his voice made me wait.
"Holly, you have to get out of there- they are saying that whole mountain is about to go up once the wind shifts. You have get out of there now, Holly!" Andrew's voice was practically shaking. Or maybe that was just my hand. I glanced out the window at the growing smoke, suddenly feeling very afraid.
"Andrew, I don't have a car. I don't have a way to get out," my voice sounded strange in my ears. Distant, like it wasn't me talking anymore.
"Holly, I can't hear you.. yo..breaki...p...." Andrew's voice crackled in my ear.
"Andrew? Andrew!" I cried into the phone, but the line was only static. Fear pulsated through my body, my hands shaking as I put my phone in my pocket next to my mom. I swallowed hard and opened the front door. The smoke was thicker than when I had looked out at it earlier, and I threw my stuff out on the front porch.
I could see the road was still clear, and it was my only way down the mountain. I could walk that with Shadow and still carry the duffel bag. I imagined walking into the evacuation site and it suddenly becoming an entertaining story. I tried not to think about the part where I wasn't sure where the evacuation site was or that the closest house was half a mile away.
I picked up Shadow's leash and went to the back door. I stepped out on the porch, the smoke making me sneeze. I called to her, but I couldn't see her. She usually stayed close to the house, the electric fence keeping her penned in.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw the TV screen was dark. I hadn't turned it off. My stomach was creeping up my throat, and I battled to keep it down and to stay calm. I could handle this. The power was out, but I was leaving anyway. I swallowed on a dry mouth and stepped out on to the back porch. If the power was out then that meant the fence was down. Shadow couldn't have gotten far.
I started calling her name, choking on the haze surrounding the house. I couldn't leave her. She was probably terrified and running around trying to figure out what to do. I cursed silently in my head that I hadn't brought her in while I was gathering everything to go as I stepped off the wooden porch and started towards the trees lining the edge of the yard.
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Andrew looked around the high school. It seemed like everyone he had ever known was there, milling around the gymnasium and talking in hushed tones. He looked around for Holly, wondering what he was going to say when he saw her. There was no way she was going to leave him alone if she saw him first. She had texted him everyday, the same thing: I'm sorry. Please call me. He had ignored every single one.
Andrew felt a little guilty at ignoring her. The initial anger of finding out that she wasn’t who he thought had finally faded, but it was left with a cold apathy. The girl he loved was sweet and innocent, not some tramp who would sleep with anything that had a penis. She had changed in his eyes, and he didn't like the new girl he saw.
Andrew sat down with his back against the gym wall and watched as people moved and greeted one another. Ray waved to him as he sat down at a table and began talking with the other locals. Despite the fight with his mom, Andrew still liked Ray. He kept hoping they would work it out. There was free coffee and donuts in the cafeteria, and he considered getting up to get some. Breakfast had been a long time ago.
Audrey had woken him up early, the house still dark, after getting a phone call to evacuate. They had quickly packed what they could into their cars and headed to the high school. Audrey made sure Andrew was safe, and then headed to the clinic. The donuts were sounding better and better.
He was about to get up when he saw Louise sit on one of the band chairs people had dragged in, her belly swollen and pronounced. Andrew tried not to stare at her, but it was hard. How could she have done that to herself? He shook his head, pity lining his face. He felt so sorry for her, having to raise a child by herself. She looked so helpless. He stood up to get his donuts, and decided to ask if she wanted one as well. He made it three steps towards her before he stopped.
"I wasn't sure what you would like, and the book said you shouldn't have coffee, so I got you an orange juice. If you want apple, I bet I could find some."Jimmy Haskins knelt next to her with a juice and donuts, his face anxious as he handed her the food. Louise beamed at him, her smile transforming her face into a radiant beauty.
"Orange is perfect, Jimmy. Thank you. Come sit next to me and we'll split these donuts," she said. Jimmy's worried look disappeared instantly and he pulled up a chair as she began pulling the donuts in half. Andrew watched as the two of them laughed and fed one another donuts, their happiness pooling around them like sunshine.
Louise suddenly squeaked and put her hand on her belly, a look of surprise on her face. Jimmy moved closer to her, his worried, but she smiled and grabbed his hand putting it on his belly. Andrew watched as Jimmy's face filled with amazement and joy.
"He's kicking me! He's so strong! My little boy is going to be a football star!" Jimmy exclaimed. Delight poured out of him, as he kissed Louise, the two of them settling back into their happy bubble. Andrew found himself envying their happiness. The two of them radiated such a pure joy and hope for the future that Andrew actually wished he could share it. The thought caught him by surprise.
Andrew stood up and headed to the cafeteria, trying to figure out why he envied Louise and Jimmy. He certainly didn't want a kid yet. He wanted their happiness. Their certainty that the future was going to turn out right. It had to be an illusion. There was no way they could be that happy in that situation. Andrew picked up a couple donuts and a coffee and headed back to the gym, still keeping an eye out for Holly.
"Andrew," Louise called to him as he walked in. He headed towards her, slightly surprised. "Do you know if they have more of those donuts with the sprinkles on them?"
"Yeah, they just got another box in. Do you want me to go get you some?" Andrew answered
.
"Oh, I'll get them. Got to take care of my girl," Jimmy said, patting Andrew on the shoulder. Andrew watched him go, before turning back to Louise.
"I didn't know you two were together," he started, trying to find a way to ease into a conversation. Louise laughed.
"I thought this baby was going to be the end of the world. But it wasn't. I've had a thing for Jimmy for as long as I can remember, but he didn't seem interested in me. Then this happened and I found out he had a thing for me too. This wasn't exactly what either of us had planned, but it is working out better than I could have dreamed. Jimmy is going to be a great dad," she said glowing.
"You mean he isn't mad about the whole situation?" Andrew asked bluntly.
"Mad? No. I suppose he was a little bit at first, but the whole thing is half his fault too. I didn't just magically get this baby in me. He helped," she laughed. "This isn't what I expected, but that's life. You take the good with the bad."
Andrew nodded slowly. Jimmy returned then with a plate full of donuts, and Andrew returned his seat. He said goodbye and walked slowly around the gymnasium, glancing every so often at the happy couple. He kept thinking of Holly. How happy she had made him feel. Her smile. Where was she? She should be here.
Andrew pulled out his phone. He had a vague uneasiness that he couldn't shake. He was about to open a text message, but he saw Mike, the manager of the grocery store. Holly was probably just working. Andrew put his phone back in his pocket and went to talk to Mike; that way, he could put his mind at ease without having to talk to Holly.
"Hey Mike, is Holly working today?" Andrew asked catching his attention. Mike shook his head.
"No, she had this weekend off. Besides, the store is now in the evacuated area- it's closed right now. If you see her will you tell her that the store is closed until further notice and she doesn't have to work?" Mike scratched the back of his neck and smiled.
"Sure. If I see her, I'll let her know," Andrew said politely. The tightness in his chest increased. There was something wrong. Andrew pulled out his phone. One message wouldn't hurt.
Where are you?
Andrew hit send, feeling a little better since he had done something. The tightness was still there though, and it would be until he knew Holly was safe. Just because he was mad at her didn't mean he wanted her to be in danger.
"The fire remains at zero percent containment here in Conifer, Colorado," blared out the TV reporter from the screen. Someone had brought a TV into the gym on one of the old stands he remembered from movie days in school. "Winds are gusting and severely hampering all efforts of the firefighters to stop this fire from spreading," the scene cut to the fire chief, his face covered in soot and ash. "Fire burns faster going up a mountain rather than down. The heat from the fire rises and pre-bakes the trees above it. With these gusting winds, the fire is jumping faster than we can contain it. It's going to take the mountain." A map of the area popped on the screen, with red marks all over the mountain. Holly's house was firmly in the red now, the arrows marking the fire's direction pointing right at her. Andrew's jaw tightened. No messages on his phone. Where was she?
Chapter 15
An epic battle. Men verses flame, spirit against nature. Water poured from hoses like rain. Planes and helicopters poured red dust as though it had no end. Masked yellow uniforms felled trees and dug trenches, giving the flames no place to run. The flames screamed in defiance, casting embers to the sky. The chief called for more. It had to be enough.
My voice didn't seem to carry in the smoke and I quickly grew hoarse. I knew I was going to have to leave with or without my dog soon if I wanted to make it off the mountain at all. I called out frantically, hating the idea of leaving her to smoke and flame because I couldn't find her.
I headed deeper into the pine trees, down towards the tree fort Andrew and I had made as kids. Luke's dad had given us scrap wood and we had made a fort one summer long ago. Shadow loved it in the trees by the fort. There was a family of squirrels that lived in the fort now and whenever the fence went down, Shadow would try and escape to the fort like it was her own secret base. I hoped I would find her there, but I knew if I didn't I was going to have to head back alone.
The smoke was darker in the trees, the dry needles crunching under my shoes as I headed down the steep slope. I couldn't see Shadow anywhere and my voice hurt from the smoke and screaming. I turned to head back, hoping the dog was smarter than me and waiting back at the house. A flash of golden fur caught my attention in the trees up ahead, and I called out to her and ran forward.
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He hit the speed dial. Holly's phone rang and went to voice mail. He was going to be furious if she was just somewhere else and doing this to make him worry. He started pacing, chewing on the inside of his lip. Something was wrong and it was making his whole world feel off balance.
Bing. Home. Can we talk?
He barely read the message before replying, Why aren't you evacuated? Why aren't you here? He glanced at the TV, where the image of fire danced on the screen. He didn't wait for her to type back. He hit the call button, anxious to hear she was alright. She couldn't possibly be at home- why would she ignore the evacuation call?
"Holly? Why aren't you at the evacuation site? Are you alright?" He wanted to scream into the phone.
"I haven't gotten a call yet- I didn't think it was that close," her voice crackled over the line. He was glad to hear her voice, but her answer terrified him as he looked at the fire map.
"Holly, you have to get out of there- they are saying that whole mountain is about to go up once the wind shifts. You have get out of there now, Holly!" His hand was shaking as he pressed the phone to his ear. He could barely hear her as she told him she didn't have a car.
"Holly, I can't hear you- you're breaking up. Holly? HOLLY!" he yelled into the phone, hearing only static on the other end. He tried to dial her again, but it went straight to voice-mail.
A cold doom settled around his shoulders. In his mind he heard her screams as the fire engulfed her. The ash from her burned home falling on his head, her voice calling his name. He had to do something.
"You alright, Andrew? You look like you saw a ghost," Ray put his hand on Andrew's shoulder, shocking him out of his morbid daydream.
"Holly didn't get the evacuation call. She's still at home," he whispered, his eyes big as saucers. Ray paled and swallowed hard. The two men's eyes met.
"I'll get my truck," Ray said. Andrew nodded and followed him out to the parking lot.
▪▪▪
I heard the crack before I felt it, my foot sliding into a hole and twisting as I fell. The pain was immediate, and I struggled to pull my foot free. Small branches and sticky sap caught in my shoelaces, as I pulled it out of the hole. It flopped on the ground, bending the wrong direction. Tears filled my eyes, burning against the smoke. It didn't hurt as much as I expected, but I had a feeling that would quickly change.
I struggled to my knees, tears running down my face. I looked up and saw Shadow coming towards me through the trees, her long tail wagging. She licked my face, taking tears and soot as I held onto her soft fur. She whined softly as I hooked her leash to her collar, and prepared to stand.
It was so quiet. The birds had stopped singing. I heard the wind in the trees, the pine needles rustling together in fear of the flame. A primal panic started to grow in my belly, a need to run, to flee and escape. I battled to my feet, but my ankle shot lightning bolts of red pain through my leg. I couldn't put any weight, let alone walk on it. I bit my lip, trying to distract myself from the pain.
I needed a plan. "Come on, use your brain, Holly!" I yelled out into the woods. The trees absorbed the sound but it released the fear out of my brain. Inspiration struck- my old bicycle was in the garage. I had to make it back to the house. If I made it to the garage, I could pull out the bike and coast down the hill and not need my ankle. I knew the tires were flat, but at this point that was the least of my worries. I looked at Shadow
and she wagged her tail. I told myself she was trying to encourage me. I took a step and screamed as I collapsed on the ground.
It took a minute for the red haze of pain to lift. I had to keep moving, the fire was coming. I had to get to the garage and to my pink bicycle. I could do it. I had to do it. I started crawling on my hands and knees, the pine needles and dried grass poking and sticking to my skin. Pine bark and rocks scraped my knees, but at least I was moving forward. All I had to do was get to the garage.
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Ray skidded to a halt in Holly's driveway and Andrew ran up to the front door. He froze as he saw it was open, a duffel bag and dog food sitting on the front porch. He pushed the door open, calling out her name. The house was deathly quiet. Andrew's hair stood on end. Where was she?
"I'll throw her stuff in the truck. Where is she? Could she have gotten a ride from someone?" Ray asked picking up the bag and throwing it over his shoulder. Concern flooded his voice. Andrew shook his head and ran his hand through his hair. This felt wrong.
"We had to blow through that barricade- I doubt anyone is left up here. I'm going to check the back- she is probably just getting Shadow," Andrew said, hoping he sounded more confident than he felt. Ray nodded and started putting the bag in the back of the truck. Andrew ran through the house, calling her name just to make sure she wasn't inside before heading out on the back porch.
The swing creaked as a gust of wind caught it. It smelled like burning up here, the sky turning pitch black. He looked down into the yard, hoping to see Holly walking up with Shadow, but there was nothing. A sickly yellow sunshine broke through and fell on the empty yard; it made Andrew's blood run cold.
"Power's out," Ray said joining him on the porch. Andrew's head turned quickly towards him.
"That mean's Shadow's fence is out- Holly must be looking for her," Andrew felt a slight sense of pride that his voice didn't quake. He felt like every word should have come out vibrato.
Fire Always Burns Page 12