by Tara Pammi
Slowly, Tanya relaxed as he asked her questions about herself, told her a few stories about a temperamental Bollywood director, the injuries he had received when he had done his own stunts in one of his action movies. He asked her about the places she had visited in India.
Tanya found herself smiling and laughing alternately, his humour and charm making it so easy to like him. But neither was she unaware of the spark that had roared into life when their fingers touched, or the small tremors in her belly as his gaze traveled over her mouth.
But he wouldn’t press her into anything, she realised. Even the touch had been accidental. The fact that he was sticking to his word only made her like him more.
But Tanya wanted more. She wanted to dance with this man who made her laugh so easily, she wanted to feel the solid strength of his shoulders, and she wanted to feel her heart race in her chest with excitement. But she was nowhere near done grieving, had no idea where or how to begin living life again.
In twelve months, she had done nothing but wake up, eat, dress and sleep. She had been like a zombie in that American show that Jessie liked so much. Just functioning.
But in just the space of a few hours, John had made her angry, made her laugh at him and herself and more than anything, he had made her feel again. Reminded her of the girl who had fallen into love with her whole heart, who had reached for happiness, the girl who had known pain and grief.
The girl who had asked the man she had loved to marry her.
That girl would never shy away from a magical night with a magnificent man.
Before her courage deserted her, Tanya reached for his hand on the table and laced her fingers with his.
His fingers clasped her tight instantly, the blunt tips grazing her own. His hand was big and warm enveloping hers. And she shuddered a breath out, gathering herself inside.
Tomorrow, he would leave and she would go back to her own life.
‘Can we get out of here?’ she finally said, losing herself in the desire in his eyes.
***
Tanya had made such plans to breathe in every detail of the interior of the majestic hotel. But her hand in John’s, the only thing she was aware of was his long stride, the tensile strength of his thighs, and the breadth of his shoulders. Before she could blink, John’s fingers were fumbling with the key card.
She had no idea who had pulled who along or if they had communicated without words and agreed with each other.
Her heartbeat was like an incessant tattoo against her ribs as she stepped over the threshold. His suite was decadent luxury and elegant style meshed together perfectly. The stunning vista of nighttime London through the French doors held her attention for a few seconds.
Sudden shyness coming over her, she turned.
John leaned against the closed door to the suite, his legs crossed at the ankles, his gaze sweeping over her with intense scrutiny.
Letting the feverish desire that was combing through her be the driving force, Tanya reached him and pressed her lips to his. Heat unlike anything she had ever known enveloped her as he dug his fingers into her hair and pulled her close with a groan.
His mouth slanted over hers, he nibbled at her lips, stroked the seam. A sob of hunger rising through her, Tanya gasped and felt the erotic stroke of his tongue against hers. The kiss went from soft and exploring to wanton heat and wild lust in the matter of a couple of breaths.
Desperate for more, Tanya held him tighter, her body’s want and need warring with her innate modesty. As though sensing her inner turmoil, the pressure of his kiss relented.
If he thought backing off and staying gentle with a soft caress instead of the all-consuming hunger was better, he was wrong.
The soft, butterfly kisses he placed along her jawline even as he struggled to control his own breathing only made her realise how much she wanted this. Clasping his unshaven jaw, Tanya kissed his luscious mouth again. Dueled with his tongue, tugged his lower lip with her teeth and reveled in the shudder that went through him.
When he said, ‘Bedroom,’ she nodded eagerly. She locked her hands around his neck as he picked her up as if she weighed nothing more than a feather. Every inch of her trembling with spiraling need, she hid her face in his chest. ‘How can I like this so much? How can I want you so much?’
His fingers under her chin, he tipped her face up. He kissed her nose with a tenderness that unraveled the fist of grief that threatened to fragment her from within. Putting her down on the bed, he kissed her as if she was truly the most beautiful woman in the world.
Sensations buffeted her from every side as he kissed her softly. Lying on his side, as if afraid that she would bolt, he traced the lines of her body. Whispered soft promises as he pulled the side zip of her dress down and bared her breasts to his devouring gaze.
He held her with utter tenderness as she tucked her face in his chest, feeling immensely shy and exposed. Reassuring her with butterfly kisses, he convinced her body to unfurl slowly under his expert caresses.
When his mouth closed over her breast, the exquisite sensation arrowed down to her lower belly. A sob building inside her chest, Tanya writhed under the assault of his mouth and tongue. Only a shadow of her modesty left, she gasped when his long fingers hitched her dress up. She moaned when his fingers pushed her thong out of the way and touched the aching folds of her sex. Dug her fingers into his shoulders, cried as he set a relentless rhythm with his mouth and fingers, driving her higher and higher.
Shattered into a million fragments as her climax rocked through her.
Shuddered as the spasms slowed down. Shivered violently as something inside her fragmented. It wasn’t grief, but it wasn’t happiness either and she felt exposed in the most basic way.
Stiffening in his arms, she began to turn away but his arms were steel bands around her.
‘Don’t turn away, Tanya.’
‘I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me. I’m just…’ she shivered again.
‘I have you, okay?’
When she nodded, he kissed her temple and a ray of something pierced through Tanya.
***
John felt emotions he hadn’t felt in so long beat at him from all sides. Tenderness, concern and something much fiercer vied for place within him. Her eyes dark with desire, her breathing still erratic, Tanya was the most gorgeous, most honest woman he had met in a long while.
But it was the utter confusion in her eyes that unmanned him. The depth of emotion there for a man who had been gone more than a year, the purity of her desire, the guilt that marred her beautiful face…it was a tableau he hadn’t expected tonight.
He clasped her hand with his and lifted it to his mouth. Felt the tremble in her body and the demanding roar of his own. Turning her until she was lying on her side, he pulled her close. He kissed her temple. ‘This…what’s happening, you know, there’s nothing to feel guilty about, right?’
‘I know. I want to do this…it’s just that I’ve never had a one-night stand before. Sunny and I…’ She slapped a hand over her mouth. ‘But I…you…I’m so sorry, John. I want this. I do. Just give me a few minutes.’
He laughed, and as the edge of his lust slowly blunted, he felt something else take over him. When had he last held a woman close like this?
When had he let someone see the real him?
‘Don’t worry, beautiful. We’ll make love when you’re ready. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to tonight. It’s selfish, I know, but when we make love, I want you to think only of me.’
Something flickered in her gaze and John knew he was right. She was not ready. And he didn’t want her to be left with a bad memory she wanted to forget like a mistake she associated only with guilt.
John wanted her to remember him. More than remember, he wanted her to think of him, he wanted her to want him. As he did her.
‘But you’re leaving tomorrow, aren’t you?’
‘Yes. But sex is not everything, is it?’
L
aughing, she nudged her butt against his erection and he groaned. ‘I think you must have super self-control to be able to say that right now.’
He dug his teeth into her shoulder and blew gently on her skin. ‘Remember this conversation, lovely. Remember what restraint I’ve exercised, the sacrifice I have made tonight,’ he said, infusing exaggerated drama into his tone. ‘Remember me, Tanya.’
And just as he wanted, she giggled. Turned around and pressed a kiss to his mouth. Surprise flared in her eyes at her own impulsive gesture. Before she could retreat again, John dragged her close, refusing to let her shy away from him.
Slowly, she relaxed again, lacing her fingers with his. She traced the bulging veins on the back of his hand with reverent fingers. ‘That sounds vaguely scary.’
He kissed the skin at the crook of her neck, inhaled the fragrance of her scent. Felt exhilaration and a peace like he had never known before. ‘It’s a promise. When you’re ready for me, Tanya, I’m going to demand everything you’ve got.’ He tasted her mouth again. ‘Now, sleep.’
***
A week later, Tanya was just sitting down for Friday lunch with her whole family when Jessie came bursting into the kitchen. ‘Look what got delivered for Tanya.’
She was holding the biggest bouquet of red roses Tanya had ever seen.
Her knees shook beneath her and she sank into the chair. She felt about ten gazes turn to her with a mixture of joy, concern and general curiosity. Wetting her lips, Tanya managed to speak past her dry throat. ‘Is there a card?’
Her head bobbing up and down, Jessie smiled and read the card. ‘To new beginnings.’
Refusing to answer even a single question, Tanya grabbed the roses from Jessie and went upstairs to her room.
She hadn’t heard a word from him since she had left his bed while he had been asleep in the early hours of the morning. Reluctant to face him again, in the clarity of the day, she had called Raj and informed him that she wasn’t feeling well.
Without questions, her brother had picked up the rest of the shift. And Tanya had locked herself in her room for the next day, claiming to be sick.
She had stared at her phone until she had memorized every tiny crack in it. Had waited for something.
Finally, today, she had called herself a fool. Back in the glittering world that he lived in, of course, he had forgotten her. But Tanya couldn’t regret her actions or even a moment of the night. She might not be anything but a blip in his life, but for her it had been nothing short of magical, life giving.
She would never forget how kind and thoughtful he had been. Would never forget how safe she had felt in his arms. Would never forget how she had come apart in his arms.
She buried her face in the flowers and inhaled the sweet fragrance. Jessie came into her room, her eyes round and huge in her face. She was fairly bouncing with excitement and Tanya laughed. ‘What is it? Spill, before you explode from it.’
‘You didn’t tell me everything that happened that night. You lied. OMG, you and John...and you didn’t say a word.’
Her heart thudding hard, Tanya said, ‘What are you talking about, Jessie?’
‘You and him, Tanya. You said it was nothing special. Now he sends you roses and…’
‘And what?’
Jessie waved her phone in front of her. It was open to John’s twitter account. Something that had taken every ounce of Tanya’s willpower to stay away from. Every inch of her thrummed with tension and anticipation and she grabbed it from Jessie with shaking fingers.
Met the most beautiful woman on my recent trip to London, tweeps. Can’t wait to see her again. Think she’ll give me a chance?
The most indescribable feeling ballooned up inside her and strangely, tears ran down her face. And she felt the burden of grief and pain and guilt lift from her shoulders.
She felt free, she felt alive.
There were already thousands of retweets, every one asking him who she was. But he didn’t tweet again. And he wouldn’t, she knew.
The roses and the tweet, it was to tell her that he was thinking of her. He was giving her space, time to get used to him. She wanted to follow him, tweet him. But she didn’t want to. She didn’t want anyone to know, she didn’t want to share what he made her feel with anyone.
Grabbing her own phone, she typed and tweeted. He would read it, she knew. And he would understand.
Beginning to breathe again. To new beginnings.
***
If you enjoyed this story,
don’t miss Tara Pammi’s next Mills & Boon Modern®
A Deal with Demakis
Available now!
ISBN: 978-1-474-00092-5
Bollywood Comes to The Chatsfield
© Copyright © 2014 by Harlequin Books S.A.
Special thanks and acknowledgement are given to Tara Pammi for her contribution to The Chatsfield series.
Published in Great Britain in 2014
Harlequin (UK) Limited
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