* * *
—
Wendy told Jeff about the trip to Paris on their first Wednesday night together after she’d been asked. She waited until after dinner, which she’d prepared for him, and set on a candlelit table with a white linen tablecloth. She always went all out on their nights together, and bought a good bottle of wine since he was off call on Wednesday nights. She broached the subject carefully, not sure what he would say, and wondering if he would object to her being gone for so long. She expected him to be somewhat upset.
His eyes lit up the moment she told him about the exchange program organized by the DEM and endorsed by the mayor’s office, and he smiled broadly at Wendy and touched her hand.
“That’s fantastic! I’m so proud of you! What a wonderful opportunity. And Paris…you’re going to have so much fun!” He assumed immediately that she was going and didn’t pick up on the uncertainty in her voice and eyes.
“I wasn’t sure…I thought that maybe you’d be bothered by it. I was thinking that maybe I could go for part of it, like a week or two, and not stay the whole time.” It was a compromise she had thought of that week, but hadn’t asked if they’d agree.
“Why would you do that? If the program they’re planning is for an entire month, you should stay for the whole time. And why rush back to San Francisco when you can be in Paris?” He looked excited for her, and not upset at all.
“I don’t like leaving you for a whole month,” she said cautiously, but didn’t explain why. That she didn’t want to leave him alone with his wife for that long, without their Wednesday nights.
“I’ll be gone for half of it anyway,” he said matter-of-factly, and Wendy looked surprised. It was the first she had heard of it, as he smiled at her, looking relaxed. “The kids have their winter break then. Jane and I are taking them to Aspen. It’s everyone’s favorite vacation. They’re all good skiers.” Stephanie knew he was too. But she wasn’t thinking about their skiing. She was bowled over that he was taking them on vacation, again, with his wife. They still went on vacation with their kids several times a year. He had even taken her to a medical conference the year before. Jeff said it was because it was in Miami and she had never been. But it didn’t sit well with Wendy, and she knew that Aspen was a glamorous ski resort, and they would have a great time. She didn’t like the sound of it at all. “When do you leave?” Jeff asked her more precisely.
“In slightly less than two weeks,” she said. She had waited two days to tell him, until their Wednesday night tryst.
“That’s perfect. We go to Aspen a week after that, we’ll be there for two weeks, and you’ll come home a week after we do. Perfect timing. We’ll both be so busy we won’t have time to miss each other while you’re gone.” Maybe he wouldn’t, but Wendy missed him every day she didn’t see him, and the thought that he’d be on a holiday with his wife made her feel sick.
“So you don’t mind?” She wanted him to tell her he’d miss her while she was away, but he hadn’t. He looked happy for her, and congratulated her with the last of the wine. “I can’t wait to hear about it when you get back.” He was at ease and pleased for her, and not worried in the least.
“I’ll text you from there,” she promised and he looked hesitant.
“Make sure you do it during office hours, and don’t get confused with the time difference. You can’t text me in Aspen, Jane will be around all the time.” She wanted to cry as she listened to him. She felt infinitely inconsequential in his life. She was a pastime, a diversion, even though one of long standing. She was the Wednesday night spice in his life, and whether he admitted it to her or not, she could sense that his wife was still the main meal. She never wanted to admit it to herself, but now and then it hit her in the face, and it just had. It didn’t bother Jeff at all that he wasn’t going to see Wendy for a month, and rather than find a way to talk to her while she was gone, he didn’t want her sending texts while he was on vacation with his wife and kids. It was a brutal reminder that Wendy had no role in his life.
Her fears were even greater now that he would detach from her, and get closer to his wife while Wendy was in France. It was an unhealthy relationship for her and always had been. It destroyed her sense of self-worth and she knew it. She didn’t even want to go to Paris now, but she knew that she’d look like a loser to him and her boss if she didn’t go. Her heart was in her socks as he talked to her about Paris, and suggested several restaurants where she should go. All she wanted now was to stay home with him, but he wouldn’t be there anyway, and she would have been miserable if she’d been in San Francisco while he was on a two-week vacation with Jane and their kids in Aspen.
Things had suddenly come clear to her that whether or not Jeff saw her didn’t seem of great importance to him. He enjoyed their Wednesday nights, and her company, but a month without her was no big deal to him, even though it was to her. And yet, whenever she had questioned the relationship and tried to get out of it in the past six years, he had talked her into staying. Was she merely a convenience to him, sex he had to make no effort for? Did he even love her? But even if he did, it felt like a dead end. Six years later, he was still going on vacations with his wife. It was obvious that there was no future in it for her, except as an affair he was having on the side, which was exactly who she’d never wanted to be in his life. She looked at herself in the mirror as she got ready for bed, and asked herself if that was what she wanted, someone who cared so little for her, and offered her no future. Year by year she was giving up the chance to have children. It was a high price to pay for sex every Wednesday night, no matter how handsome, impressive, and successful her lover was.
The next morning Jeff kissed her lightly on the lips before he left, thanked her for a wonderful evening, a good meal, and a great bottle of wine. He ran a hand across her bottom and said he’d see her sometime that week, if he had time to drop by. He knew she’d be waiting for him as she always did. They had one more Wednesday before she left for Paris, and she hated herself for making it so easy for him.
That morning, she told the head of the hospital that she would be going to Paris, to represent Stanford Medical Center’s trauma unit in the exchange, and she walked back to her office with a heavy heart. There was no hiding from the fact of how little she meant to Jeff. The truth cut through her like a knife.
Chapter Five
The four trauma doctors from San Francisco had been told to meet at the Starbucks in the international departure terminal at the airport, after they checked in. They were leaving on a Sunday.
Bill Browning was the first to arrive. He was an early riser and always punctual. He called Alex and Pip on the way to the airport. It was late afternoon for them and they had just come home from playing in the park. They knew he was going to be in Paris for a month, and he was taking the Eurostar to see them that weekend. In five days, he would be with them. He couldn’t wait, and they sounded excited about seeing him too. Their mother had agreed to let him see them for four weekends in a row, and even send them to Paris for one of them, when she and Rupert were going to Spain for a few days. When he left Paris, Bill wouldn’t see them again until the summer, so Athena agreed to accommodate him this time. The war between them was over and had been since she married Rupert, and Bill was a responsible, caring father, so she had no objection to his spending time with the children. It was almost as if their marriage had never happened. They no longer had anything in common, the only link between them was the girls.
He ordered a grande cappuccino, and stood watching for the others. He had looked all of them up on Google and had seen their pictures. Their credentials were impressive, they had all gone to important medical schools, and done their residencies at the best hospitals. They were equally matched in terms of their reputations and skills and where they practiced, at four of the finest medical centers in the Bay Area. There wasn’t a weak link in the group. They were relatively close
in age, with Stephanie being the youngest at thirty-five, and Tom Wylie the oldest at forty-three, and Wendy and Bill himself in between. Their profiles didn’t say whether they were married or single, and it didn’t matter to Bill. He noticed that Stephanie was very pretty with long blond hair and big blue eyes. She had a very American appearance, and a bright smile with perfect teeth. She looked like the girl next door, all grown up with a medical degree.
Wendy Jones appeared to be petite in the photograph, she had a smoldering sexy quality to her, blue eyes and hair as dark as his own. She was striking and beautiful, but he thought her eyes seemed sad. She wasn’t smiling, and didn’t look like a happy person. She seemed as though she had the cares of the world on her shoulders, but he was impressed that she had graduated cum laude from Harvard. He got the impression from her bio and photograph that she was one of those physicians who took herself very seriously. He’d done his residency at Stanford, where she worked now, so they had that in common.
Wendy arrived within five minutes of Bill. She didn’t notice him at first, and was drinking a short nonfat latte with vanilla and cinnamon as she glanced around. Their eyes met and Bill smiled. She was as slim and petite as he had expected her to be, and appeared younger than thirty-seven. Her hair was long and she was wearing it in a neat ponytail. She was traveling in jeans, a black sweater, and a parka, and was carrying a tote bag full of medical journals she intended to catch up on during the flight. It was eleven hours to Paris, so she had her computer in the bag too. She didn’t like to waste time being idle. Neither did Bill, but he wanted to watch a movie and catch up on his sleep. He had been on call for two nights in a row, and hadn’t bothered to shave for the trip. His outfit was much the same as Wendy’s, jeans, heavy black sweater, black down jacket, and running shoes. They looked like twins as they greeted each other and smiled.
“Exciting trip, isn’t it?” he said warmly, nursing his cappuccino, and his smile lit up his eyes. “I’m really looking forward to it. I have two daughters in London, this gives me a chance to see them before the summer. Their mother’s British so they live over there. I promised to take them to Euro Disney in Paris when they come to France.” He chatted easily as they waited for the two others to arrive. “I’ve been trying to read up on the emergency services structure in France,” he added. “It’s incredibly confusing. They divide all their services by ‘zone’ geographically, at the local, department, and national level. It’s all under the direction of the Ministry of the Interior. Our division of power is a lot simpler.” She nodded and had been reading about it too.
* * *
—
Stephanie had had a hard time leaving the boys. They hadn’t been upset about her trip until then, but Andy looked so distressed that they picked up the signal from him, and started to cry before she left the house. She spent ten minutes trying to console them, although she was already late to meet the others before their flight.
Andy had hardly spoken to her since she told him she was going, and he was chilly when he said goodbye and she hugged him. He didn’t kiss her, and stood in the doorway looking stone-faced with a crying child on either side of him. He didn’t do anything to make the departure easier for her, and didn’t console his sons until she left. He wanted his wife to see what it looked like when you abandoned your family for a month to run off to France, on a program he thought she never should have accepted as a married woman with two children. She had tried to reason with him again before she left, to no avail.
“I’m not going to join the Folies Bergère, for Chrissake. I’m going on a work mission with a bunch of doctors.”
“You can do things like that when the kids are in college,” he said sternly. He made it clear that he hadn’t forgiven her for going, and she wondered if he ever would, but it was so unreasonable in her opinion that she didn’t want to enter into his games, or argue the point with him again. The following weekend, he was planning to take the boys skiing in Tahoe, and putting them in ski school. She would have liked to go with them, but probably would have been on call anyway.
Stephanie was fifteen minutes late to meet her colleagues when she ran through the airport, her long blond hair flying, in running shoes and jeans, a pink sweater, and a fur jacket she was going to wear if they went out to dinner somewhere nice. Her parka was in her suitcase, and she’d been afraid to put her fur jacket in her checked luggage so she wore it. She was out of breath when she spotted Wendy and Bill outside Starbucks, and recognized them both immediately.
“I’m so sorry I’m late. My sons were crying when I left, I almost forgot my iPad.” She looked stressed and didn’t add that her husband was pissed at her for going.
Bill asked about her sons, and volunteered that he had two daughters in London, a little older than Aden and Ryan. It gave them something to talk about. Wendy said she had no children, but didn’t say it was because she had been the mistress of a married man for six years, and still was, while her biological clock was ticking. She had wanted children when she was younger, but doubted now that she would ever have any. It had begun to feel like it was too late, and she didn’t want a baby while Jeff was still with his wife, nor did he. He was careful to make sure that never happened, and so was she. It would have been a disaster, and he had made it clear that he expected her to have an abortion if she ever got pregnant.
They heard their flight called over the PA system, and walked slowly toward their gate, assuming that the fourth member of the group could get himself on the plane, since he was late. They wanted to board and settle in for the long flight, and just as they reached the gate and handed their boarding passes to the gate agent, Tom Wylie joined them. He was as fair as Stephanie and they looked like brother and sister. They were both tall and thin with long legs. He was wearing a navy turtleneck, jeans, a proper overcoat, and black suede loafers. He seemed sophisticated, and smiled at each of them as he apologized for being late.
“Overslept. Sorry. Late night.” He grinned at them.
“Were you on call?” Bill asked sympathetically and Tom laughed.
“Not really,” he said in an undervoice. “I had a date. A new nurse in the ER.” He looked so wicked when he said it that Bill laughed, as they followed Stephanie and Wendy onto the plane and found their seats. Their seat assignments were in pairs on either side of the aisle, and they automatically sat with the two men on one side, and the two women on the other. They were chatting comfortably with each other before the plane took off. Tom asked Bill his marital status, was delighted to hear he was divorced, and told him that he had the names of several nightclubs, and they should go out together some night. Bill laughed at the suggestion.
“That’s not really my thing. I go to bed early and I’m an early riser, and I’m planning to see my daughters on the weekends.”
“There will be no early nights in Paris!” Tom said with the voice of authority and Bill laughed again. Clearly, Tom was planning a busy nightlife while they were there. He wasn’t going to waste a single moment.
“Maybe one of the French doctors will join you for a night on the town,” Bill suggested. They were going to be meeting their French counterparts in two days, but had read nothing about them yet. The DEM in San Francisco had been more organized about sharing information. They had a schedule of their first day of meetings, and a list of the names of the participants, but after that they would be in the hands of the French authorities that handled emergency services. They’d also been given access information for their apartments. They each had an apartment in the same building, in the Seventh Arrondissement. The apartments were supposedly small but functional in one of the government buildings. Many of the buildings had been homes two hundred years before, and in recent years were purchased by the government and broken into offices and small apartments. At least they’d be together at the same address. As the two men compared information about the respective hospitals where they worked, the two women we
re getting acquainted. Tom was shocked at the security measures Bill had to deal with at SF General, and the number of shootings that occurred in the hospital itself, sometimes right in the emergency room. An intern had recently been grazed by a stray bullet. But Bill had nothing but good things to say about working there and how the hospital was run. He said the new modern facility that had been added a few years before was amazing. And the diverse nature of the patients was inevitable in a public hospital, and interesting for the medical staff.
“It’s much more civilized at Alta Bates,” Tom informed him, “though not as exciting.” They talked about the recent fire, and the last act of terrorism in Paris. Bill and Tom each purchased a breakfast roll, and a flight attendant poured them each a cup of coffee.
“Do you have children?” Stephanie asked Wendy, who regretfully shook her head.
“I’m not married. And it’s a little late for that now, although I have a lot of friends in their forties having first babies,” Wendy said quietly.
“Boyfriend?” Stephanie asked bravely. They were going to be seeing each other every day, and she wanted to know more about her. Wendy hesitated before she answered.
“More or less,” she responded vaguely, which told Stephanie the relationship was less than perfect. Wendy didn’t offer the information that he was married. “We see each other once a week. We’re both busy. He’s a cardiac surgeon at Stanford.”
“That must be easier in some ways,” Stephanie said wistfully. “At least he understands what the work pressures on you are like. My husband is a freelance writer, and he takes it personally every time I have to go in to work at night. We fight constantly about how much time I can spend with our kids. He works from home, so he’s with them a lot. I’m always feeling guilty, and the boys were crying when I left this morning. It’s so difficult always being pulled between your family and your job. I feel like I never give enough to either one, and someone is always pissed. I think if I had known that, I’d have waited to have kids. Your friends having them in their forties are a lot smarter. I was still a resident when I got pregnant with my first one. It’s been insane ever since. I just hope I still have a husband when I get home from this trip. He is not happy about my spending a month in Paris. What about your boyfriend?”
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