Letting Go (Holding On Book 2)

by Jolie, Meg

  “So tell me, what happened,” Carly asked. Her eyes were wide, curious, and her grin was enormous. She tugged Quinn over to the bed.

  They’d had countless life changing conversations on the edge of either Quinn or Carly’s beds. Carly had a feeling this was going to be another one.

  “Don’t get too excited,” Quinn chastised as she flopped down next to Carly. “Nothing really happened.” She continued on, telling Carly everything. She started with how hard it had been to get up the courage to ask Luke on a date. She admitted how crushed she’d felt when he’d turned her down. She ended her explanation with Luke leaving shortly after midnight, but only after pulling her into another huge hug.

  “I knew it,” Carly said smugly. “I knew it was finally time for you and Luke. You should’ve just kissed that man!”

  Quinn shook her head. “No, didn’t you hear me? He’s seeing someone. I respect that he wants to end things with her first. He should. I mean, we’ve waited this long. What’s one more week?”

  Carly arched her eyebrow. “One more week?”

  “Well,” Quinn said with a grimace, “he’s ending things with Ashley today. He asked if he could come over after but,” she said with a small shrug, “I just didn’t feel right about that. I know it’s silly, but I feel like there should be at least a little time between their break-up and us seeing each other. He’s actually leaving tomorrow morning. They have an out of town job and he’s head of the crew so I won’t see him at all until Friday. That’s when we’ll be going on our first official date.”

  A melancholy look floated across her features and settled in. She averted her eyes from Carly, dropping them to the floor.

  “I know,” Carly said sympathetically, easily guessing what Quinn was thinking. “It’s a big step. It’s a huge step. But you’re ready for it. He is too.”

  Quinn pulled her eyes back up to Carly. “Thanks.”

  “You deserve this Quinn. You’ve been through hell. No one our age should have to go through what you’ve been through. You deserve some happiness. I know that Luke is the one that can give you that,” Carly said firmly.

  Quinn hoped so, but she didn’t dare say it.

  “So, now on to the important stuff. Which one of those fabulous new outfits are you going to wear?”

  ~*~*~

  A few days later, Carter was taking his afternoon nap. Quinn finally found the time to put all of her new purchases away. While she was at it, she was sorting through things to get rid of. Carly had been right. It had been a long while since she’d purchased anything new. She was sorting, trying to decide what to donate and what was beyond donation quality.

  She shook her head slightly, realizing for the first time what a haze the last year had been. If not for Carter, she felt she would not have fared the last year so well. He was a blessing in every way. He helped her to make it through every single day. Yet, just thinking of him brought her heartache, too. She wished Jake had been able to see his son. There wasn’t a day that passed that she didn’t wish that Carter could’ve known his daddy.

  She stood there, staring at all of the extra closet space. Months ago, with Carly’s help, she had finally managed to force herself to clean out Jake’s side of the closet. She’d cleaned out his dresser as well. Now, his dresser stood entirely empty and even with her new purchases, the master closet looked far too bare.

  A subtle prickle behind her eyes erupted. She was much better at pushing the tears away these days. She did that now. Carly was right. Over a year, fourteen months, she realized, had passed. Jake was not coming back. It was time to move on. While he would always own a piece of her heart and soul, she needed to take control of her life. Not only for herself, but for Carter as well. It wouldn’t do anyone any good to live anchored in the past.

  With another sigh, she folded up the last item that she planned to donate. She closed the lid on the box and carried it to the front door. She was on her way back to the bedroom, to place the last of her new purchases in the closet when the phone rang.

  She looped back around to the kitchen, to the nearest phone. A quick glance at the lit up display alerted her that it was Nora. She didn’t mean to cringe, but she did. Most often, she talked to Nora on a daily basis. She hadn’t been able to make herself call Nora the past few days. She hated to admit, even to herself, that she was procrastinating.

  Quinn had no idea what Nora would think about her dating her other son. She knew she should tell her but she just didn’t know how. Instead, she’d refrained from calling her.

  With a grimace, and feeling very much like a coward, she finally answered.

  “Hello,” she said, trying to keep her voice neutral.

  “Hi, sweetheart,” Nora responded. “I haven’t heard from you in a few days. Is everything going okay?”

  “Yes,” Quinn said. “I’ve just been busy. Carter had his one year check-up yesterday. Everything was fine,” she said by way of explanation. “I’ve also been trying to do some deep cleaning around here.” It wasn’t a fib; her closet had certainly been cleaned out.

  “Good. I’m glad everything is going well,” she hesitated and Quinn wasn’t sure why her heart seemed to sputter. Perhaps it was something in her tone. “I have a favor to ask of you.”

  Those words were not what she was expecting.

  “Of course, anything,” Quinn said as she began to wander through the kitchen.

  Nora chuckled at that. “I would very much like to keep Carter overnight on Friday night.”

  Quinn hesitated outside of Carter’s bedroom door. He was still snoozing, his little chest rising and falling so peacefully. She backed away before responding.

  “Overnight?”

  “I know you’ve never parted with him overnight before. But,” she said lightly, “he’s a year old now. Tom and I would love so much to have that much time with him.”

  Quinn bit her lip as she debated. Friday night would be perfect. It would be perfect because she was going to need to find a sitter for Carter anyway. She’d been, yet again, procrastinating. She had planned on asking her mom. That too, was something she’d been putting off. Margo would undoubtedly be happy to take him. But of course she would ask why. Quinn was not sure how well her mother would take the news that she had a date. With Luke. She wasn’t sure how well Nora would take the news, either.

  Then again, perhaps Nora would take it better than Quinn could’ve imagined.

  “I just thought,” Nora said hesitantly, “that Friday night would be a good night. That way, you and Luke can stay out as late as you like.”

  Quinn’s heart did a quick somersault. So, Luke had confided in his mom. Now that it was out there, Quinn realized she really wasn’t surprised. Luke’s family was close. That was what she loved most about them. A small spark of relief flared to life. Since Luke had told Nora, it saved Quinn from doing so. Furthermore, she’d been afraid of Nora’s reaction. However, not only did Nora seem calm about it but she was offering to take Carter so that the date could easily happen.

  “Sweetheart, you’re being awfully quiet,” Nora said. Her voice was full of concern. “If you don’t want to give him up overnight, of course you don’t have to. It was just a thought. Tom and I would like to have him though. Unless you’ve already asked Margo to take him?”

  “No, I haven’t, actually. That’s not it,” Quinn admitted. “Are you sure that you don’t mind?”

  “Why would I mind?” Nora scoffed. “You know we are more than happy to take Carter anytime.”

  “No, I know that. It’s just…” Quinn faded off, unable to finish her sentence.

  Nora knew Quinn well. It was easy for her to guess what was bothering Quinn.

  “Were you afraid we wouldn’t approve of you seeing Luke?” she asked. Her tone was calm, soothing and reassuring.

  Quinn let out a pent up breath. “Yes,” she said. “No. I don’t know. Maybe?” She clearly hadn’t known what to think.

  Nora sighed. “Quinn, I realize that thin
gs with Luke are complicated. They’ve always been complicated. But you have to know, both Tom and I, we only want what’s best for you. Well, you and Carter. You and Luke have a long history. Longer even than yours and Jake’s was. If you two think you want to give things a try, we would never dream of stopping you.”

  “Thank you,” Quinn said. “Your words mean a lot to me.”

  “Now, Luke seems to be very excited about Friday night,” Nora admitted. Quinn could hear the smile in her tone. “He was trying to act all cool but I know my son. He’s really looking forward to it. So, if you think it would be okay for us to have Carter overnight, you just let us know.”

  So, they were back to that again. Quinn knew she needed to let go sometime. And it was just one night. She knew Carter would be in perfectly capable hands. Not only that, she was sure she and Luke would be later than Carter’s bedtime. It only made sense to let him stay with his grandparents instead of dragging him out in the cold once he was asleep.

  “Okay,” Quinn said. “Yes, I’d love for him to stay.”

  “Wonderful,” Nora said. “Tom’s going to be so excited as well. Would it be alright if I stopped by as soon as I get off work on Friday? I can pick him up then. It’ll give you some time to yourself. Time to get ready.”

  “That sounds perfect,” Quinn agreed. They finalized arrangements and then disconnected.

  Quinn hung up the phone and then leaned against the counter. The past few days, she hadn’t wanted to let her mind wander too much. She had a nasty, sneaky little hunch that there would be some people that would not understand her relationship with Luke.

  She feared it would look bad that she was a widow—she internally cringed at that word, hating it, not finding it fit for someone her age—dating her husband’s brother.

  On the other hand, Nora had been right. She and Luke had a much longer history than people might realize.

  “This is silly!” she told the empty kitchen. “I should be free to date whomever I like.”

  And really, as long as those closest to them didn’t have a problem with it, what did it matter? She had been very concerned about Tom and Nora. Needlessly concerned, as it turned out. Her parents were a concern as well. She was fairly certain that her dad would be okay with whatever she chose to do.

  Margo, Quinn knew, might feel very differently. Quinn was sure that her mother’s main concern was going to be how this appeared. Margo had been extremely upset the day of Carter’s birth, when she found out that Luke had been present. She had been adamant that it was information that should not be shared. She believed it was entirely inappropriate for Luke to be at the birth of his brother’s baby. Quinn could only imagine how inappropriate Margo would think it was that Luke was now dating his brother’s wife.

  A small part of her couldn’t blame her mother. It just sounded wrong.

  Well, Quinn thought, she’ll just have to get over it. And so will I.

  She wanted this, badly. Apparently, Luke did too. He was working out of town this week but he’d called Quinn every night. He had spared her the details but he had told her he’d ended things with Ashley on Sunday afternoon when she’d returned home. Quinn got the impression that things had not gone well. Then again, break-ups rarely went well. She felt just a bit of guilt over that. But really, it had been Luke’s decision. Quinn had walked away the moment he’d let her know he had a girlfriend.

  Luke had made his own decisions from that point on.

  A small smile tugged at her lips as a feeling of rightness coursed through her. It was impossible to say just what the future held. Yet knowing that Luke might be in it brought her a sense of peace that she hadn’t felt for a long time.

  Quinn peeked in on Carter yet again. As soon as he awoke, she wanted to take him outside for a walk. He loved his stroller and before too long, the snow was going to be falling. She wanted to get in as many walks as she could while the weather permitted.

  He was still snoozing. She crossed the nursery, unable to resist. Her hand floated to his head. She gently, lovingly rubbed his wispy bangs away. He had Jake’s coloring; dark hair, beautiful brown eyes and a dimple in his right cheek when he smiled. He had his dad’s personality as well. He was easy-going yet loving. Her baby loved a good snuggle.

  She ran her hand over his tummy and then turned to leave. She was almost to the door when she heard her cell phone chirp from the other room. It was in her bedroom, sitting on her dresser. The sound let her know she had an incoming text.

  In seconds she had retrieved the message from Luke.

  I heard we’re all set for Friday. Counting down the days.

  She smiled to herself. Nora must’ve called him to let him know that Carter would be with her. She tapped in a quick reply.

  Me, too. Can’t wait.

  5

  With a loud, slobbery kiss on his forehead, which had brought a smile to his face, Quinn had relinquished Carter to Nora.

  He’d waved enthusiastically, squealing, “Bye, Momma! Ba-bye, Momma!” as Nora held him in her arms.

  Nora had assured Quinn that Carter would be just fine. She’d promised to call if she had any concerns. She’d told Quinn that it would be perfectly alright if she wanted to call at bedtime to tell him goodnight. Then she’d told her, quite sincerely, that she hoped Quinn and Luke had a nice time.

  Even with all of the reassurances, Quinn felt glum as she watched them drive away. She knew he would be in good hands for the evening but it was still hard to watch them leave. His first night away from home was just another milestone that Jake was not there to share. It was also yet another reminder that time seemed to move faster every day. Quinn wasn’t ready for her baby to grow up.

  The glum feeling she felt faded a bit as she began to get ready for her date. Instead, a case of predate jitters took over. As planned, Nora had stopped by as soon as her workday ended. This gave Quinn a few hours alone, to prepare.

  She began with a bubble bath, hoping it would calm her. It really didn’t, she found herself quickly bored.

  At Carly’s insistence, she’d agreed to wear the black sweater, a pair of new skinny jeans and the black, heeled boots Carly had chosen. With her outfit planned, it was just herself she needed to get ready. She debated only moments before deciding to paint her nails. Once they were dry, she expertly applied her make-up. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt the need to play up her eyes. But she did tonight. She was happy with the smoky effect she created. Since she had time, which was something she rarely had, she decided to straighten her normally curly hair. This took longer than painting her nails but she was satisfied with the sleek effect. It made her look different and tonight, she wanted that.

  Once she’d completed all of those tasks, she’d slipped into her new outfit. Lastly, she spritzed on the new perfume. She shut her bedroom door, peeking at herself in the mirror attached to the back of it. She stared at herself, surprised. The woman staring back at her wasn’t the casually dressed, make-up free, sleep-deprived mom that usually stared back at her.

  The woman staring back looked young. And beautiful.

  And nervous as hell.

  “I can do this,” she whispered to herself as the jitters became more intense. “It’s just, Luke.” She groaned and put her hands up to her cheeks. “It’s Luke!”

  She’d had such an intense crush on him all through high school. So intense she could barely see straight or think of anything else when she was around him. Not long ago, she’d thought those feelings were long gone. Now? Now she realized they weren’t gone at all. Perhaps they’d only been buried. This past week, they were slowly but steadily pulling themselves to the surface.

  What she realized without any doubt was that she could so easily fall totally and completely in love with Luke again. The thought was terrifying. It was reassuring. It was stomach-flipping, heart-stopping and smile-inducing. In other words, it created a bundle of mixed emotions.

  Her cell phone rang and her heart lurched, afraid it was Luke. W
hat if he was canceling? What if he’d decided that an attempt at dating was not worth the risk because it might ruin their friendship? What if he’d decided that because of Jake, it was just wrong? That was the nagging little concern that had been eating away at Quinn all week. She had worked hard at always pushing it away. But it was there, balanced on the edge of her mind. It was ready to topple into her thoughts, to take over her emotions and her common sense.

  There was no reason she shouldn’t date Luke. Logically, she was aware of this. Now if only her fears would pay attention and just go away.

  As it turned out, it wasn’t Luke at all. It was Carly.

  “Are you dressed appropriately?” Carly asked.

  Quinn laughed. “If you’re asking if I traded in the yoga pants I was wearing last Sunday for dinner, the answer is yes. In fact, I think you’d actually be proud of the end result. I even painted my nails,” Quinn teased. “And straightened my hair.”

  “Oh, Quinnie, I am so excited for you! I was a little afraid I’d call only to find out you found some silly reason to cancel,” she admitted.

  “I’m not cancelling,” Quinn said. “But I am so nervous I’m making myself sick.”

  “Why?” Carly’s tone had instantly changed to sympathetic and concerned.

  “All of the reasons you’re probably thinking.” She hesitated and then decided it was Carly, it was admissible to bare her soul to her sister. “Carly,” she said, her voice fretful, “do you know how long it’s been since I’ve even kissed someone?”

  “It’s like riding a bike. Once you’ve done it, you never forget,” Carly said firmly. She didn’t have proof of that but she believed it was true, regardless.

  Quinn let out a nervous laugh. “When he was here on Saturday, he mentioned he wanted to kiss me. I’m pathetic because a small part of me was really glad he couldn’t.”

  “Quinn, you’ve always been perfect at everything you do. I wouldn’t doubt that goes for kissing, too.”