I shake my head and take a spoonful of mashed potatoes. “It’s not your fault; you didn’t upset me. What you said upset me, but that’s just because it’s true; I am afraid of getting hurt.”
My friend smiles and signals to our waiter. Before he can even ask, Skyler has already placed an order for a slice of double-chocolate cake. The waiter nods politely and walks away.
Skyler says to me, “After the day you had today, I think you need some chocolate.” She takes a bite of her food and then adds, “And you need to go on Chat Love.”
I appreciate her concern, but I don’t want to talk about my problems anymore. I change the subject, “What I need is to hear all about your wedding plans.”
At the mention of her wedding, Skyler’s eyes sparkle, and she rambles on about her big day for the rest of our meal.
Chapter 6
After my dinner with Skyler, I am exhausted, and I want nothing more than a nap. As I open the door, I see Autumn and Wayne sitting on the couch and typing on her pink laptop.
“Hey,” Autumn says cheerfully.
Wayne looks up and smiles at me. “Hello.”
I take off my shoes and sit on the couch next to Autumn, sandwiching her between Wayne and me. “What are you guys doing?” I ask.
Without looking away from her laptop, Autumn answers me, “I’m helping Wayne set up his profile.”
I rub my forehead, still feeling the effects of the two dirty martinis that I had earlier. I look at the laptop screen and see that Autumn is on Chat Love.
“We made your profile already but we couldn’t decide what picture to use, so you can just pick one out later,” Autumn says while making adjustments to Wayne’s “Interests” section.
I sit up straighter, “What? Why would you do that?”
Still staring at the screen, she answers, “You said yourself that it’s hard for you to meet anyone of quality. We’re just helping you out.”
Shaking my head I angrily reply, “I don’t need it. Delete my profile.”
Wayne gets up from the couch and sits on the wooden coffee table in front of me. “Come on Lu, I’m trying it. And if it fails then we can both laugh about it together.” He turns to Autumn and asks, “What should my love name be?”
I look between Autumn and Wayne, my skepticism written clearly across my face. “What? What is a love name?”
Still typing, Autumn answers, “A love name is a cute name you use so that nobody knows your real name.”
“But they can see your picture,” I retort.
“Yes, but they still don’t know your real name, so they can’t look you up and stalk you.” Autumn replies in her “teacher voice,” a sickly-sweet, slow tone that indicates that she’s growing tired of my questions.
I reply sarcastically, “That sounds reassuring.”
Wayne pats my knee to get my attention, “We named you YankeeGirl4Ever.”
I cross my arms across my chest. “That’s a stupid name.”
Autumn looks at me and gives me one of her big smiles, “No, it’s cute. You love the Yankees.”
I get up from the couch and stretch, trying to appear aloof. “Whatever, I’m going to bed.” I walk toward the bathroom, but before I shut the door I yell out to Autumn and Wayne, “Don’t put my picture up. I don’t want anyone to know I’m on it.”
Its Friday night now and it’s been four days since Autumn and Wayne created my profile. I still haven’t made up my mind about whether I want to try Chat Love or not. I haven’t actually been on the site, but I have already been getting e-mail notifications explaining that someone is interested in talking to me. Work this week has been annoying, between Skyler’s constant nagging about me trying Chat Love and Jackson’s being a hard-ass about finding “talent instead of gossip tabloid whores.” I’m just happy it’s the weekend.
I’m sitting on my couch with Danni, drinking wine and watching some movie that is playing on TV. Danni quickly finishes her second glass of wine and reaches for her third. I look at her closely and see that she looks stressed, with her forehead scrunched, her hair in a sloppy bun, and her body tense.
“You OK?” I ask. “If you’re not up to it, we don’t have to go to dinner. We can just stay in, finish this corny movie, and get drunk. To be honest, I’m exhausted, so that’d be fine with me. I feel as though I’ve been dragged through hell this week, what with Jackson …”
Danni turns to me and suddenly cuts me off, “I hate men. Hate them. Elijah opened his big, stupid mouth and told everyone that we had sex, and now I’m looked at as a whore. A whore! Now my bosses actually think the rumors about me sleeping with my clients are true, and they’re considering reviewing me.”
Confused, I say, “But you do sleep with your clients.”
“Yeah, but my bosses don’t know that,” Danni huffs at me.
I pour her another glass of wine. “I told you, Danni, you need to stop having sex with people from work. Look at Jackson: if he is sleeping with Caitlin and people find out then he will look like the boss who is taking advantage of a young, impressionable girl.”
Danni puts her hand up in the air to stop me from talking. “Wait, Jackson? First off, are you talking about that hot Brit that you work with?” I nod my head. “Second, do you know if he is definitely having sex with this girl?” I shake my head. “Third, are you jealous that he is giving her attention instead of you?”
“No,” I blurt out, “I can’t stand Jackson.” I pour myself another glass, angry that yet another one of my friends thinks that I want to sleep with Jackson.
Danni laughs. “Calm down, Lu. You don’t have to like the guy to want to have sex with him. I would have already had sex with him if I were in your position; he is one fine man. When I met him I could barely keep my mind off of all the naughty things I’d like to do.”
Not wanting to talk about Danni’s fantasies, I change the subject. “The other day, Autumn and Wayne signed me up on Chat Love. Wayne signed himself up, too.”
Danni raises one eyebrow at me. “You’re on Chat Love? When did you decide to go over to the dark side?”
I explain to Danni what had happened on Monday after work, including my talk with Skyler and how I found Autumn and Wayne busy making his profile. Danni is laughing so hard that she is having difficulty breathing.
“Wait, your love name is YankeesGirl4Ever? You sound like a lesbian,” she says between fits of giggles.
Defensively, I reply, “I think it’s cute.” I take a deep breath, “Anyway, I think I might actually try it. I mean, why not? I already have the profile, after all; I can just put up an old picture of myself. I’m not really focused on appearance anymore because of what happened with Kellan. My main focus with him was on his looks, and I got hurt in the end. It’s time for me to focus on personality.”
Danni sits up straighter and asks me in a serious tone, “Wait, you are actually considering doing this?”
“Yes, I am. I’m going to be twenty-eight in March and our high school reunion is in June. Danni, we aren’t getting any younger, and if it’s hard trying to find someone now, just imagine how much harder it will be when we are older. I just don’t want to be alone anymore.”
Danni shakes her head at my confession and stands up, placing her hands on her hips. “No, this isn’t you talking. This is your family, Skyler, and Autumn, and they are forcing you to feel this way.” She maintains a steady tone, “Look at me, Lu. We are the same age and I am completely happy with my life.”
I fidget with the hem of my shirt, fighting the tears that are welling up in my eyes. “Are you really happy?” I look up at her. “Because I know I’m not happy, Danni. Not with my love life, anyway. I’m lonely and I want someone to share myself with.”
Danni sits next to me and gives me a hug. “Lu, I didn’t know you really felt this way. If I had known, I wouldn’t have been so abrasive.”
I wrap my arms around her and lay my head on her shoulder. “I think that Gabby announcing her pregnancy just hit me h
arder than I expected it to.”
Danni suddenly lets go of me and gets up from the couch, a determined look on her face. “OK, that’s it. We are not staying in and whining. We are going to go out and find some real men.” She looks around. “Where’s Autumn?”
I grab a tissue from the coffee table and pat my face, trying not to ruin my makeup. “She’s out on a date with John.”
Danni’s face spreads into a wide grin. “Do you know where they are?”
An hour later, we walk into a cozy restaurant, both still shivering from the cold. We check our coats and quietly take a seat at the bar. I look at the drink menu and decide to order a Cosmo.
“There they are,” Danni says. I turn, looking in the direction that Danni is pointing and see Autumn sharing a table with a good-looking man.
I put my head down, trying to hide. I hiss at Danni, “I can’t believe we are spying on Autumn. She’s on a date, for crying out loud!”
Danni’s ignores me, her eyes revealing her surprise. “I have to say, I am surprised by how good-looking he actually is.”
I look back to Autumn’s table and take a good look at John. He is pale, with brown hair, brown eyes, and a nice smile. He is dressed in dark jeans, a white, collared shirt, and a blue sweater; he is doing a good job of making Autumn laugh. Still watching the two of them intently, Danni orders us some appetizers to eat while we spy.
About an hour passes and after two cosmos, some mozzarella sticks, and a shrimp cocktail, Danni is still watching Autumn and John, not even bothering to socialize with anyone at the bar.
Taking a sip of her drink, Danni comments, “I would have sex with him. If all the men on Chat Love looked like that, I would definitely join.”
Shocked, I turn to Danni and ask, “Does this mean that if I join Chat Love, you won’t look at me as if I’m some weirdo or something?”
Danni turns to me and narrows her eyes, “Why do you care what I think, anyway? You didn’t care what I thought back when you were with Ben. Just do what makes you happy.” She looks back in the direction of Autumn and John and grabs my arm.
I follow her gaze and see Autumn and John kissing. “Do you think we are watching their first kiss?” I ask, feeling a bit guilty.
Danni snorts, “Knowing Autumn, definitely.”
“She looks so happy,” I add.
Danni nods her head. “You would too if you were on a date with a guy who looked like him.” Danni nods toward John, finishing her cosmo in one gulp. “Why didn’t Autumn put me on Chat Love?”
I ask the bartender for the check. “Are you ready to get out of here?” I ask Danni.
Danni turns to me, a puzzled expression on her face. “You want to leave? But Autumn is still on her date! So much more could happen …”
“You can come over and help me pick a picture for Chat Love,” I offer.
With that, Danni grabs the check and pays the whole tab. She grabs my arm and practically drags me out the door, marching off in the direction of my apartment.
Later, Danni and I are in my room, sitting on my bed and flipping through photo albums in an attempt to find a picture worth putting up on my profile. Because we are both tipsy, the process is taking longer than necessary. Every time we look at a picture we find ourselves reminiscing and sharing stories, and now it is almost two in the morning and we still haven’t found a photo we like.
The door to the apartment opens and I hear high heels hitting the floor. The noise approaches my room and Autumn appears in the doorway, a smile on her face. She looks down at the floor and sees the scattered collection of photo albums.
“What are you guys doing?” she asks, obviously looking to join in on the fun.
Danni answers her coolly, “We are trying to find a picture that Lu can use for Chat Love.”
Autumn claps her hands and does an excited little dance. “Lu, this is the best decision you have ever made. You’re going to meet so many nice guys, and I know you are going to meet someone special and marry them and have babies and …”
I throw my hands up. “Whoa, Autumn—relax. Breathe.”
Autumn walks in and falls onto my bed with a contented sigh. “I’m going to marry John; I just know it.”
Danni asks, “The kiss was that good, huh?”
I hit Danni on the arm to quiet her down. Autumn looks at Danni, obviously confused. “How did you know that John and I kissed?” she asks.
I quickly say, “Because you’re glowing; I haven’t seen you this happy in a long time.” Although I’m fibbing to save our asses, she does look incredibly happy.
Autumn buys my story and squeals, “He’s perfect! I’m in love.”
Danni asks, in typical blunt fashion, “So does that mean that you’ll continue dating on Chat Love?”
Autumn looks offended, “Of course not; I’m done with Chat Love. I found my man and that’s it. That’s the whole point of the site: you find your special someone and get married.”
I am currently looking through a photo album from college featuring a collection of pictures of me, then blonde, with Ben. As I flip through the pages I ask Autumn, “So does this mean that John is your boyfriend?”
Autumn rolls her eyes at me as if my question were stupid. “Of course,” she replies, “I don’t just kiss anyone.”
I stop flipping when I find a picture of me alone at my first art auction with Ben. In the picture, my hair is long and I am pointing to a painting that I’d had my eye on but couldn’t afford. I look happy and carefree. I take the picture out and hold it up. “This is the picture.”
Danni grabs it out of my hand and stares at the picture. “What? Are you serious?”
“Let me see it,” Autumn says. Danni passes it to Autumn, who squints her eyes, looking closely at the photograph. She looks up at me and then back at the picture. “Is that you?”
I take the picture from her, get up from my bed, and grab my laptop. “Yes, it was taken back when I dyed my hair blonde.” I walk out of my room to the living room, where our scanner is. Danni and Autumn follow me.
Autumn protests, “Lu, that was taken years ago. You don’t even look like yourself in that picture.”
I connect my laptop to the scanner. “That’s the point. I don’t want anyone I know knowing it’s me on Chat Love, but it’s still a picture that I look pretty in. It’s a win-win situation.”
Autumn shakes her head, “I think this is a bad idea.”
Danni nods her head, “For once, I agree with Autumn.”
My cell phone rings and I look at it to see who could possibly be calling me at this hour. As soon as I see my sister’s house number I feel anxiety in my stomach.
“Gabby, are you OK? Is everything OK with the baby?” I look up to see Danni and Autumn looking at me nervously, waiting to hear what’s wrong.
I hear my sister huff. “No, everything’s fine. What are you doing tomorrow night?”
Surprised by my sister’s question and attitude I reply, “Nothing. I mean, later I was going to meet some friends, but…”
Gabriella cuts me off, “Good, because you have a date with Angelo.”
I almost choke out of surprise. “No, Gabby, I don’t.”
“Lu, Mom and Dad are pretty upset that you aren’t at least close to being in a relationship. You’re becoming more and more like an old maid. You don’t want to end up like Sandra Bullock, do you? Would you like to be alone for decades, only to marry a husband at forty who later cheats on you because you’re too old to hold his attention?”
I shake my head, trying to make sense of my sister’s stupid allegations. I see Danni and Autumn still looking at me with worried expressions and I wave my hand in dismissal. Danni rolls her eyes, knowing how dramatic my sister can be and announces that she is leaving.
Autumn’s cell phone rings and she answers, smiling in a way that reveals that it’s John’s voice on the other end of the line. While showing Danni out, I hold the phone to my shoulder, still able to hear my sister ranting about how o
ld I am, how disgraced my family is, how everyone thinks I am secretly a lesbian, and how I’ll have to go out with Angelo to make our parents happy. By this point, I’m used to it; it’s the typical speech she gives me every three months or so.
I lie in my bed, just listening to her ramble on for another hour. She complains about my relationships, dissecting and highlighting my mistakes and flaws. Too tired to argue, and sufficiently depressed, I finally just agree to go on the date.
Chapter 7
I am sitting at a table at Carmine’s, waiting for Angelo. I already have a dirty martini keeping me company. By now, I’ve been waiting for ten minutes and I am already ready for the date to be over. Instead of planning out my outfit ahead of time, like I do for all my other dates, I just threw on a black dress, tights, and blazer. Maybe I subconsciously chose to wear all black because I’m depressed to be here; I’ve had more fun at family funerals.
“Lucia Pia!” I look up and see Angelo walking toward the table with his arms in the air. He is a tiny, buffed-up, orange-tinted man who obviously spends too much time in both the gym and the tanning salon. I look around and see people staring at him already. He has a presence that commands the attention of a room, but not necessarily in a good way.
Practically shouting, he calls out to me, “Lucia, my beautiful Italian woman, my future wife, the mother of my children, my lovely, gorgeous…” I cover his mouth quickly with my hand before he can finish his disgustingly sappy sentence.
He grabs my hand and pulls it from his mouth, kissing my palm. I pull it away and hiss, “Can you please not make a scene here?”
Angelo pulls his chair out, dragging it across the floor and making plenty of noise. He plops down and raises his hand in the air, snapping his fingers to get the waiter’s attention.
The waiter comes over, looking at Angelo with disdain. “Yes, sir, would you like a drink?”
Chat Love Page 6