Oh my God. He heard me last night. I was really hoping he had fallen asleep already. “Man I was really drunk last night, I can barely remember it. It’s a shame because I’m sure it was a lot of fun. I mean I know it was a lot of fun because I got drunk. The sex was great from what I remember. I feel asleep pretty quickly afterwards. You wore me out there tiger.” I ramble on nervously and he’s just looking at me smiling.
He gets out of his chair and walks over to me. He pulls a small blue box out of his pocket and I know that color. Anybody would know that color. It’s Tiffany’s. I feel my heart start racing and I think I’m going to hyperventilate.
“You’re even more beautiful when you’re nervous.” He say placing the box in my hand and kissing my lips gently. I hold the box with shaking hands and look up at him. I don’t know what to say. I mean I think I will say yes but I just barely told him I loved him and he hasn’t even said it back. Is this his way of telling me? “Open it.” He says nodding at the box. My hands are trembling and when I open it I feel my shoulders slump instantly. I don’t mean for them to but they do. It’s a stunning silver zodiac necklace embellished with the Scorpio symbol. I don’t know why I expected it to be something else; we’ve only been dating for a few months. I smile and look up at him and I hope that he can’t see the disappointment in my face.
“It’s beautiful. Thank you.” I say standing to kiss him. This is my only defense to hide my true reaction.
“Happy Birthday babe. I hope you like it.”
“I love it.” There’s that word again. Oh well I do love it.
* * *
I love Thanksgiving. When I was younger I would spend the whole day in the kitchen with my mom and Grams. My dad and grandpa watched the game while Emily went back and forth from the living room and kitchen. When Steve asked me if I wanted to help him cook Thanksgiving dinner I was both excited and sad. My Grams couldn’t make it to the city and I wasn’t feeling very keen on seeing my sister so she went back home to be with Grams ad I stayed to be with Steve. Today I am meeting Steve’s family, his whole family. Holy crap I think I’m going to be sick. It’s been a long time since I met anyone’s family and from what he’s told me, they’re quite a family. Breathe Leah, you can do this.
When Ethan and I arrive at Steve’s house I let us in and for some reason this has a profound effect on me. I know that I said I loved him and I have been here so many times but it’s not until now, now that I didn’t have to knock, that I realize we are really dating. That it’s like I’m seeing it for the first time. His loft is masculine but cozy and I think it’s a reflection of who he is now and how he grew up. The exposed beams line the ceiling and exposed brick lines the walls. A plush cream rug covers his chestnut hardwood floors. His soft brown leather couch faces the large flat screen TV, while the matching love seat sits in front of the large window that over looks downtown. I look over to the corner bookcase and see the only thing in this room that reminds me that he has a little girl living here too. There on the second shelf up is a small group of children’s books and one of them is pink. It almost looks out of place, except if you know Steve, you know it’s not.
This feeling of being at home is new to me. It’s always felt like Steve’s place, like I was a visitor but today it feels like I’m home. “Steve.” I call out as we enter into the family room. “We’re here. What should I get started on?” I ask rounding the corner to the kitchen. I stop to take in the sight, Steve and Abby kneading pie dough together at the island, flour covering the white and tan speckled granite and dark brown cabinets, for just a split second before the kids are off distracted.
“Hey babe.” He says walking over and kissing me, being extra careful not to get his flour hands on me. I throw my hands around his neck and deepen the kiss not caring about what gets on me. This man is amazing and seeing him with Abby just reaffirms the love I am feeling for him. “Mmmm. I love the taste of your lips. Come help me finish the pumpkin pies.” He says slapping my butt and turning back to the counter where he was working.
I put on my favorite apron that I brought with me that has a cheeky wine saying and get to work. Steve’s family isn’t due for another few hours but just as I put the ham in the oven I hear his mother come in. I’m not even sure why but I’m nervous. When I talked to her on the phone it went really well, but meeting her in person has my palms sweating and heart racing. I wash my hands and walk out to the living room and Steve’s mother immediately embraces me in a hug. It’s so warm and comforting that it brings tears to my eyes making me miss my own mother.
“You’re even prettier in person.” She says pulling back, placing her hands on my face then hugging me again. “So, what can I help with?” she asks me.
“Not today mom.” Steve says before I can answer her. He wraps his arm around her shoulder and guides her to the sofa. “You sit and put your feet up. Relax. Leah and I have this covered.” He hands her the remote and by the look on her face, I can tell she is not used to this.
“We just put the ham in so we have about an hour before we need to finish getting everything ready.” I tell her hoping that it will help her relax knowing there’s really nothing to do right now.
“Then lets talk about you,” she replies.
* * *
After dinner Steve’s mom offers to clean the dishes but she looks tired so Steve sends her to bed. Most of the family left shortly after dinner so they wouldn’t get caught in the snow but Steve’s parents and youngest brother Shaw are staying tonight. The Cooper family is an eclectic bunch and I fell in love with each of them right away. Steve’s mom, Netta, was quite possibly the warmest, most inviting woman I’ve ever met. When we got introduced she asked if she could hug me and for some reason, the simple action made me cry. Kenneth reminded me so much of my grandfather that I fell instantly in love with him as well. He was a more subdued but no less warm version of his wife. His hands were rougher than my grandfather’s, his grammar likely not as extensive, but they were undoubtedly two of a kind and likely best friends in some past life.
His brothers were loud and crazy and I got along with all of them as well. Seth, Steve’s older brother, the one who stayed on to manage the farm reminds me so much of the Cooper patriarch. He played baseball not football like Steve, but they’ve both got the exact same lean, muscular, athletic build. His wife Sarah is a doll. Netta asked me if I’d be interested in coming to the farm for her baby shower and I’m so excited! Samuel, the brother just younger than Steve, reminds me so much of the man I am falling for. They both played football, they’re both smart asses, but Steve’s gynecologist little brother strikes me as much more of a player than his older clone – thank goodness. Sean, the brother in line after Steve, is an engineer that plays guitar in a band on the weekends and he’s definitely the most quiet and sensitive of the siblings. Shaw, the baby, probably made me laugh the most. He definitely seems to live up the “baby” privileges he receives from the rest of the family. Like Steve, Shaw was a football player but unlike Steve, he got seriously injured and lost his scholarship. He also looks the least like his siblings and their way of getting revenge for his level of spoiledness is teasing him about being the milk man’s baby. They were crazy, loud, touchy, and so much different than my own family in so many ways but I still felt nothing but comfortable and welcome with them.
They were all so accepting of Ethan AND I, which was something that I feared. Watching Ethan interact and feel so comfortable made me smile. It made my heart happy.
I hear giggling coming from the hallway where Steve is putting the kids to bed while I stand at the sink washing dishes. As I stand here staring at the stainless steel sink, I imagine what my life would be like, to be here everyday. To come home to Steve, to spend holidays with his family, to have Ethan know what it’s like to be apart of a family. Tearing me away from my daydream, Steve walks up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist resting his chin on the top of my head.
“Today was a good day.” He says quiet
ly.
“It was. You’re family is amazing. They were so welcoming.” I reply, closing my eyes and leaning into the gentle sway he has started.
“I think you’re amazing.”
He kisses my neck and moves his hands under my shirt, caressing my breasts and the feeling shoots down my body. I love this man. I love what he does to me.
“Steve….” I say breathlessly.
“Do you want me to stop?” he asks, knowing full well what my answer is. Or at least what it should be.
“Your parents are in the house and I have my hands in soap.”
He doesn’t stop. Instead he moves his mouth to my ear and his hands to my pants. When he unzips them I turn around and throw my arms around his neck, weaving my fingers in his hair. He shimmies my pants down my legs and cups my bottom urging me up. I hop up wrapping my legs around his waist and he moves us to the counter, setting me down, he pulls back and cups my face in his hand. “I love you, Leah Collins.” He tells me in a quiet voice.
It takes me a few seconds to process what he's just confessed and I reply “I love you Steven Cooper.”
“I know. You told me already.” He smirks and then makes love to me. Slowly.
20 Steve
It’s Christmas Eve and I’ve finally found the time to get my shopping done. I’ve spent the last week searching the internet, trying to get an idea for a ring for Leah. Unfortunately, my research was useless. I need to see the ring in person. I asked Jo to help me, hoping to get a woman’s perspective. She hasn’t met Leah yet but I’ve talked about her enough that I think she feels like she know her already.
“So where are we going?” She asks as we step out of the office.
“I was thinking about that small jewelry shop downtown. I want to get her something vintage. I think she would like that.” I tell her.
“Oh Steve, that’s a great idea. I love vintage wedding rings. Lots of girls do and from what you’ve told me about her, I think she’ll love it. They have so much more character. Does she have any idea that you’re going to propose?” she asks.
“No. I don’t think so. I just told her I love her on Thanksgiving. Even though I wanted to say it sooner I felt like she wasn’t ready. Things between her and Ethan’s dad are a little weird. Sometimes I get the feeling that she hasn’t completely gotten over him. But she said she loves me and I want to be with her, so I trust that.” I confess this to Jo because she’s a really good friend and quite honestly this is the only hesitation I have about asking her to marry me. We’ve only been dating a few months but I haven’t met anyone like her and I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with her.
“Steve, I’m sure she loves you very much. I mean what’s not to love? You’re a great guy and an amazing father. The number of those is pretty slim you know?” she says nudging me playfully. “I think when you have a child with someone there’s always some sort of lingering feelings but it’s not always enough to make you stay with them. But hey what do I know I don’t have kids or a future husband anywhere on the horizon.”
As we drive Jo makes conversation but I’m only half paying attention. I keep thinking about the last couple of months with Leah and the things Jo has said to me. She’s right, once you have a child with someone your love changes. I still love Janie and even though she gone and not coming back is that really that much different from Joseph? He lives in London. It’s not like he’ll be here everyday causing problems between us. Even if he was I think I would still ask Leah to marry me. Because I love her.
After an hour of looking through rings I find the perfect one. The band is rose gold with small round clear diamonds lining it. In the center sits a light pink two karat round diamond surrounded by a ring of smaller clear diamonds. It’s beautiful, feminine, classy and perfect for Leah. I can’t wait to give it to her. I have a few ideas on how I want to do it but haven’t quite settled on anything. Her family is coming to her place for Christmas, even her dad. She told me I didn’t have to be there, that she knew how close my family and I are and that she would feel awful for them missing Christmas with Abby. But I don’t want to leave her. Not when her relationship with her father is so strained. I want to be there to support her, so I told my mom we would come out the day after and she could give Abby her presents then. Surprisingly, she didn’t question me or try to give me a hard time. It wasn’t like her and I’m not sure what to think of that.
Since I had her with me, I asked Jo to help me with the kids presents as well. Every store we went to was packed with little left on the shelves. That’s what I get for waiting till the last minute. Fortunately, I was able to find most of the gifts I wanted to get the kids. When Jo and I get back to the office we start on the wrapping. I have to pick up Abby and go straight to Leah’s after work. After, the sixth present I’m regretting my decision to buy so many. “Next time you need help shopping, please remind me to call in sick.” Jo says half joking. I think.
I pick up Abby from Claire’s house around five thirty and head straight over to Leah’s apartment. “Where are we going daddy?” Abby asks as we walk to the truck.
“We’re going to Leah’s house baby. We’re going to stay there for Christmas and you can open presents with Ethan.” I tell her.
“But… Daddy, how will Santa know where we’re at?” She asks innocently. With everything going on I completely forgot about Santa. Shit! I’ll have to ask Leah if she has special Santa wrapping paper and rewrap one of her gifts.
Thinking as quickly as I can I tell her “Santa knows everything baby. He watches every kid so he knows if they’re being good or not.”
“Have I been good?”
“Of course, honey.”
“I’m so excited to see what he brings me. I sure hope it’s something I asked for.”
“I’m sure it is.” I tell her and exhale with relief. Thank God I had her make a list for Santa. She turns up the Christmas music and begins to sing as loud as she can.
After dinner together, we sit down and watch Miracle on 34th Street. Leah used to watch it with her Grams when she was little every year during the holidays and she wanted to introduce it to our kids. The kids fall asleep during the movie and we carry them to Ethan’s room. I make my way to Leah’s room to change into sweats and a t-shirt and when I open my bag I notice the ring right on top. I shuffle it back and under so she doesn’t see it. The freaking thing is burning a hole in my bag. I just want to blurt it out, ask her to marry me. She looks so beautiful with her hair tied up in a bun, no makeup on, in pajamas wrapping presents. I feel like the luckiest man on earth right now. But I will contain myself and wait until her family gets here tomorrow to do it. I want them to be a part of it.
“Why did I have to buy so many presents? It seemed like a great plan at the time and I was just so excited when I was shopping. How did you get all of your presents wrapped? I know you didn’t even start shopping until today. Did you gift wrap? Because I feel like I should have done that.” Leah says breaking my thoughts.
“Jo helped me. We were able to wrap everything before I left work today. You should’ve asked Kelly to help you.” I say playfully.
“Wow. I can’t believe you guys were able to get it all done. And you did a decent job. Also, why would I ask Kelly when I have you to help me?” She leans over and kisses me. It was meant to be a quick kiss but the moment our lips touch the electricity that sparks has me taking it deeper, pulling her closer, laying her down on the floor of the bedroom and making love to her. We can finish the presents later.
The next morning I am woken up to kids jumping on the bed and the smell of bacon. Leah’s not in the room and I assume she got up early to finish wrapping the presents and put Santa’s gifts under the tree before the kids got up.
“Come on daddy!” Abby says jumping and almost landing right on my goods.
“Whoa. Whoa. What’s the rush kiddos?” I say flinching and then grabbing them both and wrestling them down to the bed.
“We want to see w
hat Santa brought us.” they say in unison laughing.
“Alright then, let’s go see if you’ve been good.”
I get up with the kids and we head towards the kitchen to find Leah but we don’t make it to the kitchen because she’s already setting the table. I walk up behind her and put my arms around her waist and kiss her cheek and then her neck.
“Mmmmm. Good Morning Mister.” She says quietly.
“Good Morning. Sorry I distracted us last night and didn’t finish the wrapping.” I say to her still holding her in my arms.
“Don’t apologize. I’m not sorry.”
“What can I help with?” I ask smacking her butt as I walk into the kitchen.
“You can get drinks while I get the plates.” She tells me.
I make us coffee and get the kids each a glass of milk. Our breakfast feels so natural, like this is how it’s always been. How it should be. The kids make conversation about what they think Santa brought them and I just stare at Leah. I can’t help myself; she’s so beautiful and amazing, and I am completely and utterly in love with her.
Since Leah’s family is coming over tonight and we’re going to see my family tomorrow, we let the kids open their presents. Santa brought Abby a jewelry kit that she’s been wanting and Ethan got a robot dinosaur.
“Can we play with our toys, mom?” Ethan asks
“Of course honey. But only one at a time please.” She tells him giving him a kiss on his head.
“Leah, will you help me make jewelry?” Abby asks
“Hey. What about your dad?” I ask her, feigning offense.
“Daddy…” she giggles “boys don’t make jewelry.”
“Sure they do. But if you want Leah to help you sweetheart, I’m fine with it. I’ll play with Ethan.”
“I’d be honored to help you make jewelry. Ooh we can make something to go with your dress for tonight.” Leah tells her.
Love Confessed Page 18