by Leia Stone
“Your wolf would never have let you, Ari. The queen in you wanted to follow protocol but our royal title is only one part of us. We’re also shifters. We might look human, but we’re ruled by so much more … by instinct. I was just waiting for you to realize it.”
“You’d have waited? Watched me date other wolves, experiment with the concept of a mate?” I had no idea why I was pushing him on this, but a part of me needed to dissect his emotions, his anger, his withdrawal ever since I’d mentioned my possible mate.
One of his hands wrapped around the back of my neck, the other slipping across my waist. His voice was a low rumble: “Anyone who touches what is mine, dies. Simple. Effective. You are mine, Arianna of the red line. You have been since I was a teenage bear rebelling against my royal life.”
Holy shifter babies. He was channeling woodcutter and cave bear tonight. And why did my wolf and I like it so much? She was practically purring.
When his hand trailed up inside of my shirt, caressing my back, I decided one thing right then and there. There was no way in hell I was following all of Calista’s rules. I was totally sneaking into his bedroom. Tonight.
Chapter Thirteen
Queen of hearts.
All of my people were on the same floor as me. I had my own suite and the others were in smaller rooms around me. Even though I was no longer a queen or heir, old habits were hard to break, and everyone thought they needed to protect me above all else.
I loved them, but I also knew it was going to be extremely difficult for me to sneak out tonight. But I was determined. Kade’s floor was the one above, and I was getting there even if I had to scale the damn side of his beautiful brick home.
I wanted to speak with my dominants first. We needed to clear the air between us all. Blaine had been distant since the whole Kade and me thing came out – polite, but not like my best friend. A cavern of space was opening between us and I didn’t know how to bridge the gap. Becoming queen had been one thing to separate us, and even though I hated it, I accepted that as my duty. But the Kade thing … I felt Blaine’s disapproval, but so far he had not voiced anything about it to me.
And Victor…
The box inside where I stuffed all those dark emotions started to rattle. I was worried about him, really worried. And even Monica and Jen, who were the glue to our group, as most women were, were fraying at the edges. I needed to make sure everyone felt their voice was heard, and I wanted to start with Blaine, privately.
After a soft knock he opened the door.
“Your Highness.” His voice was low, without inflection, but I knew my old friend; he had everything bottled inside. Sooner or later he was going to explode. Might as well make it now.
“I wanted to speak with you,” I said slowly. He just stood there, allowing me to wait in the hallway like a stranger. Why was he doing this? Acting so weird. The only thing I could think of was to proceed like I normally would, so I pushed past him and strode into his room. When I was in the main part of the living area, I turned and crossed my arms, giving him a glare.
I’d totally pulled some queen moves on him, and I could see the smile fighting to break out across his face. Eventually he chuckled, shaking his head. “You don’t change. Still a hothead. Still a princess.”
The old nickname was soft gauze to the wounds rocking my body, like for a second we went back in time and were six year olds running in the boroughs. Back to simpler times. I couldn’t hide in the past forever, though. Nope. Despite the fact I was no longer officially queen, I was still taking responsibility for my people.
Blaine shut the door, crossing to me. His height dwarfed me, and I realized this had been the first time in ages I’d taken a second to really look at him, to see the male he’d become. He was not as tall as Kade, but in the wolf world he was massive. Strong. His face had matured in the last year into chiseled lines. He was all man now, no sign of the boy that once was. Those light green eyes of his were boring into me, assessing, judging. Blaine was not going to take any crap from me tonight, and I for one was glad that we could hash this out.
“Just say it,” I said. “Get it all out there. You disapprove of my relationship with the king and you’re mad I’ve pulled you into all of this.”
Those green of his eyes went murky as his features softened. He took a step closer to me. “Princess, the only thing I disapprove of is when you’re unhappy.”
My heart, which had felt oddly hollow since losing the crown – except for the Kade love – was suddenly bursting again. “I’m happy, Blaine. Despite everything else, happy is exactly what I am right now. You must see that, so why are you being weird? Kade is … look, I know it’s not conventional, but … I love him.”
There. I’d said it. To one of my best friends. Next step: say it to the man himself.
Blaine offered a small smile, but those fine creases that had suddenly appeared between his eyes told me he was hurting. “I know you do. I’ve known since the first time I saw you two together. I guess, knowing it was forbidden, I thought one day you’d be able to move on. One day you might somehow love me instead. It’s okay. I get it now, though. Love doesn’t work like that and I’ll get over it. I just need time.”
Oh. Oh crap! That’s what I was noticing between us, Blaine had … fallen for me? When? How? I felt awful and sort of uncomfortable being with him in this small room as he laid his feelings bare. Was this my fault? Sure, I’d been flirting with him on and off, which was what we always did, but I’d hate to think I gave him the wrong impression. I should have taken more care with my actions.
“Blaine, I—”
He cut me off with a wave of his hand and one of his killer smiles. “Just be happy, Princess, that’s all I ask.” I could tell he was done. “Thanks for checking in on me, Ari. It’s getting pretty late, so I’m going to get some rest.”
Hot, damp heat pricked my eyes, and I swallowed hard to relieve the pressure. I would not cry in front of him. I would not make him feel bad; he had done absolutely nothing wrong. This was just one of those impossible circumstances and I needed to deal with the fallout. Loving Kade was worth it, but I never wanted it to come at the pain of my friends.
“I’ll see you in the morning, B. I…” I was going to say “Love you,” as I had a million times before, but now I wasn’t sure if that was just cruel.
Turning, I continued my deep breathing so I wouldn’t break apart, which lasted right up until a large arm wrapped around me, spinning me and hauling me back into a hard chest. Blaine hugged me tightly, so tight it was almost as if he was trying to hold all the pieces of me together.
“We’ll get through this,” he said close to my ear. The swell of pain was rising, the heat like lava behind my eyes. “I will always love you, Ari, and it’ll go back to just friendship soon. Don’t spill tears over me. It’s not worth it.”
I hugged him back as hard as I could, before wrenching free and running from the room. Slamming his door behind me, I sank back against it, hot, silent tears dripping along my cheeks. My wolf howled inside of me and I knew she wanted to change, to escape some of the responsibility and emotions that came from being in human form.
Ari!
Finn called to me. He was off hunting. This had been hard on him too, and without lots of freedom he’d go crazy.
I’m okay, buddy. Just having an emotional chick moment.
His rumbling howl was soothing. I can be right back if you need me.
The tears were still running unchecked, but I felt slightly better. No, you stay and enjoy yourself with Nix. I have a few more people to see tonight. I won’t be alone.
I love you.
He withdrew from my mind, and some of the ache in my heart eased. Turning, I pressed my hand against the door. Somehow I knew Blaine was right on the other side, standing there, feeling my sorrow as I cried for him … for us.
Blaine was and always would be a part of me. When you know someone for so long, from childhood, they begin to define you, to take up so
many precious memories. I needed Blaine to be in my life, always, just not like that. I was hoping what he said about getting over it was true and that we could go back to our old ways.
After pulling myself together, wiping away the last of my sadness, I went and knocked on Monica’s door. She yelled out, “Come in,” and I was pleased to step inside and see her, Victor, and Jen playing poker. That was a good sign, sticking together, playing poker like the old times.
When they looked up and saw me, all of them threw their cards down. “It’s not the same without Derek and Ben.”
Monica was always the one to cut right to the point.
I nodded. So not exactly like old times.
Victor grumbled, “I even miss Violet’s cheating ways.”
We all chuckled at that and I sat down next to them, our knees all touching. “I wanted to check in with you guys to let you know that I’m so sorry about the losses we’ve endured … and that I plan to avenge Ben and Derek, and to get Violet back.”
Victor’s face suddenly looked haunted. “I want revenge, Ari. I want the faes’ heads on a stick, and after that I don’t want to ever see another pointy-eared demon for the rest of my life.”
I understood his emotions. To a large degree I felt the same. The fae had proven to be cold, ruthless, and utterly relentless when they wanted something. But not all of them, right? We had some allies among the Tuatha, and I clung to this hope instead of letting the anger completely consume me.
One day soon I’d try to talk to Victor about it, to tell him that not all fae were bad, and that not all of them deserved to die. But now wasn’t the time. I grasped his hand. “When we get Violet back, I will fix the mecca and make sure the fae never step foot in our territory again.”
He nodded, and so did Jen and Monica.
I took a deep breath before speaking my last and most important point. “I know that being my guard while living with the bear king and fighting fae wasn’t really on the job description when you signed up, so I want to give you all the opportunity to leave. Go explore the country or settle down somewhere safe. No hard feelings. I’ll call often and—”
Monica was the one to cut me off and she did so in Spanish. Lord only knows what she said but she sounded pissed. Jen and Victor just stared at her. “I think she’s saying that you’re batshit crazy and we will never leave you,” Jen said. “And if so, I agree.”
Monica nodded. Victor just chucked one of the cards at my head. “You’re not getting rid of us that easily.”
My eyes had that hot, damp thing going on again. I was a regular fountain of emotion tonight. “Group hug,” I called out, leaning forward and crashing into my friends. I was the luckiest dethroned queen in the world to have such a loyal inner circle.
After leaving my friends, I felt a bit lighter. Instinct was telling me that we would get through this, but only if we stuck together. Oh, and a bit of blood revenge wouldn’t hurt either. As I turned the corner I saw Calista just about to step into her room, which was right next to mine.
“You doing okay?”
When Calista turned to face me, I saw a brand new white tablet in her hands and she was practically crying. “King Kade had this sitting on my bed! And guess what? Selene hasn’t revoked my passwords yet. I’m going to get everything off before she thinks to lock me out.”
I chuckled as her fingers flew over the tablet, no doubt checking in on everything she’d missed during her technology strike. That damn bear was thoughtful. Now I was really going to have to find a way to sneak in and thank him.
“Good night, Cal,” I said, stepping into my room.
“Night,” she called, closing her door.
Okay how long until she would fall asleep? I felt like I was fourteen again, sneaking out with Violet just to run around the city and be reckless. When I came upon my own bed, I saw a handwritten note and smiled.
Arianna,
I respect Calista’s wishes … but in case you don’t, your balcony has a ladder that leads to my suite.
Kade
I grinned. He’d given me this room on purpose. That sneaky, gorgeous, sexy bear. Holy crap … I was in love with a damn bear. Who would have ever guessed that was in the cards for me.
It had been a long day, so a shower was first order of business, in and out, no time to waste. The drawers in this room were already filled with brand new clothes and underwear. Calista probably gave Kade’s people all my sizes. Lord knows I’d never had to shop for my own things before. I was grateful for all the thoughtfulness. After slipping on some underwear and night clothes, I opened the double glass doors to my balcony. Peeking my head around, I was happy to see that Calista’s room had no balcony, and her curtains were drawn. The universe clearly wanted this to happen as much as me.
To my right was a stone ladder, built right into the wall. It led up and over to Kade’s balcony, and I could see that his doors were open. Here goes nothing. I never in a million years thought I would be sneaking into the bear king’s bedroom. Hah! A burst of laughter almost escaped at the thought. In all honesty, I had been dreaming of this day since I was fifteen. Kade had captivated me on that day, and his hold had been strong ever since.
I took each step silently until I had reached the top. The height, danger, and physical activity had my wolf prancing happily inside. She’d been bored. Okay, she was probably more excited about the Kade part; she already thought of the bear as her pack mate. I was right there with her.
After crossing the balcony, I hesitated on the edge of his room. The curtains were billowing out a little, the interior dark. My stomach was all tied up in knots and I wondered if I should just stroll in. Or should I knock? What would I say? This was pretty much a booty call. Maybe I should turn back?
“Are you just going to stand out there all night?” Kade’s gruff voice came from just inside the door. He moved slightly and now a swath of moonlight bathed across him and I could see that he was shirtless. Keyword: shirtless.
I cleared my throat and stepped into his room, the same room he had placed me in after I passed out when fighting off that fae in his backyard. Now I felt bold, confident. This was Kade. He had been taking care of me since I became queen, and if I could trust him with my heart, I could trust him with my body.
“Thank you for getting Calista the tablet,” I said, striding closer to him, my bare feet silent on his thick carpet. Our eyes locked together. His were fire and life and beauty. Somehow everything was wrapped in those swirling copper depths.
“You’re welcome.”
He stepped forward, eating up the final distance between us in two long strides. As if we were two magnets and I had no control over my body, my hands reached out and landed on his chest; his stroked my back.
“I have a confession,” he said, that low rumbly voice echoing around the darkness. I tensed slightly; that sentence never ended well. Maybe he did have a kid somewhere after all.
“Okay…” I swallowed hard and Kade chuckled seeing my reaction.
“Relax, it’s a happy confession.”
Some of my tension eased, and a real smile broke across my face.
Kade continued on, his low voice weaving a tale. “After that kiss on the Island when we were fifteen … I forced my father’s palace magic born to cloak me and take me into Manhattan to check up on you.”
My grin grew. “Check up on me? I don’t know, Bear King, that sounds an awful lot like stalking?”
He gave me a playful glare. “No, I checked up on you. Had the magic born ask around and find out where you lived. I wasn’t okay with never seeing you again.”
His words stirred a deep, hot emotion inside of me; it was so strong and potent. I had pined over him for weeks after that kiss. Talked to Violet about ways to find him again. I even went back to that same place on the Island a few days later, but he wasn’t there. So I figured it wasn’t meant to be and he didn’t feel the same, so I worked hard to forget about him. Hearing now that he had searched for me … it confirmed eve
rything I had felt at the time. We were meant to be together.
“What happened?” I asked, because I never saw him again until that day in his garden.
His face darkened, and I was confused for a moment until he said, “I found you in the park. You were crying.”
Crying? I thought back to when I was fifteen, after the summer festival.
Oh. Yes. My mother died right after I kissed him. She gave birth to Winnie and didn’t make it. I was distraught for weeks. He must have come in that timeframe.
Kade stroked my cheek as a tear I didn’t realize was there began to fall. “I then heard about your mother’s passing and knew the timing wasn’t right. So I waited.”
I nodded. “But then I moved,” I finished for him.
He nodded as well. “You were an heir, I had found out. You inherited the Bronx and I couldn’t travel there. Then my father discovered I was going to the city to check on you…”
“Stalk me,” I said, and he smiled.
“After my brother disappeared, everything changed for me. Circumstances changed for both of us, but I want you to know that I intended for you to be mine back then.”
My hands were curled around his biceps now as I pulled myself closer to him. The hot nub of emotions in my chest, all about Kade, swelled until it felt like mecca and energy and life was going to literally burst from me. His declaration was the full circle of our life together. It would be what I held on to no matter the fallout of our love. He had claimed me when I was fifteen, and even though it had taken five years for us to finally be together, it was worth the wait. It was funny how life worked, like no matter what, things would turn out as they should. It just took time and patience.
“I love you,” I whispered. “I’ve been in love with a damn bear since I was fifteen years old, and even though I promised I would never sacrifice anything for the crown, you are worth that much to me. You are more than my duty. You are everything.”
Kade’s eyes were aged whiskey again, his hands on my face and tangled in my hair. “Say it again,” he murmured against my lips. “Tell me.”