“You need to get out. Come on,” begged Tammy.
“I’m not in the mood tonight.” They had worked together for the past six and a half months and became instant friends.
Tammy sighed. “Are you positive? I think it’d do you good.”
“I’m having dinner as we speak.” Gracelyn sat her mug on the table to stand without making a mess, then paced from one end of her small apartment to the next. She peeked out the blinds to the parking lot. All appeared quiet as usual.
“I should’ve called sooner, but I worked another table,” Tammy said. “Sue and Andi will be with me. Come on.”
“Another night, all right, Tammy? Tell them I’m sorry.” She came back to stir her soup and leaned forward to take a bite.
“Sure, but we’ll miss you there. Is something wrong?” She paused a moment. “Your boyfriend? Or has that guy bugged you again since you left?”
“No, not the guy from the restaurant.” She hesitated a moment. “I don’t know. It’s been a while since I’ve heard from Dane and I’m worried. I try to keep it all in, but as time goes on, I can barely function.” Spilling her thoughts was something she didn’t do. She kept her private life as quiet as possible, but now she felt the need to share.
“I’m so sorry, Grace. Maybe you can contact his family? You said they don’t live too far away. I’m sure he’s all right. Sometimes they have to be so…you know, covert.”
Working off-the-grid was possible for him. She didn’t think so this time. But contact his family? “Maybe I will. Sounds like a good idea.” She shook her head no at the same time she agreed with her friend.
“Listen, I’ll see you at work tomorrow if you aren’t going with us.” Tammy paused. “Girl, you call me if you need to. I’ll get my brother to rub this weird creep the wrong way, if you know what I mean.”
“All right. Have fun.” She ended the call with no intention of contacting Dane’s family. They probably knew little about her, and there was no way she could approach them now. She opened her laptop, picked up her mug, and sat down at the table to investigate again tonight, which turned into a nightly ritual.
Searching Dane’s name again, nothing bad came up. Thankfully. She hoped it didn’t. For the heck of it, she typed in Carlson ranch again. Pushing her laptop back, she folded her arms in front of her and lowered her head to her arms. “What am I going to do?” It’d be unfair if I didn’t go to the ranch. After putting a lot of thought into it, she decided that she owed it to them, yet, had to put a lot of thought into the decision.
When she turned her focus back at the screen, she followed links to the Double Dutch in Canyon Junction. “His ranch.” At first she had forgotten what it was called. Her search weeks ago, led her to the right link.
Gracelyn peered at his picture in the frame on her desk. “Oh, please be safe. Whether you come back to me or not, be safe.” Her dad didn’t find any military reports of his death, but then again, had he really inquired or had he written him off as another jackass soldier who did her wrong? She couldn’t shake the frightful ache in her gut.
She longed for him. Kissing him good-bye before he got on that bus about killed her. He had lined up with the rest of them and they marched right on out of there, but not before he found her in the crowd and winked. That’s what she’d hold on to. Dane had appeared so gallant that day…and she believed he lived up to the gallantry. There had to be a reason.
She hurried to the wooden box holding all the letters she had received from him, and pulled out the last one again, to read his words out loud as she did night after night…
“I LOVE YOU. I fell, too. A long time ago, but I was too stubborn to let it out. The first night probably. It’s finally time for me to say I LOVE YOU out loud because I’ve been saying it to myself for too long.”
Tears dripped onto the page. If she tried hard enough, she could hear it in his voice. She lay on her bed and closed her eyes, but tears squeezed out. If he was still alive, then it meant the last letter to him after he’d said he loved her—where she spilled her heart, must’ve been too much for him to accept. Gracelyn clutched her pillow in her left hand. Sighing, she breathed out in a whisper as she squeezed the letter against her chest. “Dane, honey…I love you.”
***
Gracelyn rose early on Tuesday with one mission on her mind. Today her heart would soar or be broken more than it already was. First on the agenda was coffee before a shower, and she’d wait patiently for Tammy’s call later this afternoon. They’d trade vehicles for a few hours today. Anxiety ran rampant through her veins as she sat at her computer with a map to the Double Dutch Ranch in front of her. It had to be done—she had to know something, so she clicked to have the map sent to her phone. A third glance to the time on the computer got her foot tapping. To distract herself, she jumped in the shower.
A trip to the food store would be quick to pick up a few items she had forgotten on Sunday. Tuesday was a slow night at work and she asked for it off today. Skipping work wasn’t something she did often, but her nerves were on edge. She gave in and had used a sick day.
After her shower, she took time to comb the tangles from her wet hair. One roller for her bangs was all she used. When dry, she’d pull it into a ponytail. She sliced a banana over her Cheerios before pouring almond milk into the bowl. The shaded patio called her, so she took breakfast out there to eat it and absorb some late June sunshine before it got too hot. She laughed. What she meant was before the sun sizzled the concrete.
Checking her post office box yesterday made her heart clench even more. It got so bad, each trip to check mail became a chore now—expecting, hoping to find a letter. Each text message or ring of the phone got her brain spinning, only to be let down when it wasn’t Dane. Her earlier observation must’ve been correct—he no longer wanted her. She choked back tears. Facing the fact was almost the hardest thing she’d ever done, but on the other hand, her faith in him remained—it had to, for she couldn’t think about how silly it would’ve been to give herself away to a soldier, only to have her dignity stripped away again.
Remembering the look in his eyes when he left nearly seven months ago meant something—true love. She pounded her palm against the chair arm. “It wasn’t fake!” We were real. We have something real. Could he let it go that easily? This tore her gut up inside—her thoughts so jumbled. Neither thought was good. He was either dead or had given up on them. She lost either way. No matter what, until she knew for sure, she wouldn’t lose hope. The glint in his eyes, even via their webcams, didn’t lie. He’d be home in less than three months and she’d know then, even if she’d have to pound on the door at the ranch when he returned.
***
Later in the day, Tammy dropped by Gracelyn’s townhouse. “I’ll be careful with your car, and have no plans other than driving it to work.”
“Thanks so much, Tammy. I’ll drop your truck off after I get my delivery.” How she hated lying to her friend, but how could she tell her, her plan without causing suspicion? Everyone thought her life was as cheery as a rainbow after a storm. They had no idea she mourned for Dane. “I’m not worried about you driving my car.” She chuckled then hugged Tammy.
“See you later, Grace,” said Tammy as she got in the car. “Zoom, zoom.” She peered up at Grace with a big grin. “Teasing!” Tammy rolled the window up and pulled out.
Once inside, she peered at the map on her computer screen again. The ranch wasn’t hard to find, but what would she find when she got there? Would there be a flag flying at half-staff? Ribbons or a wreath on the door? Something to show they’d lost a soldier? But her town didn’t have their flags flying at half-staff unless she’d missed it. That wasn’t likely, for she viewed more than one flag every day. Maybe his family were the type to keep it to themselves instead of adding it to the local paper. She’d soon find out. But as far as the city flying a flag at half-staff, that was out of the Carlson’s hands.
Gracelyn pulled on her San Francisco Giants baseball c
ap. Hmm. She tied the laces on her shoes, checked makeup, and dabbed on a bit of pink lipstick, the opposite of what she usually wore. She wasn’t in the mood for red. Today, she didn’t want to stand out. Maybe she needed a Diamondbacks baseball cap instead to be even more inconspicuous. “It is what it is. So what if I’m a Giants fan?” Would someone tell her to move back to San Francisco? Maybe she’d send it to her dad.
Gathering her purse and the keys to Tammy’s pickup truck, she put on sunglasses and got in. She could get used to driving something this high, but it sure seemed big after driving her sports car. One quick look at her phone screen reassured her more than anything. She’d already mapped it out in her head numerous times. “I could find it with my eyes closed…probably.” She lowered the air conditioner’s temp.
She drove down the 60 at the speed limit and slowed when she got near to where it should be. There it is. The large mailbox saying Carlson with Double Dutch Ranch below their last name, stood proud near the drive. It wasn’t easy to see the house because it sat way back and there was no way she was driving down that road. Maybe a bit? To look? To see a part of his life? She felt like a damn stalker. No, she couldn’t. Not with so many brothers and kids in his family. At least one of them had to be somewhere around the property.
She drove down a quarter mile before turning around, and pulled off near the road leading to the ranch. The big sign outside on the entrance brought a smile to her face. The ranch that Dane so loved. There were no ribbons. Without warning, her eyes filled with tears. She let them fall—hidden behind sunglasses.
As she continued to stare down the road, a big, lifted, black truck came from the house. “Omigod!” One of his brothers? She noticed there were kids in the backseat when they had driven out. Three people in the front. Her heart thumped so hard she might have a heart attack right there. “Calm down.” Dammit, Grace, calm down. She scooted down in the seat a bit, pulled her hat lower, and grabbed her purse as if looking through it. What if they stopped? They turned left and she gave them time to go on before she started the truck and followed about five car lengths behind.
“Why am I following them?” They drove through Canyon Junction and pulled into an ice cream shop. Gracelyn drove on past. “What do I do?” I can’t go home without knowing. Banging the steering wheel did nothing but hurt the heel of her hand. She knew exactly what to do. A bold move for sure, but she had to do it.
After a few minutes, she pulled up to park on the opposite side of the parking lot from where they were, to watch through the window. Kids bounced around and jumped up and down at the counter before taking a seat in a booth. Maybe the older woman with a big smile on her face was Dane’s mother. Omigod. His family. Her shoulders rolled in and she clenched her hands at her chest. She wanted to reach out to them so badly, and she cried as she peered at her lap. “How can I? Not here—not this way.”
Tears ran down her cheeks but she swiped them right away. Would she ever have a relationship with these people? Never be a part of this family. “Dane. Where are you? Baby, I love and need you.” As she watched through misted eyes, they all looked so happy. Not like a family who had lost a son, a brother, an uncle. Is this how they coped? To make it easier on everyone involved?
This little endeavor didn’t prove anything. Gracelyn eased her hand over her abdomen. We need you. “Little baby, there’s a part of your family right there.” I’ll share you with them one day. “If your daddy never comes home…I’ll tell them about you—I promise.”
***
Back in the States now, Dane waited all evening for a call from Jase. He hated asking him to do this for him, but memories of times with Gracelyn stayed with him, and he couldn’t get her out of his head—not that he wanted to, either. All this time of being in and out of surgeries, drugs, he’d been unable to focus on what he had to do to find her. He loved that woman, and the past seven months since they met—the letters and phone calls had brought them closer together. Now he had no way of contacting her to let her know what had happened to him.
When his phone rang, he nearly jumped off the hospital bed. “Jase. How’s it going?” I can’t lose this girl. I love this girl.
Jase sighed “We took care of what you asked. Neither of us minded a dinner out, either, but, ah… There’s a girl working there as a sommelier. Are you holding something back about her? Because…” Jase hesitated.
“Come on. Is she there or not?” Dane clenched his fist, his patience about at the limit. He’d have to get that under control because it used to be his strongpoint. Drugs dulled everything, but at least it dulled the pain, too.
“Anyhow, she’s there, or let me put it this way.” Jase cleared his throat. “They’re both there. The girl working as a sommelier is…pregnant.”
Dane’s end went quiet—glad Jase waited on him before saying anything. If he hadn’t been lying down, he’d be on the floor. Pregnant? How in the hell? He sat up in a rush. What?
“Dane, you there?”
So much for waiting. “Shit.” Why didn’t she tell me, dammit? Dammit. Dammit!
“Uh oh,” Jase said. “I guess that means it’s her. Your flight was cancelled the night you left. Ah…” Another pause. “You didn’t spend the night alone?”
Crimminy. “Not exactly…that night, the next night, and then off base before deployment. You know how I feel about her.” Dane peered at the ceiling. Too bad there was nothing up there to distract him. Pregnant? Gracelyn was pregnant. What the fuck?
“Little brother, there’s a thing called condoms, not to mention protecting yourself.”
Now he pulls big brother rank on me? “Don’t lecture me. Crimminy, I know what the hell to do. I’m not a freaking idiot.” Dane gulped, not sure if he could continue this conversation without having a heart attack. What? Pregnant? A baby? Me, a dad?
“Whoa, ah, Mom will be thrilled. Another grandbaby in her house.”
“Don’t push it, smartass. She probably thinks I’m nothing more than a damn jerk, not hearing from me all this time of being in hospitals. Did you notice if her name was Gracelyn? Maybe it wasn’t her.” He had used protection. Sonofabitch.
“She didn’t have on a nametag, and we didn’t ask.”
Dane stood at the side of the bed. He clenched his jaw and his body trembled. “You didn’t ask? A woman who might be carrying my baby and you didn’t ask?” The other guys around him turned toward him. He looked away, taking a big breath in before letting a slow one out. Dropping back to the edge of the bed, he stared at the tiny hole in his sock at the tip of his big toe. Unbelievable.
“Calm down. Maybe it’s not her. Maybe she sleeps around and it’s not your child, anyway. You’ve been gone a long time. You said you used protection.”
“She’s not like that. Dammit, Jase, you don’t know her like I do. It wasn’t a one-night-stand. I’m in love with that woman. She’s in love with me.” His voice lowered. “You know what a jerk this makes me look like right now?” He was pissed in so many ways he couldn’t even count them. All of his military career he strived to portray a top-notch image. Now…he looked like nothing more than an asshole, like her first guy—the other jackass soldier.
“It isn’t your fault you got half blown up and landed in the hospital out of touch. How are you going to handle this?”
“At this moment… I’ll get home as soon as they let me loose. I was a full man when we were together.” His mouth became dry and he licked his lips. “Now I’m not—”
“Don’t be talking that bullshit. You’re the same man you always were,” Jase said, tapping a finger against the phone.
“There’s a chance I’ll no longer be a soldier…a Ranger.” What a nightmare. Maybe I’ll wake soon. Maybe the wounds wouldn’t be real when he woke up. It’s all a nightmare. A horrendous nightmare.
“Hey, you told me that once you’re a Ranger, you always are. That isn’t what you need to be the man you’ve always been. In the meantime, you still are, so Ranger up, man.” Jase waited. “Do
you want us to go back there? Find out for sure if it’s her before you get all bent out of shape?”
Bent out of shape? He wanted to slug the damn wall, but the VA would make him pay for it. His brother wasn’t helping. Go back now? Why the hell didn’t he know for sure before saying something? The top of his head was about ready to pop off. “I’ll call the restaurant as soon as I get a chance.” He pulled the phone away from his ear, damn close to throwing it across the room. Dane took a deep breath. “I’ll call the restaurant again that is. Again. I’m not bent out of shape because there’s a baby. She thinks I’m dead or a bastard. That’s the problem.” He lowered the phone a minute to get his breathing under control. “Maybe she’ll remember you if you go back there and start asking questions again. Who the hell knows?”
“Like she’ll forget you?” He tapped the phone again. “If this is the girl, she’ll be seeing a whole lot of me and the family eventually. It won’t hurt for me to go back. Let me tell her where you are.”
“Right. She probably wants to blow my head off, or worse. Her dad probably wants to point a rocket launcher toward my gut.” Too bad that’s already been done. “Shrapnel in my gut’s bad enough. An angry father is worse.”
“When are you coming home, by the way? Any word?”
“They said another week. My abdomen isn’t healing where they had to remove my kidney. I had an infection, but it’s better. I’ll need more physical therapy on my hand and arm. I’m missing my trigger finger. My trigger finger. My arm is nearly mangled. I can’t fight.”
“Settle down. You can’t chance losing the other kidney out in the damn field somewhere by remaining a combat soldier. You can’t pull a trigger without a trigger finger. That’s pretty risky to be in a war without a trigger finger.”
“No shit…” Dane blew out. “I’ll have to wait and see.” He knocked his good fist against the bed. “You know what? Go back there and make sure it’s her? Tell…tell her I’m okay. Get her phone number. I have a photo in one of my bags, and in my phone. The thing is, I don’t know where anything ended up.” Stupid idea. I need a cigarette.
Of The Cowboy's Own Accord (Double Dutch Ranch; Love At First Sight #3) Page 8