Of The Cowboy's Own Accord (Double Dutch Ranch; Love At First Sight #3)

by Mary J. McCoy-Dressel

  She led the way to the bedroom and scooted to the middle of the bed, turning to her side when situated. Gracelyn held her arms open. “Come here.”

  “I have to get on the other side of you, darlin’, because I can’t lie down on my right arm yet.” She turned over and Dane lay beside her, his right hand on her abdomen. The room spoke Gracelyn. Soft and innocently sensual with candles on her dresser, a light blue, satiny bedspread with white curtains on the windows. Yet, it was spiced up with rich and bold colors of purple and lavender.

  Pushing hair over her shoulders as he peered at her, he left his palm to rest against her cheek. “Is there anything you need for the baby? Furniture? Clothes?” He chuckled. “Diapers? We’ll get everything you need.”

  She placed her hand over his bandaged hand. “Can I touch you like this? Does it hurt?”

  “It’s okay, but still tender. My arm is coming along. I had stitches here, too.” He pointed to his abdomen and side, then sighed. “Tell me more about the baby. What do the doctors say? Is everything normal?” Dane paused. “Do you know what we’re having?”

  “Do you really want to know if it’s a boy or a girl? I do know and I’m having what I wanted. Are you sure?”

  Her smile was so sweet when they talked about the baby, and he’d like to know. His gaze darted around the room again, not knowing what else to ask. Girls dominated in his family. Would this be another one? “Um hum. Tell me.”

  She got out of bed and opened the drawer, removing something that looked like a framed picture. With it behind her she went back and sat on the bed. “Do you want to see the ultrasound picture? I haven’t shared this with anyone.” Her gaze flicked toward the ceiling and back at him. “Are you sure?” Her throat tightened.

  “I’ve been trained to be sure about every decision I make. Yes, I’m sure.” He reached out to her.

  She held up the picture. “I can tell you, Dane, that the baby is very handsome.” She cried openly but swiped the tears away as quickly as they fell. “Like his daddy.”

  Dane pushed himself up to a sitting position. A ball of pride stuck in his throat. Handsome? A boy. He was having a son. The emotions enveloping his body at the moment was something he never experienced before. He literally trembled and had the urge to jump up and down on the mattress. Hell, he couldn’t even put it into words—other than his heart hit the floor and did a slow crawl back to its place in his chest.

  He got off the bed to bring her into an embrace. When she calmed, he took the picture and pointed. Dane couldn’t believe it. It showed his son’s eyes and nose, his little mouth. Maybe he’d burst into tears himself. Shake it off. “Man, I’m in love.” Continuing to stare at the image, he mumbled, “With you…and this little guy. Hot damn… I’m about to be the father of a son. Whoa, I’m excited. Dane lay back on the bed to study the image while important matters concerning her rushed through his brain. “How long will you be working? Do you have insurance?”

  “I’ll work as long as I can, and yes, I have insurance.” She crawled onto the bed and lay beside him.

  He laid the image facedown against his chest. “Listen, in two months I have no idea where I’ll be. If I’m not discharged immediately, maybe I’ll have to wait until my anniversary date to get out. Three more months.”

  “You want to get out now? I thought you didn’t want to be a rancher.”

  “I’ve weighed my options.” He tapped the frame. “I’d rather be a rancher and a dad to this little guy, than a soldier at a desk. Sure, they could still deploy me again. My MOS is something needed so they could put me right into that, but—”

  “No.” Gracelyn sat up and folded her legs in front of her. “Deployed again? How long? How can they with your injuries as bad as they are?”

  No? The woman told him no he couldn’t be deployed? His mom’s dream come true. No one but the military told him what to do, and he was taken aback by her statement. “I could finish out my time there—another two months to fill my nine month obligation.”

  “Dane?”

  “My mind isn’t made up about anything. I didn’t train hard so I could sit at a desk or computer all day. I’m a leader and my men need me.” He got off the bed and stood beside it with his hands on his hips. “This wasn’t part of my plan.” The gasp and stiffening of her posture made him realize what that sounded like, so he knelt on the bed. “No, not this, not the baby. The injuries. Retirement. If I have to go back to Ft. Benning, come with me so you won’t be alone. I can be there when the baby’s born.”

  She freed herself from his hold. “Leave what I’ve established here? My job, what I spent years training for? How is that any different than you leaving yours?”

  Dane backed off the bed. Stood—kind of dumfounded. Not one damn thing went according to plan. That was a lot to ask. “What are the choices if we want to be together?” That’s a damn good question. He paced to the door. Back to the bed, the door, the bed.

  Leaving the bed, she went into the closet to get clothes before going toward the bathroom. “I’ll be right out. I can’t stand smelling this restaurant on me any longer.”

  He dropped to the edge of the bed. “Now what?” Too many decisions to be made. Holding his head, he leaned forward. This wasn’t something he wanted to think about right now. She came out wearing pajama bottoms and a t-shirt that emphasized the size of her belly. His heart mellowed.

  Dane went to her and placed both hands over her stomach. He leaned forward to embrace and kiss her. “We have time to make decisions. A little time anyway. Right now I want to enjoy the fact that you’re in my arms. To think about the now—today, this minute.”

  He paused, took a half step back while holding her gaze, almost numb from her beauty and innocence. “But wait.” He paced. There was no other choice. It’s the right thing to do. “Do you want me here with you and the baby? Do you want to be with me?”

  “Yes, I do, to both questions. Didn’t I make that clear?”

  Dane took a big breath and started to speak, but the words didn’t come out. He tried swallowing then taking another deep breath, and this time blew it out slowly. “Marry me. Everything for you and my son will be totally covered for the rest of your life.”

  Gracelyn gripped his upper arms and cocked her head. Her mouth opened as if to speak, but she remained quiet. Whatever it was must’ve been difficult to get out because his proposal rendered her speechless.

  He clasped her hands and brought them to his chest. “We’re practically strangers through society’s eyes, but we’ve learned so much in the past months. Come on, Gracelyn. Let me take care of you and the baby. I’ll be a good husband.” Giving a cocky smile, he said, “Let me grow on you.”

  “You already grew on me.” She turned away but pivoted and studied his face. “My God. You want to marry me?”

  “What don’t you understand about me being in love with you? When I thought I had lost you…” Dane raised his palm. “Honest to God, I don’t know how to explain this.”

  Gracelyn’s fingers crawled up his chest, and she held his face. “Will you stay tonight?”

  He closed his eyes to savor the moment, opening them when she broke from his hold to unbutton his shirt, and she made the attempt to remove it when finished.

  “Give me tonight to think about marrying you? Not that I don’t want to, honey.”

  He held his shirt from coming off. “All right. Whatever time you need. We’ll make it work no matter what.”

  “I need tonight. I need you.” She pulled his shirt out of his hand and attempted to pull it off his shoulders.

  He caught her arm. “Girl, wait. I have scars on my body. Don’t be shocked by them.”

  “Everything about you, on you, inside of you, is what makes you who you are.” Taking his arm when he removed his shirt, she gazed up and down the length of it.

  Dane stood straight and tall while she observed the beginning of his scars, yet he couldn’t look at her face. She either dealt with it or not.

&n
bsp; “Okay, now that’s over.” She pulled his t-shirt over his head. “More scars.” Gracelyn pointed at his abdomen. “They look painful,” she said, sympathetically. “I’ll love the pain away.” Smiling, she stretched up to kiss him. “How tall are you?”

  Dane laughed. “Technically, six foot and about three-fourths of an inch. Let’s say six-foot-one. Taller with my boots on.” His breath quickened. “Why? Want to know what size anything else is?”

  “No,” she said and laughed. “Our son will be tall.” Her finger trailed over his jawline. “You’ve been through hell but put that aside if you can…for tonight. We’re together, and I want to know everything about you that I don’t know yet.”

  “Not going to happen in one night.” He fumbled with the button on his jeans but managed to get it undone then stepped out of them. “No scars from the waist down.”

  Her gaze went to his abdominal scars again, and she gingerly touched them with her fingertips. “All part of you now.”

  “I had some issues with healing so it had to heal open. Nasty, I know.” He pointed to another spot. “This is where they stitched my index finger up inside of me, hoping to grow it back together, but it got infected, too, so that idea got shot to hell. It was hanging by flesh when they got to me.”

  Gracelyn wrinkled her nose but leaned down to kiss the scars. “I’m so sorry. I wish I could’ve been with you through your surgeries, your pain.”

  “My drugs?” When she straightened, he smoothed her thick hair behind her ears. “You were always in my head.” He wrapped his arms around her shoulders. “Hold me tight, so I know I’m not dreaming.”

  She removed one hand from his waist to caress his face. “I will. I love you so much. It can only grow deeper from this point on.”

  One day at a time. Whatever it took. It wasn’t going to be easy. She had her life, he had his. Leaning forward, he tilted his head to kiss her.

  “I’m ready for a challenge. I don’t expect it will always be an ice cream-sundae-kind of day.” She chuckled. “You don’t know how my crazy hormones work, yet, or sometimes I’m not sure my mind and body even belong to me. If you can get past that, we have a good chance.” She gave a quiet laugh and smoothed her fingers over his chest as she caught a glimpse of them in the dresser mirror. “I don’t have to work tomorrow. A good place to begin?”

  It’s the best place to start. He moved hair over her shoulder and kissed the side of her neck. “We’ve already begun… It’s up to you now to see how far it goes.” I hope she likes dogs. War dogs and babies? How would that work?

  Chapter 10

  Dane woke with a start and sat up in bed. His heart pounded when he didn’t have a gun. One deep breath led to another. Normal breathing didn’t come easy. Normal? What is normal? No gun. No Army. Not a damn thing was normal. His throat clenched as he tried to swallow while his gut twisted.

  A warm hand touched his back. Closing his eyes again, he remembered where he was…at her place. Safe. “I’m sorry to wake you,” he whispered in the dark. His arm draped over a bent knee. Think a minute. Breathe.

  “Did you have a nightmare?” She sat up and wrapped her arm around his shoulder. “Don’t be sorry. I’ve read about PTSD.”

  That word made him cringe. “I don’t have PTSD. Not a nightmare. I just woke up. Please don’t mention that again. It’s a habit… Wake up to check surroundings.”

  “All right, but you’re safe here.” She laid her head against his shoulder and smoothed her hand over his arm.

  Dane pressed his head against hers. “The nights might get worse,” he said, hesitating before going on. “Especially when there are nightmares. I might lash out.” That didn’t sound close to good. A deep weighted sigh led to a pause. Tapping his fingers against each other, he said, “That sounded awful.” Dane brought her close, loving it when she cuddled into the crook of his arm, and he kissed the top of her head. “Speak my name, so I hear your voice. I’ve heard it enough times in my sleep.” With a big breath, he ran his hand over his abdomen.

  “Last night after you went to sleep, I thought… This won’t be easy in the beginning. You’re transitioning from horrible experiences.”

  “Does it make you apprehensive?” Dane turned to his side and leaned on his elbow. “I don’t want you to be afraid of me.”

  “It isn’t fear.” Gracelyn touched the side of his face. “I want to understand it so we can do this together. Maybe counseling—”

  “You watch too much TV.” A stupid thing to say. “One day at a time. I need time to get used to being home. If I see a problem, I’ll take care of it.” Hadn’t he heard that numerous times from his own men? If this, or if that… “I promise.”

  “But I need to understand what you might be going through.” She sat up. “To know what to expect, you know.”

  “I’m not a freaking nut case.” How the hell did he know if he was a freaking nut case? He’d been away from base for a month, most of it hopped up on pain killers to dull his mind. Now with a clear brain, he was free to remember what war entailed. “If I turn into a freaking nut case, knock me upside the head and send me home.” He rose to a sitting position. “I’d never hurt you. It’s not my nature, no matter what I’ve gone through. You forget. I loved my job. Horrendous at times, yes, but my job. If you need support, there are places you can get it. Support groups.”

  She stretched out on her side. “Lie back down. I’m not afraid of you.” When he lay beside her, they clung to each other. “All I’m saying is I want to understand what you might go through.”

  “I’ve already been debriefed a hundred times. You and the baby are safe with me. Keep holding me and then I’ll feel safe too. Maybe not tonight, maybe not tomorrow, and maybe not even next month…but hold me anyway.” As if magic dust had been sprinkled over him when they met, he knew then that…it’d be different with her.

  ***

  The next morning, Gracelyn leaned against the doorjamb to view Dane as he slept. After their wake-up in the wee morning hour, they both went back to sleep entwined. If she wasn’t looking at him, she might think it unreal. Where do they go from here? Marry him? He owned property but didn’t have a house. She had a place, yet, was too small for her and one baby, let alone another adult. A minor issue.

  Her parents had begged her to come back to San Francisco when closer to the due date so she wouldn’t be alone…and afraid. So her parents wouldn’t be in fear either. The thought had crossed her mind once or twice, but she never acted on it. Besides, she’d hate to leave her own doctor. She sipped coffee while she surveyed the man in her bed. It is love. Not the kind of love a person would know after years together. As he said, they had few physical days, but many other days and nights getting to know each other. Months of online communication created a strong bond between them.

  They discovered more about each other that way, than many couples knew about their own partner. Intimate letters, serious emails, loving eye to eye, hand to hand webcam talks. She had yearned for him each and every day he was gone. Gracelyn closed her eyes and sighed. When she opened them, Dane’s gaze was upon her.

  “You’re watching me sleep?” He sat on the side of the bed to pull his jeans on. Dane bent forward with his elbows against his knees while he rubbed his eyes. “I haven’t slept this late since high school.” He stood and came to her. “Coffee smells good.”

  “I’ll get you a cup.” When she attempted to leave, Dane captured her hand.

  “I can get it,” he said, embracing her. “I appreciate what you said during the night, for wanting to understand.” He lowered his forehead to her shoulder. “It’s important you understand. I get that.”

  “Okay.” She pushed at his shoulders to leave his embrace. “I’ll get your coffee.” Toward the kitchen, she muttered, “We need to do some serious talking. Maybe we’ll do better on the computer since that’s what we’re used to.” Dane went into the bathroom without a comment.

  His coffee was set on the table, and she refilled her
s before going into the living room. When he came out in a t-shirt, he appeared to be content in the early morning light. He took his cup and sat beside her on the sofa. Neither said anything for a few minutes, but he broke the silence. “Do you always work the day shift now?”

  “Not always. I prefer nights because when I don’t, my nights here alone are long. When I work late, I can come home to relax a little bit before falling asleep. They like me to work nights on busy evenings of course.” She lifted her phone when it vibrated then hit End. No, not again.

  “That’s the second time you haven’t taken a call.” Dane put his hand on her thigh. “I’m sorry. It’s all because of me that you ached. In a way I’ve ruined your life—”

  “Don’t say that. You’ve given me a new life. I’m not complaining. The thing I did feel bad about was you not being able to share this with me. You would be the one who lost out.”

  “I don’t know.” He pulled his hand back and contemplated over a long drink of coffee. “What about your family? Do they hate the guy who did this to you?”

  “Look, I fell in love with a soldier. No reason to hate you. You didn’t force me.” Gracelyn sat sideways. “They wanted me home when the baby was due, so I didn’t have to go through this alone, but I haven’t decided. There are things you don’t know. Things that scare me to death about my pregnancy.”

  “Isn’t everything coming along fine? What are you talking about?” His eyes went through a rapid succession of blinks. “You don’t have to be alone now. It’s your choice to make, but I’ll be a part of our child’s life no matter what.”

  “My pregnancy is normal. I want you to share in his life…no matter what.”