He paused for a moment and Nicole held her breath while she waited for him to continue. She knew he was talking about himself, and though she had a bad feeling about where the story was going, she had to let him say what he needed to say.
“Pretty soon, he was drunk and stoned out of his tree. This hot older woman started to hit on him. When she invited him to go somewhere more private, he let his dick lead the way. She got him up to a bedroom and he’d just started to fuck her when she said she wanted to cuff him to the bed. Drunk and desperate to keep going, he agreed, and even though he was on top of her he was trapped. He couldn’t go anywhere.”
This time the pause dragged on longer, but Nicole didn’t interrupt. When he continued, his voice was soft and she had to lean closer to hear.
“He felt someone grab his ankles and chain them to the bed. And suddenly there were two more guys in the room with them. The woman lured the kid up so these guys could have their kicks. And the whole time they—” He broke off, eyes squeezed shut, shaking his head. “The whole time she kept her arms around him, stroking him and telling him how good he was.”
As he spoke, tears streamed from Nicole’s eyes and down her cheeks. How horrible an experience for a young man to go through. With sudden clarity, she realized how deeply scarred the incident had left him, and she loathed the people who had done this to him.
“For a long time after, the kid blamed himself. If only he hadn’t gone that night. If only he’d stayed sober, or realized sooner that they were up to no good. Maybe things might have turned out differently.”
“Shay, I—”
“It changed me, Nicole,” he whispered. “I tried being with other women, but as soon as they put their arms around me, I lost it. My therapist said I had post-traumatic stress disorder, and that being in the same kind of position acted as a trigger for me. If I wanted to cope, and still be able to have some kind of sex life, I had to be the one in charge. Everything had to be a certain way, and I kept my relationships cold, and as unemotional as possible. But it was even harder for me to acknowledge that I liked men, in spite of what happened. Remy had to work hard to get me to even go out with him.”
The corners of Shay’s mouth twitched upward before he shook his head and met Nicole’s eyes again. “I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect match. He made me happier than I’d been in a long time. When you came along, my reaction to you shocked me. Even more surprising, Remy felt it too. Again, he had his work cut out for him, but he managed to wear me down in the end, and we set out on this relationship.”
“I’m so sorry I pushed you.” How could she have been such a bitch? Remy had told her Shay had issues but she’d never dreamed how bad the situation was. “You must hate me.”
“For fuck’s sake, Nicole! Do you think I’d be standing here telling you all this if I hated you? If I hated you, I could have just walked away and I wouldn’t feel like a piece of my heart has been torn out. If I hated you, I wouldn’t be here asking you to come home with me.”
Nicole couldn’t speak through the tears welling in her eyes and the lump in her throat. She wanted to throw her arms around him and never let go. But would that mean losing her father? She hated having to make the choice.
“I love you, Nicole,” Shay said. “I want to make this relationship work. I know I have a problem, but I can get help and having you and Remy near me would give me the strength I need. Please. Come home.”
The hot tears fell from Nicole’s face and splashed to the ground. “I love you, too. And I’m sorry but I can’t come back.”
“Nicole—”
“Please just go.” She turned to go back in but Shay grabbed her arm and pulled her against him, crushing his lips to hers. Nicole whimpered as arousal roared through her body. She should pull away but being pressed so close, feeling his erection pushing into her, weakened her self-control. She melted into him and returned his kiss, thrusting her tongue into his mouth. Without thinking, she slid one arm up around his neck. He froze and Nicole could have smacked herself. She started to pull away but before she could, he backed her against the wall and drew her other arm up around his shoulder.
Her breath caught. He had let her do this once before, but what had it cost him? She wouldn’t be the one to cause him any more pain. Withdrawing her arms, she gave him a gentle push away from her. Their eyes met and she could see the confusion and vulnerability within.
“Please go,” she whispered.
After a moment’s hesitation, he backed away. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
She watched through her tears as Shay retreated down the hall, pausing at the main ward door to look back. And then he was gone. Mrs. Collins slipped through the door before it had closed all the way, throwing a glance over her shoulder toward the main lobby before she turned back. Nicole watched her mother hurry toward her.
“What’s wrong?” Lois asked softly as she stroked Nicole’s cheek.
Nicole collapsed into her mother’s arms, unable to control her sobbing any more. “Mom, I love them so much, but I won’t risk Dad’s health again.” She lifted her head and wiped her eyes. “It just hurts to say good-bye.”
“Are you sure about this?”
“No, but I can’t have Dad and this relationship.” Nicole backed away from her mother and took a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself. “I need some fresh air. I’m going out to the courtyard and I’ll be back in a while.”
Before her mother could say anything, Nicole had fled down the hall.
* * * *
Nicole spent more than an hour in the courtyard garden behind the hospital, sometimes pacing the paths, and at times sitting on a bench and staring upward. They rarely saw a day so beautiful in November. The sun shone in the clear blue sky while a crisp breeze wafted around her. It helped her to clear her head and accept, at least partly, her decision. In spite of the sun, the brisk air finally drove her back indoors. She stopped in the cafeteria for a coffee and then made her way back up to her father’s room. As she approached the door, she heard laughter spilling out into the hall and smiled. Glad that she would finally get to see him awake, she quickened her pace, but when she rounded the corner she stopped dead in her tracks.
Ainsley sat on the bed beside her father and Remy perched near his feet. Her mother, brothers, Ben, and Shay crowded around the sides. Ainsley turned her head and her eyes locked with Nicole’s.
“Nicole!” She squealed and jumped off the bed, bounding over to Nicole and embracing her.
“Hey, sweetie,” Nicole replied. “What’s going on?”
“Grandpa Jim wanted us all to come for a visit,” she said.
Confused, Nicole looked around at her family before her gaze settled on her father. “Grandpa Jim?”
“Your dad said that since you’re like my mom now, I should call him Grandpa. And since I already have two grandpas it would get confusing so we decided it should be Grandpa Jim.”
“Dad?” A multitude of questions swarmed through Nicole’s head but she couldn’t give voice to any of them. Ainsley grabbed Nicole’s hand and tugged her toward the bed when Jim Collins beckoned to her.
After seating herself in the spot Ainsley had left vacant, Nicole reached for her father’s hand. He took it, his grip weak. To her shock, he had tears in the corners of his eyes.
“Nicole, can you forgive an old fool?” he asked softly.
The question surprised her. “But Dad, I’m the one who should be apologizing.”
“No!” His voice rang with more of its old authority. “I made the mistake and I’m sorry.” He shook his head before continuing. “I realize how stubborn I’ve been. It’s hard for me to accept changes, and I certainly never expected you to be the one forcing me to. I didn’t realize how good we had it with you. Some of the other parents have told me stories of the escapades their kids got up to when they were teenagers, but you only ever did as you were told. You worked hard for what you wanted and you gave up a lot in ord
er to achieve it.”
“I only wanted you to be happy.” Nicole’s eyes pricked and she rubbed them before the tears could start. “I tried to do what you wanted me to.”
“I know, A leanbh.” Jim smiled at her. “That’s partly the reason your new relationship shocked me.”
“I’m so sorry, Daddy—”
He placed a finger over her lips. “The doctors told me that I’m lucky to be alive. That if your mom hadn’t been so quick to realize what was happening, I might not have made it here in time. I’ve been given a second chance and I’d rather have you in my life, and happy, than lose my only daughter.”
Unable to contain her sobs anymore, Nicole leaned down and held her dad. “I love you, Daddy.”
“I love you, too, A leanbh. And I’m so sorry I hurt you.”
Nicole sat up and wiped her tears away. “It’s okay, Dad.”
“I had your mother call Remy and Shay after I heard you arguing earlier.” He looked at the two men and nodded. “This lifestyle…well, it’s not something I really understand, and raised the way I was, it’s still hard to accept. But I was wrong to condemn you. I’m willing to try to be more open-minded if it means you’ll be happy.”
“Dad, are you sure?”
“Yeah, I didn’t believe it either,” Connor piped up from the end of the bed. “I think we need to get Father David in here to see if he’s been possessed.”
The tension in the room broke under the wave of laughter. “No evil spirits, here,” Mr. Collins assured them all. “Though I’m sure Father David would disagree when he hears about this.”
“You might want to consider Stevensburg,” Nicole said. “Father Tim isn’t as quick to judge.”
“Maybe we’ll have to do that, then. Between you and Ryan, people will think we’re raising a bunch of hedonists. Get it? Hedonists? We live in Hedon Falls?”
Nicole rolled her eyes. “Yes, we get it, Dad. Nice to see your lame jokes haven’t changed.”
She glanced up at Remy and Shay, and then back at her father.
“I’ll be fine,” he said. “Go home with your men.” He shook his head.
After giving her dad a last hug, Nicole turned to take the hands of Remy and Shay. They each kissed her gently on the cheek, and then with Ainsley leading the way, they set off for home.
Epilogue
5 months later
The Dublin hotel bustled with activity. Throughout the lobbies and hallways, girls of varying sizes sporting massive wigs of curls danced, chatted, and stretched. There were boys who danced as well, but they were few in number, and more difficult to pick out among the throngs. The energy in the air spread to everyone who entered, including Nicole and her family.
Memories raced through Nicole’s mind as she took in the sights. She’d last competed at the Worlds only three years before, but being there as a teacher felt so much different. She wouldn’t have thought it possible that her anxiety now could be greater than when she’d been a competitor herself, but her stomach had twisted itself into knots.
Coming to a halt outside the large meeting room where the competition would take place, Nicole sent Ainsley ahead, on her way to the practice room to warm up before her competition. Then she turned to the entourage who’d accompanied them.
“I need to go stay with Ainsley for now, but save me a seat. If you have any questions, Mom and Dad know how this whole thing works.” She smiled at her parents who stood beside Remy’s and Shay’s parents.
“You guys go ahead,” Remy said. “We’ll be in soon.”
As the older generation made their way into the room, Nicole could hear her dad loudly explaining to the others what would be happening and she smiled again.
“I’m glad he was able to make the trip with us,” Shay said. He took her hands and pulled her close. “Not just because of his health, but because he seems to be accepting our relationship.”
“Your parents have really helped,” Nicole said.
Shay laughed. “They ought to start a support group. How to deal with your offspring’s alternative lifestyle for Irish Catholics.”
Remy and Nicole joined in the laughter. “I should get going,” Nicole said. She turned to Shay and tilted her head up for a kiss. He pulled her into his arms and pressed his lips softly against hers, the kiss sweet and gentle, but with a hint of the passion they often shared.
“I love you,” he whispered.
“I love you, too.”
“My turn,” Remy said from behind them. Nicole turned into his arms and tried to kiss him, but he ducked his head to plant his lips noisily against her neck, earning a squeal of laughter that had several passersby turning to look.
“Knock it off!” she cried.
“Just trying to ease the tension,” he said.
“I can think of better ways to do that,” Nicole replied.
“Not here in public you can’t.” Remy pressed his lips to hers for a deep, sensual kiss that left her gasping and trembling. Then he pulled away and swatted her on the butt. “Get going. We’ll see you after.”
Watching them walk into the auditorium hand-in-hand, Nicole couldn’t believe how happy she felt. Everything seemed to be going her way. Smiling to herself, she made her way to the practice room, where she put Ainsley through her choreography until it was time to go in for the competition.
Nicole led the girl side stage and kissed her on the forehead. “You do your best out there,” she said. “I’m just so proud of you for making it this far.”
“I love you,” Ainsley said.
“I love you, too.”
Leaving Ainsley there, Nicole tried to figure out how to find her group when she saw Remy approaching. “I figured I’d come get you.”
“Thanks.” Nicole took his hand and they went to sit with their families. When they reached their seats, she pulled out a program and a pencil so she could keep track of the other dancers. Ainsley was about halfway through, but with almost a hundred dancers, it would take a while to get to her. She tapped her toe in time to the music and kept wiping her hands down her pant legs.
“It’ll be fine,” Shay whispered to her. “You’ll see.”
“I know, I know. But I can’t help being nervous.”
He put an arm around her shoulders and hugged her. When it was finally Ainsley’s turn, Nicole leaned forward, scrutinizing every step, looking for the flaws, and found almost none.
“She reminds me of you,” Jim Collins said from his spot on the other side of Remy. Nicole looked over to see tears in his eyes.
“Switch with me, Remy.” She traded places and put her arms around her father.
“I can’t believe what a good job you’ve done with her, Nicole,” her dad said. “I’m so proud of both of you.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
A moment later, Ainsley joined them. She received hugs from everyone, changed her shoes, and then perched on Nicole’s lap.
“How did you feel about it?” Nicole asked her.
“I thought it was pretty good, but I think I could have turned my feet out more in the first step.”
“That’s what I thought, too,” Nicole said. “But otherwise I think you rocked it.”
“The other girls are really good.” Ainsley turned toward Nicole and for the first time, Nicole could see the anxiety in her eyes. “Do you think I’ll do okay?”
“I already told you, I don’t care how you do as long as you’ve tried hard, and you’ve done that. As far as I’m concerned, you’ve already won, no matter what the judges decide.”
Ainsley hugged Nicole tightly. “Thanks.”
“No problem. Now I think they’ve nearly reached the end of this round so you should head back up there.”
After getting another hug and kiss from her fathers and three sets of grandparents, Ainsley skipped back up to the side stage to wait her turn for the next round. This time, her performance was flawless, and from the roar of the crowd when she’d finished, Nicole knew others had recognized it too.
They prepared for the last round. Again, Ainsley delivered.
“Shay, I don’t want to jinx anything, but that went amazingly well,” Nicole said.
“She’s already won in our hearts, so it would be nice if she could win for everyone else, too,” he replied.
The wait for the final announcements seemed to stretch on. Unable to sit any longer, Nicole stood and paced along the side aisle. Remy and Shay both tried to get her to sit back down again, but she had too much nervous energy to stay in one spot.
“Nicole?”
Turning around to see who had spoken, Nicole came face-to-face with Fiona Gallagher, the owner of the school in Toronto. “Hi, Fiona.”
“I just wanted to congratulate you on the work you’ve done with Ainsley,” Fiona said. “She’s a talented girl.”
“Thank you. I think so, too.”
“I also wanted to reextend my offer of employment. I know firsthand how much overhead a studio has, and how challenging it can be to keep afloat. I’d be more than willing to take you and your students, and then you’d have more dancers to work with, and less hassle with running a business.”
Nicole studied her for a moment. Fiona was nice enough, but her school hadn’t had a dancer place well at the Worlds in more than six years. If Nicole took her students there, that would change.
“I appreciate the generous offer, Fiona, but I’d rather stay in Hedon Falls and have my own school. I think the residents like having a local school so they don’t have to make the trek to Toronto.”
The Stylist, His Dom, and Their Dancer [Hedon Falls 4] (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour) Page 13